The World Beyond the Mirror - 7. Flames

Thanks to Wolfwriter and Mattie for editing/beta-ing! You guys are lifesavers!  Oh, also, I've given up trying to predict chapter lengths

Flames; flickering, crackling flames, were consuming the house, crawling up the walls to lick at the ceilings. My imagination filled in what my eyes couldn’t, and I ran to the bathroom door, pounding at it frantically as the fire alarms blared.

“Nate! Nate! The house is fucking burning!”

“What!?” I heard, muffled by the door, and the water stopped. “Stay away from the windows! Don’t go outside, I’ll be right there!”

The door flew open, but nobody was there.

“Nate?” I asked, panicking all over again.

“Right here,” his voice replied, sounding as if he was running to the window. The blinds closed, seemingly on their own, and I realized belatedly that he was invisible again. His clothes seemed to float as he put them on.

“Why can’t we go outside?” I asked, freaking out. “We’re gonna die in here! The fire… we’re gonna burn!”

Memories I wanted no part of flashed before my eyes, and I felt my entire body quivering with pent up energy and the need to run, to escape. I felt hands on my shoulders and I jumped, but Nate appeared in front of me, looking into my eyes.

“Stop,” he told me, his hands stable on my shoulders; the only unmoving things in my world. I felt my breathing calming as he looked into my eyes, and he gave me a reassuring smile. “Stay calm, OK? We’re gonna be fine, there’s no need to worry.”

I nodded sharply, still quivering, and Nate pulled me against him, hugging me tightly. I felt his hand rubbing circles on my back., and I took a deep breath, leaning against him and breathing in his calming scent. It helped me tune out the fire alarms, and I breathed out slowly, feeling Nate shiver at my warm breath on his shoulder.

“Sorry,” I said, squeezing my eyes shut for a second. “It’s just fire… the smell of smoke… I can handle it in bonfires, but this…”

Nate squeezed me tighter, his lips coming close to my ear to whisper reassuringly. “It’s OK,” he told me. “This isn’t like what happened to your parents. We’re gonna be perfectly fine, OK?”

I buried my face in his shoulder, trying to get control of myself, but Nate’s hand gently took hold of my chin and tilted my head up to look into his eyes again.
“OK?” Nate asked again, and I sighed in relief, calmed by the confidence in his eyes. Somehow, his lack of doubt that we’d be fine calmed the animalistic terror pulsing through my veins and I nodded, licking my lips.

“OK,” I agreed, closing my eyes for a second to try to block out the sight of the fire.

I took a deep breath, and my eyes snapped open in surprise as I tasted a faint sweetness on the air. My adrenaline-infused brain figured out what it was seeing far faster than it otherwise would have, and I found my eyes locked with Nate’s, his lips almost brushing my own.

The tortured look in his eyes made me realize how bad this must be for him; our bodies were pressed tightly together and his hand had slowly crept lower down my back without either of us realizing, until it had rested on the rise of my ass. My arms were around him, and I was clinging to him tightly, probably making it really hard for him to control himself. All this flashed through my mind in seconds as we looked into each other’s eyes, and I disentangled myself from his embrace, stepping away carefully.

Was he… was he going to kiss me…?

I wasn’t quite sure how I felt about that, but there were more pressing things to deal with. I was just thankful he'd been able to restrain himself as much as he had.

“Sorry,” I said. “That probably wasn’t helping you.”

He shook his head, the look of loss in his eyes at odds with the relief in his stance. “No, I’m sorry,” he told me. “I should be able to control myself, if you need comfort I shouldn’t be thinking about… what I’m thinking about,” he said, blushing. I could feel my own face heating up at what he’d admitted, and I couldn’t help briefly recalling that moment when he’d come back, when my world had lit up with joy and I’d thrown myself at him. It had felt so nice, tasted so good, and I shook my head guiltily, trying to clear the memory.

We’re in danger! I reminded myself, shaking my head again for good measure. My terror had subsided, thanks to Nate, and I looked back up at him and smiled in thanks. He smiled back before quickly checking outside the door.

“We still have a little bit of time,” he told me. “Want to hear our choices?”

I nodded, glancing nervously at the door, and Nate took a deep breath before he met my eyes.

“The better option, the safer one, is for you to walk out there. They don’t know you; deny you ever met me, and they’ll let you go. You can forget about me, and live a normal, happy life.”

