Breakdown - 22. 21 Fresh Air

Cam looked around the cramped little apartment that he had found for himself. It had taken him the better part of two weeks to locate a place that was half-decent and didn’t demand a reference. He instead gave his first three month’s rent up front as a show of good faith. It was a step down from the place that Aziel had given him, but a leap up from the place he had been living in before that.

There was a small kitchen, two bedrooms and a bathroom. Cam was sure that the former resident had been a little old lady, as everything had a quiet homey feel and the lingering smell of a grandparent. The furniture had been mostly left behind; low chairs with small doilies on the backs of them and an old TV stand that lacked a TV. The little kitchen was now stocked with some Ikea plates, cups and silverware. The carpet was deep and thick under Cam’s feet. His bedroom smelled of fresh wood from the new bed that he had put together.

Things had been working out very well. He’d gotten a new bank account with a different bank. He didn’t bother with the credit card; that just seemed like it was a bad idea. He’d started to finally feel secure in this new world. No one here knew what he had been back home. He found himself smiling more often.

Of course, all of this wasn’t a bed of roses.

The Craving had set in two days after he had arrived. He felt it clawing in his belly, shouting in his mind, and rattling his nerves. He tried to settle it with strong coffee and pain medication, but nothing seemed to still the crying voice in his chest. He found himself breaking into sweats, his heart hammering out of control. It was all he could do to stay upright on his little couch, staring at the wall, willing himself not to go downstairs and find the right part of town for a special nightcap…

No. He could make it through this. He busied himself through the day with getting his life in order, and through the night with Sudoku puzzles and bad Chinese take out. Some days were better than others. Sometimes, he would think he was getting over it, when the next attack was just around the corner.

Some nights, he found himself masturbating to the thought of Aziel on top of him, pinning him down and kissing him, slipping the silver needle into his veins. It disgusted him. He felt dirty as he finished over himself, white marring his hands and stomach. Panting in shame and pleasure, Cam found the nights the hardest on him.

When Cam registered for his classes, he registered at a different organization that would still accept his credits. He thought, however, that registering for classes would be a predictable move, and Aziel would be waiting for it. However, Cam was gifted with a tongue as silver as the devil’s.

When he sat down in front of the squat, compassionate twin of the woman that had been managing the Outreach in Chicago, Cam took a deep breath and gave her the best look of desperation he could manage.

“You have to promise to keep this secret,” he said softly, his hands clasped in his lap and a book bag between his feet.

The woman leaned forward, her ample breast spilling over the top of her sweater. Her small eyes glittered with interest behind her spectacles. “Of course, all of our students are treated with the utmost care for their personal privacy.”

Cam nodded, pulling a hand to his mouth and playing up his internal confliction about revealing information to her. “Well, there’s a problem with my transcript,” he said. “You see, it’s in a different name.”

The woman was surprised. “Pardon?”

“Well, my name really is Cameron,” he said. “And my birthday really is April 6th.” He shifted in the chair and crossed his legs. “But I’m part of the Witness Protection Program, so I can’t register in this course under that name.”

“Goodness!” she exclaimed, one tiny hand fluttering against her breast. “Honestly?”

He nodded severely. “I’d like to register under another name. George Campbell.” He paused. “The person that’s after me knows that I’m in school. He’ll be looking for me.” He tapped the chair, and the anxiety at the mention of that wasn’t faked at all.

“Of course, you poor thing,” the woman said. She didn’t ask for any documentation, although Cam had had way around that. They visited about how things would work… basically, when he was done school the degree would be issued in his real name, but for now he could do the course work under the fake name. They would just flag the record for Cindy (that was the woman’s name) to remember what was going on.

Cam, pleased with himself, was now enrolled in grade 12 night classes.

The classes were a lot different from the Outreach in Chicago. Firstly, there were more people per class here. Secondly, there were a variety of teachers that rotated which evenings they taught. The first class that Cam attended was with a Mr. Gabriel Hunter.

Cam had been sitting somewhere in the middle of the classroom, his chin in his hand and his fingers twining in his shaggy blonde hair. He really needed a haircut, it was starting to dip into his eyes. Cam was tapping his pen against his notebook, waiting.

And then Gabriel Hunter walked in. Rarely did someone stand out in a crowd to Cam. He’d seen them all, the handsome, the ugly, the rich, the poor, and he’d slept with most of them. But Gabriel was something else.

Gabriel was a tall man with straight black hair down to his shoulders. It was smooth and sleek, thick and well groomed. He wore small half-rim silver glasses behind which intelligent green eyes glinted. His face was open and friendly, angular and handsome. He wore a button-up blue shirt and black dress pants.

“Good morning, everyone,” he greeted. Cam found himself sitting up straighter as he walked the man slide his rear onto the front desk. “Today we’re going to be talking about levels of government and foreign policy.” He looked over his class, pushed his glasses up his nose, and then noted Cam. “And I see we have a new guy in the class. What’s your name?”

Cam found himself blushing, and hated himself for it. He smiled a little nervously. “George,” he said, barely remembering in time to give his false name.

