Neither Here Nor There - 9. Chapter 9

Hudson

The kiss caught me by surprise. Teeth clinked and our mouths smashed together in a decidedly unsexy manner. The dual vortices of our anger pulled us into each other, and I caught em around the waist. E was stiff, tense, nothing like the sinewy firmness that had wrapped around me yesterday. I pressed eir lips harder fighting for control of the kiss. If I could just control what Tango heard about me, control what e thought of me. If I could just control em.

The thought pulled me up short, forcing me to snap out of my own myopic anger. I didn’t want control of Tango. Tango wasn’t the problem. E’d probably gotten an earful from Dale, but even Dale wasn’t the cause of this scene. Tango had unknowingly pressed on my bruised relationship with money, particularly as it related to the trans community. I’d flinched, struck back and walked away. E was right. I hadn’t let em explain, hadn’t let em build a context for eir question about the Cathedral Network. I didn’t truly believe e’d sought me out for my money. E would never have left my loft that first morning if that were the case.

I loosened my hold, and stroked my hand down eir side, trying to soothe eir tension. Tango’s lips gentled in response, coaxing my head down as e came off eir toes. I obliged, feeling myself fall under the spell of the kiss as my anger subsided. Not good with words, e had said. Somewhere my brain recalled the arc of yesterday’s conversation and the encouragement it had taken for em to share the reason e’d departed my loft so early after our night together. I groaned regret and desire into eir mouth as a tender sort of passion transmuted the earlier wrath.

“For Heaven’s sake,” an older couple sniffed their opinion of our embrace as they stepped off out of the elevator and around the two of us. I slowly drew back from the kiss. Blue eyes reflected my own rueful arousal.

“Let’s finish this up in my place.”

A wariness crossed Tango’s face and I gave em a small smile, guessing the reason for eir hesitance.

“We’ll finish the conversation upstairs, Tango. As for anything else, that’s going to depend on how the conversation goes.”

After determining that neither of us had yet eaten breakfast, I settled Tango at the counter with some coffee while I sliced mushrooms and cheese for an omelet. Bread in the toaster and a few strips of bacon took care of the remainder of our nutrition. I kept an eye on my guest as I worked. E looked good in my home. Vibrant. Eager. Thoughtful.

I tried not to speculate on the possibility e could be here frequently. It was too early for such hope, too much uncertainty still lay between us. While I wanted to delve into what had transpired since we left each other yesterday, it seemed best to set aside that topic for later. I searched for a non-threatening conversational topic as I prepared breakfast. “You mentioned yesterday that you were putting together an art show for your work.”

“At Clockwork Coffee,” e perked up. “Dale agreed it would be a fun event and my art would bring some definition to the shop, a uniqueness that hasn’t been established yet.”

“You’re in a good location there.” I thought about the other storefronts I’d passed in that part of town. “I saw other galleries and one-of-a-kind craft and furniture stores along your block. Not to mention that the shop itself is screaming for artwork.”

“Dale opened it about a year ago. It’s in a converted wheelhouse, as you probably noticed. There’s more seating than the place needs, but it’s big enough to allow roasting the beans on site. All in all, the large space will be perfect for showcasing all my pieces.”

“You and Dale seem close.” I inched in on a more sensitive topic as I scooped omelet, bacon and toast onto two plates and went to join Tango at the counter. Butter, honey and jams were already out and the mid morning light brightened the room. The large open space felt intimate and warm with Tango in it.

Eir brow furrowed as e contemplated the implied question in my statement. I hoped it wasn’t the sign of an oncoming chill in the room and that we had enough open space to let us clear the air.

Tango took a couple bites of breakfast, chewing slowly, before answering. “I met Dale soon after moving here and just as I was realizing that I couldn’t live every day as a girl. I was embracing who I really was, and it was such a relief to finally live it. Being able to say I’m neither female nor male and yet I’m both…it was liberating. Dale understood because e’s similar. I didn’t have to explain myself to em. E didn’t question me.”

Tango slanted a look at me. “You’ve never questioned me either.”

“You come across so grounded in yourself and your self-expression. There’s never been any question in my mind about you or about who you are.” I pushed the jar of strawberry jam closer as e reached for it. “Tell me more about Dale.”

“E’s my friend. Even yesterday, while what e did was totally wrong, I truly believe e thought e was helping me.” Tango shook eir head. “I was livid this morning when I found out what e’d said to you. Dale has eir issues with guys who have undergone medical transition; I guess eir experience hasn’t been the best. I’m not trying to excuse what e did, but I do understand that eir motives weren’t completely evil.”

If I’d been hoping for a scathing indictment of Dale, I hadn’t gotten it. I wasn’t sure if I was disappointed or relieved. It didn’t sound like there was any romantic relationship, at least on Tango’s side, and it wasn’t like I wanted to cause problems in their friendship, much less in the complex landlord and employer relationship they had. To cover my murky reaction and to keep Tango talking, I grabbed our coffee mugs and headed to the kitchen for a refill. “So, last night notwithstanding, he’s been a good friend.”

