The Dance [Mychyl Kime] - 9. Chapter 9

Jacob and David's parents cooked dinner that night, but for some reason, no one seemed all that hungry... I was nervous with the tenseness of everything up until now: coming out to my two closest friends; finding out that they both liked me; losing my birth mother; gaining parents to make up for the aching sense of loss that finally started showing its ugly face, eating away at me because for some reason, I wasn't good enough to be my biological mother's child... but most of all, a sense of quiet
contentment seemed to pervade all, lulling me into a sense of safety, of protection, knowing that no one could hurt me now, not while I still had people around me that loved me...

"So," *our* dad said, breaking the contemplative silence over the table, "isn't prom coming up?"

Wow, there's something that'd slipped my mind... not like I was all that worried about prom, before now. Then again, the thought of even pretending to be with someone, to be dancing with some random female, letting everyone think more than possible, was revolting... to say the least. But now, if only Jacob was willing to go through with it, to dance with me in front of everyone, I would go to the dance, no matter what else happened... to be able to proclaim my love for him in such an open, public, obvious way was all I wanted to do right then, and if he would do it, I most certainly would.

"Yeah," I said, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible, all the while hoping Jacob was thinking the same thing I was. "I haven't really thought about it, I guess, but maybe I should go... after all, it's only my senior prom and all..."

Jacob kicked me under the table, shooting a quick warning look at me. "Well, I don't really know... after all, it's kinda stuffy, don't ya think? I'd rather go down to the city, go to some teen clubs
there... prom's too formal..."

David shot us both a knowing wink. "Yeah, maybe you're right, Jacob... I mean, after all, it'd be at Ukiah High School, and everyone knows how stupid most of the guys going there are... and I don't know if I'd really wanna spend the whole night standing over the two of you, making sure no one decides to 'cleanse the world' in the middle of the gym..."

"Not on campus," Jacob shot back, "at the fairgrounds... that's the way the school always does it... Katie said so!"

OK, Katie being a reference to Ms. Katie Britain, who was in charge of Student Activities. Most people don't know her all that well... but since both me and Jacob were in Leadership, we knew her pretty well, since a lot of our projects involved working with her closely... Student Activities being tied in closely with ASB (which I was one of the commissioners... Unity, as I recall...) and the ASB dances... prom not being an ASB dance, but rather the Senior Class's personal project, didn't mean she didn't know what was going on...

"So?" David retorted. "You know what I mean... it's not exactly safe, being out in this town... and I really can't protect you all the time... you can still be yourselves, and be together, here in this house, but out there, it's safer to keep everything exactly the same until you move away. This is a dangerous place to be open, when you can't protect yourself, and I don't want anything to happen to either of you..."

That stopped the conversation for a bit, and my mood dampened considerably. OK, I admit, I wasn't exactly excited about the thought of dancing around the local grange hall at the fairgrounds, several hundred hicks watching in shock and horror as Jacob and I danced around, the love between us twisted into something perverted to all of them... but still, I wanted to be able to show my love for him, and if we couldn't do it this way, maybe Jacob was right... maybe we should take a trip down to San
Francisco, go clubbing down there... find a teen gay club, where people would understand and accept us for who we are: a young couple in love, who just happened to be gay...

Finally, unable to bear the silence any longer, I excused myself from the table and went upstairs, the words to a poem starting to form in my mind.

OK, there's something else about me... I like writing poetry. Not the sweet, happy, mushy poetry either... I've lived through a lot of pain and misery in my life, before I was able to come out to the one person I loved more than life itself, and it showed in my poems, which were full of darkness and hopelessness, despair and tragedy. I even read one publicly, once... at a talent show. I don't think the audience was fully ready for the poem that the 'Dark Starr' wrote, however... more than a few gasps were audible out there... however, I won't exactly say that I was in the least unhappy about that... they'd put me through all the pain and terror in the poem, so it's only fair they hear about it...

You know, in a strange way, I almost hope someone from that evil, cursed town finds these memoirs someday, and realizes who I am, and who I was... although by then, I probably won't even remember these words... but if they should read it, I'd love to see their face...

I walked into my room... well, actually, mine and Jacob's... and got into my backpack, pulling out a pen and some paper, putting the words down as they came into mind, letting the lines flow from me with practiced ease, my mind slipping into the place where all great writers claim their minds go while writing... a kind of blank space, where words appear by magic, are picked from the air, then fade away once used. I was so deeply entranced like that, I didn't even realize Jacob had come in until I felt his warm lips pressing against mine, my lips reacting instantly to his kiss...

"Hey," he started, once we broke our kiss. "Whatcha writing?"

"Uh, just another poem," I answered, a bit shy... after all, I've never been interrupted while writing, and certainly in not such a sweet and wonderful way... if this is what it was like, he could interrupt me any time he liked, for all I cared...

"Can I see?" he prodded, trying to look at the paper.

"Hey, you know my rule!" I giggled, pushing him away from the paper... but not away from me. "No one gets to see the masterpiece until it's done!"

"Not even me?" he countered, pouting. Dear God, he had the most beautiful pout... or for that matter, the most beautiful smile, lips, face, hair, eyes... and so on, and so on...

"A rule's a rule!" I put the paper back into my binder, closing it before he could press the point, and changed the subject. "So, do you wanna go dancing? Tonight, maybe?"

"No way, tonight!" he exclaimed, pointing at the clock: 7:30.

"OK, fine, not tonight... how 'bout tomorrow?" OK, sure, clubbing on a Sunday isn't all that common... but then again, I didn't know all that much about it back then, and neither did he...

"Sure, tomorrow, that's cool... so, let's get some sleep, OK?"

Jacob closed the door, shouting his goodnights to everyone, then started pulling his clothes off, throwing them on the floor in his rush to get into bed. I followed his lead, albeit a bit slower, my mind more on the concept of his closeness than on sex, at the moment...

We laid there for hours, unable to sleep, just holding each other close, relaxing into each other like I never felt I could, just enjoying the feel of him, my arms wrapped tightly about him, his arms around me, our legs entangled in our embrace, our breathing in unison... and I knew that, no matter what happened in my life, this would be the best and happiest moment of my life...