Hello, my name is Will W and I’m gay. Alcoholics say about the same thing at AA meetings: “Hello, my name is Bill W and I’m an alcoholic.” Alcoholism is considered a disease. But being gay is no longer considered a disease unless you happen to be my parents, the members of my church, and the kids at school.

My first gay experience, if you want to call it that, was with a thirteen year-old neighbor boy. I was fourteen, a sophomore in high school, and small for my age. Even though he was younger than me, we did a lot of things together. We lived in a small mountain town in Idaho. There was plenty of open space for us to wander. We often ignored the trails so we could get away from people and have some fun. We’d get naked and walk around enjoying the cool mountain air on our skin. Of course we got hard and it made it all the better.

Running around naked soon became boring so we brought a blanket with us and laid naked on the blanket. I was ashamed and embarrassed because James was bigger in the sex organ department than me.

James, while younger, was more confident. “Let’s beatoff,” he said.

“I don’t know. That’s a bit gay isn’t it? And besides, I’m embarrassed.”

“Shit, you’re already naked and sitting next to me with your thing sticking in the air. How can you be embarrassed? And this has nothing to do with being gay”

“You got a point.”

At first I paid more attention to my thing than his, but the next couple times I began watching him until one day he says, “Let’s see who can shoot first.”

By then I was game, and of course, the kid beat me. He teased me “You let some young kid beat you and I have a lot more to work with, so it should take longer.”

That kinda pissed me off because here he was a year younger than me and his was bigger than mine. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

“I realize that. Maybe we should do each other and see what happens.”

He reached over and began massaging me and I came to life immediately. His did too.

That was the first time I thought I might be gay. I didn’t touch him at first and just let him do me. It felt good.

Then he said, “Hey, this isn’t a freebee. You need to do it me too.”

I looked over at him and wanted to touch him but was still afraid. This was like forbidden fruit.

“Get movin, Will. I want that hand of yours on me now.”

I did as the kid demanded. Yes, I keep calling him the kid because he was younger than me and he made me feel inferior. It was the only way to maintain my seniority.

We started doing this every time we had a chance to take off into the woods until the day he said, “My dad got a new job and we’re moving.”

We managed to make it into the woods a couple more times before they moved. Neither of us had the courage to do more than we’d already done. That was my first and only experience with a guy. But there wasn’t and isn’t any doubt that I am gay.

I missed James, and knew we’d have done more if he’d stayed, but he moved, and there I was, a gay boy, all alone with no other boy to share his experience.