Gabriel smiled at him, showing white, straight teeth. “Welcome to the class, George. I’m Gabriel. You can call me Mr. Hunter if you’re really stuck on formality, but not many of us here are.” There was a light ripple of laughter from the class.

Cam smiled. “Thanks,” he said, holding his pen between his fingers. He found himself paying more attention to the man’s soft voice than the actual lesson.

The thought of seeing Gabriel in the next week helped to limp Cam through when the Craving reared its ugly head. Each class brought Cam closer to his goal of finishing his degree. What would he do afterwards? Could he go to community college? Surely with the money that Aziel had given him he could manage. Cam currently had no less than two hundred thousand dollars… and most of it was sitting in a high-interest account. Cam had never felt like he had more options.

He felt free. It felt good.

So good, in fact, that he felt like a man in a dream when he walked up to Gabriel after class one day. Smiling a little coyly, he’d asked if Gabriel would like to go for coffee. The startled teacher smiled a little, pushing up his glasses.

“Sure,” Gabriel said. “I’m always up for a good latte.”

The coffee shop had been Gabriel’s pick. They had taken Gabriel’s blue little Mazda 3 downtown. The car ride had been pleasant. Gabriel was excellent conversation, animated and jovial. He asked Cam all sorts of questions.

“So what brings you to the city, George?” he asked, glancing at him as they pulled into the parking lot.

“Oh, uh… just needed a change of scenery, I guess.” He smiled meekly. They both got out of the car and started to walk up the slick asphalt to the shop snuggled in the strip mall. Cam snuggled his green coat around himself, peering over the fur collar at the attractive man standing next to him.

“Seems like a funny place to end up,” Gabriel said lightly, laughing. “Come on, I’ll buy.”

Cam blushed a bit. “You really don’t have to buy, I invited you out.”

He smiled and held the door for him. “It’s not a problem.”

Inside the shop was warm and homey. Eclectic decorations for the season were hanging on the windows and around some of the tables. Two boys were standing behind the counter. They looked up, broken from deep conversation. One had long, black and burgundy hair. The other was a smiling red head.

“Hello, what can I make Christian get you?” he asked, a broad grin on his face.

The other boy glared at him.

“I’ll take a vanilla latte,” Gabriel said. Then he extended a hand for Cam to order what he would like.

“I’ll get a… caramel machiato. I don’t even know what that is,” Cam confessed.

“Neither do we,” the clerk manning the till said, punching in the order. The other boy wrote on two cups and then started to make the drinks. Gabriel paid, and then they found a little table near the back corner.

Gabriel leaned against the window, looking over at Cam. “So how are you enjoying class so far?”

“Really well,” Cam said. “I’m really glad to be back at school. Feels like I’m getting somewhere.”

“Trust me, education is never wasted,” Gabriel said. “And the high school degree is so important, and so many people are coming away without one. Makes me busier than I would like to be, quite honestly.”

“Do you like your job?”

“Love it,” Gabriel said with a nod. “I mean, I see a lot of sad stories and I see a lot of bad things… but I see a lot of good things too.”

Cam nodded. The boy with the long hair came with a tray to serve their drinks. He offered them a reserved smile and then retreated back behind the dessert display. The red head and him then absorbed themselves in conversation, talking quietly to each other. Cam watched them a moment, and then looked back at Gabriel, who was gazing at him over his glasses.

“So, I have to ask,” Gabriel said, picking up his coffee. “Did you know I was gay, and this is an attempt at a date, or did you really just want to come here and talk?”

Cam flushed bright red and put his hands around the warm cup in front of him. “Well,” Cam said. “I didn’t know, but I hoped…”

Gabriel chuckled softly, sipping his latte. He nodded to himself, and then looked back at Cam. “I’m glad it was a date, I would have been disappointed otherwise.”

Cam looked up and smiled. “I should tell you before we go any further then that I don’t want you calling me George when we’re alone together.”

“Why? You go by Geo or something?” Gabriel asked. He picked a piece of fluff off of his sweater and discarded it by the tableside before returning his eyes to Cam. Cam looked at him severely for a heartbeat, and then dropped his eyes.

“It’s not my real name, it’s my pseudonym so that someone doesn’t find me,” Cam said. “My real name is Cameron. Cam. You can call me Cam.” He closed his mouth around the lip of his cup so that he would stop babbling.

Gabriel raised his eyebrows. “So that someone wouldn’t find you?” he asked. “Are you sure it’s safe for me to know?”

“Oh, yeah,” Cam said with a nod. “He’s in another city. I just registered under a different name so that he couldn’t trace me. It was… a bad break up. That’s all.” Cam swallowed nervously, hoping that the other wouldn’t ask any more questions. He didn’t know how to answer them about Aziel. It was… just part of a past that he wanted to leave behind and forget. Had Aziel forgotten about him? Perhaps decided that he wasn’t worth the chase?

Gabriel smiled. “Fair enough.”

Cam couldn’t explain how relieved he felt when the other just accepted his answer without any more questions. Perhaps he was smarter than that, and knew that if Cam wanted to talk about it, he would offer more information on his own. The soft smile that was on Cam’s lips would be there until he fell asleep that night, dreaming of the life that was possible with Aziel behind him.