In Defiance - 5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Simon woke up staring at his living room rug. It blurred until his eyes began to focus. He felt like there was a maul pushing through the side of his skull, and his stomach felt like it was at the bottom of a ruck and getting a good, old-fashioned shoeing. Simon sat up with the care of an injured dog. There was a castle of beer, coke, and other cans built over him like a child’s fort: Matt could be the only one responsible for it. There was no way out of it without it crashing down around him; he stood, hitting the keystone of the aluminium castle and it fell, cans clattering around the floor and rolling in all directions.

There was a loud, rumbling laugh. Simon looked at his brother and glared. Luce lay on the sofa, undisturbed by the noise, buried into the sectional like there was nowhere else to be, with Simon’s t-shirt on and Matt’s wrapped up in her fist. If he thought he wouldn’t lose his brain, he’d shake his head. He needed what was left of it after the previous night. He remembered why he had drunk so much – to get Alexander off his mind – but it hadn’t worked. He just thought about him more, wanted him more. Thinking Alexander might not want him made his stomach lurch. His heart did the same. Ugh.

When the cartwheels and other strange feelings settled in his stomach, he pushed the cans aside with his foot and settled on the sofa by Luce, closing his eyes. It was too bright, and even though he smelt Matt cooking, he couldn’t find the energy to want to eat.

Luce shifted until she was flush against him and trying to use his skin as a blanket. Simon wondered if she thought she’d manage it and then magically be warm all the time. He doubted it. And he liked his skin just where it was.

Dance music blared and bored through his skull like a drill. He reached for the offending mobile and pressed the screen. “Hello?”

“Who is that?”

“Simon. Who’s that?”

“James. Why are you answering Lucy’s phone?”

Simon didn’t grunt. “Same ring-tone. Sorry. Hold on.” He nudged Luce. The woman could sleep for England, but right now was not the time for it. He shook her shoulder. She grumbled. “Luce. James is on the phone.” He shook her harder. She burrowed closer to him, even though there wasn’t any room left between them. “Luce, your fiancé is on the phone.” She grunted and mumbled into the sofa cushion. “Wake up, damn it. He’s pissed off,” he snapped, too hung over to find her usual morning performance endearing.

She pried an eye open.

“James.” Simon handed her the mobile.

She fumbled for the phone and groaned into it. She’d be getting up and fleeing the room any moment to speak to him in private, so Simon moved to get out of the way.

No sooner had he moved than Luce shot up and left the room.

Simon sighed. “Matt, you’re cleaning up these cans.” God, my head. It was just like James to ring at stupid o’clock, when he should know Luce spent most weekends drinking with Simon, especially if Matt was in town. He likely didn’t know Matt was there, or even who he was, though. Luce omitted, for good reason, a lot of things; the amount of time she spent in Simon’s bed was one of them.

Matt held up a bin bag to indicate his intention of tidying up.

“You and Luce have fun with that?”

Matt grinned, his eyes twinkling.

Simon got up and got some water from the fridge.

“Anything ready?”

“I’ t’ oven,” Matt grunted. It was barely words.

“Mm. Brilliant.” He tried to shake the annoyance of James ringing and having the nerve to be pissed off over Simon answering Luce’s mobile. The idiot didn’t know Luce at all. She liked to play games – innocent games that included switching Simon’s ring-tones and mobile wallpapers so often that he never let anyone use it before checking it. James seemed only to want to know her when she was prim and proper. Simon hadn’t seen her like that since the first few months of her working at the school. Then she had seemed to unravel like a ball of wool and become the tease-flirt-joker that he knew so well. The woman who would happily watch him shag Mick and ask detailed questions later, when Simon had asked Mick to leave and he and Luce were cuddled on the sofa, watching a DVD. James would only know the parts of Luce that she gave him, if he didn’t stop trying to turn her into someone else, and that was just another reason why Simon hated that she was marrying the prick. It wasn’t his place to make the choice for her, though. He wasn’t even sure if he had a right to be annoyed. James was her choice.

Simon went to wash his face and clean his teeth to get the dead cat taste out of his mouth. Maybe his stomach would settle enough. It didn’t help that he knew Luce was having a row with James over Simon answering her mobile. Then if he found out about them, it would be even worse. Simon couldn’t shake the guilt. He sighed and tried to eat. Luce would eventually be back, subdued and in need of distraction. Simon knew just the thing he’d do when she got back.

