A Thousand Nights with You - 23. Human ghosts

“Safe.”

That was the first golden word you said. It sounded like the bells from heavens. It wasn’t because that the infected are gone from the roof and I am saved from certain doom. It was because you are able to speak.

You know who I am.

That means you are alive. And I really mean alive as in you are still human. You have no idea how elated I felt at that time.

I try to hug you as soon as my toes touch the ground, but you stepped back and shouted, “NO.”

That really stung me. “What’s wrong? You’re not happy to see me?”

You shook your head and said, “Danger.”

Danger? As in I’m in danger from you? But your recognize me, and you just saved me from becoming their dinner. Why are you scared? The way you acted is like you have leprosy and you’re scared that you’ll pass it on to me.

There are so many things I tried to ask you but you wanted to get me out quickly. You said, “Mark keeping you safe. But not for long.”

Your voice is guttural like you are choking on your words when you try to speak in full coherent sentences. The deliberate way you look when you speak is as if you haven’t spoken for a long time and you are trying to remember how to do so.

Mark is keeping me safe? How? Then I suddenly remembered the infected just dispersed as soon as you entered.

“He… could talk to them?” I asked you.

You nodded silently.

“And you too?”

You nodded again.

Okay. I didn’t know what that means. But you are alive and you remembered me. That’s all that matters to me.

I followed the two of you quietly. Mark looks like he’s in some kind of trance and you are leading him around like a horse. I shuddered when we walked down the dark fire exit staircase with only your flask light illuminating the way.

I froze when I saw a cluster of infected lurking ahead, but you simply asked me to follow you. And I did. For some reason, they don’t sense me at all. It’s like I’m invisible. At first I thought you could command them or something, but it’s more you are tricking them that I don’t exist. How the hell did you do that?

We came out into the ground floor shopping area of the Mall. I couldn’t stop trembling from fear. Every inch and corner is packed with the infected. No one can walk into this horde without getting torn apart. Not even with powders. At some point, we have to literally squeeze through them. You and Mark flank me by both sides.

“Don’t talk. Move slowly.” You warned in hushed tones.

There is one super black infected that kept staring at us from the railings one floor above us. It has huge fungal scabs on his shoulders like General Walter’s epaulettes. It snarled at us. And for a moment, I almost wet my pants when the infected around us stirred. It’s like they smell roast pork in the air and they try to figure out where it comes from.

Then you snarled back at him. Mark looks up as well. Then everything went back to normal.

“Stay away.” You point to that thing and said to me. As if you need to tell me that. I know super-bad news when I see one.

After that, you brought me into a pharmacy store and pull down the shutters. I heaved a huge sigh when all those infected are finally out of sight. You point to the counter full of candy bars and said, “Food.”

Those candy bars must have been at least nine months old, but thank God for preservatives. These babies feel like heaven right now even though they taste like shit. I’m far too hungry to care. I offered you some but you refused it.

“Is this your hideout?” I peeled off the wrapper of another protein bar and you nodded.

“Funny. Then why didn’t you eat them?” Those foods on the racks obviously haven’t been touched until I came.

You shook your head. “Not our food.”

I almost choked when you said that. Then what is your food? I wanted to ask but I have a feeling that I don’t want to know. Both of you look pretty well-fed.

The only things that are looted from the pharmacy are the prescription drugs. I pick up a few empty bottles of Dormicum, Hypnovel, Versed and a box of morphine from the floor.

“Are you sick?” You didn’t even respond. Ok fine, dumb question. You obviously are sick or otherwise you won’t try to kill yourself. But why have you become a junkie.

When you didn’t answer the second time I asked, I realized you might not have heard me. Your eyes are unfocused, like you’re living in another world. Then I watch you suddenly snap out and then you feed Mark with those sleeping pills as if they were M&Ms. He practically downed half the bottle in one shot. I watched in horror when you tried to do the same for yourself.

“No stop!”

“MINE.” You shouted like a junkie being deprived of his fix. Your face was a mask of contorted pain. I released my hands from yours.

“I don’t know what you’re going through, Dan. But this thing will kill you.”

“It won’t.”

