The World Beyond the Mirror - 6. Embers

Another short one, but the next one should make up for it 

I opened my eyes slowly, squinting against the brightness, and after blinking a few times I saw that I was outside. The campfire in front of me had burned down to embers, but the pile of sticks was much smaller than last time I saw it. Nate must have gotten up and fed the fire every few hours. As if the surge of gratitude I felt woke him, Nate shifted against me, and I remembered everything.

Fuck, I thought, stiffening. I let him sleep with me! How could I do this to him?
I rolled away from Nate quickly, standing up and adjusting my clothes awkwardly.
“Erin?” he asked, confused, opening his eyes and immediately shielding them from the sun.

“Y-yeah,” I said, my voice sounding slightly panicked.

Nate flowed to his feet and into a fighting stance, his movements graceful and quick, and he quickly analyzed the area, trying to find the source of my dread.

“It’s OK,” I told him. “There’s nothing here. I just freaked out a little bit,” I admitted, looking down in embarrassment.

“Oh,” Nate said, relieved. “Was it-? Oh.” He blushed, his eyes turning purplish orange. “Sorry,” he said, his face falling.

I didn’t know what to say, so I stayed quiet, just nodding.

“No, I’m really, really sorry,” Nate said, stepping closer desperately. “I always do this with you. Fuck! Sorry-”

“It’s OK,” I interrupted, hating that he was beating himself up. “It’s fine, really. Just please don’t do it again.”

I took a deep breath, but it didn’t make it any easier to say the next word. “Ever,” I said, my voice quieter than I meant it to be.

He physically flinched, but I couldn’t take it back without hurting him more in the end, so I turned away, too cowardly to face what I’d done to him, and started to scatter the embers. I ground each one out with my foot, and before long, Nate joined in. He was a silent wraith of his happy self, his orange-rimmed purple eyes sad yet inwardly angry. I reached out, intending to put my hand on his shoulder reassuringly, but I thought better of it and awkwardly turned the motion into tucking some of my short hair behind my ear.

“Sorry,” I said. “It’s nothing to do with you, I’m just...”

Liar, a part of me thought. It has everything to do with him.

I shook my head, clearing it, and Nate sighed.

“No, it’s my fault,” he said. “I know you’re not ready for anything like this, and it might not even be what you want, and I still can’t stop myself from making it harder for you.”

“I’m not angry at you, but… I don’t think we can work. I’m not into guys like that.”

That felt more truthful, but there was still something wrong with it.

You kissed him, the cruel part of me pointed out. When he came back, you kissed him and you loved it. He does things to you that girls haven’t, that they can’t. You kissed him again that night, and you liked it even more. You’re not straight – you’re afraid! Afraid of Nate, of these feelings, of what will happen if you let yourself love again. You’re not protecting Nate from his feelings; you’re trying to stay within the comfortable walls you’ve built to keep people away. Coward. You can’t avoid affection for your whole life because of some uncertain fear that it will hurt them, and you.

I shook my head again, more determinedly, and forced that cruel, perceptive part of me to shut up.

No, I thought. This is just a phase. A week ago, I didn’t feel any attraction to him. This crush is just a product of my curiosity, and I won’t hurt him when I lose interest. Next week, I’ll be right back to normal, and I’ll forget all about this. Nate will be over me, and we can be friends.

I felt conflicted. I didn’t have a clue what I felt about any of this; it was all just a phase, there was something real here and I’d put myself in denial out of fear, it was all equally confusing.

I turned abruptly, realizing that we’d finished stamping out the coals a while ago and I’d just been scuffing the same small patch of ground since, and began to walk quickly, into the forest.

“Erin?” Nate called, a tiny tremor of fear in his voice, thinking I was leaving him or something.

I turned back, looking at him. “Coming?” I asked impatiently.

I saw the relief on his face before turning away and walking forward again, needing the comfort of hiking through the forest to calm my whirling mind.

The hike did nothing to help. We got further and further from the house, but the eye of my mental storm was walking just behind me, his soft footsteps taunting me and his tentative glances exacerbating the confused mess that was my mind. I turned sharply again, marching in an entirely different direction, and Nate followed without hesitation or indecision, not even a questioning look. He seemed to be aware that nothing he said could help right now, and his actions were speaking far louder than any words.

I’m here, they were saying. Whatever you decide, I’ll be here for you, as a friend, or as anything you need me to be.

I squeezed my eyes shut, sighing, and when I opened them again I felt a little more calm, if no less conflicted.

“Do you want to go get something to eat?” I asked him, my voice calm and collected despite how I felt inside.