Before he could be her shoulder, he needed to open the pool. Alexander probably was waiting for him, which sent an odd tingle down his spine. If it didn’t give him a perfect excuse to see Alexander every morning, he’d have a key made for him. Only, the thought of him being there, needing Simon, felt better than having a key made that he might lose. That was something Simon would have to think about. He’d never given keys away. Sighing, he told Matt he’d be back and started down to the pool at a jog.

Alexander was already waiting like a lost angel.

“Eh up. I hope you haven’t been waiting long.”

“Er, no.”

“Good.” Simon smiled. “I over-slept a little.” He dug out his keys and unlocked the door.

Alexander nodded vaguely.

“Did you have a good evening?”

Alexander blinked. “Er, yes?”

Simon wondered if he couldn’t make up his mind or whether he didn’t have a clue if it was a good or bad evening because he hadn’t been paying attention.

“Did you read?”

Alexander nodded vaguely again.

“Anything good?”

Considering for a moment, he then looked at Simon. “Er, no.”

Simon talked a few more moments, but Alexander continued with his simple responses. Simon wasn’t going to stop talking to him, though. Eventually, he’d get more back again - he hoped.

***

Matt left late in the afternoon. Luce slouched on the sofa, arms wrapped around her legs, wearing one of Simon’s t-shirts. She looked crushed in a way that Simon couldn’t put back together or fix. He felt useless and the conversation hadn’t even started.

“Alright?” He sat down and found himself with a lap full of Luce, her burrowing against him. He wrapped her up and made soothing noises, even though she wasn’t crying. “What happened? Apart from him being pissed off that I answered your mobile.”

“Please get really drunk next time you see him and make a pass at him. He thinks we’re shagging.”

Simon sat without speaking for a moment. “Can’t say we haven’t, though.” Guilt sat in his chest like a rock so heavy he wasn’t sure he could stand it. “Anyway, I don’t fancy him. And if I got drunk, I’d probably just say something I shouldn’t.” He sighed. “I’m sorry, love. I should’ve been responsible and never let that night happen.”

Luce growled.

“What?” Silence blanketed the room. Simon put his hands on Luce’s face and turned it so she was looking at him. “Tell me.”

“I want chocolate.”

Simon shifted enough to reach the stash between the sofa cushions and presented it to Luce. She dug in right away, the quiet still stretched across them, between them. He’d broken his promise not to be weird, and she could feel it.

“Why does he insist on ringing at half six?”

“Because…” she took another bite and sucked on the piece of chocolate before chewing and swallowing, “…he’s in a different time zone.”

“He knows you sleep for England.”

“I don’t when I’m with him.”

Simon found that hard to believe. He’d never known Luce not to sleep like it was an Olympic sport. It had to mean something, though. Is she more comfortable here or is it something else he’s trying to train out of her?

“I want to say something nice, but he never gives me any reason to.”

“He’s kind and charming and intelligent. He just doesn’t like you.”

“I don’t care if he likes me.” The unspoken addition: I only care about your happiness.

“You should. He’s my fiancé and you’re my best friend.”

“Luce, as long as he thinking we’re shagging, he’s going to hate me.”

“I keep telling him we’re not.”

“I know, love.” Simon kissed her temple. “I don’t know how to convince him.”

“Try one of your rants on how awful girl-parts are. That might do it. Especially tie on an ode to the dick.”

“Why don’t you just have him walking in on me watching porn and wanking?”

“I’ve tried that before. You turned out to be watching Resident Evil instead, and not wanking.”

“Not my fault you two shagged and lost track of time.”

“We were ten minutes late!”

“I could only hold off for so long. I’d been at it for half an hour already, waiting.”

Luce huffed.

“I’m not Superman.”

Luce gave him an accusing look, like he really was.

“You would think I should be.” He shook his head and stroked Luce’s back. “If this, us, the way we are, is too difficult or something, tell me. I don’t want to make him jealous. I don’t want to lose you.”

She nestled against him like a happy cat. “You know he’s jealous, and I know that’s because he’s being a nit because he thinks you’re a threat, because he totally doesn’t get it.”

“If I were straight, love, you'd be the one. But I'm not, so you can't be."

“Yeah, exactly. And he is.”

“Anyway, there’s nothing saying you’d want me.”

***

Simon didn’t like going through the hallways where the other teachers held lessons, but he wanted to see Alexander. He had to stop a few times down the corridor to find the right one. He smiled and went into the classroom.

“Eh up.” Simon beamed.

“Simon. Good morning.” Alexander was alert and handsome, as always.

