Saving Ezra - 3. Chapter 3

Friday afternoon found Ezra shuffling his feet just inside the door of the school’s office. This whole thing seemed like a colossally bad idea to the teen, especially when he saw the college student he was going to be assisting. Joshua was talking with Ms. Garcia in her office with the door open. Ezra could have listened in, but didn’t, preferring to deeply contemplate the toes of his sneakers.

The tips of a pair of well broken-in black boots edged into his vision. Ezra’s gaze slipped slowly upward, unable to stop himself from taking in the black laced leather changing to blue jeans worn soft and comfortable around calves and thighs. Ezra’s eyes stuttered over the fly of the faded jeans, skipping with relief to the bottom edge of a black belt with a silver buckle mostly covered by a thin stretchy green t-shirt that showed far too much of the curve and flow of the body beneath. It wasn’t a particularly muscled body, no big bulges or veins sticking out. Which wasn’t a bad thing, guys with muscle-boobs were weird. On this person everything just kind of seemed to flow nicely, waist tapering from wider shoulders, chest sloping to a flat stomach. Shoulders rolled over the curves of biceps, elbows, and forearms to surprisingly sturdy wrists and hands carrying a few bracelets and simple rings.

Both fingers and hands were hanging loosely at hips. Hips were close to that fly again, and Ezra’s eyes skittered away up to the man’s face. The color in his shirt brought out the green in his eyes, overwhelming the outer ring of blue. Ezra’s gaze flicked down to rosy lips and noted the snakebite rings had been replaced with shiny silver balls. When he realized he was wondering how those metal bits would feel against his lips, wondering if they would be cool or warm as the man’s skin, Ezra yanked wide eyes up to meet green-blue again. The teen noticed how much he had to tip his head up to meet the college student’s gaze and wondered how tall he was, definitely an inch or two over six feet. Ezra felt short around most guys, he was used to it, but looking up at this man left him oddly breathless.

“Uh, hey. So, I’m Joshua Kline” Joshua said with a lazy smile. “We meet again.” He shifted a messenger bag on his shoulder to free his right hand, extending it forward. “Looks like you are going to be my buddy-slash-slave?”

Ezra wiped his palm as surreptitiously as possible on his pants before tentatively letting the college student shake his hand. Ezra tried to shake like his dad had taught him: firm but not too firm, fingers not floppy but not stiff, it’s not an arm wrestling competition but hands aren’t supposed to be made of slimy noodles. When he pulled his hand back, Ezra was sure he had completely fucked it up. The guy would now think odd things about Ezra because Ezra shook hands like a weirdo. Nothing showed up on the guy’s face, though, he must be very polite.

“And you’re Ezra Walker?”

Ezra nodded.

“Did Ms. G. explain everything to you?”

Ezra nodded again. “I think so.”

“Great.” Joshua grinned easily, the metal in his lip glinting in the overheads. “So, I’m your chauffer to where we’re working, then I work you like a cheap mule, then I chauffer you home before five-thirty, right?”

“That was the plan, I think.” Ezra shifted awkwardly.

“Shiny.” Joshua turned back to Ms. Garcia’s office, raising his voice slightly. “Alright, I’m stealing your student, Ms. G. I promise to return him in as good or better condition as I found him with no new addictions to drugs or alcohol.”

Ms. Garcia didn’t come out, but her voice floated from the room. “You’re not funny, Mr. Kline.”

Joshua snorted and dropped Ezra a wink as he muttered. “I think I’m funny.” The college kid rifled in his bag for a moment, fishing out a jangling set of keys. “So, you need to stop by your locker, or are we good to go?”

“Umm, we’re good.”

“Sweet. Let’s blow.”

And they were off. Ezra had to scurry to keep up with Joshua’s long strides. He was glad when they stopped by a nondescript little gray car with rust spots.

“Hop in. She’s not locked. Sorry about the garbage on the floor, just kick it, there isn’t anything important in there. I put anything I really need in the trunk.” Joshua slid in, brushing a few pop bottles off the passenger seat so Ezra could get in. “Sorry.” Joshua apologized again. “My car is a sty.”

