Angel Love - 3. Chapter 3

The sun was burning hot over the heads and the atmosphere was mighty humid. Terry stood oblivious to the environment reveling in the past. The last four years after he came out had been an experience as thrilling as a roller-coaster ride. He wanted to hold Richie and tell him that everything would be alright but couldn't since he didn't know where their lives were heading. Terry was brought back to the present when the bus arrived and people started pushing past him.

Throughout the way he though about how Richie and his family had always stood by him when his own family had given up on him. None of that mattered anymore. Now their relationship had grown way beyond partnership. He felt he owed Richie his happiness and well being as it was only the result of Richie’s companionship that he could be his true self.

The bus pulled in at the last stop and Terry got down. He walked the distance from the stop to his apartment in haste. His stomach was growling since he got down from the office but did not stop to eat anything. He could not prolong the time to see Richie. He quickened his pace and finally reached his apartment in a frenzy panting heavily.

He took a deep breath and climbed the stairs. He gently knocked at the door but didn't get a reply. Terry searched for his keys and found them in the pockets of his trousers. He slowly opened the door and headed to the kitchen expecting Richie there since he sometimes would come home and have his lunch in the kitchen. But he did not find anyone. He walked through the narrow verandah leading to the bedroom and stopped at the door.

Richard was lying on his back on the bed; eyes closed listening to his i-pod. He must've fallen asleep listening to music. Terry just stood there for what seemed like an eternity just looking at the sleeping fragile beauty of Richard. He couldn't contain himself and was gripped with the sudden urge to hold Richie and never let go. Terry’s eyes filled with tears to the brim as he walked unhurriedly towards the bed. He kneeled down so that their faces were at level.

Looking down at Richie’s face he knew that watching Richie sleep was reason enough to survive. Richard was more than a partner. He had become a very necessary part of Terry's life. Terry gently traced a finger through Richie’s features without touching him so as to not wake him and disturb the moment. He was filled with passion and desire but wanted to take it slow. He leaned forward and blew the hair from Richie’s forehead. He kissed his eyes, his nose and then closed his lips over Richie’s. The sensation woke Richie up and he withdrew his head. He sat up and looked at Terry. The look on Richie’s face wasn't what Terry expected. It was of concern and discomfort.

"Sorry babe, I didn't want to disturb. You looked so tempting sleeping there I could not resist." Terry said with a naughty grin.

"Umm...that’s alright. I wasn't really sleeping. You home so soon? What time is it?" He asked rubbing his eyes. The look of discomfort had not yet gone.

"Richie, is there a problem? Are you okay? You don't seem well to me. Did you eat anything?" Richie sometimes wouldn't eat on time and it worried Terry.

"There is no problem. I’ll be fine. You just woke me up with a start. Let me cool down a bit. You want some tea? I think we are out of milk. I’ll go get some." Richie got up and headed towards the kitchen.

“No, wait. Let’s sit down and talk about what’s worrying you.”

“Why would you think anything is worrying me?” Richard turned and asked.

Terry squirmed a bit. He didn’t want to lay his own worries into him. “I just…I thought maybe…that maybe you are worried since you don’t act…we don’t spend much time together.”

“So that is what this is about? Time? Yes, I am busy and tired but you don’t have to worry. I’m doing the best I can to make things better. I’m going to work out a way that will be best for both of us. You’ll see.” He got a far away look on his face.

Terry was more anxious of what that meant.

“A way? But things are perfect right now. We’ve both got each other. That’s enough and about the rest of the things, we’ll work them out. Together.” He tried to lighten his words with a smile but there was a question to that sentence like Terry wanted Richie’s opinion about that. Almost like adding a ‘right?’ to it.

Richie just looked at him with concern but it wasn’t doing any good to Terry’s nerves. If anything, he was sure there was something wrong.