Nate nodded hesitantly, unsure about what was going on with me, and I gave him a grateful smile.

“Thanks,” I said gratefully. “For being so patient.”

Nate returned my smile, yellow creeping into his eyes, and I tore my eyes from his and continued in the direction I’d been going, which should take us to the nearest Tim Hortons. Before too long, the sounds of cars was audible in the distance, and we emerged from the forest at the edge of town. Nate was already invisible, but the sounds of his footsteps, deliberately loud enough for me to hear, reassured me that he was still with me, even though he quieted down as we approached the entrance. I walked in, walking slowly as I opened the doors so that Nate had time to slip through, and got in line behind the other two people inside. I got a few weird looks, for having grass in my hair and dirt on my clothes, but frankly, I didn’t give a fuck. With the emotional maelstrom I had going on, a little bit of outside conflict was nothing. I waited patiently, and when it was my turn, I ordered two bagels and two ice caps. I guessed at what Nate would like, since I doubted he knew, either, and then I paid and took the order outside and back into the forest. Once we were far enough from the road, Nate reappeared, I handed him his food, and we sat down against trees and ate.

I watched curiously, as Nate took a bite of his bagel, and I smiled when he seemed to enjoy it.

“Good?” I asked, eating some of my own.

Nate nodded happily, and took a sip of his ice cap. His eyes shot open, and he looked at it again, amazed. I burst out laughing.

“What is this?” he asked, incredulous.

“An ice cap,” I managed to gasp out, through my laughter.

“This tastes nothing like ice.”

The laughter that I’d mostly subdued came back with a vengeance, and when I finally managed to get control of myself again, Nate was watching me with an amused look in his yellow eyes.

“It’s short for iced cappuccino,” I told him, still grinning. “It’s not supposed to taste like ice. Have you ever had a coffee before?”

Nate shook his head, perplexed, and my smile widened.

“You’ll love this,” I assured him.

He looked at the ice cap again, and I reconsidered.

“OK, maybe you won’t, but I will,” I laughed.

He shrugged. “Whatever, it tastes good, and if it’ll make you happy I’ll drink as many as you want.”

I grinned again, and went back to eating, my mood improved. When we finished our bagels, we carried the garbage with us and walked back towards the house.

“This is really good,” Nate said, talking faster than usual as he examined the ice cap for the twelfth time. I’d counted. “Some of the things here aren’t bad after all.”

I smiled, feeling a little excited too. “The caffeine has barely kicked in yet, just wait,” I told him, finishing off mine.

“What, this gets better?” he asked, surprised.

I grinned at him, not answering, and he reconsidered his ice cap again. Thirteen.

We walked more energetically, fully woken up already, and a few minutes after Nate finished his ice cap we felt the full effects.

“Can we run? I really need to run,” Nate said, speaking even faster than before.

I gestured for him to lead the way, and he burst into motion, sprinting for a few seconds before slowing down so I could catch up. When I was alongside him, he sped up again, and we increased our pace until we were sprinting recklessly through the forest, dodging trees, branches, roots, and rocks like we were in a game of Temple Run. Soon, the pace became hard to maintain, and it became an endurance contest as we both pushed on. I was surprised and impressed that Nate could maintain the same pace as me for so long. Moving between homes and families like I had, the only constant had been running, and humility aside, I was good at it. I ran through forests as often as I could, and I’d outrun well-meaning foster parents, brothers, and sisters that had made the mistake of trying to keep up with me. It was nothing against them in particular, but I hated to go slower than I wanted to, and when I was running in the forests, I waited for no one.

I jumped a fallen log, and had to quickly sidestep a sapling, almost getting the garbage from Tim Hortons knocked out of my hand, and when I looked forward, Nate had pulled ahead. I grinned and sped up, determined to catch up to him, and the wild race continued. I eventually overtook him slightly, but he ran even faster, trying to catch me again. I was almost tired enough to drop, and I could tell he was too, so I forced myself to keep going and maintain the lead until he gave up. I pushed forward, the world reduced to nothing more than the ground in front of me and the next tree to dodge, and I almost stumbled as the terrain changed and the trees disappeared. I looked up, confused, and I saw we’d made it to the house. I dropped to the ground, panting, and I heard a thud as Nate did the same beside me. The cars were gone, so it was safe for him to be visible. We lay on our backs, side by side, looking up at the sky and panting as we fought to catch our breath.

“Damn,” Nate gasped appreciatively, and I felt a smile creep over my face as I lay there.