Ezra didn’t think it was that bad. It didn’t smell or anything. It was mostly cherry cola bottles, a few empty paper coffee cups, and a handful of wrappers milling around his feet.

“S’fine.” Ezra buckled in, settling his backpack in his lap.

The car was manual and Ezra found Joshua’s shifting oddly fascinating.

“You drive stick?” Joshua asked as they buzzed along towards the university campus.

Ezra blinked for a moment, deciphering what Joshua had asked him. The teen’s mind flashed to different euphemisms for “stick” and “drive” and flushed scarlet before understanding filtered into his embarrassed brain.

“I-I don’t drive at all.”

Joshua glanced at him, then back to the road. “You’re a senior right? They said you would be at least seventeen. Didn’t you do driver’s ed?”

Ezra shook his head then realized Joshua couldn’t see it because he was driving. “No. It just didn’t… work out. So I never took it. I have my permit, but I never drive.”

Joshua made a thoughtful noise as he shifted smoothly. “Well, we’ll be going around a bit as I drive your Miss Daisy, I’ll have to teach you a little about driving stick.” When Ezra looked at Joshua in alarm the college student just smiled. “It’ll be fun.”

Ezra clutched his backpack closer to his chest.

The teen was completely lost by the time they got to campus as Joshua wove around looking for free parking close to the building they needed. The college boy crowed in triumph as he found a single empty spot less than a block away in an unmetered lot.

Ezra left his backpack in Joshua’s trunk and carried a cardboard box of papers, following Joshua through campus. Ezra didn’t complain, the box Joshua was carrying looked much bigger and heavier. There seemed to be no rhyme or reason for areas where the campus was bustling or empty of people. The pair seemed to randomly hit pockets of students in different levels of hurry as they walked. It was disorienting for Ezra, who had never actually been on the campus before. The smaller community college was definitely looking more appealing to the senior.

They finally entered a stone and concrete building that looked like it was built in the fifties. A brown and yellow sign announced the name of the building, some old white guy’s last name no doubt, and that it was for psychology. The building was all rectangles and straight lines, drab brown and gray, smelling of Lysol in the linoleum tiled halls. They took an elevator to the fourth floor after Joshua explained the first two floors were for lecture halls and the third floor was for staff and graduate student office space. Joshua was doing honors society research, so he got to share space with other undergraduate researchers.

“We don’t all work in there at the same time, though, so it won’t be too busy.” Joshua’s brow furrowed, glancing at Ezra walking beside him. “Kent probably won’t be there, but if he is and he’s being an ass just tell him to fuck off. Carrie and Hong Loi are cool, though. You’ll like them.”

Ezra sincerely hoped he never met Kent, and that if he did Kent left him alone. The small teen couldn’t imagine cussing out a college student who probably could break him in half without trying. Anxiety curled tighter in Ezra’s gut. He breathed a small sigh of relief when Joshua shouldered open a door and there was no one else inside.

There were several cluttered tables, a set of shelves on one wall, and filing cabinets on another wall. Chairs were scattered around the room, some at tables and others just pushed aside. It was a mess. Most surfaces had something on it, books or papers mostly.

Joshua hefted his box onto a clear spot on a table and gestured that Ezra should put his smaller one there as well.

“Ready to get started?” Joshua asked as he rummaged on a shelf.

“Okay.” Ezra shrugged.

“Cool.”

Joshua returned to the table hauling the biggest oldest stapler Ezra had ever seen. The thing was metal and looked heavy as hell, with the words ‘SWINGLINE’ in curvy stylized letters. It made an audible thud when Joshua set it down.

“You get to be paperboy today.” The tawny-haired college student flipped open the box he’d carried, reaching in to pull out stacks of paper. “I have a metric butt-ton of these questionnaires to be put together and stapled.” Joshua sorted the stacks of paper out onto the table so they were in order, lined up in a row with the doom-stapler sitting ominously at the end. “It’s kind of monkey-work, sorry.” Joshua gave a sympathetic grimace as he demonstrated putting together the packet of papers, then whacking in a staple with a flourish. He dropped the finished packet in an empty box. “While you do that I need to work on the online questionnaire.” Joshua pulled his laptop out of his backpack and settled in across from Ezra. “You good? You need a drink or anything?”

