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- 02/06/2015
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you.
Everything's Jake - 2. Chapter 2: Jake
No matter how much I have to drink, I never seem to get to the point where I don't know what I'm doing. Sure, my inhibitions come down and things like that, but I remember everything I guess is what I'm saying. I wasn't quite that drunk when I made up with Connor, and damn if the kiss wasn't worth the wait! I just wish I had seen it all sooner.
After graduation I moved in with Paul. He still wasn't really out, he told everyone I was his roommate and he still went out with the occasional girl. I stayed at the little apartment and tried not to let it make me miserable, but it did. The thing that, well, not that it hurt me the most but maybe the most unfair thing about our relationship was that he was so jealous. I mean, here he was running around with all these sluts and then he'd come home and accuse me of cheating.
He'd usually hit me a few times then. He'd always apologize after, tell me how much he really loved me and, like a fool, I'd believe him. He really does love me, I just have to try a little harder is all, to understand him. His studies are a lot of pressure, and one I don't have. He pointed out I wasn't a great student and it would be more practical if I got a job to help pay for things while he got an education. The plan was when he graduated he'd get a decent job and then maybe, I thought, I could go to school. It seemed fair.
I made the mistake once of telling Paul it would be nice to invite Connor over sometime to see our apartment. He went crazy, I was so scared the he was really going to hurt me. He swore up and down I was cheating with Connor and that I was planning to leave him when he had so much pressure on him.
It's true his father was homophobic, Paul had always told me he was, and Paul had to maintain the straight guy image for his peers and his parents. He said it was a lot of work, but he was sacrificing to be with me because he loved me. I felt so bad for bringing up the subject. We made love after, short and kind if violent. He came, I didn't.
I should have been grateful to have someone who loved me so much that they were willing to sacrifice for me, but I was lonely. The people at my office were all older and more experienced. They said I could go to school and if it was for a subject related to my job they'd pay for it, so I rushed home to tell Paul. He slapped me to the ground.
“Are you really that dumb?” He stood over me, voice low and menacing. Dangerous.
“But Paul...they said if...”
“You really are that dumb.” He sneered and pushed me with the toe of his shoe, “You know you aren't smart, we all know that. But here you go thinking you should be in school. We talked about this, right now I go to school. We don't make enough for you to go too, and not only that you stupid fuck,” he kicked me in the ribs, “If you don't get good grades, they don't pay for it. You have to pay up front, they reimburse you. So if you fuck up in class, which you will, we get stuck with a big fucking bill!”
I wept quietly, rolling away from him so he wouldn't see. He didn't like it when I cried. He came back to me a little while later, said he was sorry and told me how much he loved me. We had another violent lovemaking session and once more, he came and I didn't.
A few weeks later I was shocked at work when Connor showed up with subs to surprise me at lunchtime. I was so overjoyed to see him that I threw my arms around him and he returned the gesture. I winced but kept it to a minimum.
“God Connor, it's so awesome you're here. Come on, lets go sit outside so we can talk!” I took his hand and we trouped down the hall to the elevator. I think I was talking, I can't recall; I was so overjoyed to see Connor that I think I may have been a bit manic. I dragged him by the hand out the back of the building and to a vacant picnic table the building ownership provided. We sat opposite each other and I just stared at Connor's face.
“What? Why are you staring?” Connor's face colored and he busied himself unwrapping the sandwiches.
“I just haven't seen you in so long, I guess...” I shrugged and tore my eyes from him, “it's just really good to see you.”
“Hey, hey Bishop!” He wagged a finger at me, “Don't go googly eyed over me now, you had your chance to date me!” he smiled and I returned it, though mine was kilowatts dimmer than his.
“Yeah, don't remind me. That's OK, Paul is enough.”
“Yeah? Things good between you guys? He going to come out?”
I bit into the sandwich, more to buy time than anything else. I couldn't worry Connor, not after what we'd went through before. He kindly never brought up my father, it seemed to be understood that it was a taboo subject. I stopped chewing for a second and looked at the contents of the sandwich.
“Hey,” I said with a mouthful of food. After a couple more shews and a swallow I grinned at him, “you remembered my favorite sandwich!”
“Not really, it was on special,” he colored a bit again and bit into his own.
“Sure, sure, act like you don't care what I like, go ahead.” I grinned at him some more. “How's Andy?”
Andy was the guy Connor was seeing at the moment. Poor Connor, they never seemed to last more than a few months.
“He's all right, not big into conversation. Kind of just lays there in bed.” He bit into his sandwich again.
“Really? How can you just lay there in bed? Oh, wait, he's next to you, I forgot,” I laughed and he threw a tomato slice at me.
“So you never did say. Is Paul finally accepting your relationship? Or is he still out trying to bag pussy?”
“He's good,” I said. Now that I'd had some time to prep I could put a good face on it, for his sake. Last thing I wanted was for Connor to have to waste time worrying about me, he was in school like Paul after all and had more important things to think about. “It's not easy for him though, you know? He's got school and the bills from that, which my job doesn't really cover so there are loans. Plus he's in a field where most of the guys are macho straight, you know? So he has to kind of hang out with them and sometimes he goes out so he can fit in. You never know, he may have to work with these guys down the road. “He hates having to do that stuff, and he comes home and tells me how much he loves me.”
Connor looked skeptical.
“Don't look at me like that,” I pouted. “It's the real world, not everyone gets to date you or Andy. Some of us have to sacrifice.”
“How come you aren't in school?” Connor inquired.
“We can't afford for both of us to be in school at the same time. Paul said once he has his education and a job then we can think about me going.” Even to my own ears it sounded pitiful, I wonder how it always sounded like the right thing to do when Paul said it?
Connor frowned deeply and bit into his sandwich, probably to keep from saying things he shouldn't. I couldn't help but smile at him, he was always so worried for me. I think he was the only guy who elver liked me for me, I can't imagine why though.
“Sam wants to get together, for us all to go out. We're worried, Jake, none of us ever see you anymore.”
“Well, it's been busy. I work and Paul has school...”
“Yeah, but you can't tell me it's all you do? Come out with us?”
I nodded slowly, but I knew the real job wasn't convincing me to go. Paul was the one who didn't want to go out.
“Promise?” I smiled at Connor. “We're going Saturday, so you have to talk to Paul soon. You really have to be there, it's your birthday.”
I waited tensely for Paul to come home. I knew it was a bad night to ask, or to plan, but I was running out of time to talk to him. I had tried the same night I'd had lunch with Connor but he'd come in late, been out drinking with the guys from class and he was randy. Said some cunt was teasing him and he needed me badly. It was rougher than usual, and he hit me when I cried out once too often. He came, I didn't.
Finally he walked in the front door, back pack slung over his shoulder and keys in the other hand. I greeted him and he grunted at me, putting his things down on the scarred table that was supposed to serve as a dining room table I guess. He turned to regard me with a tired expression.
“What? Why are you hanging around like you want something?”
“Well, Paul, you work hard, you're under a lot of stress and I was thinking it might be nice to have a night out?”
“I went out two nights ago,” he leaned on the table to glare at me. “Don't you remember? We made love?” He smiled, but the smile chilled me to the core.
“Well...well of course I do but I thought instead of having to go to one of those straight clubs we could go to a gay club; we don't go out much together, and I know,” I hurried to forestall his outburst that we don't go out because we can't afford for one of his classmates or future employers to see him. “Why we don't, but this is a gay club. If someone were to see you, they'd be in a gay bar too.”
Paul hesitated and then smiled slowly. “Well, that would be interesting, but I don't think it's a great idea.”
“But.”
“No, I can't afford to let anyone know. What if they think it's okay to try talking to me about the club or being gay while I'm at school? What then?” He sneered. “Always thinking of yourself.”
“Paul,” I tried in a gentle tone, “It's my birthday.”
“So?”
I felt terrible, I couldn't possibly go without Paul, we were a couple after all. He was so worried about other people finding out, and some folks just didn't understand. I did, coming out so early in High School had all but ensured I wouldn't find a boyfriend. Paul was being cautious, but he was also jealous of people that he thought were interested in me. It wasn't possible to see Connor, except on lunches like we had the other day. I felt tears of frustration settling in my eyes.
“Fine. But it's your ass if anyone sees me, you understand?” I smiled, happier than I can ever remember being and threw my arms around Paul. He kissed me fiercely, and then again. It wasn't so rough this time.
I could hardly wait, in fact all day Saturday I was trying on different clothes. Paul made a comment about it not mattering what I wore, unless I was trying to cheat. He slammed the door and left angry, but that only dampened my spirits for a short time. One of my motivations for coming out early had been to find others like me, to develop that circle of friends I could count on and who knew you inside and out. The only one I had gotten was Connor, and I had almost lost him with my actions. Tonight was as close as I could get to that dream.
Even more exciting, this was my first club! I knew there were some of the local bars with dance floors and because of that they could get away with eighteen and over nights. Of course it was probably an exciting night for old guys like Sam but I was far too excited to care. Matter of fact, I might just put on a show myself!
Paul came back, and he'd been drinking. For the first time in our relationship I was getting angry with him. I'd been annoyed here and there, but I chalked that up to normal relationship strains. But this time I was angry. We should have left a half an hour before and I didn't want Sam or Connor to think I wasn't coming.