“You can keep up,” I replied, laughing slightly. “Nobody else has been able to.”

Nate grinned, and I held out my hand. He put his hand in mine, and I shook it approvingly, glancing happily at him and getting trapped in his yellow-green eyes. The happiness and pride in them made me smile again, and I let go of his hand, looking back up at the sky. The physical contact was a bad idea when we were both feeling this wild after-run freedom. I could far too easily press my lips against his right now, and I remembered that was wrong, something that I shouldn’t do.

I shook my head, banishing that line of thought, and I forced myself to my feet. Nate followed, and we stumbled into the house, exhausted. When we reached my room, I gestured for Nate to help himself to a shower, but he shook his head, indicating I should go first. I smiled thankfully, and walked into the bathroom, peeling off my sticky shirt as I walked in. I realized my mistake as I turned to close the door, seeing the longing look on Nate’s face as his pinkish-red eyes caressed my bare skin. I froze, the raw desire in his eyes making part of me want to run and the other part want to go back over there and give myself to him. I closed the door, harder than I’d meant to, but I was terrified of what would happen if I didn’t. I closed my eyes, sighing, and even I didn’t know if it was relief or regret.

The cold water of the shower felt good on my hot skin, and I shampooed my hair quickly, wanting to get out as soon as possible so Nate didn’t have to wait. My cock had different ideas, and my hand slipped down, wrapping around my shaft. The entire week Nate was gone, I’d been too melancholy to… take care of myself, so the irrepressible horniness I felt wasn’t really a surprise. I tried to stop myself, repeating that Nate might be able to tell, and that I needed to get out now, but my objections collapsed as my hand began to move. I gasped, closing my eyes, and as I stroked myself, my imagination put Nate here with me, his hand around my throbbing cock. My eyes shot open, and I let go of myself, shaking my head violently. I took a few deep breaths, but it wasn’t long before my hand returned to my member, and I moaned quietly as I began to stroke. I kept my eyes open this time, and I pictured Georgia, remembering her lips as we’d kissed. I stroked faster, losing myself in the fantasy as my imagination took over. I could almost feel those soft lips against mine again, and the surge of arousal that accompanied it made me whimper with desire. I remembered the way that soft pink tongue had felt against mine, and as I reached the edge, I imagined reaching up, cupping smooth, tanned cheeks as we kissed, and I gasped, starting to tremble, as I imagined running my fingers through short black hair, my hands pulling us closer together as our lips locked and our tongues danced.

Ah! I moaned in my mind, just before I came. Nate!

The first jet of cum hit the wall, taking my willpower with it, and I continued furiously stroking myself as spurt after spurt followed it. My mind was riding a wave of ecstasy, in the throes of the best orgasm I’d ever had, and a low, quiet moan escaped my lips as it came to an end. I leaned against the wall, and the guilt crashed down on me, ruining any semblance of a post-orgasm glow. I washed myself off, trying not to think about what I’d done, what it meant, and then I stepped out of the shower and dried myself off quickly. I looked around, realizing I hadn’t brought any clean clothes in, and I wrapped the towel around my waist and opened the door. Nate was leaning against my bed, not wanting to get my covers sweaty, and he gave me a pleasant smile as I walked out, his gaze staying deliberately above my neck. I couldn’t meet his eyes, and my gaze was glued to the ground in front of me, ashamed, as I walked over to the closet and grabbed clothes for both of us. I tossed his to him, and he walked into the bathroom, confused but understanding that I didn’t want to talk right now. He closed the door, and I got changed, still trying to avoid thinking about what I’d done. I heard the faint noise of water hitting the bathtub floor, and I did my best to tune it out, sitting down on the bed and focusing on picking at the hem of my shorts. I heard faint crackling, and I forced myself to tune it out again. I didn’t want to listen to Nate’s shower.

You keep telling yourself that, the cruel, or possibly just self-aware, part of me teased. I ignored it and walked over to the window, looking out over the road and the forest behind it. A single car was driving down the quiet road, and I watched it absently. It disappeared around the corner, and my gaze wandered down, to the lawn. Something caught my eye, below me, and I leaned forward, trying to look down enough to see it. I could see a shimmering orange on the driveway, and it took my mind a moment to comprehend that it was fire. A trail of fire. Leading through the front door, and probably all throughout the house. Almost the moment I noticed, as if to mock me, the smoke detectors started to blare.



Fuck.

I know it says this automatically just up there ^ , but really, thanks for reading!  The amount of support this story has gotten so far is awesome  thanks again to each and every one of you who enjoy (or hate but read anyway ) the story!