This is obviously not the first time you did this. I don’t know how you can survive dumping all that poison into your body without a stomach pump to save you. And as you down the bottle yourself, Mark’s eyes are starting to focus. He appears more lucid now. I am confused, he should be dead now, or at least foaming at the mouth. What have both of you become?

“Hi.” I put up a hand and greeted Mark with a tentative smile. I didn’t expect him to return the greeting but he can at least smile a little. Instead he looks at me like I’m a piece of meat. And I don’t mean that in a gay way. He is literally looking at me like I’m some prime beef steak. That was super freaky.

“Tristan.” He said as if he finally remembers who I am. But he’s still not smiling. More like… disappointment.

“Take all.” You point to all the food on the racks and indicate that I should pack them in and leave.

“We can share.” I offered.

And then you repeated, “Not our food.”

That’s right, why do I have to ask again. Then I remembered how Mark looked at me and it sends a shiver down my spine. You saw the look on my face and you said, “You need to leave.”

So, it comes to that. You gave me that look that say, now you know why.

I don’t know Dan, and I don’t want to know.

“Come home with me. Grace can help you. The two of you. Everyone will be super thrilled.” I said.

“No help, only danger. To us and to you.” Mark said.

That’s right. The rest of them won’t be too thrilled with your new diet and the soldiers will probably shoot you on sight, if not cage you up like lab rats. But my heart sank when you said I’m in danger from you.

“You will eat me?” I turn to you.

And your eyes are shimmering when you said, “I want to. I want to eat you the most.”

I nodded in acknowledgement, wiping a tear off the corner of my eyes.

“I’m sorry.” You said. Stupid ass. It’s not as if you can help it.

“Is… Is there anything I can do?”

You shook your head. I didn’t want this to be the last time I see you. There must be some way I can make myself useful.

“Do you need those?” I point to the boxes of sleeping pills.

“Yes.”

“What else do you need?”

“Booze. Morphine. Tranquilizers.”

I nodded. At the rate you consume, you probably have cleaned out all of the supplies in the surrounding areas. That’s probably why you came back to the estate, because everywhere else had been thoroughly scavenged.

From the way you reacted, I guessed that somehow those depressants are keeping you sane like it did for Grey’s wife. But Grace said she didn’t have the parasite in her, just the virus. That’s why she only gets aggressive and irritable, but I Grey said she never tried to bite him or anything.

At first I thought you are like her since you two is able to retain your minds. But then I notice you look very different from Elena. Her skin is grey but she got none of those fungal scabs. You are just pale – your skin, your eyes and your hair. Other than your super freaky eyes, you look almost human. And of course, Elena can’t do all things that you did as well.

I don’t know what’s going on but I believe those drugs are helping you to stay sane. So I promised that I will get them for you, one way or another and I will come back as soon as I can.

“Don’t come back.” You warned.

“Then how do I get them to you?”

“Throw them down.”

“From?”

“The cliff, the one you sat on every day.”

I smiled. “You were watching me?”

And you said, “Everyday.”

I know you will always be in there somewhere, Daniel. No matter how much you want to eat me.

Before we leave, I sneezed and shivered. Then I suddenly remembered I was wearing wet clothes all this time. I told you that I need a fresh, dry set of clothes or I will get pneumonia, if not rashes. We broke into a Gap store and looted a few sets of clothes at the same time.

“Don’t you want to get out of those rags?” I said.

“Not cold.” You said.

Winter might be over but early spring is still pretty chilly. I left it at that since you can get warm clothing any time you wanted.

After we got out from the Mall, I was glad that you offered to escort me home. Other than the danger, I’m glad to be able to spend a while longer with you. We took the valley paths and it is quite a detour but we hardly encountered any infected along the way. It’s like you are able to read their minds and know their movements.

You’re like one of those shadow walkers that I heard on the ‘Fringe’. Grace said the programme is trash and I shouldn’t take it as a form of reliable news. It’s like those old tabloid entertainment that feeds sensationalism and gossips. But smoke doesn’t come without fire right? Rumours must have some basis of truth, although it might get distorted or become misleading. I must find a way to contact the programme host. Maybe he can tell me something about the people who had encountered other people like you. Perhaps they might know a way to help you.