Ezra nodded then shook his head as he started putting together his first packet. “I’m good.”

Joshua fiddled with the computer and looked at the small teen. “What kind of music do you like? I usually just let Pandora run.”

“Umm, whatever is fine,” Ezra said quietly.

“Okay,” Joshua said, tinny music erupting from the laptop’s speakers before Joshua scrambled to turn it down to a reasonable level. “Sorry! If a song is annoying let me know and I’ll skip it.”

Ezra shrugged and kept putting papers together. The truth was, Ezra didn’t know what kind of music he liked. His dad didn’t let him listen to most music unless it was gospel or instrumental. He said most music was a terrible influence and led people to sin. Ezra didn’t own any CDs or an mp3 player. He heard some things at school that intrigued him, but he never got the chance to explore further than that. The music coming from the laptop was… chaotic. The lyrics and beat seemed too fast and tumultuous, too many words and notes for Ezra to keep up with. Ezra didn’t dislike it. He wasn’t really sure how he felt about it, so he let the music flow around him and gathered papers to staple.

They worked quietly for a few songs, Joshua glancing over occasionally to watch the small senior. Ezra worked hard, getting a rhythm going as he got the hang of shuffling the papers. The old stapler was more of a challenge for the lightweight teen. The swingline was situated just a few feet from Joshua, and the young man grinned in delight as Ezra had to practically jump on the ancient thing to bind the packets together with a loud ka-thunk.

Ezra was so focused on not messing up while not being too slow, he didn’t notice that the sleeves of his hoody were starting to slide up his thin arms. The smile fell from Joshua’s face as Ezra’s right forearm was exposed. The older student’s eyebrows drew down as his hand reached out to catch the younger boy’s fingers and pull him closer.

Ezra had been lost in the monotony of papers and staples. Joshua’s warm fingers on his own startled a gasp from the mahogany-haired teen. Ezra blinked in surprise as the college student tugged him closer and slid the sleeve higher exposing bruises and silvered scars. The bruises were less abundant than the scars, but more obvious on Ezra’s fair skin, ringing his wrist and blotching his forearm.

The teen tugged back. “N-no.”

Joshua’s strong fingers held tight as Ezra tried to pull free.

“What happened?” Joshua asked softly.

“Nothing!” Ezra nearly shouted.

Joshua looked at Ezra like he’d just claimed cats quack. “I’m a psych major and I have friends with depression problems, Ezra. I know about cutting.”

Ezra gave up his fruitless struggling, standing stiff with his arm stretched out, fingers tense in Joshua’s.

“I’m not a cutter,” Ezra said weakly.

Joshua took a breath, taking a moment to notice that the scars were all old and well-healed.

“You quit?” The sandy-haired college student queried haltingly. “That’s… That’s really good. It can be a hard habit to break.”

“I’m not a cutter.” Ezra repeated more fiercely, yanking at his arm again.

Joshua let the boy go, not wanting the kid to hurt himself. He looked into Ezra’s eyes, seeing them shutter as the teen hid inside himself. The teen hugged his arms to his chest, looking as though he expected Joshua to tackle him or worse.

Joshua silently cursed himself for driving Ezra into his shell. What kind of therapist was he going to be if he went after people like a grabby bulldozer? That would never be acceptable. He couldn’t just demand people open up to him. He certainly couldn’t be physical like that. There was something about the kid, though, that kicked up Joshua’s protective instincts. Ezra reminded the college student of an abused puppy, timid but strangely adorable. Joshua wanted to ruffle the teen’s shaggy dark hair and see a sparkle in those hazel-green eyes. The kid was cute. If he was just a little older Joshua would totally make a play for him. It also probably wasn’t a good idea to put the moves on his high school assistant who was a reformed cutter covered in bruises.

If he wouldn’t talk about the scars maybe he’d talk about the bruises. Ms. Garcia said it was important Ezra get a ride home and not have to walk after school. Joshua thought it was likely the small teen was getting jumped on his way home. Joshua couldn’t imagine what kind of assholes would pick on the poor kid. It would be like kicking a puppy.

