The World Beyond the Mirror - 5. Pine Needles

I didn’t find the loud, insistent beeping of the alarm nearly as annoying this morning, and I quickly realized why when Nate hugged me closer to him, burying his face in my hair and grumbling wordlessly. I reached over and turned off the clock, and then settled back into Nate’s embrace, pulling the covers up further to ward off the cold.

“Are your cuts healed?” I asked, not wanting to leave the heat of his arms for long enough to check.

“No,” Nate said, kissing my hair. “Want to watch?”

I was starting to get uncomfortable with another guy holding me like that anyway, so I sat up on the edge of the bed, shivering a little bit as I hid my morning wood and looked at Nate. He rolled onto his back, pulling the blanket down so I could see the extent of the cuts. Some of these were way worse than they’d looked before, in the low light, and I winced in empathy as I took them all in.

“Watching?” he asked, and I nodded.

The cuts closed.

That was all. There was no flash of light or anything, just the skin flowing back together. It all happened in under a second, and I put my hand on his chest, looking for any remnants. There weren’t any, and the softness of his skin over the hardness of his muscles was starting to get to me, so I took my hand off.

“Something tells me that asking would only get me a cryptic answer,” I said, smiling slightly.

Nate grinned. “Then take a guess,” he suggested.

I shook my head. “Not until I know what happens if I guess wrong,” I told him.

He gave me a small, mysterious smile, his eyes a mesmerizing mixture of green, yellow, and pink, and I laughed, shaking my head.

“Nuh uh,” I said. “There’s no way you can make me guess, other than telling me the stakes.”

“How long can you resist your curiosity?” he asked teasingly, flickering in and out of visibility to make me even more curious. “Sooner or later, you’re gonna crack, and the longer you wait the more expensive the answers become.”

I smiled. “There,” I said triumphantly. “That’s one rule. All I have to do is wait, and you’ll tell me all the rules to this game.”

“Who says the rules don’t change over time?” he asked, pretending disinterest as he studied the ceiling.

“They don’t,” I replied confidently.

“Is that a guess?” he asked, grinning wolfishly.

I nodded, smiling slightly. “This one’s easy enough that I’ll take the risk,” I told him.

He grimaced. “Damnit, why’d you have to be right?” he complained. “Couldn’t you have guessed something else?”

I smirked. “No. I have no intention of losing.”

“Oh come on,” Nate said, the yellow and pink in his eyes fighting for dominance. “Can’t you let me have one victory, if only for my pride?” he asked, joking.

“I might, if I knew what that would cost me,” I said, smirking.

“Fine,” Nate said, giving me a small, secretive smile. “You took one guess, so I’ll give you one answer. The next question you get wrong will cost you a kiss. After that, it goes back to the normal penalty.”

“You’d take advantage of my sexuality crisis?” I asked, affronted.

Nate grinned, knowing I was mostly joking. “It’s gotta be a real kiss, though,” he continued. “Not a short one with no tongue.”

I nodded, understanding.

“So?” Nate asked, anticipating my guess.

I smiled mischievously. “What?” I asked innocently.

He glared. “You’re not going to take a guess, are you?” he asked, already knowing the answer. I watched as a bit of purple rose to the surface of his eyes. “Shit. I walked into that."

I nodded, smiling as I silently agreed. “I’m missing school right now,” I observed, changing the subject, and I found I didn’t care as much as I should. “They’re gonna skin me alive when I go back.”

“Then get back in here,” Nate said, lifting the covers so I could climb back into bed with him.

I shook my head. “I’m still not sure about…” I trailed off, not sure what to say.

Nate nodded, understanding. “I’m not trying to pressure you,” he assured me gently. “I’ll take whatever you can give.”

I frowned slightly, feeling guilty. “I’m not sure if I’ll can give… anything, though. Nothing feels certain about this, and it’s all confusing.”

Nate nodded again, sad but unsurprised, and gazed at the roof again. “I know,” he said quietly.

