Seeing Double - 3. Chapter 3

I cannot believe that just happened!
I let slip a tiny sliver of my power and used it on Daniel...Dan...Danny or whatever he wants to be called.
The halls of residence seemed empty. I was let off the afternoon lecture by the principal seeing as he is the only person besides my parents that knows of me.

I allowed myself a small smile as I remembered my parents explaining what had happened to me.
The cynicism he had was palpable until, without moving a muscle, I lifted him up into the air along with his chair and desk. He nearly needed a change of underwear after that!
Since then he has supported me immensely and I am grateful for that.

I went back to my room in the Halls and decided to check my e-mails and generally mess around on the net.
No way was I in the frame of mind to complete the work set this morning and, as I accessed the university e-mail and my account, I could see my inbox already busy with start of year stuff.

However, at the top, the most recent e-mail came from Dan titled ‘badminton’.
Immediately I knew it was a ploy to get me to read whatever he wanted to say, but something compelled me to click it anyway.
I felt the need to hear what he had to say. I was the one who hurt him after all.

‘Matt, I don’t know what happened earlier today and...I’m sure that without your explanation I never will.
But I would really like to become friends with you.
It doesn’t even have to be a deep friendship.

I just want to be someone that you can be yourself around eventually.
Because what I do know is that there is a personality in there and I want to find it.

Oh and by the way if you’re still interested, badminton is on at 7pm today.’

I finished reading with tears in my eyes; I wiped them from underneath my glasses and re-read the e-mail.
Once again I welled up.
I just stared at the screen. It’s not that I wouldn’t like friends, quite the opposite but...
Ever since I gained these powers I have felt like I couldn’t be around other people. It’s not just that I am different, I feel different, and I feel like I don’t belong.

I felt tired and slowly my eyes closed.

The room was hexagonal, with onyx and marble walls, the deep blues and silver patterns in the stone gave the walls a shimmering appearance.
I stood in the centre of the room, naked except for a loincloth; acolytes of the Council were stood in a semi circle around me. Mistress of the One without Form was stood behind the plinth at the head of the room.

“You are the one that the River of Aqlesh has deemed worthy of its power. Do you fully accept the gift bestowed upon you?”
I nodded my agreement, we had talked about this long before the ritual had been organised, and I had had no other option.
She beckoned me to kneel and I obeyed.

“Through the rituals and trials you will be re-born into a Warrior Sepil the likes of which we have not seen for generations.”
I didn’t want any of this.

“The rituals will test you; you will need to use everything you possess in order to pass.”
I didn’t want any of this.

“You are destined to succeed, to vanquish the Aartla and save our civilisation from oblivion.”
I didn’t want any of this.

“When you are ready for the first test, drink from this cup.” Ailarha said, finishing her part.
I looked down into the cup. I saw the contents, held pristinely, and not one drop was disturbed as I lifted it towards my lips.

I didn’t want any of this...but I didn’t have any other choice.
And with that I downed the contents in one gulp, my vision faded and I sank to the ground, acolytes hoisting me up and out of the room and onto a bed. They left quickly once their job was accomplished.

I gazed up at the ceiling, my vision still impaired.
‘The first trial will reveal itself soon.’ The thought sent by Ailarha entering my head.
True to her word, no sooner had she sent the message the room span slowly and I felt like I was sinking further into the bed.

It begins; I thought suppressing the instinct to fight this feeling. It begins...

Dan

“Just go over that one more time Danny.” Sam said.

“That will be three times I’ve said this.” I replied.

“I know, but just so I can be sure my ears are working.”

I repeated, again, the events over the last two days of University between Matt and me.

“How is that even possible Dan? I mean, this is the ‘real world’.” She answered emphasizing the final words.

“It’s just what happened. I wouldn’t believe it either unless it had actually happened to me.”

“Lightning danced in his eyes?” She still couldn’t believe it.

“Yes.” I said with a heavy sigh. Sam paused for several moments.

“Ok Dan, for now I will go with what you’re saying.” She said still not convinced, I didn’t blame her.

“But even if he does have powers, he obviously didn’t mean to show you any glimpse of them whatsoever. It was just something that got to him I guess. Good grief this sounds absurd!”

“I know it sounds completely stupid. How am I supposed to speak with him if I worry over every word that I say in case I get shocked again? Literally!”

“Maybe that was just a one off slip. It certainly shocked him that that happened.”

“Sure it could be, but that seemed to be only a fraction of what he could do.”