“Aye. Do you fancy dinner tonight? I could bring it to yours.”

“That sounds splendid, thank you. I’ll provide the wine; what are you planning to cook?”

“Steak, chips. Gravy. Or fish and chips.”

“Whatever you prefer. I have a versatile cellar.”

Simon grinned. “Sounds good.”

“What sort of time should we aim for?”

“Seven?” Simon suggested.

Alexander nodded. “Lovely.”

“Brilliant. I’ll see you then.”

Alexander next lesson was waiting in the corridor, a few of them giggling. He waved them in, and Simon slipped out between them and headed down to his office. He couldn’t wait to tell Luce.

***

“Eh up.” Luce sat at her desk facing his, hard at work on something.

“Hi.”

“What are you working on?”

“Risk assessments on half-term trip.”

“The skiing trip. Yay. Do you need me to add anything?”

“Skiing in October? You are such a barbarian.”

”I thought you were working on February. What’s the October trip?”

“Tennis camp in Spain.”

“Ooh. I'm thrilled. Next time I'll make it rugby in London."

"Yeah, because we have so many budding Maggie Alphonsis." Luce rolled her eyes. “More of the girls aspire to being the next Sharapova.”

Simon sighed.

“That means mummy and daddy will fork out the five grand for the trip. And that means Dog Leash will sign it off.”

“You know how much I hate tennis.” Simon sighed, knowing Luce was right. It didn’t mean he liked it. “Is this one you want to do on your own?”

“No, but it's one I'm going to do with Jo and the Old Bag. Because I'm doing the Paris trip with Jo and the horse trials with the Old Bag.”

“So I get the half-term to myself this year?” he asked, already planning his trip to London. Simon went and kissed Luce’s temple. “You’re amazing. I can go to London and see Matt.”

“You can.”

He grinned. “You haven’t asked why I’m in such a good mood.”

“Yeah, I was starting to get suspicious about that. Spill.”

“Dinner with Alexander tonight.” He beamed.

Luce whistled. “First date already?”

“Not sure if it’s a date… I just asked if he wanted dinner. He was all alert and hot.”

“As opposed to vague and cute?”

“Mm. I was actually thinking of making him a key to the pool.”

Luce stared at him. “You are screwed.”

“I said thought about it.”

“Screwed.”

“Yeah, well, I knew that the first time I met him.”

Luce looked at her Dieux Du Stade calendar and sang, “Simon’s in love,” in her most off-key tone. She then went on about how the half-naked bloke didn’t care about Simon’s love life.

“You know what’s bad… I think you’re right.”

“About Maxime Mermoz not caring? Well, yeah. Duh.”

“No, being in love.”

“Also duh.” She went from playful to serious, not quite looking at Simon. "I hope he feels the same way. I really do. Being in love with someone who isn't in love back bites.”

Simon reckoned she meant the bloke she was engaged to when she first started at the school. He thought she had got over that by now, but they didn’t talk about it.

He’d been wrong before.

***

After dinner with Alexander, Simon went back to his room and sat cuddling with Luce. Top Gear played on the tellie in the background. Simon’s mind from far from whatever game they were playing this round. Alexander was in his mind like a hurricane, upsetting everything: his balance, his thoughts, his world. Love, he was finding, took everything about relationships and gave it a new angle. He understood a bit more why Luce put up with James. No one was perfect, and when a person was in love, they were meant to overlook their partner’s faults. Or at least not make a big deal of them. Love them for who they are, not what they can be made into. Simon smiled.

It would be nice to have Alexander there like he was with Luce. Holding him and drinking tea or a beer and watching a programme or film would be nice, while Alexander read. Some snogging and a little touching would be nice, too. Dinner had been great with Alexander. They’d talked and had wine. Simon felt the pleasant buzz from the rich red Alexander had pulled out to go with the steaks, which had been some of Simon’s best, he thought. If things kept going so well, maybe Alexander would twig how Simon felt for him. Something told him he’d have to make all the moves, though. Alexander’s reaction to being asked about relationships and if he was involved with anyone was enough to tell him he needed to take the first steps. He would take Alexander’s lead after that. He hoped he could.

Sitting there with Luce was nice. She laughed and made cutting remarks about the programme. Simon laughed along with her and made his own comments, but he kept going back to Alexander in his mind. Alexander had appreciated dinner, more than any person ought to really. It was as though no one had been kind enough to do something so simple for him in a long time.