I looked at him for a second longer, trying to understand what he’d just said, before it sank in.

“No!” I growled, shaking my head violently. “Not a fucking chance!”

Nate pleaded with me silently, his orange-pink eyes begging me to be safe, yet betraying what that would do to him. “Please Erin, think about it! The only other way is for you to give up your life here. You can visit this world as often as you want, but you can’t talk to anyone you knew, and you’ll lose any chance at a normal life. My world is hell, Erin. Please don’t doom yourself to that for me.”

“How do we get there?” I asked, ignoring him. “The smoke’s getting too thick; we can’t be here much longer.”

“Please, Erin,” Nate begged. “Forget about me and go. You can’t give up your whole life for a… friend.”

I paused, considering just how wrong that sounded. I could tell that it hurt Nate to even say it, but we didn’t have time to talk about it.

“You’re not just a friend,” I told him. “I’m staying with you.”

Nate opened his mouth, and I shook my head. Just then, the fire alarms cut off, and my eyes shot open again in fear.

“This isn’t negotiable. The fire’s gonna make it past that door soon, and then the smoke will come in for real. We have to go, right now.”

Nate looked guilty yet ecstatic that I wasn’t leaving him, and I winced internally, feeling terrible that he liked me that much. We had more pressing things to deal with, though, so I gestured for him to lead the way. He pulled me into the bathroom with him, closing the door after us, and he gestured to the mirror.

“This is your last chance,” he warned. “If you come with me now, you can never go back to the life you had before.”

My reply was drowned out by the next room over collapsing, and Nate pressed his hand to the large mirror over the sink.

“Think about this,” he pleaded, but I just glared at him.

“I’ve thought as much as I need to,” I told him. “There’s nothing for me here. Let’s go.”

Nate took a deep breath, his eyes conflicted, and then let it out. “Fine. When I say, jump through the mirror. Be ready for a drop.”

“Three.”

I waited.

“Two.”

A part of me felt guilty for leaving my foster parents after the house burned, but they wouldn’t care that I was gone once they got the insurance money for the house.

“One.”

I thought of all my friends, but none of them meant nearly as much to me as Nate. I liked them, but they hadn’t really known me, and I wouldn’t miss them for long. Maybe I could come back and leave them a note so they wouldn't worry. Even if I couldn't, no matter how guilty it made me feel, the choice was clear.

“Now!”

I jumped, not a doubt in my mind that this was the right thing to do.

My insides twisted, and it felt as if everything was inverted for a moment, and then I blinked, finding myself on the ground in the forest. I sat up, touching my head, and I relaxed a bit when I saw Nate beside me, getting up. He walked over to the tallest tree nearby, and then dug his fingers into the trunk, pulling himself up easily and leaving holes in the wood where his hands touched. I watched curiously, my mind skirting around how his muscles were rippling as he climbed, and when he reached the top, he looked around and shook his head. He came back down, using the holes he’d already made, and I met him at the bottom of the tree.

“There’s nothing nearby,” he told me. “We need to make another fire, and fast.”

“Why?” I asked, my curiosity finding an avenue that wouldn’t be blocked.

“We’re gonna need it, at night,” Nate said, his orange eyes a little worried.

“Cold, or something else?” I asked, a little nervous.

“Both,” Nate said, beginning to gather sticks. “I’ll keep watch; I don’t need much sleep anyway.”

I nodded absently, not really hearing what he’d said, and wandered off to get some firewood.

“Don’t bring back any plants this time,” Nate said. “They’re different, here. Rocks are fine, but stay away from living things.”

I nodded, paying more attention this time, and began.

I took the opportunity to explore, but there was nothing I could see that was any different from my… the other world. The trees were familiar, the landscape was nothing unusual, and the plants seemed to be the same. I trusted Nate, and didn’t touch any of them. As I searched the ground for sticks, I began to notice just how many animal tracks there were. They were all over, but there was no sign of any human footprints.

Not many people here, then, I decided. That fits with Nate saying it’s dangerous here, too.

My curiosity was insatiable, and I continued making observations, trying to figure everything out. Nate would warn me of anything dangerous, but I didn’t want to wait. I’d been suppressing my curiosity for way too long.