Along the forest trail, we encountered another one of those super-black infected and it has a dozen other infected following it. Some of them are the black ‘Olympic sprinters’ and some are the slow moving, grey mottled skin ones. It’s like the super-black is leading them, or maybe more like babysitting. It seems protective of his flock, like it’s nursing them to maturation or something. It reminds me of a mother hen.

At first I thought you are going to snarl at each other like in the mall. But both of you seemed to be caught by surprise.

The fear jolts into your face when you suddenly screamed, “RUN.”

There is nowhere safe to run in the valley so I climbed up the tree faster than a monkey does.

Mark pounced on the super-black infected, knocking him down with alarming speed. Then he tore off its arm right from it’s socket. Just like that. I can’t believe what I saw.

Even with only an arm left, Mark seemed to be frightened of it. He attacked the creature with it’s own arm. Swinging it about like a club, trying to keep a distance away. The other infected came straight for me, crowding around the tree and trying to uproot it or something.

FUCK. Since when did they figured out how to do that?

Then you went into a trance like what Mark did the last time at the roof top. And suddenly all of them become Dory and wandered off as if I had never existed. Then you wake up, broke a thick branch, hit the creature at the back of its head to distract it. And when it turns around, Mark stabbed the side of its neck with the jutting bones from its torn arm.

Immediately after the fight, both of you ran straight for the river and washed off all that blood and grime. You got off the river after soaking in it for less than a minute.

“Help me. Quick.” You said, raising both arms for me to lift what’s left of that wet tee shirt off you. Your fingers were twitching and you were struggling to pull down your pants. It’s like your fingers had become your toes. Then I remembered Grace said that the infected can’t perform complex limb and digit coordination.

“Go help Mark.” You said.

Both of you looked really scared and so I undressed Mark faster than I would undress Felicia. He practically tore his own clothes like the Incredible Hulk, having problems with the buttons.

“Alcohol.” You point to your bag and said to me.

I ran over and fetch it it. Instead of drinking, you asked me to pour it over your bodies.

“Don’t touch us.” You warned. And it’s not because you were shy. Both of you got all paranoid, checking each other’s crevices for any cuts and wounds. It’s like you’re scared of being infected, but I thought you already were? I wished I had paid more attention to Grace when she talks about her work.

After you got yourself thoroughly washed and disinfected that you allowed me to help you put on some clothes. You struggled with buttons and zips like old people with dementia or very young kids like Adam. It’s an irony that you can take a horde on bare handed but needed help with the most basic things. Shoelaces are the worst for you.

And I don’t know if I’m imagining it, but your body doesn’t seem to have changed one bit over the last nine months. You should be close to sixteen now, but your pubes and your pits are still as thin as Dad’s hair. No hair on your face either. It’s like your puberty got stunted or something.

Then when you lift the back of your hair for Mark to check for wounds, I can finally see the fungal scab. It’s right at the bottom of your skull where it connects to the spine. Unlike the rest of the infected who had it all over their bodies, there’s only a small one on each of you. It’s like the little guy is starving or something.

“You should cut it Dan. It’s dangerous.”

I was referring to your hair, not your scab. You thought otherwise, and you said, “We tried. It hurts.”

You gestured with your finger poking into your eyes to show me that’s how it feels if anything gets near that fungal scab. So it’s some kind of third eye for you huh? But anyway, that wasn’t what I mean. I was talking about your hair. The infected can grab your hair if it’s long.

You obviously can’t cut your hair when you can’t use a pair of scissors. It’s a good thing I took one of those shavers from the Mall and gave the two of you a good buzz cut. Now Mark looks like a marine and you well… you just look like a porcupine. I’m sorry Dan, I can’t resist that.

After the whole scare (which I don’t really understand what it was about), it was already nightfall by then. I made a fire to keep warm, and you made me perch on top of the tree to sleep. It is what I normally do when I’m out scouting anyway. But the way you said it is like you’re asking me to put myself out of your reach.

Mark went off into the dark to scout, while you stayed behind. Both of you seem to have a conversation of grunts and groans which I don’t understand a single bit. But I figured that you just wanted to be extra safe.

You are sitting against the tree, staring into the fire and seem to be doing that trance thing again. Whatever you call that.

“I missed you, Dan.” I said, thinking that you wouldn’t hear what I said. But you looked up from the fire, and stared at me.

And you said, “I try not to think about you.”

