A Thousand Nights with You - 22. Walking in the shadows

Day 260

Felicia loves kitten. It’s not because she thinks they are adorable but because she thinks they are tasty, especially when grilled medium rare. She snared a tiny bobcat from our traps this morning. I thought it looks cute and Adam would probably love to have a pet. I think it’s a good idea for him to care for something. I don’t want him to grow up with all these doom and gloom.

But guess what? She skins the little creature even before I can ask her. I think she will make a pretty good infected. She’s such a pig sometimes. I bet she can eat way more than you do.

After the morning hunt, I listened to this radio talk show called the ‘Fringe’ that is really interesting. You can’t believe all kinds of crazy shit that’s going on in the world now. They interviewed some fundies staying at Atlantis (that’s what we call the floating cities), and they believed this plague is a will of God sent to punish men. They even think our war against the infection is an act against the divine will. I had a good laugh on that one. Feed them to your friends and see what they say about that.

Then there is one segment where they interviewed this guru from India which he claims that the cure for the infection is to have sex with one hundred virgin girls. If that is true, infect me anytime baby. He said that the viral load is highest in the reproduction glands when one just got bitten, so if you spread your seeds around it will spread itself so thin that your immune system will be able to beat. He is soooo graphic on the details that I almost jacked off to a radio show.

But the really interesting bit came when they talk about people in Congo who spotted dudes who can walk among the shadows of a horde undetected by them. They call them shadow-walkers. It sounds like an episode of X men isn’t it? But for some reason, these shadow-walkers are even more elusive than the yetis. They don’t live among people, they don’t eat people either. Occasionally they will steal things from the villages but that’s about it. They also call them ‘human ghosts’ because of the way they look, whatever that means. Maybe that’s why they didn’t want to live with people ‘cos everyone’s laughing at them. It’s easy to get a complex over your looks, if you know what I mean.

In the afternoon, I paid Grace a visit. I asked her about the progress of her research. She seems surprised by my interest in her work so we sat down and chat over a cup of tea. Grace doesn’t know about you yet and I like to keep it that way. I don’t need to hear anymore ‘condolences’ from people. There is nothing to feel sorry about.

“So, what makes you come all the way up here out of a sudden?” She sits down on the sofa, crossing her legs like an interrogator. Am I so easy to see through?

I didn’t really want to tell her too much about what I was thinking or she’ll think I’m crazy too. So I made up some story about one of our neighbours is really interested in all these medical stuff and asked me about. I told her that I wanted to impress her so I ask the guru herself. I’m smart right (ha)? Grace gave me this look that’s somewhere between a sneer and a confused look, but she bought my inane reason anyway.

We sat down and chat for about an hour. She told me that there is no cure or vaccine for now because the parasite mutates the host’s genome to such an extent that normal anti-biotic doesn’t really work. At first I was a little confused, and then she explained to me like I’m an idiot (Oh shut up, Dan). She found it really amusing when I was taking down notes and stuff.

Then she said our anti-bodies are like little policeman that keeps off any microbial invasions. That’s why a normal wound turns red and swells. Inflammation is a sign that your anti-bodies are at work. The virus tricks your immune system into thinking that it’s part of the immune system because it kills off all other pathogens. And that is why a bite wound caused by an infected is never inflamed. You don’t have to clean it, disinfect it or anything. Over time, your immune system is being replaced by the virus, which does a better job at killing other pathogens and healing wounds. For that reason, whatever cure they developed will also kill the host because shutting down the virus will also shut down their only functional immune system.

What about the people who are immune? The shadow-walkers? She stared at me like she can’t believe I actually said that. Her eyes rolled all the way to the back and said that if I want reliable information, I should listen to the ‘World Network’ instead of the ‘Fringe’. But I didn’t care. All these scientists were the one who said there is a vaccine and they got all wrong about the whole virus-parasite thing. Who knows they might be wrong about this one. Isn’t that so, Dan?

Now that I know you’re alive, I will be able to track you down. I hope you don’t look too different or I’ll have a hard time recognizing you. I will bring you home, one way or another.

***

Day 263

Where are you hiding, brother? I searched every hours, perch on every tree top, checked every of the infected faces with my binoculars and I still couldn’t see you anywhere. Of course, it is really hard to spot a face when there are about a million of them down at the mountain.

I almost had to go up to them, tap their shoulders and go, “Excuse me, can you turn around so that I can have a good look at your face?”

Today, the iron lady yelled at me for disappearing for two days and leaving Adam all to herself. At first I thought I could count on her for some moral support. I mean she did go out with me to search for you the last time. Now she thinks I’m crazy like everyone else. She said that I need to move on now that we knew what happened to you. Even if you hadn’t died, you would be one of them. It won’t be you any more.