“I’m sorry to bug you about it if it bothers you,” The older boy tried to sooth. “If you ever want to talk about it, though, you won’t freak me out.” Joshua tried to think of a non-threatening way to ask about the marks on Ezra. “The bruises look like they hurt. Do you want some ibuprofen or something?”

“It’s fine.” Ezra’s eyes flicked up to Joshua’s face. “I’m fine.”

Joshua had gone back to fiddling with his laptop, green-blue eyes on the screen.

“Okay. If you ever need some, I keep a supply in my bag.” Joshua smiled wryly. “I think half of it goes to hung-over classmates, though.”

As Joshua typed, Ezra hesitantly went back to his paper packets.

“I got pushed around a lot in junior high.” Joshua sighed, continuing to type as he spoke. “It sucked. We moved the summer before my freshman year and I grew five inches.” Joshua shook his head but didn’t look up. “I was lucky. Nobody really bugged me after that.”

Ezra paused picking up sheet number three.

“I’m never lucky.” Ezra said so softly Joshua barely heard.

It tugged Joshua’s heart. He kept himself from jumping up and hugging the pitiful kid… barely. The older boy doubted it would be a welcomed gesture. Joshua was a hugger. He blamed his parents. They were always affectionate with him and his siblings, made them a bunch of cuddlers.

“That stinks,” Joshua said instead.

Ezra shrugged.

“You think being my assistant will help out?” The college student asked.

Joshua saw Ezra’s grimace when he glanced up.

“No?” Joshua frowned at his screen. “You don’t think hanging out with me after school will help you get fewer bumps and bruises?”

The ka-THUNK of the stapler rang heavily through the room as Ezra slammed it down fiercely to bite into the packet he’d gathered.

“No.” Ezra breathed, his quiet words a harsh contrast to the bang as he had whacked the swingline, then started gathering papers again.

Joshua nibbled his lip piercing even though he knew he shouldn’t. It was a nervous habit.

“My jerks were Robert Johnson and Brad Murphy.” Joshua kept his eyes firmly on his laptop screen. “Those guys were assholes.”

Ezra made a soft grunt and continued working. He was a little shocked by how easily Joshua swore. Ezra never swore out loud. His dad was staunchly against cursing. Ezra swore in his thoughts, though, a silent rebellion where no one could see it. The teen sometimes worried he would accidently swear out loud or in his sleep when his dad could hear him. Just generally he worried about talking in his sleep, afraid of what he might say that could be overheard. Because of this, Ezra liked to sleep on his stomach with his mouth covered by the pillow. He hoped it would cover any nocturnal ramblings he might have.

The senior realized he had stopped working and quickly slammed a staple home. It was oddly satisfying.

“Are you the favorite of any jerks?” Joshua tried to sound nonchalant about the question but was pretty sure he failed miserably.

“Everybody’s a jerk.” The kid shrugged and shuffled his papers. “Some people just haven’t had a chance to show it yet.”

Joshua frowned. “I think you just called me a jerk…”

Ezra froze, eyes widening. “No, I didn’t mean…”

Joshua laughed, the amused noise ringing through the room, making the boy jump.

“I thought I was hiding it really well!” The college student got a devilish glint in his eyes. “I was going to wait until the second week to start with noogies. I thought I’d work up to wedgies in week three and swirlies in week four.” He dropped a wink that made Ezra flush. “But if you’re already onto me we can jump right to the wet willies and belly raspberries.”

Ezra flashed on an image of Joshua’s bigger body pinning him down and yanking up the smaller boy’s shirt, exposing his pale stomach, then leaning down to press his mouth against Ezra’s hot skin, the piercings in Joshua’s lip cooler on the soft flesh.

Ezra bit the inside of his lip hard, fighting to banish the sinful thought. Bad. It was bad. Shit.

He almost stapled his own hand when he engaged the swingline to bite into the next stack of papers.

“Easy there.” Joshua said gently. “If I send you back to Ms. Garcia short a finger on the first day she’ll skin me.”

Ezra’s teeth had moved to his lower lip as he looked at Joshua anxiously, not noticing a tiny bead of blood that had escaped the corner of his mouth. Joshua’s eyes widened as he stood, making Ezra step back.

