jamessavik

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, What am I doing? I'm too old for this, and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go." The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a state trooper. I thought you were bringing her back." "Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.

Cousin Phil Cousin Phil is a Southern-ism indicating that rather useless, lazy, alcoholic dull cousin that most families only acknowledge reluctantly. He is the inspiration for this classic bad opening for a novel: The plan was simple, like my cousin Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

That dog won't hunt. This means (1)an idea or (2)a person that is mostly useless. Examples: 1) Have you tried going back to a typewriter? I hear that's good for a lot of authors with writers block. Hell Phil, that dog won't hunt. I don't even know how to use a typewriter. 2) Your cousin still need a job? There some construction work opening up. That dog won't hunt. Phil is just too lazy to work that hard.

I have heard that a lot of southern phrases are incomprehensible to foreigners like yankees and left coasters. In this thread I will try to fix that. Cuter than a basket full of puppies. If you were to say: that boy Rusty is cuter than a basket full of puppies, then Rusty would be pretty cute. Get it?

I like to write late at night when its quiet and I can concentrate. Downside is that 7:30 comes awfully early but, my ADD brain isn't chasing as many rabbits. Sometimes I listen to music. Mostly classic rock. What depends on the scene. In my latest story, I include a YouTube link at the end for a song that featured in chapter like: