Angel Love - 2. Chapter 2

This chapter is being posted before time since it's finished.
Note: Fisrt person narrative is from Daniel's POV. Rest of the story is in Third Person POV. Enjoy!

“We’ll meet at the State Park gate at 8 sharp. Don’t keep me waiting. I’ll see you.”

I hung up the phone with a shaky hand and reclined heavily in my chair. I was meeting Rusty tonight.

We had met at a gay bar a few months back. I didn’t frequent the bars, but, on an especially lonely night when the need to hold a warm body became too much, I decided to find someone.

When I got to the nearest bar, I wasn’t sure anymore if it had been a good idea. The flashy lights, gyrating bodies and the smell of alcohol were nauseating. It’s not like I was out to judge anyone, I was more sick of the fun these guys were having. Unabashed, free. I was maybe jealous.

I made my way to the counter and observed the scene from a distance, a drink held casually in my hand to not look suspicious.

When a nervous but genuine smile greeted me, I realized I had been eyeing someone. A lanky fellow in his early 20s with a shock of red hair and that heart warming smile. I think I smiled back involuntarily.

In an intimidating atmosphere, we were both outcasts, seemingly uncomfortable and mostly ignored. I wondered how he even noticed me with the hood of my jacket pulled so low. I was being as discrete as possible.

I can’t recall how we closed the distance between us but no words were exchanged before I followed him out of the bar on auto pilot.

He drove me to a cheap motel room , something I instantly became wary of. I had never before been in such a place.

He looked at me, gave me the assuring smile again and started taking his clothes off. I wasn’t as quick or eager as he was. It had been a while. But, sometime in the night, I relaxed and we got done with it eventually. Rusty had been patient and gentle.

I got out of the bed before the crack of dawn. I had been partially satisfied and my need to have a warm body to sleep against had been fulfilled. No questions had been asked. He had offered his name. I had offered mine, albeit a fake one. I was Tim for Rusty that night and the other occasional encounters we had after that.

I don’t know if he has recognized me yet. My face flashes in the newspaper or television more often than not. Maybe he doesn’t care or can’t relate the impeccably dressed man to the Tim in worn clothes.

Rusty is my safe haven. He isn’t the one I want but he is the one I need tonight.

“These are the best chocolate muffins I could find in this city. Richard loves them. So do I. Thanks, Tonya. Someday I will take down the recipe.” Terry said with a wink. He had come straight to the E Street Café House from the interview. Richard loved these muffins.

The petite blonde smiled widely and leaned a bit towards him. “We don’t give out our secret.” She looked at him suggestively. “But maybe we could change that for special customers.” Terry was used to the mild flirting of women. Like always, he chose to ignore the advances subtly.

“I’ll take your word. Now that I’ll be working at Tranter and Sons, I think I’ll visit more often to relish these.”

She beamed at him like she had received some very good news or a huge tip.

“Oh, that’s great, Terence. Maybe we could get together sometime.” There was a hopeful look on her pretty face and Terence decided it was wrong to lead her on even if he hadn’t said or done anything. He would tell her about his sexuality the next time they met. Now was not the time.

“Maybe, Tonya. I'll see you.” He took the bags and left.

Terry walked down the lane with a light heart and a satisfied smile plastered permanently on his face. He couldn't help but wonder about the difficult times he and Richard had seen together. They shared the tiny apartment in the city with only an old double bed and an almost broken closet. Sure Katie, Richie’s sister and his best friend had tried to help, but she couldn't do much. They were barely able to meet the ends with Richie’s new job. Now Terry wanted to do something for Richie for a change. He wanted to be an equal in their relationship. His thoughts drifted back to his high school days when life was so easy and wonderful. His life before he came out...

Terry went to an old school across the country where everybody knew each other like family. Anything that happened in a household which was a bit out of ordinary soon became the talk of the town. Terry was a popular athlete and a star among students as he had these striking looks that could not go unnoticed. Each head would turn when he walked down the road. He mowed lawns, helped arrange the furniture and did such other chores for the neighborhood whenever he could. Since he was also on the baseball team, he was just the ideal boy everyone wanted to associate with.

He had three older brothers who had already left the small town and moved on to the big city to try their luck and make destinies. There was a considerable age gap between him and his brothers. It was the reason why Terry was always under a close vigil of his parents. It made him inhibited and he always tried to check his actions so as to not hurt his parents. His true feelings were caged and he was now the 'ideal' son and would make the perfect husband to any lucky girl.

