Ben Goes to the Zoo - 1. Ben Goes to the Zoo

Ben Goes to the Zoo
by Hamen Cheese

My little brother Ben has always been a happy child. That, at least, has always been how I saw him. He was always laughing, drooling, and looking around at the world as though everything was amazing. He was different and I knew it but I never saw different as anything wrong.
My mom did though. Her name’s Sarah. Overall, she’s a good ma but a very unhappy one. She’s been sad for almost as long as I could remember. Our neighbours say she used to be very happy while my dad was around. I was just a little over a year old when he died so I hardly have any memories of that time. All the ones I seemed to remember were all bad.
I was told that my dad got killed after a poker game. He had won the grand pot equal to twenty dollars and someone decided that they wanted that money for themselves.
We weren’t rich. In fact, we were really poor. We lived in a section of the city where all the other poor people lived. None of us owned the land and the government didn’t seem to know where else to put us so they just let us be. Most of our houses were just made of pieces of wood we managed to scavenge, mostly from the garbage dump near our community. You were already considered fancy if you had plumbing at your place.
Apparently, my dad must have thought of the money as a fortune because he tried to fight back. He got stabbed in the process. He didn’t even make it to the hospital.
My mom was pregnant with Ben then so he didn’t even get to know our dad.
My mom changed after dad passed away. I have a faint memory of walking into our kitchen the day after my dad died. She was seated on a table crying and drinking this foul smelling liquid. She kept crying and crying that night and kept telling me to go to bed. I kept asking for my dad but she said he wasn’t coming home. I don’t remember what happened after that but I knew somehow that my dad wasn’t coming home ever again.
Our neighbours say she was really depressed for months after my dad died. I found out later on that she kept drinking alcohol. A lot of our neighbours and even her sister came by and told her not to because it was bad for the baby. But she didn’t listen, I was told. She just kept drinking and drinking. All I could remember though was her crying.
And then, Ben was born. She had named him Benji after my dad who was called Benjamin. For awhile she seemed happy. She still cried but not as often. I was really glad that Ben was born because for awhile my mom was back to normal. Ben for me became a gift from heaven.
When Ben was almost two, we kept visiting this charity clinic that was near our community. My mom kept talking to a lot of the doctors about Ben. They kept saying different words I couldn’t understand and even individual letters that didn’t make any sense when I tried to say them out loud.
The last time we went to the charity clinic, the three of us came straight home after. Ma was exceptionally quiet and I was worried that something was wrong. She went to the small room Ben and I shared. It wasn’t even really a room but a small space in the house that had been allotted for us. The two of us could barely fit in there as there was only enough room to lie and sleep. There was hardly any space to move around.
She placed Ben in his makeshift crib which was an old packaging box that had been reinforced with some wood we gathered from garbage dump. The word “Kleenex” was written on the side of his crib in big purple letters.
She looked down at Ben as he stared up at her. He was laughing and drooling.
“What’s wrong Ma?” I asked. That was the name I learned to call her.
She kept looking down at Ben and staring at him as though she suddenly hated him. “Your brother’s retarded,” she said before turning around and walking out into the kitchen. A few moments later I could hear her crying.
I stayed in our room and looked down at Ben. He was looking up at me laughing and drooling. I wondered what retarded meant. I knew though that whatever it was made Ma cry. Ben kept looking at me and laughing as though he found me amusing. He looked so small and tiny in his little crib that I figured that whatever retarded was it wasn’t Ben’s fault.
From then on, I knew that Ben was special and I promised to myself that I would take care of him.
He didn’t change much over the years. Even now that he was eight and I was ten, he still kept laughing and drooling. He grew for sure and his head seemed to be shaped differently from all the other kids I saw around but as far as I was concerned, he was still the same old Ben I was happy arrived into our lives.
“Nyanyanyanyanya,” Ben said from his special seat around the table. Unlike our seats, his had little handles around that kept him from falling off his chair. I was feeding him a breakfast of dried fish and rice. It was the standard meal at our place since it was all Ma could afford. Ma was seated across from Ben sitting silently in front of her plate.
“Here comes the food, Ben,” I said playfully as I raised the spoon in front of him. I flew it around like a bird and Ben’s eyes followed it. He drooled and laughed each time it came close to his mouth. I’ve been feeding Ben for many years now.
It became clear to me quite early that Ma had little patience to feed Ben. She often quickly got angry when he would make a mess or refuse to eat what she served, which was always the same thing anyway. I found ways to make him eat his food like playing with them pretending that the spoon was an animal I’d seen on the TV displays of those electronics stores. Somehow, he seemed to be especially fascinated each time I’d talk about the different animals I’d seen. He would look at me with such amazement and wonder in his eyes that I made it a mission to constantly find something animal related for Ben.
At first, it was little pictures or cartoony animals I’d found in the trash. It surprises me sometimes the kind of stuff that people threw away. There were old cartons and boxes of toys they once contained. I brought home the empty boxes and ripped out the parts with animals in them. I’ve nailed or hung them all around our room for Ben to look at. Our little room looks like a mishmash of animal ads now. Ben looks really happy though each time we go in there so I didn’t mind at all.
“Your birthday’s coming up in two days, Ben,” I told him, “And guess what, I’m taking you to the zoo.”
Ben laughed and drooled still watching the spoon in front of him.
“Where are you going to get the money to go to the zoo?” Ma asked. “It costs twelve dollars a person. I don’t have any money to give you. We barely have enough for food.”
I looked up at her. She rarely ever spoke up while I fed Ben. In fact, she rarely ever spoke up. “I’ve been saving up some money. I’ve been collecting those aluminium cans people throw out and having them brought to that recycling place near the river. They offer like two cents per kilo. And the zoo has a special discount for ten years old and below. We can get in for six dollars each. I only need two dollars more and we can get in.”
“And you expect to find two dollars worth of aluminium in two days?”
“I’ll find a way,” I said with some sadness in my voice.
“How are you supposed to bring him around the zoo?” she asked. “Ben can’t even walk. It’s going to be useless to bring him to a place where you have to go around.”
I frowned at her. “Don’t say that. Ben can hear you,” I said. I placed two hands around Ben’s ears to prevent him from hearing anything else. He continued to eye the spoon on the plate oblivious to any changes in sound.
“Don’t kid yourself, Kyle,” she said. “He can’t understand a word we’re saying. You can call him anything you want and it won’t make a damned difference.”
“Please don’t talk about Ben that way,” I said.
“You think he understands me?” she asked. She moved closer to us then took my hands away from Ben’s ears. With one hand she managed to hold onto both my smaller wrists. She looked at Ben who looked back almost startled at the sudden attention. “Ben, you’re a retard. You’re stupid. You can’t understand anything I say.”
“Stop,” I yelled as I tried to free my hands from her grip but she held on tightly. Ben looked over at me and drooled while laughing.
“You’re useless,” she continued speaking to Ben. “Your brain’s undeveloped. You’ll never be able to understand anything.”
“Stop it! Stop it!” I yelled again and again as I struggled harder against her hand which seemed to tighten even more. “You’re going to upset him.”
“Upset him?” she asked. “Look at him, he’s laughing and drooling. That’s all he knows how to do. That’s all he’ll ever be good for. He’s completely worthless. You’re worthless Ben, you hear me?”
“Stop it, please,” I begged as I felt tears slide down my cheeks. I stopped struggling against her hand which I realized had become painfully tight around my wrists. She looked over at me probably at the sudden change in my tone. For a moment, she looked surprised and sad but she quickly recovered. The room was quiet except for Ben’s occasional laugh and gurgle as he looked from me to our mom back and forth.
She let go of my hand and stood up. “Go get some water,” she said stiffly. “We’re almost out.”
With that, she left to her room which was separated from us by a very thin board. She closed the door behind her. I could hear her crying on the other side.
“It’s ok, Ben,” I whispered. “She was just a little upset. She didn’t mean any of that.”
“Nyanyanyanyanya,” Ben replied.
“Come on. Let’s go to our room,” I said.
I lifted him from his seat. He had become much heavier than a few years ago but I could still manage to carry him. He was much smaller than most kids his age except perhaps for his head which was exceptionally big. Ben wrapped his arms around my neck as he usually did and leaned his head on my shoulder. I could feel his drool seeping into the thin fabric of my shirt.
When we got to our room, I placed him on the bed we shared. He no longer had to sleep in a carton box but instead shared the wooden bed with me. There was a thin piece of cloth over it that was donated to our community by some kids from a private school in the city. Most of my and Ben’s clothes also came from charity as we couldn’t afford to buy any for ourselves. Most of our stuff was old and stained but they were comfortable so it was okay. We each had only one set of nice looking clothes which didn’t look too used. I was saving them for Ben’s ninth birthday.
Ben started ogling at all the posters and pictures I’ve collected over the years. He drooled and laughed each time he saw something he must have liked. I sometimes thought that he could get lost in his own world in this room. I took two toys from the small window we had which was basically a hole in the wall. They were Ben’s treasures – a small plastic zebra missing an eye and a little female hippo whose tail had fallen off. Both animals looked thoroughly worn but they were Ben’s only toys. I found them in a dumpster behind a fast food store.
“Hey, Ben, look who’s here,” I said as I bounced the two plastic animals in front of him. Ben laughed and drooled harder. I made as if the animals were attacking him and eating away at various parts of his body. I accompanied it with munching sounds and he would laugh and drool excessively each time the little plastic toys came into contact with his skin.
Finally, he managed to grab onto the zebra’s neck and I let him have both toys. He eyed both in each hand as though wary of being attacked again.
“I’m going to be right back okay?” I said. “I’m going to get us some water.”
“Nyanyanyanyanya,” he said as he placed the one-eyed zebra into his mouth. The zebra’s head emerged drenched in drool.
I smiled at him before I made my way out. Ma’s door was still closed. I couldn’t hear her crying anymore. She probably fell asleep as she usually did after her crying moments. I went outside our little house and went to the back. We had a little shower area there where a little curtain could give the occupant some privacy. There were three thoroughly worn pails there that we used for water. They were all almost empty.
I combined the contents of the three pales into one. With two empty pails, I headed towards the community pump. It was the source of water for most of us that lived here. Each day, we had to manually pump water out of the pump someone had built from long ago. It took awhile to get even one pail filled and my arms would often hurt by the time I was done. But if we wanted water, we had to do the work for it.
As I walked across the many little houses to the pump, I saw a lot of kids playing around. Most of them were my or Ben’s age. They were playing what looked like a game of tag. They used to ask me all the time if I wanted to join them and I always said that I needed to get back and take care of Ben. After awhile, I suppose they just got tired of asking and didn’t bother anymore.
As I got to the pump, there were only a few people in line. Most usually get their water early in the morning when it wasn’t too hot. It didn’t take me too long to fill my two buckets of water. As soon as I had them filled, I started heading back.
“Kyle,” came a familiar frail sounding female voice.
I looked over to the source and smiled. “Ma’am Arlene,” I said.
“Come here for a second,” she said in that shaky voice of hers.
I brought over the pails to her. She lived in a house bigger than ours but not by much. She lived there with her only son who I heard was in his late thirties. She sat on a wheelchair everyday outside her house. Her wheelchair was probably the most expensive thing in the whole community. It was willed to her by the old lady she took care of when she still worked as a caretaker. She spent most of her life taking care of the other woman and all she was left with was a wheelchair in her will. I honestly think she should have gotten more considering how much of her life she had given for that job. “What can I do for you ma’am?”
“Ah Kyle, always so polite,” she said with her shivering voice. “I wish my son was as polite as you. He’s so rude and all he ever does is swear and gamble away everything he earns.”
I merely smiled having heard this before.
She looked at me and seemed surprised for a moment that I was still there. “A little bird told me that you want to go to the zoo.”
“Yes, ma’am. How did you know?”
“Those little birds, you know, they get around,” She coughed and I think a little something flew into her mouth. Whatever it was, she swallowed it again though. “So why on earth would you want to spend money going to the zoo?” she asked.
“I want to take my brother there for his birthday. You see, ma’am, he loves animals.”
“Now isn’t that just so sweet,” she said. “I wish my son was as sweet as you. He’s so rude and all he ever does is swear and gamble away everything he earns.”
I continued smiling knowing this was all part of conversations with her. She’s a very sweet old lady but I think that her age was starting to catch up with her.
“So, how do you plan on taking him in there? How are you going to afford it?” she asked.
“I’ve been saving up some money, ma’am,” I said. “I’ve been getting cans from the garbage dump and selling them in the recycling place. I only need two more dollars and we’d have enough to go to the zoo. I think the bigger problem is getting Ben around. See, he can’t walk very well, ma’am.”
“Such a shame” she said as she shook her head. “That brother Ken of yours is such a nice young fellow too though a bit odd at times. I wish my son was as nice. He’s so rude and all he ever does is swear and gamble away everything he earns.”
“Actually ma’am, his name’s Ben. And if there’s nothing else, ma’am, I should get going,” I said.
“Wait a minute,” she said. “Why don’t you come back here in two days time and I’ll lend you my wheelchair? That way you could bring your brother Ken around the zoo without any trouble.”
For a moment, I thought I heard things incorrectly. But I replayed the words in my head and they still made sense. “Are you serious, ma’am? You’d lend me your wheelchair for a day?”
“Well, you wouldn’t have the time to get the money you need if you spent it worrying about how you will bring Ken around the zoo,” she said. “Besides, I don’t suppose I’d miss it. Come by here in two days and you can borrow it then.”
“Thank you, ma’am, thank you,” I said. “You have no idea how happy that would make me and I’m sure Ben would love it too.”
“Who’s Ben?” she asked with a confused frown.
“My brother, ma’am.”
“Oh, you’re brother Ken. He’s a such a nice young fellow though a bit odd at times.”
“I’ll tell him you said hello, ma’am,” I interrupted.
“Oh, alright. Thank you, Kyle. Such a sweet boy.”
I lifted the pails again and started walking back to our house. I could still hear Ma’am Arlene talking. She’s a very sweet woman but the thing with her was that if you stayed long enough, she could talk about the same thing over and over again for hours. I just hoped that she still remembered that I could borrow her wheelchair in two day’s time.
As I walked back, my heart felt lighter. I now had a solution on how to bring Ben around the zoo. That was one thing less that I had to worry about. Now, I just need to find two dollars so we could both get in.
When I got home, I placed the two pails behind the house and headed inside. Ma’s door was still closed so I went to our room. Ben was still eyeing the two animals in his hands. When I got in though, he started laughing and drooling more as he looked up at me.
“Hey Ben, guess what, Ma’am Arlene’s going to lend us her wheelchair on your birthday. I’ll be able to bring you around the zoo.”
“Nyanyanyanyanya,” Ben said as he laughed.