“I just… I don’t even know if I’m gay, or bi, or just bi-curious and straight,” I told him, running my hand through my hair in frustration at not being able to convey my meaning. I looked back over at Nate, and found him watching me, his eyes unreadable. They had turned a purplish orange, but there was a persistent pink tint. I looked down at where my hands were clasped nervously in my lap.

“I… If nothing else, I… I like you,” I told him. “I don’t really know what I mean by that, but… I like you.”

Nate gave me a faint smile, a little bit of the purple being replaced by more pink, and I shook my head, trying to clear it.

“Sometimes, it all feels so easy, and I don’t need to understand. Now, though, I don’t think I can go any further. Nothing makes sense, and I’m afraid that by the time I figure everything out I’ll have gone too far to turn back, if that’s what I need.”

Nate nodded, telling me he understood, and slid out from under the covers to sit on the edge of the bed with me. He moved as if to put his arm around me comfortingly, but then stopped, realizing what he was doing, and clasped his hands between his knees, as if he needed to keep them locked down. He gave me an apologetic half-smile, and I returned it, standing up and walking over to my closet. I grabbed clothes for both of us, and turned to him questioningly. His eyes rose to meet mine, and I blushed as I realized he’d been admiring my ass before I turned. The flush of red into his face was matched by the orange into his eyes, staining the dark pink, and I gave him a smile to show I wasn’t angry.

“Do you know how to use a shower?” I asked, suspecting I knew the answer.

Nate shook his head, looking down at his interlaced fingers, and I walked into the bathroom.

“I’ll show you, then,” I told him, waving for him to follow. As he walked in, I pointed out the knobs and explained what they did. He learned quickly, and I turned to leave. “Is that everything you need, then, or is there anything else?”

He visibly refrained from giving me a longing glance, and a part of me wanted to accept the invitation he was trying not to give, but the rest of me was too afraid of the consequences. I walked out and let the door close behind me, hating it but knowing it was better for both of us. I sat on the bed as I heard the shower turn on, and I began to think.

Nate was attracted to me. I knew that, and it made me feel conflicted. I knew I liked him, but to be brutally honest, I’d never had a friend that knew more than the fact that I didn’t live with my real parents. The feelings I had for Nate could just be friendship, mixed with my curiosity making me want to experiment, and if that was true than I didn’t want to get his hopes up. I’d kissed him, but now I knew that I couldn’t lead him on anymore. It would be wrong, and unfair to both of us. I sighed, and I heard the shower stop. The door opened, and I looked up reflexively. Nate was standing there, wearing just the boxer-briefs I’d lent him. I hadn’t looked when I’d grabbed them, and now I saw that they were one of the smallest pairs I owned. I could see the outline of every muscle through them, and there was an obvious bulge in the front, where he was packing a good-sized member, if the flaccid size was anything to judge by. I’d seen lots of other guys naked at the gym, and we’d been in our boxers just now and I’d been fine, but for some reason, I couldn’t take my eyes off him. There were still rivulets of water flowing down his muscular golden chest, and I noticed that he hadn’t bothered to use a towel as the droplets traced paths down the light fabric of his boxers, making it almost see-through in places. I got up and walked towards the bathroom, trying to keep my gaze waist-up, and I could practically feel the heat radiating off his body as I walked past where he was holding the door for me. He gave me a slight smile, his eyes a darker pink than usual, oblivious to what he was doing to me, and I tried to return it without giving away the turmoil inside me.

“Thanks,” I said, my voice quieter than I’d meant it to be as I slipped past him, avoiding contact as if the warmth of his skin would burn me, and walked into the bathroom. I heard the door close behind me, and Nate’s muffled reply came from the other side as I dropped my boxers and turned on the water. I stepped in, shivering as the freezing cold water soaked me, and I quickly washed myself, pointedly ignoring my cock, which was shamelessly begging for my attention. I had no idea what Nate was, or what he was capable of, so I didn’t want to masturbate in the room next to him. He wouldn’t deliberately spy on me, but if he had really good hearing or something, it would be awkward for both of us. I stepped out, taking a moment to enjoy the feeling of being clean, and dried off before putting on the clothes I’d grabbed. When I walked into my room again, Nate was lying on his back on the bed, fully clothed now, his head dangling off the edge and his arms stretched behind it as he toyed with the faded grey carpet.

“So what do you want to do today?” I asked, sitting down next to him and watching his nimble fingers as he managed to tie and untie knots in the short strings. “I’ve already missed enough school that it’s not worth going back.”

“That’d be an easy question to answer, but I’m guessing it has to be something you’d be into too, so that narrows it down a lot,” he said absently, still playing with the carpet. “I don’t really know what there is to do here.”

“We could go bowling,” I suggested.

He tilted his head up, looking at me curiously. “What’s that?” he asked. “And more importantly, does it involve people?”

I nodded, grimacing. “Let’s go hiking, then,” I proposed.

He smiled absently, amused at some private thought, and hummed his agreement since talking looked uncomfortable in that position.

He craned farther backwards, so he could reach the other knots he’d left and untie them, and his shirt pulled up slightly, drawing my eyes. The small, tanned sliver of skin that came into view glistened with water from his shower, and I reached over, tickling it. Nate made a strangled noise of protest, halfway between a laugh and a cry, and rolled away, out of my reach.

I laughed at the glare Nate gave me, his yellow and dark pink eyes making it eerier than he meant it to be, especially with the thin black outline around them that made them far more intense, and he cracked, giving me a small smile as he sat up.

“Sorry,” I said, returning his half-smile awkwardly.

Fuck! I thought, berating myself. Why did I do that? I’m just teasing him, and I’m being an asshole.

Nate’s eyes held mine for a moment, fascinating me with the swirls of yellow draining out and being replaced by pink, and I blinked, trying to break free of their spell. I had no trouble, when I saw Nate’s expression. The corners of his mouth were turned up in a gentle smile, and his eyes were filled with a soft adoration. His hands were clasped between his knees again, and it was obvious how much he wanted to reach out and touch me, press his warm fingers against my cheek…

I cut myself off from that line of thought sharply, forcing my thoughts back to the initial alarm I’d felt, the caution, the regret. Nate was falling for me, slowly, but it was evident in the content way he looked at me, the way he had to restrain himself to refrain from touching me, never sexually, but a gentle hand on my elbow, or a slight touch on the hollow of my back. I hadn’t realized it before, but in retrospect, it was obvious, and I hated myself for leading him on.

I realized I’d been staring at my hands, folded in my lap in a similar pose as Nate’s, for too long now, and I glanced at Nate awkwardly. He smiled at me, and I didn’t miss how he dug his fingers into the backs of his hands, keeping them there.

I stood abruptly, not knowing what else to do, and walked towards the door.

“We’re leaving now?” Nate asked, surprised, and I nodded, trying to relax.

“Why not?” I asked simply, and Nate’s half smile returned. I turned, feeling dumb for walking towards the door, and grabbed my shoes. Once our footwear was in place, Nate disappeared and we walked through the house to the back door. I made sure not to let Nate see how I senselessly worried that he was gone, 'cause I knew he’d reassure me by touching me somehow, and that wouldn’t help him get over me. I was still confused about everything I was feeling, and how to interpret it, but one thing I was sure of was that Nate deserved far better than plain old me. The faster I could make him bored of me, the less of this torture I’d have to put up with.

I walked into the forest in the backyard, not following any trail yet knowing where to go. I’d explored this forest fully since I moved here, so my steps were confident as I led us further and further from the house. When we were out of sight, Nate appeared beside me, matching my pace. We walked in companionable silence for a while longer, and then Nate spoke.

“This is much more enjoyable with company,” he observed, giving me a slight smile. “Especially yours.”

I could feel my face heating even as I fought to cool it, but I didn’t think Nate noticed. His eyes were on the path in front of him, and I finally managed to wipe the red off my face. I glanced back over at him, and I saw a faint smile of contentment on his face as he stepped nimbly around a tree, keeping pace with me without thought.