Simon smiled. It had been a good evening. One he hoped he’d have more of as the weeks passed.

Around midnight, Simon found Luce’s head on his shoulder, eyes closed. Much as he knew she hated it, he adjusted her after turning off the TV and carried her to his bed. He took his t-shirt off and she wrapped up in it like a cherished blanket as soon as he set it down. He finished undressing and got into bed. Luce was odd.

It didn’t take long for Simon to start thinking of Alexander again: what he tasted like, what he smelled like, how his body would move shagging. There was so much of him: legs for days and the bits Simon hadn’t seen but were certain looked just as good without his clothing covering him.

And as soon as he closed his eyes, Alexander was there with him in bed, his body revealed only in ways Simon had fantasised about. His chest was smooth and right there for Simon to touch as much as he wanted. Simon reached out and ran his fingers down the dip in Alexander’s sternum. His skin was soft to the touch, not delicate, though – just the opposite. All that swimming had turned him into an immaculate specimen, hard and lean. His cock was hard, too. Simon could feel the erection against his thigh the way they lay in bed, close and yet almost too far away for Simon. Simon continued his exploration, down across cut abs and over the barest hint of pubic hair.

Simon breathed faster. He moved back up and ran his hand across Alexander’s chest, his nipples. They were already hard, and he watched in a haze as Alexander’s chest rose and fell, just watching Simon touch him, breathing like he didn’t know if he was going to sink or swim in an ocean of them. Little tremors ran under Alexander’s skin where Simon’s hand lay. Simon moved lower, over his navel, and found the vee where hips and groin met, trailing his fingers over the jut of hipbone. He avoided Alexander’s cock, hard and perfect. He wasn’t done mapping the rest of him for his fingers and palms to remember. He wanted this imprinted in his mind, something he could come back to and feel with every sense.

Alexander smelled like tea and old books. Simon inhaled and nuzzled the juncture of Alexander’s neck and shoulder, his nose tickled by stray hairs. He smiled and kissed the column of skin exposed by Alexander’s head hanging back and begging for it.

He tasted like soap and warm water – so clean and fresh, like he’d bathed just for Simon before coming to bed with him, naked and so gorgeous Simon could barely breathe.

“Simon… Please, Simon.”

Simon got harder, hearing the breathy tone of his name and Alexander begging in his cut-glass diction. He lost all ability to think, just follow his hands as they brushed straight collar bones and defined shoulders that were like something out of one of Alexander’s classics books. All Simon wanted to do was touch him. Feel the way Alexander reacted to Simon’s hands on him. And he hadn’t even tasted his mouth yet.

Simon pressed forward and tilted his head to the side. He brought his lips a breath away from Alexander’s and stopped. Their noses touched, and the heat coming from both of them was flame-hot. He didn’t know which of them closed the distance, but their lips met. The kiss was tentative at first, like two school boys. Simon wanted to take over and give every part of himself to Alexander in that moment, through the connectedness of their bodies. Alexander moaned into Simon’s mouth. Their lips parted, and Simon eased his tongue against Alexander’s. They both moaned into the kiss. Alexander’s grip on Simon’s forearms tightened. He started breathing heavily. Simon couldn’t stop. Didn’t want to stop. Not now that he’d begun. He rolled his hips and continued kissing Alexander. The response was slow, but it came a little more with each kiss and swap to tongue against tongue.

“Please,” Alexander panted.

It was hard not to want to give in, but Simon wanted to feel every inch of Alexander. He pulled Alexander against him, hands tight on his arse. He moaned into Alexander’s mouth, pressing his lips to Alexander’s as their cocks touched for the first time. It was perfect, the warmth and hardness of Alexander’s arousal seeping into Simon like sweat and come. He arched, pressing his hips forward as he pulled Alexander closer, tighter. They both moaned. Alexander’s voice sounded strained and full of pleasure. It reached into Simon and pulled every string of arousal like he was a puppet to Alexander’s master. Then his breath hit Simon’s neck and he jerked forward. Alexander held his arms, leaving Simon stuck, unable to move, just hold on and listen to him make the most arousing sounds Simon had ever heard.

“Simon.” Alexander’s voice was lost in an abyss. Simon could only feel. He felt the fire in his belly and the strength of Alexander’s grip. They moved together, the rhythm growing faster and harder.