How can she be so sure? What if Grace finds a cure one day and save you. I will have to bring you back before someone shoots you or something. Try to stay alive, Dan, and try not to eat too many people. It’s bad for your digestion and it gives you a big tummy. That will be really gay.

I’m heading off to her holy Grace and see how she’s doing with her research. Maybe she had already found a cure?

***

Day 267

That blooooody woman!

She actually tipped off the guards and now I can’t get off the mountain from the tree exit anymore! They cut off the undergrowth so now I can’t get to the trunk unless I’m Spiderman. To think that I have my search plan all sorted out. How can she do this to me? And here I thought she’s cool for a chick and all, but she has to pull all that guilt about Adam and stuff.

I told her she’s not my wife or anything and she goes yeah, but I’m Adam’s Dad. I don’t know what’s with women and their guilt trips. They always make you feel bad about everything. It’s not like I’m going out partying or what, I’m going out to look for you! My brother!

It’s a good thing you’re a gay boy, you don’t have to put up with all these woman thing. Wait a second – maybe you are the one giving Mark all these shit. It will be so funny to see you get all wifey on Mark but I don’t think you’re the nagging sort.

Anyway, Felicia and I are not on talking terms. She said I’m childish and I’m like, “First you call me crazy and now you say I’m childish. Make up your mind!”

And then she goes, “It’s for your own good! We barely made it back the last time.”

Jesus. For my own good? Seriously? Now I know why she doesn’t want to be my girl because she wants to be my mom! If all women are like that I think I want to be gay too. If only guys can grow a pair of tits or something. That will be so cool. Or if I’m into nice asses like Mark, he’s a big fan of Megan Fox do you know that? She has some nice caboose I must say. I think you stand a good chance brother, just work on those butt of yours (ha).

So I went to the barracks, hoping to get a peace of mind and hang out with Pete. It’s his off day and he’s the only one who doesn’t get all preachy on me. The guy knows when a dude needs his silence and his space. It is his off day and I spend most of the day drinking with him at his den. Their mess is a pretty decent setup, they got TV and cards and all. Grey wasn’t around today, he just got promoted to be a Lieutenant and so he’s a busy man, planning patrols and sentries and all. Guess who else got promoted and was on TV? That’s right, Colonel-fucking-Walters and Major shit-face Craig. They are in the floating city now, and he gets a medal for holding out a black zone for so long. Can you believe that? They should try him for to be a war criminal or something instead.

Anyway, they are General Walters and Colonel Craig now, but I think you would rather call them General Whatever and Colonel Crap.

What do you think Dan? Do they sound tasty to you?

***

Day 270

I can’t get off the mountain. I searched around for another way down but there is no other way. I tried scaling the steep slope, but it isn’t fun at all. The guards can see spot me climbing down with all that undergrowth trimmed off.

In the end, I sat by the cliff and watch the infected with the binoculars. I know you are out there somewhere. But there are so many of them around and looking for you is like looking for a needle in a haystack. And even if I find you, how am I going to get me back? You’re not going to bite me, are you?

God, I feel so tired. Wish you are around.

***

Day 271

I just got yelled at by Grace. God, I tell you that woman is scary. Here I was, showing interest in her research, seeing if she has found a cure yet. Her reaction is so over the top.

“JESUS CHRIST TRISTAN! YOU JUST ASKED ME THAT YESTERDAY.”

Fine, I did ask her yesterday. And the day before. And the day before that. But that isn’t the point. Everyone knows breakthroughs can happen overnight so I think it’s perfectly reasonable for me to ask, don’t you think? Even if she’s not making any progress, there is no need to get all defensive about it. I gave her some constructive advice on how to do her research. I’m not a scientist or anything but I have been reading up a lot and chatting with people about the infection. So it’s not like I’m totally clueless and don’t know what I’m saying. And you know what? Then she gets all ballistic and threw me out of her lab.

Sister Latoya offered me some tea and offered her condolences. Felicia had told everyone about your suicide note and told them not to encourage my ‘delusions’. I don’t want any pity from people or hear all that crap about your soul is in heaven even though your body is still on Earth. You’re just sick, and you need help, that’s all. They don’t have to support me or anything, just don’t stand in my way.

The rest of the day didn’t get any better. I went to look for Pete in the evening, and I found Grey instead. I was hoping to fish out some information from him so that I can find a way to sneak out and find you.