“Yeah.” Richie breathed. He sat on the bed facing Terry. “But sometimes, you have to do things that are best in the long run. Sometimes, you need to take decisions , very difficult decisions which are good in the grand scheme of things. You may not want to take them but you have to if you know what is best for you. And for others.” There was an undeniable catch in his voice.

They sat looking at each other for a while. Richie lost in his thoughts and Terry trying to understand what the he meant. When the silence got to him, Terry spoke.

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing that matters right now.” He pulled himself off the bed. “I’ll go get the milk” and he rushed out the door.

This was not how Terry had planned their evening to go. He couldn't plan anything special really as he didn't have any money saved yet, but he wanted to spend some romantic time with Richie to celebrate his new job. Hell! Richie hadn't even asked him about the interview. Had he forgotten about it? Terry was brought out of his reverie as he heard the door closing behind him. He turned to find Richie gone out, perhaps to get the milk.

Richie’s cold behavior scared Terry. Richie had always been the romantic fool. He would spend hours complimenting Terry's looks and talking about the places they could visit together when they got the money. Richie spent every moment touching Terry on some part of his body when they were together. He just couldn't keep his hands off of him. What had gone wrong now? In the past year, the number of love making sessions had reduced considerably. Richie sometimes lacked the earlier urgency though the love in the eyes was unmistakable. It was the love that still had Terry's faith intact.

But as Terry contemplated over the instances of the passing year, he felt distressed. His mind lingered on thoughts like 'had Richie developed interest in someone else? someone who could contribute equally to their relationship?' earlier Terry had given less importance to these thoughts as he somehow felt Richie's change in behavior was due to overpressure and tiredness. But now he feared it was more than that.

Terry got to the kitchen and decided on some instant pasta. He opened the refrigerator and searched for some ingredients which could enhance the taste. While looking, he heard his phone vibrate. He got up to leave but his eyes did not miss the filled milk carton in the freezer.

While guessing the reason for Richie’s lie and dismissing it as ignorance, he hurriedly rushed to the drawing room and picked up the phone.

"Hello." it was Katie.

"Hey lovely, missed you. I’m so glad you called." Terry tried to keep his voice under control as he always found it difficult to contain his emotions before Katie.

"I had to know how my dear bro and his gorgeous boyfriend are doing. Tell me. How was the interview? Was the manager a woman? Did you blow her away with your charm? I’m sure she hardly even listened to you. Don’t let her lust over my brother's property."

"Umm...yeah...the interview was good and my interviewer was none other than Mr. Tranter himself” He said remembering the formidable looking man. “And yeah, I got the job." Terry said with less enthusiasm than was expected since he could not get Richie’s distant behavior out of his head.

"Oh wow! Terry I'm so happy for the two of you. So what did you do to celebrate? Is Richie there?"

"Err...nothing really. I just got home. And no, Richie’s gone out." Terry somehow spat out, his voice breaking uncontrollably.

"What’s wrong? Are you crying? You both got problems? You know you can always tell me about it Terry. What is it?"

Terry knew he could not play along for long and had to hang up before Katie took his angst too seriously, "I'm alright Kate, I was just too happy everything’s going to be back on track at last."

He wasn’t sure she was buying it.

"Ok...I'm happy too and I'm sure mom and dad are gonna be equally happy which reminds me that mom has invited you and Richie home for dinner on Saturday night. So please be there. I’ll hang up now as I got to get back to work. Congratulations to you again and tell Richie I called. Bye Terry."

"We’ll be there. Bye Kate." he sighed and hung up the phone.

It was taking Richie more time than needed. Terry again got frantic notions but decided against taking his thoughts to conclusions. He needed to talk to Richie of what was leading to differences between them. He couldn't even let his mind dwell on the possibility of separation. It scared him awfully.

Suddenly getting a job and having a regular income didn't seem to be the only things important to make a happy living.