I sat down next to him and he leaned against me. His drool was absorbed into my shirt. “You’re going to the zoo, little buddy. I promise. I’ll find a way.”
“Nyanya,” Ben said. His voice was muffled by my shirt.
I heard Ma’s door close in the other room. I wondered if she had left. I turned to Ben, “I have to go get some more aluminium cans, Ben,” I told him, “I still need to get two dollars for us.”
I said goodbye and left Ben ogling at his toys and the pictures. I could leave him like that often and I’d find him still seated on the bed as though he was waiting for me to come back.
I checked if Ma was still in her room. I knocked tentatively.
“What is it?” she asked softly.
“I’m going to go and find some more aluminium cans to sell. I’m going to leave Ben here okay?” She didn’t need to feed him or anything since our family has gotten used to having enough money for only two meals a day. She just needed to make sure he didn’t wander off or anything – not that he ever did. He usually just sat in our room quietly waiting.
“Okay,” she said softly with a sniff. I wondered if she was sick.
“Are you alright?” I asked.
“I’m alright,” she said and the room was quiet.
I left and headed towards the garbage dump. The guard there would often let us kids go in and collect whatever items we could find useful. I think he belonged to a poor family too so he was very lenient with us. He was only ever strict when someone was inspecting or something.
I spent the whole day there in the garbage. I wasn’t the only one there. There were a lot of us kids trying to find something to sell. It was awfully warm there and the garbage could smell really bad. That was especially true if it was the day after it rained. Fortunately, it hasn’t rained for awhile.
By the end of the day, I managed to get a lot but I knew that once it was weighed, it wouldn’t be as much as it looked.
I headed towards the recycling plant where many of us who were in the garbage dump earlier were in line. By the time I got up to the guy and he weighed it, my total haul came up only to ten kilos.
“There must be more than that,” I said. The guy at the weighing counter lifted the trash bag that contained all the cans. The weighing scale registered zero. As he replaced the bag, it came back up to ten kilos.
“Sorry, kid, that’s all there is. But that’s a lot for a day to be honest” he said. He opened the register, took out twenty cents and pushed it onto the counter in front of me.
“But I need to come up with two dollars before the day after tomorrow,” I said. “I promised my brother I’d take him to the zoo and I just need two more dollars.”
The guy tilted his head as though he was trying to get a look at me from a different angle. He looked sympathetic when he spoke again. “Sorry kid, but that’s all there is really.”
I nodded sadly and took the twenty cents from the counter and stared down at it in my hand. I managed to get a lot today. Realistically, I knew I wouldn’t be able to get one dollar and eighty cents more by tomorrow. I didn’t want to steal the amount. I was thinking of begging for it. The problem with that was that the local government didn’t mind us staying in our own poor little community as long as we didn’t have to bother anyone else. If we started begging around, we could get into all sorts of trouble.
“Just work harder tomorrow, okay kid?” the man behind the counter said.
“Okay,” I said softly and left. I could feel the man watching me as I walked away.
When I got home, Ma was opening a can of fish. It was the cheapest brand in the market and we almost always had it. She didn’t have a job. But I knew that her sister was giving her what little money that could be spared every month.
I liked my aunt but she worked eighteen hours a day just to feed her family. On top of that, she seemed to be supporting us as well. With her work hours, I wondered where she had the strength and courage to spare anything for us.
“I’m home,” I said as I came in. It wasn’t really necessary because our house was so small and the walls so thin that if anyone came home to the house next door, we’d know. “I’m going to take a bath. How’s Ben?” I asked Ma.
“In your room,” she said softly.
“Are you alright, Ma?” I asked considering her rather unusual behaviour. It wasn’t odd for her to be quiet. But it was odd that she was so soft-spoken now.
“I’m alright,” she said as she continued to open the can without looking at me. A small pot was boiling next to her presumably with what little rice we’d be having tonight.
“Okay,” I said as I went outside and around to our makeshift shower room. Most of the water in the pails had been used but there was still enough for me. After my bath, I took a small piece of cloth that we always left there and wrapped it around my waist. I got a small basin and filled it with the remaining water so I could give Ben a washcloth bath. He didn’t like taking a bath out here and preferred a washcloth over other full assault of water over his head. I headed back into the house with the small basin.
The fish and rice were already on the table but ma was nowhere in sight. She was probably in her room. I went into our room and as usual, Ben was seated on the bed and looking towards the pictures around the room.
“Nyanyanyanyanya,” he said as he laughed and drooled.
“Hey Ben,” I said. I took an unused shirt and shorts from under our bed and put them on. I then folded my dirty ones and placed them in a corner. “How was your day?”
“Nyanyanyanyanya,” he said as he moved the upside down zebra on his hand up and down.
“What did Mr. Zebra do to you?” I asked as I started cleaning him up with a moist washcloth.
“Nyanyanya,” Ben said.
“Is that so? Well, after dinner, I’ll tell you about the zebras that live in the garbage dump.” I didn’t see any zebras in the garbage dump naturally but I didn’t think Ben would mind if I altered that little detail.
