Square Peg in a Game of Dominos - 4. Beating Hearts

“I had sex!” I was ready to burst.

“What?” Dr. Thomas looked up from his desk and shook his head. “What? You what?”

By now I was unable to contain my smile. “I…had…sex.” Emphasizing each word.

“Are you kidding me, Ross? I thought we agreed that it would be best for you to wait--”

Rolling my eyes, I plopped into the chair across from his desk.

I loved to hear people say my new name. Our first year of high school, Mom waltzed in and bluntly told the school they made a mistake on my registration. “Emily is my daughter. Ross Lee is my son.” She told the secretary. “They’re twins. Please update your records.” It was before computerized files. The woman glanced between Emily and me. She never batted an eye when she changed all of my forms.

“Yeah, when I was like 12 years old. Come on doc, I’m 17 years old and what teenage guy doesn’t have sex? It’s a heck of a lot better than jerking off all the time. I swear I’m about to go blind.” I added just to stir him up.

“Jesus Christ, Ross!” The doctor jumped out of his chair and paced around the room.

“What?” I innocently shrugged my shoulders. “You really need to chill out. That vein is popping in your neck and you look like you’re going to have a stroke.”

“Please tell me that it wasn’t with that punk, Tommy Miller.” He pointed out the window. When Tommy came out that he was gay, I was incredibly jealous. It was so unfair. Why did he get to live the life I desperately wanted?

“Oh god no!” I giggled. No amount of envy was going to make me go near that jerk. “Trust me, it wasn’t him. It was a nice boy that I met down at the park a couple weeks ago.” I closed my eyes remembering everything about him.

Jeremy Brice had been playing basket ball with a couple other guys at the park when I first saw him. He was home from college for summer vacation. His blonde hair shimmered in the blinding sun.

The subtle clues were so small. Anyone else watching would have thought his slight touch to another players butt or the careless bump of his hip while sidestepping a block was no big deal, but I knew. He was feeling them out.

It only took me a week to get invited to play their game.

Long gone was the blonde ponytail that identified me as Rosaly. Ross has short blonde curls that almost reached my ears, a golden tan after spending hours outside running and biking, and a lean muscular body that caught a lot of eyes. If I was taller, I might get even more second glances.

Passable wasn’t even a question with the huge number of girls who asked me out. The more I say no, the more they want me. Artificial hormones have done me good.

We had just finished playing, and everyone had finished their high-fives and went on their way that Jeremy grabbed a handful of sweat soaked hair and crushed my mouth to his. He planned a blitz attack, just in case I objected.

He was several inches taller, but it didn’t matter, I melted into his touch. The basketball court was in the very back of the park. Only the jogging path came close to where we were and at this time of day, it wouldn’t be long until someone stumbled across us making out.

Jeremy moaned into my mouth as his tongue caressed my lips a little softer, now that he knew I wasn’t going to slug him in the face. I caught the hem of his wet t-shirt and skimmed my fingers over his waist making him shutter. With one move, his free hand cupped my ass pulling me against him.

For once in my life, I was glad that I was considerably shorter than all the other boys. His erection pressed against my stomach instead of my groin, where it would have been very noticeable that something was missing.

His hand trembled as it uncurled from the back of my neck and traced a path along my jaw, sprinkled with the slightest hint of hair, just rough enough to tickle his fingers.

We both gasped as the kiss ended. Jeremy tilted his forehead to mine. “Not very private here.” His voice was thick with desire.

“Your house?” I hoped, but he shook his head.

“Nope, Mom’s home…yours?”

“My sister’s there,” I bit my lip. I wanted him. “I know somewhere we can go.”

His clear blue eyes pierced mine.

“We can’t go there right now, but you could meet me there later.”

                                                                         ***

“How do you know about this place?” Jeremy asked as he walked through the Sellers’s old house. It’s been bought and resold several times over the years and this last time, it sat on the market for months.

“I knew the kid that used to live here. He told me about the trap door in the garage that led to the closet by the front door. Apparently, the realtor doesn’t know about it or they would have locked the garage.”

I followed him through the empty house. Shampoo and soap comingled with fresh perspiration. The warm air was stagnate from the place being all closed up. When he suddenly stopped in the hallway, I ran into the back of him. He giggled and I melted. His laughter was so intoxicating.

“Which room do you want?” He pointed. Even though the house was the last on a dead-end street, people still drove down to turn around. Better go to the back bedroom. I walked past him, dropped my backpack on the carpet, opened the far windows, and hit the switch for the ceiling fan. Warm air whirled around us.