It’s necessary around Nate, I thought wryly. Enigmatic bastard. That sounded fond, even in my mind, and I shook my head, erasing the beginnings of a silly smile and grabbing a few more sticks. I carried the armful back to the clearing, and I saw Nate there nursing a small flame already, two rabbits spitted over the pile of wood. I put the firewood down beside him, on the pile he already had, and turned to go gather more. Nate reached out, as if to lay his hand on my elbow, but he let his arm drop before touching me, and he turned back to the fire, keeping his hands busy.

“Don’t go out there again,” he warned. “We have enough wood.”

“This is less than half of what we needed last night, though,” I protested.

He nodded. “These will burn better. Much better.”

“Why?” I asked, more for something to say than out of actual hope for an answer.

Nate smiled at me, remaining silent.

“Is it something to do with magic?” I guessed. “Maybe there’s magic in the plants, so that’s why you told me to stay away from them, and it could fuel the fire,” I pondered out loud.

“That’s a guess, right?” Nate asked, excited.

His happiness gave me a warm feeling, and I hated to crush his hopes. “Yeah, why not,” I said.

Wait, what?!

“Well, you’re right,” Nate said, disappointed. “As far as I know, at least.”

I smiled. Good, at least it worked out, I thought. If it didn’t…

I didn’t really know how to finish that. I didn’t want to think about what would happen if I kissed Nate again.

I focused on the fire, watching as Nate fed sticks to it. It was burning unnaturally high, and I studied the patterns in the flames.

“It looks like the magic is released from the stick when it heats up too much, and then the fire burns it like a gas,” I observed, awed.

Nate smiled, his yellow-pink eyes following me, gently amused as I looked around, re-evaluating everything.

“That means the magic isn’t ambient,” I realized. “It would burn, otherwise. The plants have to get it somehow, though,” I continued, my hand rising to a necklace I wasn’t wearing as I considered the mystery. I saw movement out of the corner of my eye, and I quickly smacked Nate’s hands away from his neck.

“It was a gift,” I told him. “I couldn’t take it back if I wanted to. Besides, it fits on you. I don’t know why, but I like that you’re wearing it.”

Nate shrugged. “Fine, I’ll accept the necklace as a gift, but whatever magic is inside is a gift from your parents, and that’s still yours. You can take that back whenever you want.”

I smiled. “Thanks,” I said. “What do you think is in it?”

I wasn’t ready to open it, anyway, but my curiosity wanted a consolation prize.

Nate shrugged. “A memory of some sort? I don’t know.”

“How would we open it?” I asked, considering the top of the silvery metal pendant where it was just visible above the collar of Nate’s shirt. The golden tan of his chest made the metallic sheen of the necklace stand out, and I bit my lip, reflecting on how differently Nate and I wore it. When I had worn it, I’d kept it hidden since it represented a secret I didn’t want anyone to know about, but Nate wore it proudly, a concrete representation of our… friendship. The small piece of metal had taken on new meaning, and it made me smile to see how even a necklace could change, redeeming itself over time.

He looked curious about what had made my lips curve, but I was perfectly happy to let him be the one with no answers, for once, and he seemed to realize it.

“I don’t know how,” he said. “I don’t know a lot about magic.”

I nodded, my curiosity zeroing in on the necklace again.

“I… I can’t be around people for very long,” Nate said, his voice uncertain and his eyes troubled. “They always find me. I… That’s why I don’t know much,” he told me, his hand rising to the pendant for reassurance.

I smiled, grateful that he would volunteer information and suddenly wanting to hug him. Knowing that my gift to him was his talisman in the same way it had been mine made me feel something that couldn’t be described with words, something that could only be defined as the desire to hold him close. I held back, knowing that I shouldn’t do it even though it was platonic.

“Thanks,” I said, trying to let my eyes show him how flattered and appreciative I was. “I know it’s hard for you to let go of your secrets. It means a lot that you’d tell me,” I said sincerely.

Nate looked thankful that I understood, and I could see his hands clench together so he didn’t reach out to me. His eyes flushed with pink, but there was a hint of the pained resignation I was beginning to dread seeing, purple seeping out from his pupils like blood in water. It physically hurt to watch a little bit of hope dying in his eyes each time this happened, and I had to remind myself that this would be better for him. Even then, it tore pieces from my heart to see the pain I was causing him, but what alternative did I have? All I had to offer him was a few days of exploration and then heartbreak when I inevitably realized that I wasn’t interested in him like that.

