Crashing Into Love - 1. Chapter 1

‘Where am I?’ starting to panic as I suddenly woke up out of the dark. Everything was blurry- and tinted red. I tried to move my hand to my head, only to be hit with a sharp pain. I tried to look around or call out for help, but everything faded back to black.

Flashes of light filled my head – I was driving down the road. Next thing is the impact of the other car hitting my truck. It goes dark from there…

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“I wish I was a senior, at least they got the week off,” I thought to myself as I made my way through the bustle of the hall during class change, “at least it is lunchtime.”

"Look out, coming through," I heard come from behind me in the crowd. The owner of the voice must have started to push people out of the way, as the sounds of people grunting and complaining from being bumped snapped me out of my thoughts.

I should have guessed that that voice was my best friend Benji, as soon enough I felt him jumping on my back.

Benji, or Benjamin Allan as his parents and our teachers would call him, has been my best friend since Preschool. "What’s up Benji?" I asked as he came up to walk next to me.

"Not a thing Conner man, just excited for this weekend. How 'bout you?"

"Definitely excited for the weekend."

This weekend was going to be one of the greatest bonfires that you could ever be at. Every year, my parents got everyone together and held a start of summer party, and this being the last week of school, my dad have been stacking wood up, and the stack was now a good six foot tall.

We made our way to the lunch room and found our usual table in the corner. As we kept talking about the weekend, another joined our conversation.

“Hey boys, you two ready for this weekend yet?”

“Hey Lex, don’t you know it. You two are coming right?”

Lexie was the third to our little band of misfits. She had been in our class since Kindergarten and she was the sister neither of us had ever had. Lexie was followed by Brandon, her ever loving boyfriend.

“Have I missed one yet?” she replied. Brandon told us he had to work earlier in the day, but he should be able to make it as long as they didn’t hold him over.

The four of us kept joking and talking about the party through lunch until the bell rang and we took our separate ways to class. At least for me, the day dragged on. There is nothing like teachers trying to drag on, because they wanted to be in front of our classes as much as we wanted to be.

The last period bell couldn’t come soon enough, and all of our junior class pushed and shoved their way out of the doors to the freedom of the outside world.

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“I don’t want to lose you,” The voice sounded like a whisper, but I could tell, the words were flowing with tears. “Just open your eyes and let me know you can hear me, let me know you will never leave me.”

I could feel the soft caress of a hand against my cheek, wished more than anything that I could move my hands up to put them on to the warm, shivering hand.

I tried to fight to open my eyes, but I couldn’t. I wanted to move my hand to just show that I heard, but my hand wouldn’t move.

I wanted to reach out and grab and hold him. I wanted to let him know I was there and that I didn’t want to go anywhere. I felt something on my lips – they were his lips, he was kissing me. I could hear him start to shuffle out the door.

The voice got closer, “I am in love with you and I want to spend my life with you.”

I willed my eyes to open, I willed my hand to move, I willed my voice to call out.

“I … Love … You … Too,” it was all I could do to barely screech it out.

I could hear him turn around and come back to the bed, quickly grabbing my hand.

“Please say something again; please tell me I wasn’t hearing things.”

“I…Love… you”

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“Connor, it’s your mom. On the way home, please stop at the store and grab the extra soda for the party.” The voicemail ended with the sound of the clicking of the home phone.

I pulled into the Wal-Mart and went inside to pick up the extra soda my mom wanted me to grab.

*Ding*- Text message

Benji: What U Doing?

Connor: Getting more drinks for party

Benji: OK – you going to be long?

Connor: Home soon

Benji: Cool

I loaded the extra soda into the bed of my truck and headed home.

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The party was starting to get going as I pulled into the driveway. Benji, as if on cue, came through the garage. I had to swear that the boy had ESP or something, every time I pulled into a driveway near him – he would magically appear.

“I thought for certain you would be late,” he joked. “Go figure, you would be the one to show up late to a party at your own house.”

“What can I say – I like to make an entrance,” I joked back with a slight chuckle, walking to the bed of my truck. “Grab some of these and help me get them to the back yard”

The night went as expected, friends and neighbors all around well into the dark as my father went into the huge back yard and set the bonfire ablaze. You could feel the heat off the bonfire all the way to the house.

Lexie had come to where we were sitting on a rock retaining wall near the fire.

“Hey boys,” she said sing – song like. She sat down in between us, wrapping her arms around our shoulders. “What are you doing out here alone?”

The three of us started talking as we always did, about school, summer plans, everything that seventeen year olds would find important. Footsteps in the grass slowly approached us from behind.

“How did I know I could find you around these two bums,” the owner of the footsteps calls out.

“I’ll have you know that these are my two bums, and you should be nicer to them.” Lexie retorts to Brandon before planting a kiss on him.

I don’t know – but at that moment, I looked over at Benji and his look confused me. At first it seemed like a good old fashioned ‘get a room you two’ look, but I could also see the hurt in his eyes. Benji had just broken up with his girlfriend a couple of weeks ago, and I knew that it still hurt him in some situations.

He got up and started moping off back towards the house. I run to catch up with him, leaving the lip locked couple alone.

“Ben, you ok man?”

“Yeah, it’s just hard.”

“Britten really did a number on you when you guys split up didn’t she?”

“Nah - it’s not that. I mean I broke it up with her because I just wasn’t feeling it anymore. Actually, I kinda was getting it into my head that I have feelings for someone else.”

“Really, who? Not Lex?”

“No not Lex, but I figure that they wouldn’t say yes if I asked.”

I heard it in Benji’s voice that he really didn’t want to discuss the matter any further. We carried on back to the house and grabbed a couple of sodas.