Ben laughed and drooled. “Nyanyanyanyanya.”
“Come on. Let’s eat,” I said as I finished washing him and changing his clothes. I lifted him on my chest and as usual he drooled against my shoulder as he leaned on me. He wrapped his hands around my neck.
I brought him to the kitchen and placed him at his usual seat. I fed Ben as I always did. Ma was quiet for the whole meal. In fact she didn’t seem to want to look at us. As soon as she was done, she rinsed her plate with some water she must have brought in from the pails. Afterwards, she disappeared into her room.
Once Ben and I were done eating, I washed our plates and then brought Ben back to our room. I told him a few zebra adventures before we both fell asleep on our small wooden bed.
The next day, I woke up earlier than usual because I wanted to start early at the garbage site. I still had to get water for us as I always did in the morning so I woke Ben up and told him I needed to go get water.
“Nyanyanya,” he said before his eyes closed and he fell asleep again. Ma wasn’t out of her room yet when I left. I made my way to the community pump with two empty pails. The line was longer than yesterday because most people got their water at this hour. Ma’am Arlene wasn’t outside her house yet when I passed by but by the time I was headed back, she was already seated there on her wheelchair.
“Kyle,” she coughed, so much so that I wasn’t sure she had really called my name. She repeated it though so I knew she was calling for me.
“Yes, ma’am?”
“Don’t forget to pass by tomorrow for my chair,” she said. She looked like she had a bad night. Her skin was pale and she was coughing constantly.
“Are you alright, ma’am?” I asked with concern.
She waved one hand in front of my face as though she wanted to swat me. “I’m fine,” she said as she coughed. “Don’t forget, tomorrow! You should get going. You have a lot to do.”
I looked at her curiously wondering what she was talking about.
“Well aren’t you gathering more cans?” she asked.
“Yes, ma’am,” I asked. I was surprised so far because this was perhaps the most normal conversation I’ve had with Ma’am Arlene for the many years I’d known her.
“Well, then get going,” she said. She paused as though thinking. “Don’t be like my son. He’s so rude and all he ever does is swear and gamble away everything he earns.”
I smiled and nodded. “Okay, ma’am,” I started walking away when I heard her speaking again.
“We’re helping him out, aren’t we deary?” she asked. I thought for a moment that she was talking to me but she was looking a different direction. There was absolutely no one else nearby though. “Oh yes, I think that’s the least I could do for such a sweet boy. Besides, I won’t need it anymore, right?” she asked with a laugh.
I shrugged and left. I figured she was definitely starting to lose it. I was glad though that she was still being very nice to me.
I fed Ben when I got back. Again, Ma was very quiet through the meal and as soon as we were done, she washed her plate and left to her room. I returned Ben to our room and said goodbye. He kept hugging onto me as though he didn’t want me to leave. But I attacked him again with Mr. Zebra and Ms. Hippo and left him in a laughing fit eyeing the two plastic toys warily.
I told Ma about feeding Ben in case I came home late. Her answers were soft again and I told myself I’d speak to her about it tonight when I got back.
I headed straight to the garbage dump and again spent hours collecting aluminium cans. When the cans were starting to get too heavy for the trash bags I used, I brought my haul to the recycling plant. The guy from yesterday was there weighing again and he seemed rather surprised that I was there not only early but with so much aluminium. I managed to get a little over fifteen kilos this time which left me needing one dollar and fifty cents more. I went back to the garbage site and rummaged through more piles. I was feeling really tired but I had to get that last dollar and fifty cents by today or else I won’t be able to keep my promise to Ben.
The heat of the day was worse if anything the second time around. It was as though all the clouds had decided to take a break that afternoon. I could feel the sun’s heat scorching the back of my exposed neck and my arms were aching already if not from the heat then from rummaging through all the garbage. I was sure I was going to be sore one way or another tomorrow.
By the time I was about to leave the garbage dump for the second time that day, it was already getting dark. I knew that I didn’t collect enough. I would have stayed longer if the guard didn’t ask me to leave already. He said it was a dangerous place at night. I rushed to the recycling plant worried that it might be closed but thankfully there was still a light at the weighing window. I was the only one still there other than the same guy behind the counter. In my hurry, I didn’t even notice that the whole place was dark except for that one window.
“You worked hard today,” the man behind the counter said with a smile.
I rubbed the back of my neck. “Yeah,” I said sadly, “but it wasn’t enough.”
The man took the bags from me. They were heavier than my haul earlier in the day but nowhere near what I needed. The man behind the counter turned the weighing scale around to face him. He then placed the bags, one on top of the other on it.
“Will you look at that?” he said. “Seventy-five kilos. That brings up your total haul to one dollar and fifty cents.”
“What?” I asked in surprise.
“I’m pretty sure it says seventy-five kilos,” the man said. Because he turned the scale, I couldn’t see what weight it was saying. “Here you go,” he said as he slid one dollar and fifty cents from behind the counter. He didn’t even open the register or anything almost as though he had the amount ready beforehand.