Damn, I thought. He saw my blush.

He saw me looking at him worriedly, so he gave me a reassuring half-smile. “Don’t worry, I think it’s cute,” he told me, putting his hands in his pockets as if he needed them to be trapped so he didn’t reach out to me.

I flinched mentally. That was exactly what I didn’t want to hear. The ‘cuter’ he found me, the harder it would be for us to have a platonic friendship. He could see I was uncomfortable, so he changed the subject, and I gave him a thankful smile.

“Where are we going?”

“You have your secrets, and I have mine,” I responded, grinning at him. “Wanna trade?”

He laughed, shaking his head. “I think mine are a little more valuable,” he said, looking around. “Yours is probably a pond or something, anyway. There’s not much else that could be out here.” He sounded excited, and I gave him as serious of a look as I could manage.

“Is that a guess?” I asked, mocking him, and he snorted.

“Yes,” he replied easily.

“Willing to risk the price of being wrong?” I teased, and he laughed.

“What would the consequences be? A kiss?” he teased. “What could you want to make me do that I wouldn’t do anyway?”

“Willing to find out?” I countered, smiling slightly. He was right, anyway, but I didn’t need to make it easy for him.

Nate nodded, not hesitating, and I laughed. “Damn,” I said, disappointed. “You’re right.”

“So what’s my prize for guessing it right?” he asked, obviously trying to keep from saying it suggestively.

I snorted. “For guessing it right, I’ll bring you there,” I said, teasing. “What more could you ask?”

Nate considered that exaggeratedly, his thumb tapping his chin as he thought.

“Forget it,” I laughed. “I don’t want to hear this.”

He gave me one of his half-smiles, and we continued on, letting the companionable silence settle over us again like a comfortable blanket. Amusement fluttered around us like a butterfly, occasionally landing on one of us and starting a round of random quiet laughter, and the smiles never left our faces as we hiked. I was almost disappointed when we reached the pond, 'cause I was afraid the easy happiness would go away. Luckily, I was wrong, and our smiles didn’t falter as we considered the pond.

“It’s nice,” Nate said, stripping off his shirt. I began to follow his lead, but I stopped as he kicked his shoes and socks off. He walked towards the water and dipped his toe in before turning back to me, a curious look on his face.

“Coming?” he asked, confused. A thin border of orange crept into his irises, surrounding the pink, and I shrugged.

I don’t think I should, I thought. What if it just makes him like me more? I should keep all my clothes on around him, at least until he’s gotten over me.

“You’re not gonna go swimming?” Nate asked, a hint of disappointment in his voice.

I shook my head, keeping my disappointment to myself. I really would have loved to, but I didn’t want to tease him.

Nate considered me, a mix of green and yellow dancing through his eyes, and then shook his head.

“Yes you are,” he told me, advancing slowly with a mischievous grin.

I backed away, shaking my head. “No way,” I said, keeping a large distance between us. “You go swimming on your own.”

Nate’s grin widened. “You might want to get your shirt off now, before it goes in with you,” he teased, closing a little of the distance between us. I kicked off my shoes and socks, just in case, but I left my shirt on, so he wouldn’t actually throw me in.

“Bad idea,” he warned, his eyes twinkling as he came even closer. “Last chance, going once…”

I glanced down at my shirt, trying to guess whether or not he’d do it. I didn’t think he would, but the evil amusement on his face wasn’t reassuring.

“Twice…”

With another glance at my shirt, I made up my mind.

He wouldn’t… right?

“Three times,” he said, his grin widening even more as his eyes lit up with delighted mischief. “Sold.”

He darted forwards, grabbing my arm, and I pushed him away, laughing already. He caught my wrists, but I twisted my arms, freeing my hands. It didn’t do me any good, 'cause he immediately went for my ribs, tickling me until I dropped to the ground and curled up into a ball, tears streaming down my face as I tried to stop laughing for long enough to breathe. He grabbed the hem of my shirt, pulling it up over my head and tossing it away before resuming his torture tactics. When I was defenseless enough for him, he picked me up, tickling me again when I weakly tried to resist. He ran into the water, carrying me, and I spluttered, instantly sobered as he dived into the cold water, carrying us both under. I got free of his arms and stood up in the waist deep water, glaring at him as he breached the surface, floating gently upwards on his back. He gave me a lazy grin in response as he floated happily, so I dunked him before he could get his feet underneath him. I watched the water where I’d pushed him under, waiting for him to come up, but he didn’t. I backed away, realizing he was going to jump out of the water at me, but he grabbed my legs, still underwater, and pulled them out from under me, pulling me underwater with him. We wrestled playfully until we had to stop for breath, and we were both laughing happily when we surfaced. When we had caught our breath, I flicked water at Nate, and he dived at me again, prompting another wrestling match.

We played around for the next few hours, until our rumbling stomachs drove us out of the water. We lay on the ground, side by side, and waited for the sun to dry us off.

“I guess we have to go back, once we’re dry,” I said sadly.

Nate shook his head. “No way,” he told me. “We can eat out here. Let’s not go back until tomorrow!”

“We don’t have tents, or any food,” I pointed out, hoping he had some solution.

“We don’t need tents, or any food,” he told me, grinning. “You prepare a fire pit, and I’ll get us something to eat.”

I nodded, deciding to trust that he knew what he was doing, and we stood. I began clearing an area for the fire, making sure it was totally safe, and Nate ran off barefoot, not bothering to put his shoes on or get dressed. I had constructed a ring of stones around the would-be fire pit, and I’d just brought back the final load of sticks when I saw Nate walking back, his arms covered in gore and a bloody hunk of meat vaguely recognizable as a skinned rabbit in each hand. He had a sharpened stick in his mouth, and I laughed at him as he walked over to the fire pit I’d made.

“Good dog,” I joked, putting on my shirt now that he was back. “You fetched the stick!”

He glared at me, and I took the stick from his mouth, holding it for him so he could speak.

“Asshole,” he muttered, and I snickered, pretending to throw the stick into the lake.

He laughed, shaking his head, and I took one of the rabbits from him so he could work his magic with the other. He held his hand out for the stick, and when I gave it to him he rammed the sharpened end up the rabbit’s ass and out its mouth. I shuddered in revulsion, and handed him the other rabbit. He did the same to this one, and then balanced the spit across two branches of a large oak tree and waved for me to follow him to the pond.

We washed all the blood off us, and then Nate assembled the sticks while I went off in search of two forked trees. By the time I came back with two suitably sized ones, Nate had gotten the fire started and was helping it to spread so it would be big enough for both rabbits. I drove the two forked sticks into the ground on either side of the fire while he finished that, and we rested the spit on the two sticks, suspending the rabbits over the flames.

“Perfect,” Nate said, grinning, but I shook my head.

“Not yet it isn’t,” I told him, smiling mysteriously and walking off, knowing he couldn’t follow without ruining the rabbits. I’d been here fairly often, and I’d noticed a halite vein on the roof of an overhang of rock, where it was protected from rain. I’d taken note of it 'cause halite deposits were usually underground, so I felt slightly bad about what I was planning. It didn’t take me long to find it, and then I smashed a small piece off with a large rock. I took the piece back to the fire and tossed it to Nate, grinning. The confused look he gave me made the guilt go away. This was worth it.

“Yep, you were right,” Nate said, his voice suspiciously free of any doubt or curiosity but his yellow eyes dancing with amusement. “It wouldn’t have been perfect without this rock.”

I smiled. “Lick it,” I suggested, and he gave me a weird look before trusting me and touching the rock to his tongue.

“It’s salt!” he exclaimed, surprised.

I grinned, taking it back from him and crushing it between two rocks until it was almost dust. “It’s halite,” I explained. “Rock salt. It’s not pure, but it’ll work well enough for one meal.”

Nate laughed. “You’re useful,” he said, pretending to consider. “Maybe I should take you with me more often.”

I snorted. “As if you’ve got a choice.”

He shook his head, teasing me. “You’re not that useful,” he said, giving me a half-smile.

“Fine,” I said, getting up and leaving again.

There must be mustard around here somewhere, I thought, scanning the area. It grows everywhere!

I saw some yellow nearby, and I ran over happily, picking a few of the flowers. I crushed them up with my fingers on the way back, and then I took a handful of water from the pond and mixed in the salt, making a repulsive looking yellow paste. I found two large leaves, and put half on each, making a kind of plate. I put them on the ground in between Nate and I, and sat back down next to him, taking my shift turning the spit. Nate got a bit of the paste on his finger, and tasted it, curious. I laughed as he made a disgusted noise and tried to scrape it off his tongue, and he turned to me.

“What is that?” he asked, scrunching up his nose.

“Mustard,” I replied, laughing. “Kinda.”

“And why would we want that?” he asked, confused. “It tastes like shit.”

I snorted. “That’s 'cause you don’t eat it alone, unless you’re an idiot,” I teased. “It goes on the rabbit.”

Nate nodded, considering as he absently scratched at his tongue with his fingernail to try to get the taste out of his mouth. “It’d taste good, as long as we didn’t put too much on,” he said.

I nodded, smiling slightly. “That’s the idea,” I teased.

Nate leaned over, shouldering me playfully, and I smiled wider at him. We lapsed into silence for the next few minutes, just enjoying the heat of the fire now that the air was cooling down, until Nate stood up. He grabbed the spit and put it on the two branches from before, using them like a cooling rack, and he added the two ‘Y’ shaped sticks to the fire. I watched him, curious, as he walked back to the rabbits and slid them to opposite ends of the spit. He broke the stick in half, and then carried both rabbit skewers over to me.

“Thanks,” I said quietly, giving him a content smile as he handed me the stick. He smiled back, the white of his teeth glinting in the firelight and briefly reminding me of how sharp they could be. I felt a rush of curiosity, but I tried to sit quietly and ignore it.

Nate and I used the leaves to paint the sauce onto the meat, and when we were done we held the sticks for a while to let them cool.

“What is it?” Nate asked, sounding amused.

“What is what?” I replied, trying unsuccessfully to stifle my curiosity again.

“You’ve got a question,” Nate teased, excited. “Ask away.”

“You’ll answer?” I asked, surprised.

“When did I say that?” he replied, grinning mischievously.

I shook my head, acting exasperated, but I gave up when he didn’t fall for it. “How does your magic work?”

“Care to take a guess?” he asked hopefully.

I shook my head again, more firmly. I couldn’t guess, now that I knew the stakes. Losing would ruin my chances of keeping his friendship without breaking his heart, and no amount of curiosity would make me risk that. His friendship, and his heart, meant too much to me.

“You’re no fun,” he said, disappointed. “I’ll never get another kiss, at this rate.”

“No, you won’t,” I agreed, taking a bite out of the rabbit. It tasted good, especially with the added sauce.

“My heart is like that rabbit right now,” Nate said, pretending to be hurt. “You just tore a piece out.”

I smirked at him, knowing he was joking. “It’ll grow back,” I assured him.

“Not at the rate you’re eating it,” he joked, glancing pointedly at how I’d already taken three bites.

“I’m hungry,” I said defensively, after swallowing. “We skipped dinner last night.”

Nate shrugged. “It was worth it,” he said, taking his first bite out of the rabbit.

I watched him expectantly, and he nodded. “OK, I’ll admit, this makes it a lot better. Maybe you are useful.”

I nodded, satisfied, and continued eating, ignoring the amused snort that came from Nate’s direction.

When I finished, I tossed the stick with the bones and nasty bits on it into the fire. For all that Nate had made fun of me, he didn’t finish long after I did, and I made sure he didn’t miss the knowing look I gave him.

“What?” He asked, mimicking my defensive tone from earlier. “I was hungry.”

I laughed, and edged closer to the heat of the fire with a shiver, holding my hands out towards it.

“Cold?” Nate asked, sympathetic, and I nodded, smiling ruefully. “Stay here, then,” he said, and stood.

“Where are you going?” I asked, curious. “If it’s for me, you don’t need to.”

Nate gave me an absent wave, not looking back, and disappeared into the forest. He was gone for almost ten minutes, and when he returned, he was carrying a huge armload of sticks.

“Wow,” I said. “Thanks. You didn’t need to, though. I can handle being a little cold.”

He shook his head. “You’re a little cold right now, sitting practically on top of the fire. You’d freeze when the sun goes fully down, without the fire. These are to keep it going all night.”

I nodded, even more thankful now that I understood, but he turned and left again. Apparently the fire would take more sticks than I expected. I stood, and walked into the forest in the opposite direction, picking up a few sticks before I even entered the forest proper. I hunted around until I had almost a full armful, and then I decided to find five more and go back. I spotted one big one under a bush; broken in half it made two nicely sized ones. There was a dead branch on a nearby pine tree, and I pulled it off for the entertaining effects it would produce when it burned.

Two, or three? I asked myself absently. I won’t count the pine. Three more.

There was another stick at the base of a small maple tree, and I walked over to it, bending down carefully so I didn’t spill my precariously balanced burden. I grasped around in the leaves for it, unable to see where my hand was past all the sticks I was trying to stabilize with my cheek, and just as my fingers touched it, I heard the snap of a twig far behind me. I grabbed the stick and whirled around, startled. I couldn’t see anything, but there were enough bushes and trees that half my school could be hidden there and still be invisible to me. I crept forward, my fingers nervously tensing and relaxing around the stick, and I decided not to drop the sticks. They’d take too long to pick up, and it was probably Nate, anyway. I couldn’t help my heart beating faster anyway, though, as I snuck towards the source of the sound. I was making sure to circle around it so I’d see whatever had made the sound and not just walk into it, and I was so intent on what I was doing that I jumped when I heard Nate calling me from our campsite.

“I’ll be right there!” I called back, feeling silly. I wanted to hurry back to the campsite and the heat of the fire, but Hollywood had taught me well, so I checked the remaining area anyway, even if it made me feel like an idiot. I didn’t see anything, so I walked back to the campsite, making sure to find the remaining two sticks I’d promised myself on the way. I dumped the sticks onto the pile Nate had made, and sat down next to him, the last of my nerves calmed by the heat of the fire and Nate’s presence.

“I was worried, for a minute,” Nate admitted. “It’s gonna be dark soon, and the idea of you being out here alone is scary.”

I snorted. “I’m perfectly capable of surviving less than five kilometers from civilization,” I told him. “I’ve camped out here alone before and been fine.”

Nate shrugged. “I didn’t say you couldn’t handle it; I said I don’t like the idea.”

I smiled. “Thanks for the concern, then,” I said, edging a little closer to the fire. “I couldn’t have left this for long, though,” I said, with a wry smile.

He gave me a small smile, his eyes a mix of pink and blue, and looked over at where the sun was setting. I followed his gaze, and we watched the sky turn pink, then red, then orange, and finally a dark blue. When all the interesting colors were gone, we turned to admiring how the shadows danced with the light thrown by the flames. After a few minutes, Nate shook his head as if trying to clear it, and glanced around. He spotted something that interested him, and my eyes found their way to him as his face lit up.

He leaned over to the pile of sticks and grabbed the pine branch I’d retrieved, holding it up happily.

“I see you found the jackpot,” he said, pleased, and I laughed. He held the branch out to me, but I shook my head.