“Paul, what took you so long? Where were you?” I stepped towards him and realized my mistake too late. He snarled and shot one fist out. I turned sideways as I tried to dodge the blow, but his fist centered right on my left kidney and I dropped to the ground, resting on my knees.
“Don't you dare talk to me like that.” He hissed. “We're not going anywhere.”
“Ev...” I gasped and forced the words from my mouth, “everyone will be expecting us.”
I felt his hand clasp my shirt in his hand, hauling me up to be held face to face.
“What? Who? Oh, wait, let me guess!” He pushed me away and I fell to the floor, unable to believe this sudden turn of events.
“Connor. It's always him isn't it? Have you been seeing him behind my back? Have you?” his voice reached a crescendo and I huddled on the floor, protesting my innocence. Silence reigned, deafening compared to the near shouting that had gone on seconds before.
“Put on a new shirt, we're going.”
I looked up at him in wonder.
“When we get there I'm going to have a few drinks and when I'm ready to go, you,” he smiled ferally,. “You are going to fight with him and make sure you two never see each other again.”
The ride over to the bar was silent on my part. Paul was in fine spirits, singing with the radio as we took the highway towards the city. The lights of the taller buildings twinkled in the distance as we approached. Dread sat heavy in my chest, how could I possibly break my relationship with Connor? There was no way I could do it! Paul seemed very pleased to have put me into this turmoil, and as that fact weighed in on me, I felt the anger returning.
Once we’d had our hands stamped, we got in and we were directed towards the far end of the first floor where there was a lighted alcove with stairs leading to the second floor, where the dancing was. I spotted Sam at the bar talking to a younger guy and waved. I don't think Sam saw me, he was pretty focused on the fellow in front of him. Other old guys older sat at the bar and in booths, we even heard a few catcalls and mutterings about fresh meat and twinkies being on the menu. Who served twinkies for crying out loud?
At last we got upstairs and started to dance. The music was great, the lights were all over, and we were having a great time. I noted Paul had slipped some cash to a guy who was bringing him beers. He had gotten a bit glossy eyed, more than a tad erratic and stumbled off to the bathroom a few hours after we arrived. We were sweaty and headed over to the upstairs bar for water.
“Oh, man, Connor! If I forget to tell you later, I had a fantastic time!” I said wiping my brow. He leaned in and gave me a quick hug, and I winced when I hugged him back; it was worth it. He looked at me in suspicion.
“This time it’s definitely not what you think,” I smiled wryly, and hopefully effectively. I leaned in and whispered in his ear, “Paul likes it a bit rough in the bedroom.” I was told once that the best lies have truth at their core. Connor's doubtful expression made me realize he hadn't completely swallowed my story. I opened my mouth to try and press my argument but my words were lost as my field of vision suddenly jerked away from Connor; my shoulder flared in pain and I wondered if my shoulder were still in its socket.
“Forget you came with someone?” Paul glared at me with true venom.
“I was talking to Connor, and it’s loud Paul. That hurt,” I replied, but not angrily. Submissively. I hated myself for it. I hated that Connor was there to see me debased like this.
“Yeah, and I know Connor wants you and you want him, so cut the fucking crap. Nothing between you two is innocent.”
“Paul, come on,” I began and, I hate to say it, I was whining. In front of Connor.
“Yeah, come on is right! We’re leaving.”
“Paul, please,” I got no farther as Paul pulled viciously at my arm again, dragging me angrily through the crowd.
We burst through the back door with me being pulled along, at least until Paul twisted me around and shoved me forward. I almost lost my footing, barely getting a hand out in time to catch myself. Paul had me by the scruff of my neck and marched me, more or less to the car. He was swearing and shoving me for emphasis as we crossed the lot. With a final slap to the back of my head he forced me into the vehicle, and threatened to kill me if I moved out of the vehicle before he got in.
I sat in the passenger seat, dispirited. Connor saw the whole thing; he'd never want to see me again, not after all the things he'd dealt with as my father had worked me over and I'd pushed him away. For the first time in a long, long time I felt utterly alone. Paul's ranting never stopped on the way home, but I couldn't tell you what he said. I'm sure it wasn't anything I hadn't heard before, but I couldn't seem to care anymore. I felt numb.
We arrived at the apartment complex and I climbed form the vehicle mechanically. I don't think my brain was engaged. It was still stuck on the look of disbelief on Connor's face as I lied to him. Again. Paul verbally harassed me all the way up the stairs and into the apartment, punctuating his diatribe with quick slaps and punches. Once inside my mind and body became fully re-engaged when the pain of Paul punching me in the left kidney again, bringing me to my knees.