Terry had a huge fan following at school. There were swarms of girls trying to get at least one glance from the famous Terence Hudson. He wasn't the best player on his baseball team but he was there and he outdid just about anyone in the looks department. He really was a looker. With his faded jeans and a lose t-shirt he could create more of an effect than other guys wearing the most expensive clothes- not that they were many in their town who could afford anyway. He would just try to get those flicks of hair away from his forehead and girls would cream their pants. Girls would stammer, falter, and fall short of words when they came near him. It didn't fail to amuse Terry but he was never impressed by all the attention. He waited all his life for the 'one' girl he would fall in love with and want to get married to. He went out on dates with some beautiful girls but they failed to touch his heart or even get him sexually aroused. He remained pretty 'single' in his high school days which was very unusual for someone who looked like that.

He often had conversations with his father like-

"Terry, what are you doing home on a Saturday night and not enjoying with your girlfriend? What was her name, Sarah?"

"Sarah isn't my girlfriend dad. I went out on a date with her is all. She doesn't do it for me."

"Then who do you think does it for you? She is one of the prettiest girls in our town. I know her father and I think she can make you a good wife."

"Dad, I’m young and I’m not thinking of marriage. I just need more time to think about..."

"Think about what? You don't need to think about getting into a girl's pants unless you are a faggot."

The word 'fag' always made Terry flinch though he wasn't one. He didn't like his father speak like that about gays. He would just get up and leave and not respond to his fathers yelling.

He mostly hung around with his childhood friend Katie. She was the only one who understood him. She had a warm and loving family who always welcomed Terry. He would spend the entire day talking about politics to her dad or helping Katie’s mom in the kitchen. Or he would just laze around with Katie and walk down to the river and spend hours just listening to the sound of the river. People often believed he and Katie were a couple. Terry was secretly glad about it because she came closest to his idea of a companion. He did love her but more like a sister and a best friend.

Katie was a sweet girl with delicate features. She was the typical girl next door. Katie had almost figured out Terry's true feelings. She had known for some time that he was different. He would date girls but his heart belonged somewhere else. He would often ramble on about how a certain guy in his baseball team developed a fine body with nice pecks or how a certain guy in his science class got a nice hairstlyle.

It was a bit strange coming from a guy but Katie never interrupted. It enthralled her nonetheless. He never stared at guys or never talked about anyone in particular but she couldn’t disregard his search to find himself. It became all the more obvious when Richie came back after finishing a course in photography in the university.

Richard Taylor was Katie’s elder brother who stayed most of his life with their aunt since she didn't have kids of her own. After completing eighteen years of age he came to spend the summer with his own family. Richie was a beautiful boy with similar delicate features like Katie that adorned his face. He had piercing green eyes which were a contrast to his otherwise pale form. Although older than Terry, he was smaller and fragile. His composure and grace attracted Terry. He was reticent and didn't have many friends. After Katie introduced Terry to Richie, he often would tag along and they soon became the trio. Although Richie hardly ever participated in the talks, he would listen intently. Terry would often notice Richie staring at him and when he would look, he would quickly avert his gaze. Usually it would annoy any 'hetero' guy but Terry was secretly flattered. It was strange that Richie never missed any of Terry's games and would always be there to cheer him in the stands though he was not very fond of sports otherwise.

It was one of such days that their lives took a new turn. It was the end of summer and the second week of school. Terry had just turned seventeen and he was on the sports team. It was a baseball game against a college from another town. For the first time in years his father had actually come down to watch a game although he kept a record of his performances. But Terry really wanted to prove himself in front of his father. But it was not to be.

Dirk was a better pitcher and had replaced Terry in the game against the visiting team. Terry was not to play. The game began and it became obvious that luck favored the visiting team. His father hadn’t known of this. Terry sat on the bench and would glance at the audience and see his father's crestfallen face. He became fidgety as the time passed by. His face was flushed with embarrassment as he kept glancing at his father's face.

Katie and Richie were also watching in one of the stands. Whenever he looked up, he would find Richie staring straight at him with a sad and concerned look on his face. But it just added fuel to Terry's irritation. Being embarrassed and watched made him very annoyed and not being able to prove himself in front of his father was equally heartbreaking. The game ended in the favor of the other team but he could see satisfied looks on the faces of his teammates as it was a close call. Congratulating the other team members and consoling his teammates he got to leave.

He looked at the stalls and realized that his father had already left. The feeling of disappointment brought tears to his eyes. He started walking straight home while trying hard to control the tears from flowing. He could feel someone following and he turned to look. About five steps behind Richie was following him silently and stopped when he stopped. Terry scowled but it didn’t seem to faze Richie. After a while of staring in silence, Richie spoke-

"Terry, man I’m so sorry. I know it was import ..."

The words of sympathy were like a blow to his already low-esteem.

Terry snapped before he could finish, “Oh please Richie, save it. I know you were having plenty fun watching me make a fool of myself in front of my father. I don't want to hear your fake sympathy and I don't fucking need it. Just leave me alone." He tried his best from breaking down. Nothing was right in his life anymore.

"I didn't mean to upset you. I just...I wanted to be here for you because you looked so low. I couldn't see you like this.”

“Then why don’t you just leave me the fuck alone? Why do you keep following me like a pup all the time? It gets annoying sometimes, you know?” Terence spat.

Richie looked like he had been slapped. Tears welled in his eyes.

“I thought, I…”

“What did you think? You thought I was some hero to be followed around? I’m no one. If you think I’m cool or the perfect boy, I’m not.” He glared at Richie as if challenging him to contradict.

“I don’t even know what I’ll be doing once I get done with the college. I just wanna get out of this damn town and never come back. Every one expects me to be responsible. I’m tired of pretending to be perfect. Maybe I can’t do it anymore. What when I stop being this way? I screw up once and my folks can’t even face me. I am NOT perfect. I’m not special. ” There. He had said it. He was tired of living for others, tired of being perfect for his parents.

“Yes, you are.”

“What?” Richie had been so low he didn’t expect Terence to have heard it.

“You are special.” He said a bit loudly.

“I’m not.” Terence objected irritably.

“I followed you because I thought you were good company. I don’t talk much but I observe a lot. I could see how much you care for others. You care for Katie, my parents, your parents. You are a good son, a good friend. People like you not because you’re responsible, they like you because you’re a good person. I like to be around you. Maybe too much.” He said softly. He rubbed his eyes once and continued, “I thought we were getting closer. I thought we were becoming friends. I hoped we were becoming more than friends.”

Richie looked at his feet and sobbed softly.

‘More than friends?’ Terry had heard him but he could not decipher the implication of his statement. What he could see was a crying boy. The boy he cared for a lot and towards whom he had been very insensitive.

“I’m sorry, Richie. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“No! I am sorry. I was expecting more out of us than there was. I wanted this so much I created a fantasy world.” He sniffed. “I’m sorry Terence. I’m sorry but I can’t help it. I love you. I’m in love with you. I thought you had feelings towards me too from the way you looked at me. It was just wishful thinking. God, I’m so stupid!” He fell to the ground and cried weakly in a fetal position.

Terence had stopped listening at the word ‘love’. He was too dumbfounded to respond to the scene in front of him. The confession appalled him as well as sent waves of pleasure through his body. He couldn't exactly place his emotion and felt his body weaken beyond control and needed something for support as his mind could not concentrate on the ground below. Richie was in 'love ' with him? The emotion his father wanted him to feel for Sarah? He looked at Richie who was now a motionless curled up ball lying on the ground. Terry needed to comfort him but he could not find himself moving in that direction.

Instead, he turned around and resumed walking in the direction he was walking earlier, towards his home. He walked all the way through the woods and then by the river without once turning back. His head was empty and he purposefully tried throwing all thoughts out of his head. As he neared home, he could feel his heart pounding faster. He didn't want to see his father after what he had just felt for a guy. He felt awfully guilty about it. But he could not switch off his emotions. He was 'attracted' to Richie. God knows he was.

The only feeling he got on instinct was to grab Richie and kiss him when he heard him say the words 'I love you'. But he couldn't do it. He knew it was somehow wrong. Richie’s eyes begged for a similar look of love and his mouth begged to be kissed. He was still so beautiful when all broken. Suddenly Terry felt guiltier of leaving Richie alone on the lane than about facing his father. He wanted to run back and make all pain go away, just say he loved him back. But it was too late now. Richard must hate him by now. He would never want to see such a coward again in his entire life.

Terry’s heart was breaking but he needed time to be sure about it. He didn't want to hurt Richie by rushing his feelings and then backing out if there was any chance left for them. He wasn't scared anymore of his sports career as it had never really been his own priority.

It felt like epiphany and everything dawned step by step- his dislike for his father's words against gays, his coldness towards women. He was 'gay'. Terry wanted to laugh. All the subdued feelings needed release. He felt happier than he had ever been.