I looked at the money on the counter. There was a single one dollar bill on it and a coin for fifty cents. I wanted to take it. It would mean that I’d have enough for the two tickets to the zoo and yet somehow I knew there must have been a mistake. I couldn’t possibly have carrier seventy-five kilos. I weighed less than that.
“But sir...”
“Just take it,” he said kindly as he pushed the bill and coin further to the edge. “You deserve a break.”
I looked up at the man. He was looking at me with a sad smile on his face. I took the money off the counter. “Thank you,” I whispered loud enough for him to hear.
“You’re welcome,” he said. “Now get going. It’s getting late.”
I nodded and made my way out of the recycling plant. I looked back wanting to see the man at the window again but the blinds had already been rolled down and the lights turned off. The whole recycling plant seemed deserted.
I pocketed my earnings for the day and as I did, a thrill rushed through me. I had enough money to bring Ben to the zoo. I had no doubt that he would be really happy on his birthday tomorrow. All I had to do was borrow Arlene’s wheelchair and we’d be set.
As I neared our house, I could hear shouting inside. Ben was yelling as was my mom. I rushed to the door as quickly as I could manage.
“Nyanya! Nyanya!” Ben kept yelling as he kept struggling in his seat. There were bits and pieces of rice and fish on the table and floor. It looked like Ma attempted to feed Ben since I didn’t come home in time.
“Why can’t you just learn to eat by yourself?” Ma asked in an annoyed tone. “You’re so useless.”
“Ma, I’m home now. It’s okay.”
“Nyanya!” Ben yelled as he heard my voice. He struggled even harder as though trying to get out of his chair to reach me.
I ran over to him and as soon as I was next to him, he buried his face in my filthy shirt. He didn’t seem to mind the dirt or smell.
“He is so annoying,” Ma said. “He won’t even let me feed him. Why couldn’t he have just been normal?”
“Ma, he is what he is,” I said, “Ben is different but that doesn’t make him any less normal than us.”
“You know that’s not true,” she said as she shouted into the night. I had no doubts that our neighbours could hear what she was shouting. “Sometimes, I just wish... I wish that he... that I...” she said but seemed unable to finish what she was saying. She suddenly seemed to be lost as though she was trapped somewhere in her thoughts. An eerie silence followed her words. It was interrupted only by an occasional sniff from Ben.
“I know, Ma” I said softly as I did know exactly what she was saying. “And it’s okay. We don’t hate you for what you did.” Our eyes met and I saw the tiniest spark of life return to her eyes. I wrapped my arms tighter around Ben who was sobbing next to me.
“I do love you, you know,” she said softly as she looked at me. She then looked towards Ben. She seemed to be deciding if she would say the same thing.
“I know, Ma,” I said, “And Ben knows it too.”
She looked sadly at me for a moment as though she very much doubted what I said. Without another word, she stood up and disappeared into her room closing the door behind her.
“Come on, Ben,” I said as I gently pried him away from my filthy shirt. He struggled as though he didn’t want to be kept away from me. “Let’s go to bed.”
I lifted him up as I always did like a baby. He wrapped his arms around my neck and buried his face into my neck. I was sure that it was filthy from all the garbage I went through earlier but again, he didn’t seem to mind.
I gently laid him down on the bed. He wouldn’t remove his arms around me though. “I need to take a bath, Ben” I said with a laugh.
“Nyanyanya,” Ben protested.
“Alright, alright. Can I at least change into something cleaner?” I asked. “I won’t leave the room. I promise.”
Ben’s grip slowly loosened from around my neck. He was probably getting tired of raising his arms up since I knew I was starting to get a stiff neck and back from my position. Eventually he let go. I really did want to clean up but decided I would leave it for tomorrow. I changed into clean clothes. I also checked to make sure that what we were wearing tomorrow was ready. I looked and they were neatly folded underneath our wooden bed.
I crawled into bed beside Ben who seemed half-asleep already. I wondered if I should eat something first but for some reason, I wasn’t the slightest bit hungry. “Good night, Ben. Tomorrow you’re going to the zoo.”
A small smile played on his lips and soon he was fast asleep. It didn’t take me long to follow.
I woke up much later to Ben’s insistent shaking.
“Nyanyanyanyanya,” he kept saying. My back felt sore from all the garbage I lifted yesterday and I still smelled bad. The sun was up already so I knew I woke up late.
“I’m awake. I’m awake,” I mumbled as Ben kept shaking me.
“Nyanyanyanyanya,”
“Alright,” I said with a laugh, “I’m getting up.” I struggled to sit on my bed. Every bit of my body felt sore and my skin was a bit red.
“Nyanya,” Ben said.
“I’m alright,” I replied. “Hey, it’s your birthday today. Happy Birthday, Ben!” I yelled.
Ben laughed as I tickled him silly.
“Look whose come to say Happy Birthday,” I said as I took his two treasured toys and placed them in front of him. “It’s Mr. Hippo and Ms. Zebra.”
“Nyanyanya,” Ben yelled indignantly.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I mean Mr. Zebra and Ms. Hippo. Happy Birthday, Ben. Raaaaawr!” I said suddenly as I attacked him with the two plastic toys. Ben laughed, drooled, and struggled fruitlessly underneath the simultaneous attacks. “I should take a bath, Ben, so we can get going. I still need to get Ma’am Arlene’s wheelchair.”
“Nyanya,” Ben said as though he agreed completely with the bath suggestion.
I left the room. Ma was in the kitchen cooking something in the little pot we had. Something smelled different.
“What’s that smell?” I asked and I wasn’t referring to myself.
“It’s chicken,” she said without turning around to face me. She continued cooking.
“Why do we have chicken?”
She didn’t respond at once as though she was thinking about her answer. “It’s your brother’s birthday,” she said finally.
I stared at the back of her head. “But you haven’t celebrated Ben’s birthday since he was one.”
“Maybe it’s time I should,” she said softly. She spared a glance at me and a soft smile was playing on her lips. She frowned though when she saw me. “Didn’t you take a bath?”
“I’m doing it now” I said as I made my way out of our little house. I went to the back. I was surprised when the three pails there were almost full. I was pretty sure they’d be almost empty now. It could only mean that Ma got water while I was still asleep. I took a quick bath and washed away yesterday’s dirt. I made sure I was extra clean today. I got a basin of water again for Ben and went back into the house.
There were now three extra small pieces of chicken on the table. Ma was scooping up some rice into a plastic bowl. It was then that I noticed the two small jam filled sandwiches next to her and four lollipops.
“What are those for?” I asked referring to the sweets.
“They’re snacks for you and Ben” she said again without turning around. “I figure you guys might get hungry going around later. I couldn’t afford much but I got the best I could.”
She couldn’t say anything else because I suddenly wrapped her in my arms. She stiffened almost as if she wasn’t used to such a display of affection but after a moment, she seemed to melt into my embrace.
“Thank you, Ma. This means so much to me and to Ben too, I’m sure.”
“I know Kyle. And you’re welcome,” she said as she turned around to face me. She took my face in her hands and kissed me gently on the forehead. “Now, go get your brother so we can eat.”
I nodded and started moving to our room. Ben was there seated on our bed ogling at the pictures around the room as usual.
“Time for your bath, Ben,” I told him as my entrance finally caught his attention. It didn’t take long since Ben was always cooperative during these washcloth baths. Soon we were both in the kitchen. I didn’t dress him yet in his nice clothes since I didn’t want them to get dirty from breakfast.
“Happy Birthday, Ben,” Ma said almost tentatively.
“Nyanyanyanyanya,” Ben said as he looked around the room as though he was looking for something.
I offered Ma a small smile and she smiled sadly back at me. We ate the little bits of chicken together. It was delicious though there was hardly enough for all of us. I appreciated though the change in the food and I’m sure Ben did too cause he finished up his piece completely.
“Time to get dressed, Ben,” I said as I went over to him to carry him to our room.
“I’ll get him dressed,” Ma said. “You still have to get the wheelchair remember.”
I looked over to her in surprise. “How did you know about that?”
She hesitated as though unsure how she should answer, “I overheard you say it,” she said guiltily.
I looked over at Ben who seemed to be watching me. I looked to Ma again. “Are you sure you can handle it?”
“Yes,” she said. “We’ll be fine.” She came over and offered her hands to Ben.
Ben looked at them curiously before saying “nyanyanyanya”. He then raised his arms up allowing her to put her hands underneath his shoulders. Ben leaned against her when she lifted him up.
“Go,” she said to me as she held Ben in her arms. “We’ll be fine.”
I nodded with a smile. “It’s the yellow one under the bed,” I said to Ma as I left the house. I headed towards Ma’am Arlene’s house. When I got there, she wasn’t seated outside. I figured that she was probably seated somewhere inside and her chair was available for me to borrow.
The door to the house was open and a large fat man was seated on a chair facing a table against the wall. He was smoking and counting several bills in his hands. He was smoking half a cigarette on his lips. I knocked on the open door. The large fat man continued counting his money without looking at me. He didn’t say anything. I figured this was Ma’am Arlene’s rude son.
“Sir, is Ma’am Arlene here?” I asked.
“Nope,” he said without turning to face me.
“Do you know where she is?” I asked. I looked around and couldn’t see her or her wheelchair in the small room.
“Hospital,” he said as he continued counting his money.
“Oh, is she alright?” I asked with concern.
“She’s dead,” he said with a slight pause. He seemed to lose his count as he folded the bills again and started counting once more.
“Oh. I’m so sorry to hear that, sir.”
“What do you want?” the man asked in an irritated voice.
“Oh, she asked me to pass by today to borrow her wheelchair. She said I could borrow it today cause it’s my brother’s birthday. He needs it to get around in the zoo.”
“Well you can’t borrow it,” he said.
I looked at the man not knowing what to do. I didn’t know what to say because I certainly did not expect this to happen.
The man paused in the middle of the counting the bills. He grunted as he folded them again and once more started counting from the first bill. He looked at me at last as though annoyed I was still there. “I sold it to the nursing home down in Second Street. If you want to borrow it, you borrow it from them.”
“Oh,” I said sadly, “ok. Uhm, thank you, sir. And I’m sorry about Ma’am Arlene.”
“Beat it!” the man yelled as he reached over and swung the door shut in my face. I only had enough time to dodge it from hitting my head.
“Rude son,” I said under my breath. I looked towards the spot in front of the house where Ma’am Arlene usually sat. “I’m so sorry, ma’am,” I said silently. I felt terribly sad for what had happened. “I hope you’re happier now wherever you are.”
A slight wind blew against my face and I felt a little of the sadness go away. It almost felt like she was telling me that she was indeed somewhere happier. The momentary change in the wind didn’t help me carry my feet back to the house though. They felt heavy as I made my way back. Now, I didn’t have a way to bring Ben around the zoo. And with my tired arms, I knew I couldn’t carry him for too long. I could just imagine how sad he would be when he heard the news. I frowned because I was so close to keeping my promise and yet it had to be taken away now.
I stood in front of our house for awhile thinking of what I should say. I figured I should just get it over with. When I walked into the kitchen, Ma was washing the plates we used. She looked over at me with a small smile. She frowned as she saw the expression on my face, “What’s wrong?”
“Ma’am Arlene passed away,” I whispered, “and her son sold the wheelchair.”
“I’m so sorry, Kyle,” she said as she walked over to me. She took me in her arms in a tight embrace, “I know how much this means to you.”
“I’m just worried about Ben” I said. “He was really looking forward to this. And now he’s going to be so disappointed.”
Ma looked sadly at me. “I’m sure it will be fine. You should get in there. He’s waiting for you.” She turned as she reached for something in the table. “Here, take these,” she said as she gave me a plastic bag containing the small jelly sandwiches and lollipops she got. “It might make him feel better.”
I nodded and carried my feet to the door of our room. I walked in and watched as Ben giggled, drooled, and laughed as he saw me come in. He was wearing a yellow polo shirt that fit perfectly on his skinny body. The collar was red and there was a small print of a cartoon-like lion on one side of his chest. He was wearing a nice looking pair of jean shorts that reached just a little over his knees and fit just fine. His hair was combed to the side. He clapped and jumped up and down on his butt as I came into the room.
He looked so happy that it just made me feel even worse.
“Nyanyanyanya,” he said as he extended his arms out for me to carry him. His two favourite toys were clasped in his hands.
I looked sadly at him as he looked expectantly at me. I couldn’t bear to tell him that I wouldn’t be able to bring him around the zoo so I did the only thing I could – I kept my promise.
“That’s right, Ben,” I said loudly, “We’re going to the zoo.”
I changed into the light blue polo shirt I’d been saving. It was a few sizes too big for me but it looked almost new so it was fine. I wore a pair of khaki shorts that was also a bit big. I used a thin piece of robe to tie it on tightly. I took the plastic bag Ma gave and placed it into one of my pockets.
I then looked at Ben who seemed to be watching me intently as he drooled. I got one of the bedclothes with animal prints on it from underneath the bed. I tied two ends together tightly and swung it over my head so that it was against my chest and stomach like a sling. I then lifted Ben against my chest and made him sit on the bed cloth dangling in front of me. The cloth helped spread the weight to my shoulders and back rather than completely on my arms.
Ben leaned his head against my shoulder and drooled on my shirt, “Nyanya,” he said softly with one hand wrapped tightly around Mr. Zebra and the other hand wrapped around Ms. Hippo.
“Yes, Ben. We’re going now.”
I carried Ben out of the room. Ma was standing anxiously at the opposite corner of the room. She was holding a cup in her hand.
Ben pulled away from me and looked towards Ma. He smiled widely as he yelled, “Maaaaaa... Ben... go... to... zoo...”
The cup Ma was holding clattered to the floor, its content spilling everywhere. Ma simply stared at us.
Ben’s forehead scrunched up as though he was wondering why she wasn’t answering, “Ben... go... to... zoo... Maaaaaa,” he said again.
Ma blinked rapidly and her voice cracked as she spoke, “yes, baby. You’re going to the zoo.”
Ben got a contented look on his face as he rested his head again on my shoulders.
“We’ll see you later, Ma” I said as I carried Ben out of the house.
I felt a gentle wind blow against me as I carried Ben away from our house towards the zoo. Oddly, I didn’t feel tired. Ben didn’t feel heavy in my arms anymore also. After awhile Ben pulled away and started waving his hand behind me. I looked back and I saw Ma standing by the door waving back.
I smiled at her as she smiled back. I could see she was crying but I knew she was no longer crying because she was sad.
I adjusted Ben on my front as he leaned back on me again.
“Nyanya,” Ben said softly.
“That’s right, Ben,” I whispered. “Everything’s going to be alright now.”

© 2010 Hamen Cheese

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