Pete’s on duty and Grey’s like heading out for a drink with this guy called Rogers and asked me to join him. And I did. At first I thought Rogers was one of the guys from his platoon but it turns out he’s some kind of shrink for the army boys. Many of them killed themselves after they lost their family and gave up on life. He thinks I’m being suicidal, going out on my own right into the horde to look for you. I’m like, what the fuck? In the end, I got up and leave.

After I went home in the late afternoon, I had a tiff with that woman. I got really mad at her for turning everyone against me. It’s like I’m officially bonkers in everyone’s eyes now. I am not being suicidal, I know the danger involved. But it’s my life to risk, not hers and theirs’. So, the two of us are so officially at cold war now.

In the evening, I went back to the cliff hoping to spot you in the crowd. When the sky gets dark, I didn’t go home even though I can’t see a thing anymore. We will just get on each other’s throats and I don’t want Adam to see all this shit we’re throwing out. Staying away from her might do us some good for now.

When I was about to leave, I saw something really interesting. Outside the Cathedral, I saw lights moving about. Someone is using lights, and right in the middle of a horde. That sounds like a shadow-walker isn’t it? Is that you Dan? Please tell me it’s you.

I didn’t go home that night, I stayed up until the lights went off and then I slept by the cliff, waiting for the first light and hope that you are still there.

***

Day 272

I… don’t know what to say about today. Strange things happened. I don’t know if it’s because I didn’t get enough sleep or I think too much about you. I feel a splitting headache for pretty much the whole day.

I didn’t sleep well last night. I kept thinking if I had really seen the light or did I imagine that. No way will the horde miss that from a mile away. And even if they somehow did miss that, I kept wondering if it is you. But you are one of them now, right? That means you can’t use flash lights and all.

This morning I woke up at first light and the first thing I did was to pick up the binoculars and search for the spot where I saw the lights. And I thought I saw you. You were huddling someone to sleep by the roadside outside the convenience shop. I think its Mark but I’m not sure. Both of you look so feral that it’s hard to recognize. He has a full beard on and both of your hairs are so long.

I rubbed my eyes to make sure if I’m seeing things. I wiped the binoculars lenses to make sure it’s not playing tricks on me.

You look different.

You don’t look like one of us, but you don’t look like one of them either. Both of you look deathly pale, but you didn’t have those grey, mottled skin or have those black fungal scabs covering your body. But it’s hard to tell because of you are covered in filth and rags.

It broke my heart to see you like this, sleeping on the streets like a hobo. How can you not feel cold at all?

Then the strangest thing happened.

You seem to know that I’m watching you. Through my binoculars?! How the hell are you able to see that far? There I was, staring at you sleep, then you suddenly wake up like you know I’m looking and then you stared straight at me. That was super freaky.

Your eyes look so strange too. You didn’t have red eyes like the other infected yet you look so… different from us. It’s like your eyes are made of glass. You used to have those big brown eyes but now they look amber, it’s like molten gold or something. And your chestnut hair looks lighter now and so did Mark. It’s like someone has decided to photo shop you two and make you look two tones lighter.

Am I seeing a ghost?

Are you one of them now? Or still one of us? I really can’t tell, and it’s killing me. I never seen an infected used a flash light or huddle another to sleep. If none of this happened I would have thought you were one of those homeless drunkards with all that empty booze bottles lying about beside you. You two look like you just went partying and got yourself wasted, right in the middle of a street full of the horde and they practically ignored you! It’s like you are one of them.

None of this makes sense at all.

Just when I was already questioning my sanity, Felicia had to come in and ask me to go home. She didn’t come to pick a fight but I had to know if I am really seeing it. So I told her what I saw and she took the binoculars from me.

She said she didn’t see anything.

I asked her to look again, and again, until she is convinced that I have totally lost it. Right now, even I start to doubt my own sanity.

Am I crazy, Dan?

Or am I seeing your ghost?

Felicia didn’t scream at me for not going home. Instead she hugged me and I cried in her arms for a long, long time. I need to let it out before I get home. I didn’t want Adam to see me like this.

There is only one way to find out if I had really gone crazy. I need to get down and see for myself. Please don’t go away Daniel.

***

Day 274

I finally found a way to get out of the mountain. It’s so simple that I want to slap myself for not thinking about it earlier?

Bribery. A little gift never fails to grease your way through. Anyway, I manage to buy my way out of the barricade with a hare I snared. The sentry guard is a new guy, starving and didn’t care if I come back alive or not. It’s the perfect arrangement. Felicia is going to kill me when she finds out but I don’t care. I can finally come out and look for you.

There is no way I can get to that street corner without getting swarmed. There are so many of them that I can only get near to the houses on the street behind it. I found a flat roof bungalow and I climbed up to check out the place with my binoculars.

