Language of Love - 6. Chapter 6 “What comes after a date?…The long wait”

Chapter 6: “What comes after a date?…The long wait”

IF this was a gay fairy tale, we should be picking our china patterns after that night. I know there is a part of me that is a diehard romantic, who wants to believe in true love and something special can happen to ordinary guys. I want to be swept away or sweep someone away into such a world, where anything is possible. However, I’m practical and this is not a fairy tale. I don’t know what “True Love” really is, but based on experience, one good night of laughs does not measure a lifetime.

A lot of new guys out on the dating hunt do not realize this truth and commit to a cardinal fallacy inscribed by Hollywood scriptwriters and even gay authors to a lesser. Growing up, I read a lot about gay guys with boyfriends, who “find” each other and stay together forever despite homophobes and their parents. They would do anything for one another and their love was perfect. I don’t know about anyone else, but I have never found that kind of love story in my life. You can find the most ideal man in the world, have hot steamy sex with him, and still end up with nothing. The world isn’t fair, it’s a gritty gray.

When I woke up at 5:07 AM, I was home. He was nowhere in sight and I had a vague memory of us ordering taxis. As I tried to recall the events of last night, I had a horrible headache and the room felt like it as shifting under my feet. I knew what I had to do and rushed towards the bathroom.

Two hours and several Aleve pills later, I was somewhat normal or at least normal enough to go to work. The day flew by quickly in front of me. Doctors were coming by to check on their reimbursements for conferences. The billing department called me about updated insurance rates on podiatric treatments. A nurse argued about her health insurance deduction from last Friday’s payroll. Plus, the maintenance crew wanted to switch from using our new “Green” cleaning agent back to the old one, since they say the new one smells like shit. I couldn’t agree more, but hospital administrators were going through another one of their “Green” phases and wanted to show eco-friendly public image. When they see the bottom line at the end of the month, they will go back to the old cleaning agent, since each ounce costs $1.34 versus the old one at $0.28 per ounce. It’s a boring life; I know.

Throughout the day, I occasionally glanced at my cell phone; hoping, he would text me. No message ever came. I rationalized that he probably had other things to do during the day; even if he comes from wealth, he probably has friends and a life outside of a stranger that he just met on the internet for a date. I’m not an unreasonable man, who demands a potential boyfriend to continuously text me, call me, and tell me “I love you” all the time. It sounds great in romance novels, but if you ever met a guy like that in reality; you would be annoyed. My first boyfriend was like that and he called me at all times during the day, including an infamous episode at 2AM at night, when he had a bad dream that I had died and left him alone. In my early naiveté, I thought it was sweet at first. Then, it just grew into one of many issues between us.

However, I wished he’d text or call, maybe just once. I could tell him I’m a t work and busy doing something, like picking cleaning agent for the hospital or fixing someone’s health insurance. I know this sounds stupid and kind of paradoxical, but I just want to know that he cares. I could have texted him and be the instigator, but I wanted to know he had feelings for me first.

I guess it goes back to something my father said to me as a kid, “If you look for love, make sure you know your lover loves you more first before getting your heart invested.” My mother and father divorced about 17 years ago and that line still haunts me. My father is a good man; despite knowing I am gay, he did not force any decision on me or disown me from the family. He also did not tell any other relative, keeping my succession rights intact. While he is not a PFLAG advocate or even agrees with homosexuality, he placed his family first beyond personal views. In his failed pursuit of love with my mother, he understood that his love was greater than her love for him. She had cheated on him, but he took the emotional blame in opposition to cultural beliefs and principles about adultery .

Before the Communist era under traditional Chinese customs, a man could have had their wife tied onto a bamboo stick and tossed into the river. The practice was called, ”jian zhe long” or drowning the pig for females, who had committed adultery. In Chinese culture, the value of proper lineage is paramount; thus, even into the mid-20th century, adultery was a capital offense to be carried out on a personal level without government oversight. Adultery dilutes the lineage and tarnishes a family name; in the traditional belief, it’s like committing a thousand murders by destroying a family line. While the punishment has been outlawed, its underlying principles remain.

Those facts along with my first boyfriend being such a nightmare, I know emotionally, I am just not able to be the one to make the first move, at least directly. My gay friends say I am a good catch and should be able to find a boyfriend, but they don’t understand what’s holding me back. I can be a top or bottom in sexual position, but I am unable to move emotionally.

When I came home after work, I checked my private emails. There was no message, no indication of contact except for the prior messages from the previous night. I went about my nightly activities, walked my dog, cooked some dinner, and jacked off to one of many gay porn DVD’s in my collection; it was Eurocreme SpyBoy.

I waited for him to message me or text me for the next few days, replaying in my mind what I could recall of the night that we had our date. I felt for certain that we had hit it off well, but I am not the gay Casanova and the song I picked was not “Strangers in the Night”. I was on the verge of just calling it a loss cause and moving on with my life. I’ve had so many times like this in my life, never really getting anywhere. It was no different this time than the other dozen before it.

By Thursday, I had almost forgotten about him and what we had or might have had. Then, a text suddenly appears in my cell phone from him at night.

----------------------------------------------------

Him: Hi

---------------------------------------------------

I did not expect to see another text from him, but here he was.

-------------------------------

Me: Hi

Him: Why you not text or email?

Me: I was busy at work

Him: Oh Sorry

-------------------------------------

I know I lied to him; it was the first time I ever lied to him about myself. I didn’t want to open up the dams to him or reveal to him my insecurity. I did not want to be…weak for him.

---------------------

Me: How about you?

Him: I was travelling

Me: Where did you go?

Him: New York

Me: That’s nice

Him: My cousin lives there

Me: Cool

Him I will be going to Chicago tomorrow

Him: Then Toronto

Me: Wow

Me: Were you just travelling through here?

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Was that it? He was just some tourist trying to leave a little love in every port. My stomach sank for the few seconds between his reply.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Him: No

Him: Ba ba wants me to learn

Him: I go to school here

Me: Must be fun

Him: Yes

Him: I will be back in two weeks

----------------------------------------------------

It felt weird to text him again. His explanation was reasonable and probably expected. A lot of foreign graduate students like to travel around, which is a fact in the US and Europe. However, it does not answer the underlying issue, what do we have? Are we friends? Are we boyfriends?