“And his parents said to report anything to the principal?”

“Yes, but he was in the canteen today so he found me this time around.”

“Well, time for the old cliché.” Sam smiled.

“And that will be what exactly?”

“Just be yourself!”

I threw a cushion at her as we were sitting in the lounge, which turned into a mini play fight until she ran away giggling.
She soon calmed down and had a serious expression that seemed too sudden.

“Look Dan, we’re not even on the important details here.”

“What?” I looked at her incredulously.

“Yeah, you haven’t described one important thing.”

“I can’t be bothered to guess.” I said.

“Spoilsport, you haven’t described what he looks like!” Her serious expression slipping away immediately to return to bouncy Sam.

“Sam! Please!”

“Come on Danny, even if it’s just enough to try and put a name to a face when I’m around.”

Sam did her pleading look that made me eventually relent “Alright fine, I’ll tell you a bit.”
Her answer was a woot in triumph.

“So go on then.”

“Right, he is about two or three inches shorter than me with dark hair down just past his ears. His eyes are brown. He wears nice glasses...um.”

“Lips?”

“Sam...” I started.

“Yeah I know...you’ll tell me when you’ve kissed them!”

I started chasing her around the lounge, eliciting more laughs from Sam.
She sat down eventually and then said.
"You really like him, don’t you Dan?”

That caught me by surprise.

“I don’t know... I probably think about him because I’ve been told to look out for him by the principal and his parents.”
Sam looked at me knowingly.

“Dan, that’s what you’re saying to convince yourself. Deep down you like him for what reason I don’t know. You need to find out about him though Dan, if you can’t know what’s happened then how can you help properly?”

“It’s not that simple Sam, he’s not talkative in the slightest.”

“So you’ve said, but it’s you and you always get the guy.” She said with a wink.

Although I went to argue, I pulled up short. It was true that I had little trouble finding guys but none had lasted
that long, they seemed to fizzle out; the spark soon ran out of the relationship.

But I cannot be thinking of a relationship now, especially with the way things are at the moment.

I got to the sports centre earlier than the allotted time as Gary and I have our usual weekly game.
As usual it was close but with Gary up a couple of points. I got to 20 before Gary played a series of shots that ultimately proved my downfall 22-20.
Gary’s mind wasn’t on the match though.

We walked over to our lockers; we had a while until the club started properly.
A few of the regulars started arriving to warm up and renew friendly rivalries like mine and Gary’s.
“What’s up Gary? You seem a little out of it today.”

“Dan, what happened in the canteen between you and Matt?”

“Gary you heard what the principal said...”

“Nah... don’t think I believe the crap he said to smooth over the whole thing.”

“It’s true; Matt had a major headache, a migraine I think, and he couldn’t cope so he had to get out of there.”

“That’s lame, real lame Dan. Now stop bullshitting me and tell me the truth.”

I looked into his eyes and again saw the expression the principal had used: the ‘no lie will do Dan’ look.

“Ok Gary, but please don’t breathe a word to anyone about this...not that they would believe you.”

He nodded in agreement and once again I recited the story about what had happened over the last few days.
Once I was done, Gary let out a low whistle.

“Pretty unbelievable isn’t it?” I asked as he rubbed his temples.

“Well, it is strange but I felt the same when I was welcoming people as well... that sudden wave of anxiety; then the whisper banishing them away...do you think that was him?”

“If it was then he could get into anyone of our heads.”

“Hmmm, the principal surely would have asked him to not do that...”

“Gary, if he can do that and he can hide it pretty well despite that...slip, who knows what he can do? I need to talk to him but I can’t do that properly in the club.”

Gary smiled and said “I think I can help.”

He beckoned me to follow and I frowned, but followed him nonetheless.
We were heading to the hire areas, different halls that can be used for a range of events. We headed to some of the smaller ones and he stopped quickly at one in particular.
I almost bumped into him.

“Oi watch it!” I said before Gary hushed me hurriedly.

“Look in there, just through the window though.” He whispered back.

I glanced at him then pressed my face to the window and I wouldn’t have believed what greeted my eyes.
Matt was standing in his Karate suit, something I’d later learn to be called a Gi.
He was facing away from us, his feet tight together, his hands were chest height, one hand parallel to the wall to his side, the other a fist resting on the palm of the other.

He stayed there for several moments until he leapt forward swinging his hands as they were at the start in a clockwise direction until they stopped as if he would have hit someone.
I flinched as he span round to face the wall behind him.