The sun is setting in the horizon. A gentle breeze is blowing from the east bringing a faint salty smell of the ocean. There’s a beautiful Heliconia flower bed where our feet are pointing. It feels so surreal and serene. I’ve always wanted to feel this calm. There’s always been so much to do and such little time to relax. I love to come here with him. He is lying beside me on the towel. I can see his smooth back. His muscles tense when he breathes. I’ve never felt so good before. I’ll give everything I have just to feel the same for the rest of my life. He makes me want to live it. He is stirring. He is gently turning to look at me. I want to see his beautiful face in the faint light of the setting sun.

I hear a loud cry of a white tailed eagle. I look up to see the magnificent form of the bird above our heads. I smile and turn my head to look at him. He is walking briskly towards the sea. I don't know why but I’m worried. He shouldn't go there. I have this feeling he's going away. 'Please stop, I need you'.

"Stop. Hey!" I realize I don't know his name. "Hey, come back. The water is deep. I’m here. You need to be here with me."

He is walking faster. I realize I am walking too but the distance between us remains the same. "I said stop. I will always be here for you. Trust me I will protect you. You mean so much to me. You aren't alone." he has slowed down.

"Give me a chance, I’ll cherish it all my life ...you can't leave me. I’ve only got you now. I love you!" he has stopped. He is turning towards me. I can see he was crying but now trying to smile. He seems happy. Oh! He doesn't know how much that means to me.

“Do you really mean what you said?" oh, he wants to be sure.

"Yes. I’ve never been surer."

"Say it again. please." he seems almost desperate.

"I love you with all my heart!"

I wake up with a start. It is 4 in the morning. I got home after spending the night with Rusty. This particular encounter left me strangely dissatisfied. I should stop seeing him. At least for a while.

The dream unnerved me more. I’ve been having this dream for many years now. But it was hardly ever so vivid. He never stopped. He kept on walking until he disappeared. I had never ever seen his face before. But in tonight’s dream, the man looked vaguely familiar. He looked like the new boy I appointed yesterday! Terence! Damn, I’m dreaming about a guy I’ve only met once? Maybe he has affected me more intensely than I thought.

I check the time. It’s only fifteen past four. It is difficult getting sleep now. I’ll take a walk around the park. It’s too early for that but it'll be safe with the guards at the gate. I don't pay them for nothing.

I should wear a coat. It’s chilling outside. I’m just about to walk out the door when I stop to look at the huge painting hung on my wall. It’s the dream I have painted… the sea, the sun, the sea eagle, the flowers and the two men. One sitting up and the other lying on his stomach. The proximity between the two men is striking. It could be close friendship but to an expert's eye, it is way too obvious.

The painting is not a close up. I had never seen the face of the other guy and I have no desire to indicate that 'I' am one of the men. Had? So do I know who the other guy is now? The guy I always wanted to be with? Is Terence the guy I was waiting for? Was I actually waiting for someone in the first place? The evolutionary theory suggests that love is only to bind a male and female so that they can raise a child. So am I the victim of obsessive compulsive disorder that went wrong? Yes, that is the way my brain works. I don't believe in love. Yet, I was screaming 'I love you' in the dream. Ha-ha...it was just a dream. But, it felt so extremely real and... And...wonderful. Have I finally found him?

Okay, I need that walk

The alarm clock shrieked loudly. Terence had never been a morning person. He hated to wake up early. He kept rolling in his sheets when he suddenly sat up and looked around. The instances from last night came crashing in.

Terry had been waiting for Richie’s return. He cooked and kept the dishes ready to eat for when Richie would join him. It had become awfully late. Terry had become worried but couldn’t reach Richard as he hadn’t taken his cell phone with him. As tired as he was, he soon drifted off to a restless sleep.

It was late in the night when he heard sounds of a key in the knob and then the gentle opening and shutting of the door. He opened his eyes slightly and saw Richie remove his jacket and then get into the bedroom. Richie’s face was tear stained when he was exposed to the dim light of the verandah. He slowly came to the bed and kissed Terry's forehead. He got into the sheets and spooned Terry, putting his arm around his waist and holding him tightly.