As he placed his hand over the knob of his door, he was sure of what he wanted. He went inside and bumped into his mother. He hadn't seen her coming through the kitchen door. She gave him a disappointed look which confused him but then he remembered his match. He just shrugged like it didn't matter and started upstairs for his room leaving behind his startled looking mother as he always needed to explain his under performances. But fortunately, she didn't push it.

After taking a quick shower, Terry lied down on his bed facing the ceiling. He thought about the day's instances and then about Ritchie. He had always known that Richie cared and he himself had been more than eager to return the feelings though he never wanted to bring the emotions to surface. Instead he pushed them to a dingy corner of his mind. He needed the love of another boy and he could not turn his back on the only way to happiness anymore...

Even after just sleeping for less than three hours in the night, Terry felt fresher and lighter than ever. He got out of bed just when the fist rays of sunlight hit his bed. He had to deal with the most important matters of his life today. He knew he couldn't back out now. He wanted to do it. He went down to get some juice and breakfast. His folks were asleep and the house was quiet. He was grateful for the peace and it gave him more time to think of what he was going to do. He went upstairs to his room, got a quick shower and started getting ready. He chose his best button down blue shirt and black denims. He looked in the mirror and seemed pretty pleased with the outcome. He ran downstairs, grabbed the house keys and headed towards Ritchie’s home...

Terry’s palms were sweating profusely as he walked the short distance of three blocks. Mr. and Mrs. Brown called and waved, but he could not be his usual happy self and go to talk as he was already so anxious that he nearly dragged himself along the path. Instead, he gave them a quick nod. He resumed walking and finally reached his destination. He knocked nervously and waited for Mr. Taylor to open the door like he'd been doing for years, he being the only one getting up so early in the morning.

Terry had his back turned and did not notice that the door had already been opened until he turned around. There, in front of him, was Richard standing with his head low only wearing thin boxers and a t-shirt. Terry couldn't help but feel love, lust and many other emotions rushing towards the surface. Terry stepped closer and Richard looked up, his eyes looking everywhere except at Terry. Richie had red puffy eyes and his hair was unkempt. He looked more gorgeous than ever but Terry couldn't help but feel guilty to make out that he had been crying.

Their encounter felt like deja vu when they both stood looking at each other struggling for words. The silence was once again broken by Richie's words.

"Umm...Katie is still asleep. I’ll wake her up if you want me to. But yesterday was a long day for her and I suggest you meet her later. Dad is in the back yard and mum's just woken up and is in the kitchen getting breakfast ready." with that he just stood there for sometime and turned to go inside.

Terry followed him and grabbed his arm and turned him around. He placed a finger under his chin and brought his face up so that he could look him in the eyes. The pain was clearly there in Richie’s eyes and seeing those beautiful piercing green eyes he knew it was too late to stop any of this now. He placed one hand lightly around Richie’s waist and pulled him closer. Another hand went behind Richie’s head and he slowly brought their heads near and gently closed his lips over Richie’s.

The contact sent shivers all around his body and the ends of his lips curled involuntarily. He was so happy. He pulled Richie closer as the kiss became more passionate. Richie had his eyes closed and he seemed completely lost in the kiss. As Richie felt terry's tongue trying to get into his mouth, he suddenly came back to reality and snapped his eyes open. He recoiled and fell back on the couch, a look of bewilderment clear on his face. He just got up and turned to leave. Terry grabbed him again and turned him around with more force.

"What happened, Richie? Was it too rough? I’m not very good at kissing. I don’t have much experience." He blabbered. Terry was really anxious now. After the kiss, he had finally come to terms with his suppressed feelings.

"Please Terry, don't fuck with me. This is not some kind of joke. I was talking about true feelings yesterday. If you didn't hear me, I’ll say it again, I love you and it will take me some time to get over you. But this is not helping and I won't be able to deal with it if you play such pranks."

A smile broke on Terry's face as it became clear that Richie still cared but he decided to play some with him. "So, you didn't like what we did? I thought it was cool."

"Cool? It’s not fucking cool. You know what? Just forget it. Straight and beautiful guys like you will never understand. I went with one painful night but I won't let you hurt me more. You’re here for my sister. I’ll just go and wake her up."

"No babe, I’m here only for you."

"Will you stop that already?"

"Stop what, from me falling in love with you? No Richard. I can't. I just can't anymore"