“Hey, don’t do that.” The college student had moved around the side of the table before Ezra had a chance to take another retreating step.

Joshua cupped Ezra’s flaming cheeks in his palms, thumbs gently rubbing at Ezra’s lower lip until he’d teased the abused flesh free. The teen stood frozen as the taller man examined Ezra’s lip, wiping away the tiny ruby smear with his thumb.

“I’m so sorry.” Joshua sounded heartbroken. “I didn’t mean to upset you. That was the opposite of what I wanted to do. Shit.” Joshua sighed and pulled the tense boy into a hug that seemed to wrap him up more than the length of the college students arms should have made possible. “I just wanted to help. You seem like a nice person, I hate to see you all banged up. I just hoped maybe you could feel like you could talk to me. I’m so sorry.”

The squeezing hurt some of Ezra’s bruises, but felt good at the same time. It was kind of warm and safe in a way Ezra didn’t understand.

“I totally fucked it up, my stupid mouth…” Joshua continued. “I swear I won’t ever hurt you. I can’t even kill spiders. I catch them and put them outside. Okay, sometimes I get the dog to eat them if they’re really creepy. But I really won’t be a jerk to you, I promise. I know how it feels and I would never ever do that. I’m so frigging sorry if I freaked you out. I was trying to be funny but I was just stupid. Shit.”

Ezra’s head spun.

Joshua sounded so upset, it made Ezra feel bad that the man thought he was at fault for something. It wasn’t Joshua’s fault at all. First Ezra had accidentally called the nice college student a jerk, comparing him to guys that had beaten Joshua up as a kid. Then he’d had unclean thoughts about the older boy. Now Joshua was apologizing? This was all wrong.

Ezra just stood in Joshua’s warm arms for a moment before reaching up to awkwardly pat the college student on one shoulder.

“S’okay. It’s not your fault.” Ezra said shakily. “I was… thinking of something else. I don’t think you’re a jerk.”

“Really?” Joshua pulled back, holding Ezra by the shoulders of his dark hoodie.

Ezra nodded hurriedly. “You didn’t say anything wrong. It’s my fault.”

Joshua’s eyebrows lowered. “It’s not your fault. Nobody should hurt you.”

Ezra’s eyes slid to the side. “It doesn’t matter. I just… You shouldn’t feel bad.”

“I meant it though.” Joshua tilted his head to catch the boy’s hazel gaze. “You can talk to me about anything. I’ll do my best to understand.”

“Thanks.” Ezra said softly, stepping away from the older student. He felt cold when the sandy-haired man’s touch left him. “I’m okay.”

Joshua raised an eyebrow but said nothing. When Ezra didn’t say anything more, the young man returned to his laptop. Ezra fought the urge to bite his lip and returned to his papers, taking slow deep breaths. They worked quietly after that, Joshua was afraid to push Ezra and Ezra was naturally a quiet sort. The high school student’s tension slowly drained away as Joshua didn’t say or do anything but occasionally swear quietly at his computer. Joshua had a whole semester to get Ezra to come out of his shell. He’d leave the kid alone for now.

Ezra got back into his rhythm of papers and staples. It wasn’t long before the motions were mostly automatic. He started to glance at bits and pieces of what was on the papers he was shuffling. The first page looked like a release form of some kind with a little line on the bottom for people to sign. It also asked things like age, gender, religious affiliation, race, and region they grew up. Ezra was surprised to see ‘transgender M’ and ‘transgender F’ as options under ‘gender’. He’d never seen that on a form before. Ezra was sure his dad would have something to say about it if he told him, which he wouldn’t.

The second page was instructions.

Please, read each section in its entirety before answering the questions.

There are no right or wrong answers.

All answers will be kept confidential, so please answer as honestly as possible.

The instructions were about half a page, mostly trying to get people to read thoroughly and tell the truth in their answers.

The next page had a paragraph that took about half the page and then questions filled the rest. The rest of the pages were similar until the last one. It was a little thank you for participating and had a spot to write an email address to enter into a drawing for a gift card at the end of the study.