I didn’t manage to find you, but I found something interesting instead. My heart almost leapt out of my chest when I saw the sign I made on the wall has been tampered with. It’s like someone had been tracing their fingers around the big ‘D’. Why would an infected be interested in that? It must be you, Dan. I know it!

Not only that, I checked out several other signs that I left behind, many of them have been touched as well. I used a chalk to write them so the powder will come off when it’s been touched. Who else will recognize these signs other than you?

I followed my gut feelings and went back to the house where I found your message.

And I was right! You were there, I know it. The signs had also been touched and I found two sets of footprints on the floor. Two! I know it has to be you because the other one must be Mark. So you two have been together all along? Are you guys married or something?

I’m so hyped up and excited right now.

Thanks to your muddied footprints, I followed the trail three miles down across the broken highway and it leads to a megamall. It’s one of those huge monster mall that sell everything because that’s the only place to shop like in a million miles or something. Is that where you’re hiding out? I wish I had brought some proper gear with me. A mall is bound to have a big horde in it and I don’t have enough powder on me to get in there and out safely. At such close proximity I’m not even sure if it will work.

Right now I’m sleeping on top of a tree on the branches. I can see the Mall from here with the fading light and hear the moaning from here as well. I have a whole night to think about how I can get my ass into the Mall in one piece and drag your ass out with me.

This is going to be a long trek but I’m so excited!

***

Day 279

Ok, I’m stuck out here but I finally figured a way to get in. I scouted the perimeter of the Mall building and found a long pipe up the roof on the back entrance of the building. There are infected almost everywhere but the horde seems to be thinnest at the car park area. The cars will give me some concealment. There are a few wandering in between the cars, but not so many that I cannot handle.

I haven’t eaten for days and I hardly got any sleep last night. I didn’t expect the expedition will get so long and all my supplies had run out. Thank God for the rain, I was so thirsty last night that I thought my throat is going to burn. But the rain might make the pipe all slippery and hard to climb. I feel so weak now. I hope I won’t fall off from the climb.

For a few minutes, I debated with myself whether I should head back and get some proper gear before I charge in. It sounds like the rational thing to do, but I’m not thinking rationally right now. I’m scared that you would wander off and I will lose your trail.

Damn you Daniel. Why must you make it so hard for me? If you had seen the sign, why hadn’t you come home? Are you really one of them now? Did I imagine all the things I thought I saw?

All right, here goes nothing.

If I don’t make it back alive, I hope you will find this Walkman and remember your brother. I heard that the infected are evolving and getting smarter. If that is true, maybe one day you might even think of me.

Ok, now I’m down the tree. I can’t talk when I get too near them. It’s about fifty yards from the bushes to the wall pipe. The infected here are all the evolved ones - which mean they are the black-skinned Olympic sprinter type, not the ones that will slowly march towards me. I figured that I have a few seconds to make a break for it before they surround me.

I can do this.

Ok. I’m going to make for a dash now. Wish me luck, Dan.

***

UPDATE: Fucking HELL! WHAT THE FUCK HAVE THOSE FRIENDS OF YOURS BEEN EATING? They are like fucking Einstein. They don’t just run fast, they are fucking hunting me like a pack of wolves.

Right now I’m stuck at the top of the roof and I do mean the top. I’m like on top of the water tank and there is a big crowd around it, trapping me here. How did they get so smart? I tried to get as far as to the pipe as I could and sneaked my way from car to car. I’m quite sure with the rain and the damp air they can’t smell me well, at least not all of them. But somehow they did. It’s like once one of them saw me the entire party came heading my way. How the hell do they even communicate?

I never knew I could run this fast.

I barely climbed up the pipe high enough before my legs are out of their reach. They shook the pipe, trying to force it off the wall. I was so fucking scared that I wet myself in my pants. I thought I would be safe once I reached the roof. But no. It’s like they figured out that I’m heading to the roof top, and they were waiting for me here! SHIT. I’m in so much shit right now. More are coming. The entire roof top is filled with them. There is no way I’m going to get off this roof alive. They are banging on the water tank now.

SHIT. I almost lost my balance. I’m so fucking scared. I don’t want to die.

OH MY GOD. One just tried to climb up!

I kicked it and it fell.

SHIT SHIT SHIT.

Please don’t let this be my last entry to you Dan. There’s so much I want to say to you...

What?

They… they suddenly stopped.

They just stopped? Like that?

And they are leaving? What the fuck?

No, wait. I see some coming. They are making way for it.

GOD.

Daniel, is... is that you?