Jeremy’s bag hit the floor right beside mine. He stalked forward like a predator, but just as quick, I put my hands up for him to wait.

“Jeremy…” Moment of truth. “…before…well, there’s…uhhhmmm…I need to tell you something.”

“Sshhhhhhhh!” He held his finger to my lips before brushing it over my unshaved chin. As shutters ran through him, it rippled the heavy air. “Whatever it is, it’s okay.”

Stepping back, Jeremy saw the sudden fear in my eyes and stopped. “Is this your first time?” He asked me, but he already knew that answer, I wished it was only that easy. Losing my virginity was one thing. Explaining what I am, might be a deal breaker. He might storm out of here and never talk to me again.

“Jeremy…I…well…” Where do I start? Dear lord why does he have to be so gorgeous? His eyes sparkled as he grinned. “You like guys, right?”

Now he chuckled. He wasn’t laughing at me. He just didn’t know where this was going.

“If you’re worried about coming out, don’t. Heck, I’ve only told a few people myself--”

Holy Hell, here I go, “Jeremy, yes I’m a gay guy, but I wasn’t born a guy!” Wow! No matter how many times you practice that one in your head, it just doesn’t sound like you think it would.

“What?” Jeremy sounded confused, but not repulsed. He winked and grabbed the waistband of my jeans and pulled me closer. “You look like a guy.”

I caught the hem of my shirt and pulled it up over my head, revealing thick spandex material. “This is binding.” I told him when his eyebrow shot up. Popping each snap, I opened it up. My breasts were incredibly small. With the thicker chest muscles corded underneath, they almost looked like male pecs. “I wear this to keep my breast wrapped tight.”

“Are you trying to pull some kind of prank, Ross? You still look like a guy.” Emily thought my chest could pass as male, a hunky-sexy male she teased me, but I’ve always been too scared to take my shirt off in public, just in case someone suspected something was wrong.

“And the rest of you?” Jeremy’s eyes darted lower, passed the thin path of blonde hair that led down my stomach, before disappearing into my jeans.

My hands trembled when he popped the button and dropped to his knees, pulling my jeans down with him. I bit on my lip to keep it from quivering. I was vulnerable…naked…the clothes that I’ve hidden behind for years were gone as I stood trembling in front of Jeremy.

He gasped, somehow he was still surprised even after I had warned him.

“I’ll understand if you want to walk away…” Who was I fooling? Nobody was ever going to want me!

“Can I touch you?” Jeremy whispered softly. I could feel his breath on my bare skin.

“You’re not going to leave?”

“Yes!” I said.

“No!” He said. We both answered at the same time then laughed.

“You really want to touch me?”

Jeremy’s fingers feathered along my muscled legs, nervously inching higher. This was going to be a first for both of us. Excitement flooded my center. When his touch hovered, my heart raced with anticipation.

“Man, you are so hot! So wet!” His breathing hitched when the tip of his finger dipped in. I trembled in his grip afraid that if he let go, I would collapse to the ground. If I hadn’t been panting and on the verge of exploding, I would have laughed at the irony of him calling me a man while touching me there.

“Ross?” He only slipped inside for a fleeting second. “Tell me what to do. Does this feel good to you?” Jeremy asked as his finger ran along my dripping center towards my second opening further back. “Or do you want me to enter here?”

My hips jerked when his finger probed my anus. I tossed my head back, buried my fingers into his blonde locks and moaned. That’s the spot!

“Ahhhhhh…you really are a guy!” Jeremy chuckled. “Come on, let’s get more comfortable.” My mind didn’t comprehend his words, but my body protested when he left my body. My muscles were locked in place. As he spread a blanket on the floor, I tried to regain some control.

I managed to walk the few steps to the soft blanket, but I was surprised when he swept my legs out from under me, crashing me to the floor with a thud.

“What the--”

Jeremy’s blue eyes flashed with desire. “I’ve never wanted a guy as much as I want you right now.” He pushed my legs out of the way and stared at my center like a starving man seeing a buffet for the first time. “Ross…man, I need you to help me…”

I could tell that he was unsure of his actions. A vagina appearing in the middle of sex would throw every gay guy for a loop.

“I have a prosthetic if that makes you more comfortable?” Rolling to my side, I pulled it out of my backpack. I’d never showed it to anyone else before, somehow I felt like I could trust Jeremy.

Last summer, I found the female to male prosthetic in a magazine and it took me another 6 months of odd jobs to afford it, but it was worth every penny. He looked at the end that he could be receiving and chuckled.