I shook my head, my contentment gone, and I peered out into the darkening forest to give myself something to do.

Before long, it was fully dark, and I sat down close to the fire, suppressing shivers even with the warm meal in my stomach. Nate sat beside me, as unperturbed by the cold as ever, and we listened to the orchestra of silence together. My mind wandered to what could be out there, but it didn’t take long for my thought chain to find its way to Nate. He was sitting next to me, close enough to easily touch, a peaceful look on his face as he gazed around the forest. I thought of what I knew of him, almost nothing, but I considered it as I watched him.

He’d lost his parents while he was young, like I had. He’d grown up here, in a world that was dangerous enough that he’d been afraid to bring me, and he’d been hunted. He couldn’t stay near people without the hunters catching up to him, so he must have grown up even more alone than I had. He never would have been able to survive on his own as a child, so he must have had someone, at some point, but he’d never mentioned them and it seemed safe to assume they were dead.

The people hunting him had been quick enough to burn down the house, and even if their plan had only been to get us outside into the open, it seemed unlikely that they only wanted to talk.

I felt a surge of protectiveness, and I wanted to go back to the other world and tear the hunters’ heads off. The realistic part of me knew that if Nate was running from them, I didn’t have a chance against them, but that knowledge didn’t stop me from wanting to make them pay. Nate wouldn’t have been easy prey, and I imagined that he’d killed more than one of the hunters. I’d never been a particularly violent person, but that thought was satisfying. Anyone who could participate in turning Nate’s childhood into what it must have been deserved it.

I examined Nate again, wondering how a background like that could have shaped a person like him, but there were no answers to be found in the handsome profile of his face. My eyes roamed down, studying him, and I could almost read him: the story of hard training in the definition of his arms and torso, a tale of endless flight in the strong muscles of his legs, a saga of travelling under the sun in the tan of his skin. I couldn’t deny the attraction I felt when I let myself look at him like this, and it scared me a little bit. I turned my examination inwards, trying to figure out what exactly scared me about it, and my eyes absently landed on Nate’s necklace. I smiled, distracted by how good it looked on Nate.

I’d like to see him wearing nothing but that necklace, I thought, surprising myself. I could feel a blush rising over my face, and I looked down at my interlaced fingers to distract myself as I thought about why I avoided thinking things like that. If I’d had that thought about Georgia, I wouldn’t have blinked, and I’d occasionally wondered what some guy looked like naked without throwing myself off. Nate seemed to be different, though. Any type of affection with him scared me, and I considered that. I had a problem with being close to people; I knew that. If someone started to care for me, I got uncomfortable and distant, because I’d already learned, more than once, that love was pain. I didn’t have any problems with physical attraction, except when it came to Nate. Could it be because a part of me knew how easily I could fall for him, so I was subconsciously trying to protect myself? The thought scared me. I looked at Nate again, studying his face. There was definitely attraction there, and it was getting harder to keep telling myself it was a phase. Nate liked me back, there was no question about that, and maybe, just maybe…

***

I looked around again, checking to be sure nothing was sneaking up on us, and I was surprised to see Erin awake and watching me.

I thought he’d be sleeping.

His face looked conflicted, and worried, and… hopeful? I wanted to ask, but now wasn’t the time for talking. Breaking the silence would ruin the peace of the moment, and Erin could sense it too. I gave him a gentle smile instead, and his eyes were unreadable as the corner of his lips quirked downwards in thought. The look of curiosity on his face was familiar at this point, and it was almost habit to catch myself before I reached out for him. I loved the slight wrinkle of his brow, the way he bit his lip when he was really deep in thought. He was just so damn cute! When that worry appeared on his face, I wanted to touch my finger to his soft lips and hold him close to me, cuddling his fears away.