I wanted to ask why, but your face kind of answered that already. “So I’m just a piece of meat to you now huh?”

“You are my brother.” You said.

“A tasty one.”

“Very tasty,” You smiled, rubbed your tummy and said, “I want you inside here.”

I laughed. I found it funny even when what you said was literally the truth. But the way you rubbed your tummy is like you are saying you want me inside your heart. It was so sweet. But I said, “I hope you choke.”

You tried to show me a middle finger and then I laughed even harder when I see you struggling to do so.

“Too bad about your fingers. That’s how you do it.” I showed you the middle finger and you grinned.

It’s so nice to have you around, Dan. You’re the only one who understands my humour. I’m glad that we can laugh about all these. Life is a lot easier when you don’t take it too seriously. I know you’re struggling to keep me safe from others and from yourself. And I won’t make it any harder for you.

I get that we can’t be together, but that doesn’t mean we can’t talk or stay in touch. Maybe if you live by the foot of the cliff so that we can write notes to each other like we used to do when we were young. We got grounded into our own rooms when we caused too much mischief when we were together. Then we communicate by passing notes through the windows of our adjacent rooms so that Mom doesn’t know we’re still awake.

“I don’t suppose you can write anymore.” I asked. And you shook your head.

“Is… that why you didn’t pull the trigger?”

You nodded. You flex and curl your fingers to show me. It’s either you move all of them or none. It’s really like they were your toes.

“What happened after that?” I asked.

“Army came. We escaped. Don’t want to be like Elena.”

Is that why you’re afraid to come home too? You’re scared that they will cage you up and test on you like guinea pigs?

“Grace won’t do that, and the brass is a decent guy. He isn’t like Walters.” I said.

Then you said, “Uncle Kenny.”

Immediately, I understood what you are afraid of. Anything is justifiable in a war, so as long as you win it. There will always be rapes and brutality on both sides, but history always told it in favour of the victors. Dad’s uncle was a veteran – we grew up thinking that he was a hero. On his deathbed, he confessed to Mom about all the things he did in Vietnam. War is indecent. I can’t promise that he will be safe. That’s the reason why Grey rebelled against Walters, because he knew they would do anything to her if it means that we will win the war.

I watch you sit there quietly until the fire goes out. I thought that you must be sleeping. And here I am, up on tree, talking to you through a Walkman when you are only a yard away. One day, when you’re used to speaking again, I hope we can talk longer.

You weren’t really sleeping, more like hibernating. Your eyes are wide open and glassy, leaning against the tree opposite mine and leaning against Mark. The night is dark but your ghostly eyes can be seen like a jewel held under star lights. You look as if you are looking into another world - your real world.

And I’m not a part of it any more.

***

By day break, I am almost reluctant to leave. After all this shit I went through to find you, I had half a mind to knock you out and drag you home. Of course, your boyfriend won’t be too happy with me and would probably have me for lunch, literally.

For the past two days, I didn’t see you eat at all. But yet at the same time, you don’t look hungry or fatigued. I am not really surprised. I suspect the infected don’t feed because they need the nutrition, it’s like they are doing it to propagate. The way you describe you want to eat me, it sounds as if it’s an emotional hunger and that is the only way your body is able to express it now.

From time to time, you and Mark disappeared into the bushes, coming back only after half an hour or so. I wondered if you went to hunt for your ‘food’ or the two of you simply went for a quickie? Will you really eat people now? Are the two of you together now and you needed some private time? Does your dick even work normally? How much humanity is left inside of you, Dan? Am I the only one safe from you? Or will you have Grey or Peter for lunch without a second thought?

There were a million questions in my head but I didn’t want to waste the time I had with you by asking them.

“Jesus Christ. Fuck me.” I gasped when we reached the mountain foot. “Look at THAT!”

All the infected came out from their hibernation and swarmed against the barricades like a tidal wave. I took out the binoculars and watch the fight from afar. I saw Grey at the frontlines. The infected are stacking and pushing against the barricade of barbed wires and sang bags. The guards are lined up and shooting the approaching horde. Grey seems to be issuing out commands. I think he tried to pull off what we did at the Cathedral but it wasn’t working. The corpses fall off the cliff once it stacks too high.

“They are here.” Mark said to you.