I got to see the deep V in the front of the suit exposing most of his chest and I pressed myself closer towards the window, the slight glimpse of his chest hair making me grow a little warm.

He completed two blocks in the space of time it would have taken for me to throw one at best, his hips twisting into the block.
Every move used a lot of energy but was then followed by a sudden relaxing of his body until the next move.
Another sharp turn made him face the wall he was facing originally and another set of two blocks ensued.

The pattern changed as he changed his stance. he was now deep, his feet easily twice the width of his shoulders apart, an open hand block accompanying each step move forward in that stance.
The next two moves made me jump.

First, Matt changed stance again to a much shorter stance; his hands were open facing down as if stopping a strike.
He then went to grab thin air as if it was someone’s arm and as he opened himself up to plant a kick he let out an almighty shout that was full of venom.

He landed perfectly as he turned to face the opposite wall again, his face one of fury from the last move.
Gary pushed up to gain a better look after the shout. Matt went through the rest of the moves, one of which included him bringing the side of his right foot up to meet his hand- which was almost head height-with such speed that I clutched my head in thought of what it would do.

As he finished, he faced the original wall and bowed low.
He then walked over to his bag, picked it up and, checking the time, walked quickly towards the door.
I was a fraction of a second too slow in removing my face from the window and he caught me looking.

The look on his face made it clear that we had just intruded on something that was to be kept private.
He gazed into my eyes for a while and I felt as if he was looking into my soul.

“Matt, we didn’t mean to intrude man.” Gary started.

“Never mind, I’ve got to get changed.”

“Matt!” I called after him but he just kept walking.

MATT

I was shocked -no, too strong a word- surprised at the pair of them peeping into my practice session.
In truth I didn’t mind people watching as long as I knew they were watching.
As I went through the Katas, combinations of set moves that deal with a range of attackers, I felt content, happy with the concentration of the placement of every hand, every foot, knowing every stance and technique.

Then, as I broke my concentration for the end of the session, I saw them, Dan was too slow moving away from the window.
For a brief moment I felt invaded, spied on which was true but I didn’t want them so see me in my Gi anymore.
The top piece was open a good six inches down my chest, which in a Karate class I didn’t mind; having to walk through people in the gym now though made me self conscious, especially as my chest hair was extremely visible.

As I walked out, Dan’s voice echoing behind me, I remembered him looking at my chest hair a little longer than was necessary; which only made me more self conscious.
But... I smiled weakly to myself.
Dan would never be interested in me, not like that anyway.

I had overheard dad talking to Dan behind me and mom and whilst I was annoyed at first at their protectiveness,
I realised that after everything that had happened they had every reason to be worried about leaving me on my own.
He was just making sure everything was alright.

I could hear the pair of them trying to catch up, so I quickly entered the changing rooms.
I grabbed my clothes to wear for badminton out of my locker and tried to find one of the lockable cubicles to change in.
The few that were around were occupied.

Shit! I thought to myself, I had to use the open area.
I hated using the open area, always thinking what people were saying; never thinking any of it was good.
As I took my top piece off and carefully folded it to put it into a bag, I noticed someone enter the changing rooms. When I stood up straight, Dan was standing there and I froze.

His eyes roamed my bare torso, taking in the hair, the slight bit of weight from where I had been lazy over the holidays, and when his eyes lingered for a while on the one thing that I didn’t want him to see I turned away embarrassed.

It was a deep scar, about four inches across my stomach that looked like it split my torso in two.
Then I realised, as I turned away, that the other scars were still there.
When a Releasing is performed, if the energies aren’t controlled properly, it then backlashes onto the user.
My first few times the Energy had rebounded back tearing lines into my back, causing several trips to Ailarha’s infirmary.
They would disappear after a few more successful Releasings but until then the faint scars on my back criss-crossed forming weird patterns...like they were deliberate.

“Matt.” Dan said softly.

The softness in his voice was almost pleading and it was enough for me to turn back around to face him.
Dan’s face was a mixture of concern and fear.

“Dan, don’t look so afraid, I’m not going to hurt you again.” I replied tonelessly.

He seemed to believe that and took a step closer.

“Matt.” He said again.

“What, Dan?”

“Um...How did you...?

“Which scars are we talking about, Dan?”

“This one.” Dan said as he reached to touch it.

I thought I was going to recoil but I didn’t flinch as he gently felt along my scar, the softness of his touch making me tingle.
He realised what he was doing and pulled away quickly.