“Yes, he and his partner, Jenna really stepped up to help me out when the whole fiasco with Gallery Axis went down.” Tango paused for a couple beats, then continued. “Anyway, I did come over this morning to apologize for that text I sent last night. I-“

“-have nothing to apologize for.” I spoke over em. “I suspected you didn’t have the whole story as to why I failed to show up last night.”

I lifted my coffee mug, and the black brew scorched it’s way down my throat. “I’m the one who owes you the apology. You were completely right about me walking off in the middle of our conversation. I shouldn’t have done that.”

My lips lifted as I thought about how that ultimately had ended. “Though, if I forget myself again and do walk off, feel free to bring me to my senses just like you did this morning. That was extraordinarily sexy to have you charge after me and suck me into a kiss.”

Tango grinned, humor lighting eir whole face. “Nothing about this morning has gone as I planned. I didn’t know I was going to do that until, well, we were kissing and even then I couldn’t figure out how we’d gotten there.”

“You had a plan for this morning?”

“I hardly slept last night after sending the text. And then I spoke to Dale this morning…anyway, on the bus ride here I convinced myself you had also lost sleep, that you were angry over the text. I was just going to lead off with an apology as soon as I saw you. When you came down to the lobby you looked rested. Bright eyed. You looked put together. I felt foolish for thinking you’d been bothered by my text message. Everything I’d planned to say got jumbled.

Visualization is important to me. I had visualized how the conversation would go down and when it didn’t happen that way, everything got messed up.”

“I see. Well, I have a confession to make. I am great with words, but I use them to convince people to see things my way. I fill silences, complete sentences for others, and probably have other annoying habits. I am not always the most patient listener. How about we strike a deal?”

Tango nodded, smiling. Using eir foot, e swiveled our chairs around so that we were facing each other as we sat side by side. I could feel my own face pulled into a smiled as I made my proposal. “I will do my best to bite my tongue and let you keep talking until you’ve said everything you need to say in your own words. Meanwhile, you’ll do your best to tell me what’s bothering you and to ask questions when you’re not sure what I’m thinking or feeling.”

“Sounds like a deal. I have one suggestion, though.”

“What’s that?”

Tango tugged me out of my chair so that I was standing in front of em. E hooked eir legs around mine. “I will do my best to spit my words out, but if you start talking before I finish, you won’t need to bite your tongue. I’ll do it for you.”

For a second time that day, Tango pulled my head down for a kiss. E obviously meant to make a demonstration of that proposed practice. I worked my tongue into his mouth with some trepidation. E gave it a little suction and then I felt teeth scrape ever so gently as I pulled my tongue back into my mouth.

“I think I can live with those terms.” I slipped my hands under eir butt and gave a squeeze. “Better hang on.”

He laughed as I lifted em, then walked us a few steps over to the back of the sofa.

“We’re wearing too many clothes.” I tipped em over onto the seat and followed after, pulling my shirt off as I straddled eir hips.

E scooted out from under me, sitting up so that e could pull off his own top. E paused as e dropped the shirt on the floor, eyes focusing on something behind me.

“The cathedrals.” We spoke simultaneously with Tango voicing more of a question than a statement.

“Ah, yes. Back to where we started this morning.” I smiled to let em know I wasn’t upset. “First tell me how you connected me to Cathedral Network.”

He explained about the mail left in the entryway to the loft. Squeezing us together so that we were both side by side on the long sofa seat, I told him about my failed attempt to spread the wealth into the trans community when I first acquired my money. I explained about meeting Scott and Ryan while traveling in Europe post-surgery and how Scott, with his accounting background and contacts, had helped me set up a peer-to-peer lending network.

“So, the money for Cathedral Network isn’t just mine and it’s not just transpeople who use the services. Anyone can apply. And, Dale was right about one thing. It would be a good resource for you and your show.”

Tango frowned and I rushed to say, “I won’t influence the lending decision one way or another if you apply. Like I said, I’m not involved with the day-to-day operations.”

Tango shook Eir head and gave my chin a gentle bite. “That’s not why I was frowning. I was frowning because I was wondering if they’ll be able to process my application in time for my show.”

With a groan, I dropped my head back and rolled my eyes. “This is new communication style is going to be a harder than I thought.”

“No worries.” Tango stood to finish undressing and pull the rest of my clothes off. “I plan on sticking around until we’ve got it right.”

The kiss that followed was considerably longer than the first two of the day. We didn’t re-dress until the evening when we walked down to the boardwalk to watch the sun set. I gave Tango a ride back to eir place for the night, but was no doubt that the future would soon include a morning where the two of us would wake up together.