Jeremy shook his head and smiled as his jeans landed on the floor beside his shirt. “Maybe we’ll try it later.” His body was breathtaking. The last rays of light glistened on his skin. His erection was thick and swollen. For a brief moment, I was jealous.

We stood on our knees. I wanted him as much as he wanted me. Our mouths connected first, hard chests pressed together and genitals that were made by God to fit, felt awkward grinding in sync.

I wanted him to flip me and press into my waiting backside. I was a real man, ready for him to take me, but Jeremy wasn’t ready yet. I had spent the last 17 years exploring this body. He was still learning about me.

His shaft slid between my legs as he pushed me onto my back and pressed me to the floor. Jeremy grunted. Sweat beaded his face and dripped down his smooth back along his spine. Our bodies slid together. Wild…Raw…Sex!

“Ross, are you ready?” His breath was hot on my face.

Somehow this felt good but wrong. I looked into his eyes and pulled his mouth to mine. “Yes!” I said against his lips. With one swift move, Jeremy pulled free of the foreign spot and pushed to more familiar territory.

He buried his penis, slick with vaginal fluid, deep inside of me. A virgin maybe, but it was not chaste. Many lonely nights, years of masturbation and self stimulation made this moment electric for both of us.

Still…silent…holding breath…waiting…

“You okay?” Jeremy thoughtfully asked.

It was uncomfortably tight, but not painful. Sensations pulsed along my spine. I rocked my hips letting him know I was ready. He pulled out slightly before pushing back in, again and again, an inch at a time.

Each retreat left me empty. Every crash forward made me complete. I closed my eyes to hide my tears. I was a man!

The cords bulged in Jeremy’s neck. He drove harder and harder into me. We gasped for air and clawed at each other’s searing bodies, trying to find that perfect place, that paradise on the horizon. We reached it together. Earth shattering waves rolled over volcanic lava. Waves crashed over us, tumbling us into a flawless abyss of passion.

Steamy!

Sweaty!

Quivering!

Depleted!

We laid there for hours, wrapped in each other’s arms.

                                                             ***

Jeremy and I spent every waking moment together that summer. We went bike riding, to the park, hiking and fishing. Where ever one went, the other was there too.

Neither of us were openly gay so public displays of affection wasn’t an issue. Anyone seeing us would have thought that we were just best friends. It almost made our relationship more exciting. Spending so much time together, yet being denied actual contact was more like foreplay then torture.

Sneaking kisses was thrilling and when we could actually be intimate, it was always mind blowing.

“Are you going to get the surgery?” Jeremy asked while I snuggled into his arms.

We had pitched a tent along a deserted area of the river and spent the afternoon making love. I glanced down at our entwined bodies. Our chests looked kind of similar, since I worked out a lot, but if anyone lifted the sheet draping our waists, they would be in for a surprise.

Dr. Thomas is going to do this new procedure on my neck before school starts this fall. He said it’s quick and easy to make it look like I have an Adam’s Apple.” I rolled onto my side and traced my fingers over Jeremy’s pecs.

He shivered. I smiled. “We talked about maybe removing the breast tissue over Christmas break. That’s going to be a lot more painful.”

“I like your chest.” He tweaked a nipple between his fingers, bringing it to attention.

“Well, I would like it to look more like yours,” pulling the sheet of his waist, “and you too!” Placing a quick kiss on his penis made Jeremy laugh. I loved to hear him laugh. “Maybe I’ll take a picture, so if I ever get it done, I can say I want this cock!”

“You’ve already had that cock.” He teased.

“Yeah, but I would like one of my own. It would be nice to feel like a whole person for once.” I closed my eyes and spent the rest of the day listening to his beating heart.

Summer was fun, but it was over too fast. It was sad to see Jeremy go back to college. I would miss him, but in a way it was good for both of us.

Neither of us spoke of commitment or love or forever. We weren’t delusional. The sex had been fabulous, but it was time to get back to the real world.

I needed to concentrate on school. He had already gotten into an awesome school, if I didn’t keep my grades up; I was never going to get into medical school.

Dr. Thomas arranged for an application and interview with his Alma Mater. That was as much as he could do. The rest was up to me and I was not going to disappoint him!

                                                             ***

The sound of the basket ball thudding against the pavement was soothing. It almost sounded like the thump, thump, thump of a human heart, a sound that I had grown so familiar with.

“He shoots…” I released the ball, “…he misses!” Laughing at myself, I ran to catch the ball.

The court was my own personal retreat. It was available for any of the hospital staff, yet somehow, I always found myself out here alone.

Maybe I should ask Dr. Ward, that cute new podiatrist? He wasn’t on staff at the hospital. The young guy opened his own private practice a few months ago, but I’ve seen him around checking on his patients after foot surgery.