“How long you been getting plowed by him huh? You take long lunches? Blow jobs while I'm at class or studying so I can get a good job? Let me remind you,” he pulled me up by my shirt, “you belong to me!”
He began unbuttoning his pants and I began to shake my head, trying to clear the veils of pain from my consciousness. He pushed his pants down and the length of his penis slapped against my face. I tried to pull away and his hand came down on the left side of my face, pain exploded and he screamed at me; I have no idea what he said. I felt my hair being yanked and my face forcefully pushed into his crotch.
“Blowing Connor but you think you're too good to do me? Suck my cock you fucking whore!” I tried to hold my jaw shut; his fingers pinched the base of my jaw and my mouth opened. He shoved his cock in and I choked, tried desperately to pull off but his hands were dug deeply into my hair and forced me forward. I choked and coughed and he tried to fuck my face. My teeth started to come down and he screamed at me, slapping me so hard I saw stars.
I fell to the floor on my side, coughing and gasping; my breath refused to come to me clearly. Paul kicked me once in the back, and I arched away from the pain, but couldn't get enough brain function to do more than that. Paul grabbed my pants and pulled, yanking them halfway down my legs. My mind screamed out in panic and my legs kicked out; my arms pin-wheeled, scrabbling for purchase. I lunged forward and there was a momentary sense of elation, I was going to escape!
Paul latched onto the back of my shirt collar, and wrenched it tightly. The fabric started to rip and my forward progress was arrested.
“Hold still, bitch. This is gonna hurt.”
I fought, I bucked as full out panic took over my body. He landed another vicious shot to my left kidney and my body froze from the pain. All it took was that moment, and he was on me, forcing his way inside. I screamed in pain and he slapped me, taunting me as he forced his length inside and took what he wanted. The pain was more than I had ever endured at Paul's hands, his weight pinned me to the floor and his hands occasionally slapped me. My struggles were feeble, I was in too much pain.
Finally, I don't know how much time had passed, Paul arched and cried out, then collapsed on my back. His heavily liquored breath huffed past his ear. “That was the best. Connor can never give you, what a real man can. I love you, baby.”
I slowly began to stir, and winced as his softening penis slid painfully out. I rolled away from his prostrate form and glanced back. His penis was coated with blood. I shuddered and let out an involuntary sob. I pulled my underwear and pants back on, biting my lip so as not to burst into tears and moving so gingerly from the pain as to have been in slow motion.
Paul let out a snort and then followed with a long exhalation, then snored. It was unreal, the man who had just viciously beaten and raped him was sleeping on the floor. Tears rolled down my face, hot and burning with guilt. My nose was suddenly full and I limped painfully to the bathroom. I wiped myself as best I could, the tissue paper was covered in blood. My blood. My vision blurred again as my mind flung accusations about my culpability, how damaged I was.
I wanted out. More than anything I knew I couldn't stay here anymore, couldn't fool myself. I finished hoisting my pants back into place and winced as the cloth made contact with my skin. I blew my nose and wiped my face with a towel and looked at my face in the mirror. It was puffy, a bruise was forming on the left side of my face. Damaged goods. Anger rose in my chest again and I seized on the energy it brought. I had to get out.
I stepped back out into the hall and heard Paul snort again in his sleep. I froze, and then relaxed when I heard the regular rhythm of his breathing. I moved forward gingerly, my aching face and back competing with the awful soreness in my ass. My mind conjured up blood slowly seeping from me, and I shivered with revulsion. My mind focused on one thing, getting out. I shuffled to the door, keeping an eye on Paul's slumbering form. I stepped across the room and was thinking I'd grab a shirt to replace the shredded one I had on; when Paul shifted on the floor.
“Baby? Come here, I want some more.” He mumbled. My nerve broke and I opened the door, hobbling along as fast as I could and pulled it shut behind me, limping down the stairs. I got to the parking lot, took one look over my shoulder and saw the door was still closed. I shuffled out of the parking lot and began to descend the hill the apartment building. I moved slowly, slow enough to be caught if Paul chose to do so. That thought spurred me forward, as fast as the pain would allow.
I ducked into an alleyway as soon as I couldn't take the movement anymore. My ass was on fire, and again I had the unwanted image in my mind that I was bleeding uncontrollably. My back spasmed and my head screamed in agony as my blood pressure rose from the activity. I felt the pain pulse in time with my heartbeat and I bent double in the alley and threw up. I coughed on the vile smell and threw up again. Hot tears ran down my face as I heard Paul's voice in my head, brutally telling me I was his. I backed away from the leavings of my stomach, spitting the awful taste from my mouth and trying to pull cleaner air into my lungs. I leaned against a building, just my shoulders touching; I'm not sure I could have stood any other contact.
As new tears coursed down my face, I knew I only had one place to go.
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you.
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