It didn’t take me long to figure who is Mark referring to. The super-blackies. They are the only ones that really scare the two of you. And it also started to dawn on me why the Cathedral tactic didn’t work. The infected seems to be more organized this time. The first few waves always march up close to the edge of the cliff so that when the soldiers shoot, it falls off instead of piling up. It’s as if they were trying to make them run of out bullets. When the soldiers reload their weapons, the black sprinters charge up towards the barricade only to be shot at close range.

“What are they doing? You have to see this Dan.” I handed you the binoculars but you didn’t take it.

“Ramp.” You answered as if you knew what I saw.

“You can see from this far?” I asked.

“I see what the Hunger sees.”

“The Hunger? What the hell are you talking about?” You made it sound like all the infected is carrying some kind of GoPro and all of you are linked up or something. And what do you even mean by ramp?

At first I thought I heard you wrongly, then when I observed it happening a few more times. I realized what was happening. The black runners are charging and sacrificing themselves so that their bodies pile up become a ramp for the ones behind to crawl over the barricades.

This is fucking war tactics. I know the super-blacks are some kind of leader but this is crazy.

I am trapped down here while the fight was going. We made a detour and try to see if I can get back up from that giant redwood tree. Without the undergrowth as a solid hand hold, it’s risky to jump over to the steep slope. But it’s the only chance I have to get back up. I need to be there to protect Adam.

A few explosions occurred near the area. They planted mines while I was away and I could see the infected had their legs being blown off. It didn’t stop them at all. They continued to crawl on their bellies towards the mountain foot.

It appears the siege had been going on for days because they using civilian home-made mines. They can only maim, not kill the intruders. That means most of the military ammo had been used up and they are running mainly on DIY weapons and recycles. The Atlantis has a war time economy going, many ships and carriers have been turned into ammo and drug factories to manufacture supplies. But the air drops only come once a week and they can’t produce that many.

The infected are using sheer numbers to drain our firepower.

“Can you do something?” I asked. At that time, I didn’t think whether you would care about a society that you are no longer a part of. But if the barricade falls, everything else I hold dear will be gone.

“Too many.” Mark said.

“Please, Dan. Do something.” I know you can’t control a million of them with whatever voodoo that you are doing. There must be a limit. But I was desperate.

“Adam is up there. My son. You gave him to me, remember?” I begged.

You look dazed for a moment, getting into that trance. Then you turn to Mark, as if the two of you are somehow silently communicating before the both of you went into that trance together.

For some time, I didn’t know what was happening. Nothing seems to have changed. Then suddenly, the side of the cliff exploded and rocks tumbled down onto the roads. It seems like the army had aimed their mortars at the side of the cliff above the horde instead of firing at them. The rubbles buried many of them alive and sealed off the way up to the mountain. The infected can’t climb over the pile of rocks without falling off the cliff. After a few hours, the horde at the mountain foot finally dispersed and thinned out. Meanwhile, the soldiers clear out the corpses in front of the barricades.

Your face was ashen by that time. Both of you look completely exhausted. I didn’t know what happened or what you did. The feral look in your eyes is returning and I can see your lucidity fading away. The only word you can muster is, “RUN.”

I didn’t turn back.

The look on both of your face is enough to send me running. I’m like a playboy mag dangling in front of a sex-starved teenager. Ok, maybe more like a lamb in front of two hungry tigers. Whatever thing you did sapped out the willpower you used to restrain yourself.

I dashed like the wind, and the infected parted ways for me like the Red Sea did for Moses. I climbed over the stone rubble, raising both hands in case the soldiers mistook me for one of them and shoot. Luckily for me, Pete was there, and so was Grey. They recognized me and ordered the ceasefire.

“HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET ACROSS THAT HORDE?” Pete shouted.

A dozen muzzles pointed at me and at least four pair of hands restrained me while they strip me buck naked to check for any bite wounds. And when they didn’t, they look even more worried than before.

It was the strangest day for most of us. We had never seen such coordination from the infected. Not at this scale. I added to that confusion but they aren’t going to believe if I told them the truth.

Grey looked really spooked. He looked almost as pale as you. In fact, the whole bunch of soldiers who held the front line looked terribly shaken. Our defences are not meant to hold off such overwhelming force. But I suspected that wasn’t the reason why they were really scared.