It took several packets before Ezra had read the gist of the first page that had the paragraph and questions. It was a little story about a Hispanic man having a disagreement with another man whose race wasn’t mentioned. Ezra thought some of the questions were weird.

What is the likely race of the second man?

Which man was more at fault?

Which man is more trustworthy?

Most of the questions seemed to be about making judgments about the men and their motivations.

The next page was about a woman having a conflict with a person whose gender wasn’t identified. The person was just identified as ‘the second person’. The questions were similar, asking about who was more at fault in the disagreement and other things about both the people. Ezra was confused how people were supposed to decide the second person’s gender, race, religion… It was odd.

The rest of the paragraphs and questions followed the theme. A person was having a conflict with someone else. The first person was described as something. They were different races, religions, genders, ages, and other things. The questions were also similar.

Ezra stopped moving when he started to scan the next paragraph.

Homosexual man

For a moment he thought his heart stopped.

The gay man in the little story ran afoul of another person while at work. Ezra didn’t see how the gay man actually did anything wrong. It said he disagreed with a decision the other person made and admitted it to the manager when asked. The other person later threatened the gay man in the parking lot after work.

Then the questions.

They wanted to understand motivations, who was wrong and why, things about the gay man and the other person. Reading it made Ezra’s head spin.

“Ezra?”

The teen looked into concerned green-blue eyes.

“You get a paper cut or something?” Joshua asked.

“N-no.” Ezra hurriedly continued putting papers together. “I’m fine.”

Faggot. Sinner. Pederast. Sodomite.

“Is there a bathroom though?” The senior asked shakily.

“Yeah.” Joshua moved to stand. “I’ll show you.”

“No, that’s fine!” Ezra said hurriedly. “Just tell me. You keep working. I’ll be right back.”

“Okay.” Joshua said slowly, easing back into his seat. “Turn right outside the door. Turn right again at the next hall and then it’s a few doors down on the left side by the drinking fountain.”

Ezra hurried out. Right. Right. Drinking fountain. Men’s Room. Stall. Throw up.

Ezra sat, gasping and shivering next to the toilet. He knew he couldn’t stay long. Joshua was the type to come looking. When he thought his stomach was settled enough he stood, knees wobbling, and made it to the sink to wash his hands and splash water on his face. He pulled his hood up to shadow his ashen cheeks and took a few deep breaths to settle himself down.

He rinsed his mouth in the drinking fountain and found Joshua’s research room with only a little bit of trouble. All the doors seemed to look the same.

Joshua was standing when Ezra came in.

“Hey, I was just coming to check on you. You okay?”

Ezra was glad he’d hurried.

“Yeah. Just got confused coming back.” The teen tried to make his voice upbeat. “This place is a maze.”

Joshua chuckled but still looked concerned. “It is. Just remember this is room 468 and you’ll be fine. You know, four plus two is six and six plus two is eight.”

Ezra nodded. He hoped he could remember that.

“Well, it looks like you’re almost done stapling and I’m done with what I can do on the computer.” The college student rolled his shoulders. “Think if I help we can get these packets cranked out and I’ll take you home?”

Ezra nodded, just happy Joshua hadn’t probed further into his well-being or hugged him, though the hug wasn’t all bad. It was Ezra’s fault that he’d used it to think bad things. The teen pushed the thought from his head and focused on papers and the ka-THUNK of the swingline.

After about ten minutes they had finished the last of them. The boxes were filled with tidy little questionnaires as the pair carried them back out to Joshua’s car to tuck in the trunk. They talked only a little on the way to Ezra’s home. It was mostly Ezra giving directions and them figuring out where to meet after school Monday. It was decided Joshua would pick up Ezra in the parking lot after the buses left.

Soon they were turning onto Ezra’s street.

“Thanks for your help.” Joshua smiled wide. “You were a lifesaver. I can’t believe you didn’t get any paper cuts. I would have made a mess of it.”

Ezra shrugged. “It wasn’t hard.”

“Well, thanks anyway.” Joshua gave a little wave as Ezra climbed out. “See you Monday, research assistant!”

Ezra couldn’t help a little smile as he waved back. Joshua waited at the curb until Ezra unlocked his door and went inside, then the little gray car zipped away.

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