Terry got the feeling of asking Richie what it was that was troubling him but knew it wasn't the time for confrontations. He would do it later in the morning. Right now he needed to be there in his arms. He would wake before Richie as he had already set his alarm to get ready for his new job. He was at peace in Richie’s arms and fell into sleep.

But here he was, sitting in his bed without any signs of Richie. Richie had left earlier than usual. With a sigh, Terry went into the kitchen to see if there was any stuff to prepare breakfast with. He found some eggs and made some toast. He forcefully kept his mind calm and not let his emotions turn into tornado. He had to find time to sort it out. His life really depended on it and he could not afford to let the rift grow.

Terry hunted for decent clothes to wear on his first day. He had never really given much thought to clothes he'd need to wear to work. He could not find anything better than the trousers he wore the previous day. He found a white shirt that could do with them. He took a shower and got dressed. He carefully combed his hair and went downstairs and he was off to work.

It was a rush hour and the bus was over crowded. This was one thing Terry hated about the city. The neatly pressed shirt and the mild smell of his perfume were all gone. He dreaded to think about how he'd look on his first day. Yet, he did get some looks from some of the college girls that were traveling with him. He didn't know exactly what to make of them, it was difficult to know whether they were making fun of him or they thought he looked good. He decided to believe the latter.

He finally reached the huge building of the Tranter and Sons Pvt. Ltd. He was feeling a bit out place but decided to just let go. He managed to find his way without getting lost and also almost on time to the top floor where the main office of the company was situated. It was a huge passage with intricate designs on the tiles, huge windows and bright paints. It smelled fresh of expensive room fresheners. Instead of getting anxious, Terry was looking forward to work here. Everything seemed inviting. He was lost admiring the surroundings when he heard his name being called.

"Yes?" he turned to see who it was.

"Hi, I'm Josh. You must be Terence Hudson, the new P.A. to Mr. Tranter?"

"Yes, that’s right. Nice meeting you." The two men shook hands.

Josh was one of those people who weren’t naturally gifted in beauty but more than made up for it by taking care of themselves. It was obvious the guy worked out. He had a great body. The shirt he wore suited him perfectly and Terry was awed with his sense of style. Maybe he could ask for a few tips. That is, if it didn’t seem too gay.

Terence was happy that he would get to meet more people now that he was out and working. His social life had been non-existent after he’d shifted. The open face of the man felt inviting.

"Yeah, same here.” Josh said with a smile. “I’ve been told to give you all the details of the company and put you in one of the batches where our new employees are trained. It’s a two month training program, but you just need to attend it for a week where you'll get acquainted to how the company works. Next, you'll be told what meetings are going to be held in the coming month and what documents or files you need to get ready for Dan...Umm Mr. Tranter." Josh stopped and looked at Terry's blank face. "What’s wrong? Was I too fast? Or are you nervous? You seem to be new to this. Trust me it’s not as difficult as it sounds. You’ll be okay. Mr. Tranter is a good man. We all took it hard in the start but eventually got used to it. He made it easy for us."

Terry seemed to relax at that. "Yes you are right. I am very new to this. I just want to be good. I’m glad about the training program. It'll help me understand this organization better. I've hardly done any homework you know." He smiled when he saw the look of amusement on Josh's face. He already liked this place.

"You’ll still have to work today though. Sophie will help you out. Don't take her too lightly. She’s easy on the eyes but not so easy to deal with" he said with a laugh. "I’ll take you around the office and you'll see what an exquisite place this is. I absolutely fell in love"

Josh was right. The top floor was beautiful. Light seemed to flood from all directions and made the colors stand out even more. It had both professional and a homely touch. It was evident that the employees felt at home. If this is how he'd feel working for Mr. Tranter, Terry was glad he chose to take up the job.

If only he knew what was awaiting him in his new job…