The whole bunch of us got quarantined at the holding area before we are allowed to go back to our communes. Grace and her team of medics are inspecting us for wounds and bites and clearing the soldiers one by one. I can see Felicia holding Adam’s hand, waiting for me outside the fence. She looks like she’s going to give me a few tight slaps. Like in public. I had gone out for almost a week and she must be super pissed right now.

Grey offered me some water. He sat down next to me and asked me what Peter had asked earlier. How did I get pass the horde?

“I was sneaky.” I said.

“I saw you uphill from the cliff. They are parting ways for you to pass. What’s going on?” He said.

I had to think of a lie to tell him. I didn’t want him to know about you. Not yet. Being called crazy aside, I plan to steal the medical supplies from the army store. I didn’t want to give anyone reason to suspect it’s me. Besides, there are too many ears around here. I don’t know who I can trust other than the close friends we had.

“I’m powdered.” So, I said. Grey looks at me sceptically. And I quickly add, “like Marilyn Manson-powdered.”

Powder doesn’t turn me into Moses. It doesn’t work when you get too close to the infected and it certainly does not repel them. It was a lame explanation. But he bought it any way, seeing that there is no other plausible reason.

“Why do you look like you had seen a ghost?” I asked Grey.

He looked around, as if to check if anyone was listening. Then he said, “I… I thought I heard them spoke. It’s like their groaning suddenly sounded like a chant. And they are telling me to fire at the cliff. I thought I was hearing things. When I look up, I saw the pile of boulders sitting on top of the edge above them. And I ordered the men to fire at it instead.”

“Really?”

When Pete heard him, they chimed in with his loudest voice ever. “JESUS. You heard it too? I thought I went crazy!”

Then suddenly one by one, the frontline soldiers admitted that they heard it too. For a moment, they were relieved that they weren’t imagining it. Then as they talked, they got really spooked out by a million questions.

How could they speak?

Why are they telling us how to stop them?

Then they started to question their sanity all over again.

I was at a corner trying my best not to bend over and laugh my head off. So that’s what you and Mark did. You told them what to do through the infected that were attacking them! What a brilliant plan (prank?), brother. Those soldiers really shit their pants out there.

The ones further behind the barricade didn’t hear it through the moaning and shooting. One guy commented that those who are holding the line are probably in shock or something. Then I watch them bicker and argue. Some were confused, some were scared, but all of them looked like they needed therapy!

I did my best to keep up with a straight face when Major Payne came and raised an eye brow that almost reached his receding hairline while they were trying to explain what happened. Now they know how I feel when I had my sanity questioned.

After everyone was cleared and dispersed, I waited for the tight slap to come from Felicia. But it never did. Instead, she simply asked if I’m okay. And I said yes. Adam gave me a long hug there and then. It made me feel really guilty for neglecting him. Felicia is done with yelling, which I am grateful. Someday, I will tell her all about you, but not until you are ready to see the rest. They won’t believe me anyway.

Back at home, Felicia cooked me some nice, warm meals and boiled some water for me to soak in the tub. It’s the first time she is so wifey towards me and I really appreciated it. I was smiling throughout the dinner, and I didn’t realize I was doing so until she asked me why. I was glad to have found you, Dan. And I’m glad that I didn’t give up on you.

You still have those brains of yours. At least I know you are still the same inside no matter how you look now or what struggles you may be facing. You are still my brother, even though you want to have me for dinner and all. I swear I will find some way to help you. Right now, I need to figure out how to get those meds for you. Stealing from the army gets you hanged these days. No kidding. I have to be really careful about it.

Right now, I am lying on my bed. Thinking about the past two days and talking to you. I should return this Walkman to you, but I am scared that I will never hear your voice again.

Wait.

I had a Eureka moment - we can talk like this.

I will tell you all about my day and you can tell me yours through this.

The next time I smuggle the drugs and booze for you, I will pass this along as well. Make sure you say something and return this to me or I will hunt you down. Even a few groans will do. I just want to hear your voice from time to time.

Brilliant idea, don’t you think? Now you can’t call me dumb anymore. And we can keep in touch without you fussing over which sauce I taste better with. Till then, bro. Good night. Ek het jou lief too.