I knew I was head over heels for him, but I couldn’t help it. He’d captured my attention the first time we’d met, with that necklace, and once I’d seen him, it had taken me far too long to compose myself enough for my eyes to be presentable. He’d taken that initial attraction and expanded it far beyond the physical, and for the first time since Wolf had died, I’d had something to keep me back from risking my life. I had a reason to keep living, one that was more than just inflicting the most damage to my enemies as I could before I died. When I’d left to kill that bastard, I’d been terrified that I’d never see Erin again. My chances hadn’t been good, and in a moment of weakness, I’d kissed him, wanting to have at least that if I was going to die. It had been amazing, more than I’d imagined the simple touch of lips could be, and even though I felt guilty about doing that to Erin, I didn’t regret it. He was the only person I’d have chosen for my first kiss anyway. It had been a beautiful moment, before Erin’s shock began to wear off, and then I’d fled, too ashamed to see his reaction, afraid of the disgust, the anger, that would be on his face. I hadn’t wanted to die with that on my heart.

When I’d survived and came back, after finally escaping the enemies I’d made by killing that bastard, I’d remembered noticing him in that building when I ran by that first day. I’d gone there, for lack of a better lead, and I’d seen him, right where he’d been before. Even the desolate look on his face hadn’t been able to ruin my happiness at seeing him again, and I’d drawn a heart in my excitement. The dead look in his eyes as he stared through me had crushed my heart, but watching the Erin I knew start to fill the lonely shell of a person that was sitting in the room full of people had made me so happy I’d let my invisibility slip for a moment. The flash of recognition in Erin’s eyes told me I’d been visible for too long, and I’d been worried, because my eyes must have been yellow or pink, and if anyone talked about a strange-eyed guy flashing in and out of visibility it would give me away. The elated joy that Erin had shown had made me forget, and I’d hurried to our bench to see him.

The run there had been nerve-wracking, as I thought about all the things Erin could hate me for, and I’d expected anything but what had happened. I’d been ready for him to punch me, I’d been afraid that he’d tell me he never wanted to see me again, but… his kiss had blown my mind. The feel of him on my lap, our lips locked, was the sexiest thing I’d ever encountered. The whole bus ride, there’d been nothing I wanted more than to touch those lips again, but I’d held back. When we’d gotten to his house, though, he’d thrown up walls, and he’d maintained them ever since, except for a few cracks. He was making it clear that he didn’t feel the same way I did, while trying not to hurt my feelings. I longed to feel the touch of his lips again, but I never would, and I was gradually beginning to understand that, as painful as it was. I couldn’t ever have him in the ways I wanted, so I would force myself to be satisfied with having his friendship. It was more than I deserved, and any friend, let alone Erin, was something I’d never expected.

I looked back at Erin, and I saw he still looked conflicted. Whatever he was thinking about, he hadn’t found any answers yet. He met my eyes, and I didn’t bother to hide. My feelings for him would be obvious in the pink of my eyes, so there was no point in pretending. Erin smiled as he studied me, the small crease of worry disappearing, and I returned his smile, pleased that he’d come to a conclusion he was happy with, whatever the problem was. It took all my willpower to hold my hand still, and I looked away, off into the forest, to give myself time. I closed my eyes, trying to get control of myself, but they snapped open again as I felt warm skin under my hand. I moved to snatch my hand away from him, but I realized that I hadn’t moved. It was his hand that had sought out mine, and his fingers that had entwined with mine, sharing their warmth. My eyes followed his arm up, past his shoulder to his face, but he was looking at our hands, the satisfied smile on his face at odds with the shocked look on mine. He scooted a little closer to me, and leaned against my arm, resting his head on my shoulder with a content sigh. My head moved without my mind directing it, resting gently on his, and it felt right. I was still too shocked for words, but words weren’t what were needed, so I sat with him, reveling in the feel of him so close to me as we waited out the night.

The mystery he was thinking about… I was his problem! He was thinking about me! He likes me!

I was filled with happiness, and I tilted my head to lay a shy kiss on his hair. Erin snuggled a bit closer to me, and I looked down at our interlocked hands again, loving how they fit together so perfectly.

I smiled happily, and we kept silent vigil for the rest of the night, me trying to wrap my mind around the fact that this soft hand in mine, this warm body pressed against me was Erin, the guy I wanted more than anything.

Maybe… maybe bringing him here… wasn’t a bad thing?

Quick explanation for why the posting stopped: Rano (the regular editor) is having internet problems, and has been for a while now, so even though there's a lot written, there's nobody to edit/beta That's where Wolfwriter and Mattie stepped in, and thanks to them the posting should be progressing again Thanks for your patience!