“It’s all yours,” I told him, grinning. He smiled in thanks, and held the branch out over the fire, his arm unwavering as he held it at the hottest point of the fire. It burst into flame quickly, and the crackle of the needles igniting filled the clearing, a pleasant soundtrack to the capering shadows thrown by the giant blaze on the end of the branch. Nate held the branch higher, illuminating everything around us, and we watched the shadows for the few moments until it burned out. Nate lowered the barren stick that remained into the flames, and let the fire consume it as he turned back to me with a happy smile. I returned the smile, my eyes starting to droop as the heat and mesmerizing motion of the flames lulled me, and Nate reached out to me, his pink eyes looking almost desperate as his hand came closer and closer to my face. My mind knew I shouldn’t let him, that I should move away, but my body didn’t want to break its spell of content exhaustion. His fingertips touched my cheek gently, five soft warm points on my skin, and he looked down, letting his hand fall back to his side.

“Sorry,” he whispered. “I guess we should go to sleep.”

I couldn’t even muster the willpower to nod, so I just lay down where I was, as close as was safe to the fire. I heard Nate lying down behind me, and I could faintly hear a quiet sigh, inwardly irritated but mostly resigned. It broke my heart to hear, but there was nothing I could do. Anything I said to comfort him, to make him happy, would only hurt him in the end. I thought I might like him now, but a week ago there’d been no sexual element to how I thought about him, and I’d never thought about guys in a sexual way. This seemed like a phase to me – not the ‘it’s just a phase’ chant of denial that I’d heard about, but a genuine phase. I still liked girls, and I’d never liked any guys except Nate. I doubted this would last long, but if I got involved then it would hurt Nate when I stopped being attracted to him like that, and he might never be able to think of me as a friend again. I couldn’t risk it, so I just lay still, hating myself for hurting Nate.

Half an hour passed, and I was shivering too hard to sleep. I tried to huddle closer to the fire, but that made sparks start landing on me. I heard Nate moving behind me, and I looked back to see him standing. He grabbed an armful of sticks and added them to the fire, banking it until I could feel the warmth against me like a physical wall. Satisfied, he lay down behind me again, and I felt my incessant shivering slowing down.

“Thanks,” I whispered, my jaw shaking a little bit.

“Do you want me to help you warm up?” Nate asked, the tone of his voice telling me there was nothing sexual about it.

My freezing body was screaming yes, but my mind told me no, and I shook my head. It would tease him far too much, and he’d have even more trouble getting over me.

He didn’t say anything for a moment, until a particularly large shudder wracked my body, causing my teeth to jitter.

"Don't be stupid," Nate said, moving until he was pressed up against my back, the heat of his body a comforting furnace warming me as he wrapped his arms around my chest. "You're freezing. We're perfectly capable of sleeping like this without doing anything more."

At least, you might be, I thought nervously. It was getting hard to resist him already, and I was terrified of what might happen. If anything sexual happened, I'd end up regretting it when this phase ended, and it might ruin our friendship. It would be hugely unfair to Nate, too, and that wasn't even taking into consideration how scary the idea of sex with Nate was to me. I didn't know why, but I was extremely nervous about it, even more than the idea of a guy I didn't know and wasn't attracted to. I wanted to move, to escape Nate's embrace, but I couldn't leave the heat. I shivered again, just thinking about it, and Nate pulled me closer to him, smothering me with his pleasant warmth. I gave up on escaping, too weak to do what would be better for both of us, and snuggled back into Nate with a contented sigh. He squeezed me protectively, and I had to admit, if only to myself, that this feeling of being safe and warm was nice.

“See?” he whispered, and I could imagine the small smile on his face.

I mumbled an incomprehensible question, my eyes closing, but Nate seemed to understand what I meant.

“They’re pink,” he answered softly, his warm breath on my earlobe making me shiver again as he settled in, satisfied. "Goodnight, Erin," he whispered gently, his lips brushing my ear.

The last thing I was aware of before drifting off was the feel of Nate's body against mine, a pleasant sensation on my chest as he stroked me gently for a second before halting as he realized what he was doing. He sighed again, but this time it was less resigned, and more content.

Ah, fires gotta love them
Thanks for being patient, and as always, please review or PM me if you have any theories! I love to hear them, and it helps me get an idea of how much I can hide my hints