“Hey, Dr. Ross!” Several female voices shouted in unison.

No matter how many times I heard that, it never got old. I turned around to see a group of young nurses standing outside the fence, ogling me in my surgical scrubs.

“Ladies,” I greeted them, getting a blush from more than one. Scanning the crowd I notice one or two who’ve tried to get into my pants over the last few years. One nurse actually started her own rumor that we were lovers.

It didn’t make its way up the grapevine to the Chief of Staff, so I wasn’t too worried about the lie. It actually helped me with my male co-workers. Men were more critical over my height. Even though I was more physically fit then those pudgy old bastards, they still had that old mentality of a man’s height determined his ability.

“Doc, a couple of us are going to an art exhibition after shift change, if you want to join us.” One of them called out.

Art? Mom and Emily were huge art fans. It might be fun to check it out since Mom was coming to the city in a few weeks. If it’s good then maybe I’ll take her when she visits.

“Art, huh?” I tried to see which one had extended the invitation.

One of the newer girls nodded and stepped forward. “It’s about 2 blocks north of here. They have some sexy Irish guy. The buzz is that he’s awesome.”

I didn’t have anything better to do. “Alright, I’m in.”

                                                             ***

Modern art was one of my favorites. I like that it makes you work for your entertainment.

The girls hovered nearby until I stopped in front of a large piece of abstract art. Several household items were infused into the colorful splashes of paint. I lost track of how long I stood there gazing at it. When I looked up all the nurses had moved on.

I wasn’t in a hurry. Unlike them, I was actually interested in the art and not the prestige of sauntering through the upscale gallery.

The yellows and reds made me feel like I was on fire while the icy blues and whites cooled me down. I loved it and smiled to myself and set off to find another piece by this artist.

“Nash O’Reilly is amazing.” I overheard two little old ladies chatting and I had to agree.

A waiter passed by with a tray of champagne. I snagged a glass and a wink from the young man as he continued through the crowd. Sipping and strolling, I found another piece, but unlike the first this one was missing those extra pieces. The media was thicker than paint, yet the dark color was still very appealing.

I stepped back and shapes started to appear before my eyes. Suddenly smiling, I recognized a form in the center of the thick substance. It was a penis. A long perfect penis print, hidden yet in plain view. I looked closer and noticed an ass crack. Someone had rolled naked across this canvas.

The thought made me laugh. This was my kind of art. I chuckled as I glanced around, but nobody seemed to notice the incognito body impressions but me.

Rounding the corner, traffic suddenly stopped. Patrons surrounded the talent artist. Not only was the man talented, he was incredibly gorgeous. Gold and cooper flecks bounced in his silky hair that fell almost to his shoulders. His skin was flawless with a thick row of auburn lashes shadowing his high cheeks.

“Oh, Nash, tell them about your inspiration for your newest piece.” The woman hanging on his arm was twice his age. She was obviously his manager, pimping his skill must be lucrative judging by the jewels dripping from her neck and ears.

Emerald eyes looked up from his glass and locked with mine on the other side of the room. “Now, Madeline, I don’t want to bore your guest.” He stared at me for a few more seconds then looked away.

I wanted to scream, look at me. Was that polite eye contact or was he checking me out? If he looks back, he’s interested… if not, it was just my imagination.

Three…

Two…

One…those intense green eyes found mine as if he heard the words in my head. He licked his lips and grinned. He was interested, and so was I. My heart raced.

“Please, everyone mingle.” His thick Irish brogue was so sexy. “Enjoy the art and Madeline’s expensive champagne.” Breaking free from the crowd, he walked among the art work and disappeared instead of seeking me out. Was he playing coy? Maybe he wasn’t interested after all.

Oh well, I might be a successful cardiac surgeon, but I guess I can’t win the heart of every sexy man that walks by.

Turning to leave, I felt a hand grab my arm. “Dr. Parson?”

The waiter stood behind me. It was flattering, but I wasn’t in the mood anymore.

“Dr. Parson,” He whispered so nobody could hear our conversation. “Mr. O’Reilly asked me to give you this.”

The folded paper had something hard inside. I wasn’t sure what it was and didn’t want to open it in front of a crowd.

“Thank you,” My thanks was half hearted as I made my way to the door.

As soon as I stepped outside, I pulled back the paper. A house key, attached to a silver ring through a plastic domino game piece, fell out. On the inside was an address written in elegant penmanship and signed with a beautiful cursive ‘N’.

Nash invited me to his home that night. After all these years of searching, I had finally found my matching piece.