“I’m sorry Matt; I really should have asked.” Dan looked flustered.
He looked really scared at what I would do. This only made me feel worse as it was my fault he felt like this.

“Dan, look at me.”
He raised his head slightly.

“I’m sorry for what happened in the cafeteria the other day. That was my fault and I shouldn’t have let things spiral like that. I promise I won’t hurt you again Dan.”

I welled up feeling like shit that I had made this beautiful person fear me or at least feel nervous around me because of one stupid slip.

“Matt, why are you crying?” Dan asked quietly.

“Because you were the one who tried their best to make me feel welcome and I hurt you and I’m pushing you away; I can feel it.”

“Matt, let’s get you back to your room.” Dan said. He was more himself now, more confident.
I pulled a t-shirt over my head and we headed back across the grounds to the road that ran next to the University.
The ten minute trip back to my accommodation was walked in silence, the both of us seemingly in thought over the events just now.
It was already dark, the October day quickly ending in the early evening.

I pushed the security code in for the outside door and led Dan up to my room.
I unlocked the door and entered, with Dan stepping in behind me and closing the door.

“Ah Halls, how could I ever forget them...” Dan said chuckling.

I smiled with him but I couldn’t bring myself to laugh.
The unsaid questions lingered in the air like smoke as I lay down on my bed and Dan pulled up the high backed computer chair.

“It happened when I was a baby.” I said to break the unbearable tension.

Dan looked at me and smiled, glad that I had finally started a conversation off for once.

“What happened?”

“I had a medical condition that caused muscles around the top of my stomach to be in a state of constant contraction so little to no food could enter the stomach.

I needed surgery around 3 or 4 weeks old to correct it. And so I got this scar.”

Dan nodded.

“It doesn’t seem that big a scar though.”

“The length of the scar doesn’t bother me, it’s how deep it looks, and it looks like it cuts my torso in two.”

“Think of it as something that makes you unique.” Dan said with a smile

I smiled, albeit a weak one.

“That’s a good idea, though one that will take a while for me to believe.”

“Why will it take you a while to believe it Matt?”

I got off the bed and reached into a drawer and found a pad of lined paper that was looking rough around the edges.
I flicked through the pages until I came across the poem I was looking for.

“Read this, it should explain to you in fewer words than I could say to explain it.”

Dan took the pad from me and started to read:

False Face

I don’t believe you.

I see your compliment but I can’t believe you

I see you laughing, is it at me?

I see you looking at me, what are you thinking?

I look down and know what hides beneath

I look down and see that which divides me

I look down, and breakdown

I look around, shut down

I look inward and retreat further.

Can you see me? Can you?

Do you think you can?

You see a shell, what I want you to see

I wear my false face, my blankness comforting.

I carry on, who am I?

Dan finished and looked at me with a concerned look on his face and glistening eyes.

“You don’t believe you’re good enough? For who? In what context?”

“I...I just see everyone around me as being better than me and...I know it’s stupid but whenever anyone says anything about me, I question and doubt it. Then I doubt myself.”

“But not everyone does judge.”

“Of course they do, some more than others, but it’s always there, the feeling that people will see me and judge and dismiss me.”

“You need to see past that view and not let it get to you, not everyone is looking at you and judging you.”

“They will be at the moment; the whole incident in the cafeteria put me in the spot light.”

At the mention of that we went quiet for a while.

“It will pass Matt; something will come up that will cause people to talk. It wasn’t as big a scene as you think it is.”

I thought about this for a moment then nodded.
I didn’t know what to say, I felt silly talking about my problems with him, and tension filled the air.

“I should go and get some rest for tomorrow.” Dan said, checking his watch and breaking the silence that had fallen between the two of us, it had felt awkward; I didn’t know what to say.

I nodded.

We shook hands as a parting but Dan laid his hand on my shoulder and gave me a squeeze as I looked up to his face for a moment.
I smiled which made him smile in response.
He checked his watch again, said “Goodnight” once more and then left.
I closed the door and thought to myself.

I couldn’t afford to get involved with Dan anymore than friends; it was a friend I needed at the moment, someone I could talk to and not be judged, and Dan was not the person to judge; at least not early on.

Curling up in bed I thought whether this would complicate things or if I should just leave things and see how they go.
Hopefully, by the end of the next Releasing, I will have gained some of my composure back and maybe Ailarha will bring good news for once.

One can only dream.