Alexander’s words became a blur of moans. Simon rocked harder, thrusting into Alexander, while he thrust back. They were both wet with pre-come and the start of sweat. He panted, trying to hold off from coming, but then Alexander made a noise that seemed to grab hold of his balls and the feel of hot come shot across his stomach and cock. Simon rubbed his cock through Alexander’s semen. Like a rip cord jerked, Simon tensed and stilled, pleasure coursing through him as his come joined Alexander’s. He was lost, panting, still rubbing with a languid roll of his hips against Alexander.

Simon woke up to the beep beep beep of his alarm. He groaned and felt the sticky remains of come in his pants. He reached across Luce to the pink alarm clock and turned it off. Five thirty. He got up and went to take a quick shower to clean himself up. It was cold, sticky and some of it crusty. He’d just have to take another shower after his run and opening the pool for Alexander.

Luce wasn’t kidding. He was screwed, and so far, not in the good way.

***

Simon sat on the sofa, Alexander next to him. The last two weeks, they had spent every night like this: watching a DVD after Simon made dinner. Alexander sat straight-backed as the film played, relaxing a little at a time until they both sat back against the sofa properly. Being around Alexander felt like being in a warm bath after taking Valium. Even though he seemed to be spaced out, he would ask questions every now and then or correct a gap in the story. Simon chuckled to himself.

Towards the end of the movie, Simon felt the brush of hair on neck and a soft weight on his shoulder. Simon looked to his right and found Alexander’s head resting on him, eyes closed, looking angelic. He looked comfortable. Simon reached for the blanket on the back of the sofa and covered them both. Simon didn’t want to wake him, not now. He turned off the TV and DVD player and settled in for the night.

In the morning, Simon didn’t move, even though he needed the loo. He didn’t want to wake Alexander. Doing this more often would be nice, he thought, trying to work out if it would happen again or if this was the only time he would ever sleep with Alexander.

Half an hour later, Alexander stirred. Simon smiled. “Morning.”

Alexander looked dazed. “Er.”

“Alright?”

He blinked a few times and looked surprised. “This is your room.”

“Aye. You fell asleep. I didn’t want to wake you.”

Pink spread on Alexander’s cheeks and he stammered an apology, his mortification obvious.

“It’s alright. Don’t worry about it.” Simon tried to be reassuring.

“I shall go to my room. You will want to…” Alexander made a vague gesture that must have meant ‘clean up and go about your morning’.

“Alexander, it’s okay. I promise. Come back for breakfast, okay?”

He nodded but hurried off, and Simon shook his head.

Simon went for his usual run and came back to take a shower. He couldn’t help smiling as he cooked breakfast. The image of Alexander blushing when he’d woken up kept playing through his mind on repeat. He loved seeing Alexander blush. There was no reason to be embarrassed, but he seemed to be, and Simon wondered if it was because he didn’t fancy blokes or he’d like it too much. He wouldn’t ask him – not yet, anyway.

When Alexander hadn’t come back, Simon plated some food and went across the hall. He knocked on the door; it swung open when his knuckles hit the wood. “Alexander?” He looked round and saw Alexander sitting in his chair, reading a book. “Oh, eh up. You didn’t come back. I brought you breakfast.”

Alexander went pink again. “Oh, gosh. I am sorry; I remembered a passage in di Rezza…”

And lost track of the rest of the world. Simon smiled. “It’s alright. Here. Eat.”

“You are very kind.”

“I wanted to do it.” Simon watched Alexander move to the kitchen to start tea in his haphazard way.

“Yes?” he asked politely.

“Aye. I hope you like it.” Simon set the plate on the table. “Fancy watching another film tonight? I’ll make us some dinner.”

Alexander looked at him, disappointment clear in his expression. “I am sorry, but, no. I am going out tonight.”

“Oh. Okay. Maybe another night.” He smiled, wondering if he was being brushed off. “Enjoy your evening. I’ve got to get to my office.”

Alexander nodded, and Simon went down to the office suite he shared with Luce. She was already there, which was a surprise, considering she slept for England.

“Eh up. So, Alexander spent the night last night. By accident.”

Luce blinked at him and her eye brows shot up, her expression demanding more details.

“He fell asleep on me while we were watching a DVD. I didn’t want to wake him up.”

“That’s too cute for this time in the morning.”

Simon chuckled. “I love when he blushes.” He sat down at his desk and looked at the schedule for the day. “You fancy coming over for dinner tonight?”

“I don’t like being the third wheel.”

“Alexander won’t be there.”

Luce beamed and started chattering away about what Simon would make for dinner, something involving gravy and chips and making sure he had chocolate.

Simon always had chocolate for Luce.