As the fire died down, I grabbed a blanket of the deck and made my way out the field to stare at the stars. Off in the distance, I heard the sounds of crying and slurred mumbling.

“He doesn’t love you like that Ben, he could never be more than what you are now. I just wish he would hold me in those strong arms and tell me everything will be ok.”

“Did he just say ‘He’? I thought to myself. “It’s someone we know he has feelings for.”

I could tell that Ben was mumbling to himself, but it sounded like he must have snuck some of the beers from the party and was out here fighting his pain.

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I remember when I came out to Ben and Lex. It was last year and it was right after the homecoming game. Lex was commenting on the guys uniforms and Ben, the horn dog, was commenting on the length of the skirts on the cheer captain.

“Benji - you don’t want to be thinking too hard on that,” Lex said. “She’s been passing herself around more than the trays in the cafeteria. Don’t you agree Connor?”

I snickered. Benji continued his day dreaming.

“Yeah- I’d rather the Football captain anyway.” I casually slipped.

“Fuck - what did I just say? No, No, No. This isn’t how I wanted to tell them.” I started mentally screaming to myself. I could feel my face turning all sorts of red.

“I was wondering how long it was take you to say that.” Lex nonchalantly remarks. “You’ve only been staring at his ass the whole game.”

Benji just sits there staring at me with this dumb look on his face. Lexie just slaps him on the arm and he goes back to commenting on the cheerleaders’ skirts.

After the game, we headed down to the diner and grabbed a bite to eat. Benji made a joke that with my good looks off the market, that meant a better chance for him. Lexie just looked at him and sneered. Lexie and Benji were two of the coolest people I could have as friends. Accepting and wonderful.

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Benji’s voice snaps me back from my flashback.

“Do you know what his best feature is?” He continues to converse with himself. “It’s not his dirty blond hair or strong arms, it’s his smile. That smile that is like an early morning sunrise. Seeing him smile warms up my heart. But then there are his eyes, those deep blue eyes, I wish I could spend my life staring in them.” I can make out Ben’s face, and can see the sadness in his eyes, “But what is the point - he won’t love me like that, not like the way I love him. C-”

A twig must have snapped under my foot. The sound of the snap caught the drunk teen’s attention and stopped him mid-sentence.

“Who’s there?” He tried to gain his balance to fight off whoever it was.

“Don’t worry Ben - it’s ok. Just me.”

“Con-Connor, is that you?” He stuttered out, trying to see me in the dark.

“Yeah, bud, it’s me.”

“Oh,” He said - you could hear something off in his voice. “What’s going on?”

“Apparently, those weren’t sodas you grabbed.” I commented as I saw the bottles at his feet.

Benji stumbled over the empties and I ran up to grab him. He falls into my arms.

“Come over here bud,” I help him over to the blanket on the ground.

Benjamin unceremoniously dropped to the blanket. Figuring this was safer than taking him into the house, I laid down next to him. He almost immediately snuggled into me, wrapping his arm over my waist. Soon he was gently snoring, asleep.

I laid there and wondered what was going through his mind. Who was this guy he was in love with? I didn't picture Benji being attracted to guys before this moment.

I heard him stutter, “Connor, I love -.”

He cuts himself off as he rolls over.

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I remember waking up the next morning - but not in my bed.

I slowly opened my eyes to see this dark head of hair snuggled up against me. Benji was so cute, apparently we had spooned up to each other and he was holding my arm like a little boy with his teddy bear.

I had to admit, I liked the feeling of him wrapped in my arms. I instinctive take a breath while my face is buried in his neck. I feel the flood of emotions come over me. Now that the smell of the beer was off of him, his scent was intoxicating.

“What the hell Connor?” I think to myself. “This is Benji - like best friend Benji - like best friend since we were 5. We don’t think of him like this.”

“Ben- come on man - let’s get up to the house.” I say while trying to nudge him awake.

He pulls me tighter to him. I feel the warmth coming off his body. I could have sworn I felt what I thought was him kissing my hand. For a moment, I think about relaxing into him until it hits me again that it was Ben.

I managed to get him up and back to the house and up the stairs to my room. It takes my all but I manage to get him into the bed. I run back down stairs to get him aspirin and water - he is bound to have one hell of a hangover when he wakes up.

As I set the water on the nightstand next to the bed, I look over at him. He looks so adorable as he curls himself in my blanket. The way his disheveled bedhead of black hair looks is so cute, and it makes me want to run my fingers through his hair. His lips slightly open- those lips that looks so very kissable, lips I would love to spend a lifetime with mine locked to.

I snap back to reality. “This is Benji - the one person is who like a brother to me. Why the hell am I thinking like this.”

I reach into my pocket and pull out my cell phone. There would be only one person who can get my mind straight. I pull up the favorites and dial.

“Conner? Why are you calling so early?” Lexie’s voice asked through the phone. It sounded as though I just woke her up.

“I found Ben in the field last night.”

“And this is important at 7am why?” She asked roughly

“He was drunk - going on about someone who wouldn’t love him back.”

“Did he say who?” She asked, her voice sounding more alert.

“I think it’s a -”, I questioned whether to finish, “- a guy.”

“Right,” her voice full of sarcasm, “Just because you bat for the other team doesn't mean captain horndog does too. I mean this IS Ben we are talking about after all.”

“Lex, you didn’t hear him. It was definitely about a guy.”

“Well, did he say who?”

“No, but -” I cut myself off.

“You know who he is talking about, don’t you?”

“I think the person he was describing,” I swallowed hard, “It’s me. That’s not the only thing though…”

I paused.

“I think I might have feelings for him too.”