A Matter of Perspective - 25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

Will Waters Tue, Sept 2, 3:21 PM

To: frankf4321S@gotmail.com

Hey its me!!! An everything is like ok!! I thought fer some reason we started with a half day (?) today but it was a whole day! Oops! Went good though! I gotta pretty cool schedule too, with my seventh period free like I hoped for so I can leave at 1:45!! It pays to be a good student! And ya know what!?? Jason and Gary had me sit at the jocks n popular kids table for lunch!!!!! How fuckin cool is that!??!? Frank I'm like cool now!!!!! Holy shit!!! I'm cool!!!! Fuckin A!!!! I don't know what to say or think or what to do or how to act!!!???! How or why does shit change so quick??? Just cause I got smacked??!"?? I dunno n I don't care!! People talked to me n were nice to me n acted like I belonged with them! I wanted to bust out crying all day!!! Still do!! Why!???! Don't care why! Shit!!! I feel like a real person first time in two years!!! I'm happy...and it's weird but sooooo good!!! I have homework already too! Crap! Ha! Frank my life is so different! And I love u SOOO much!! I do!

Will n Max! woof! U rock! Xo

*****

frankf4321s Tue, Sept 2, 3:35 PM

o: willw521k@willmail.com

I'm glad your day rocked, you’re suddenly one of the popular kids, and it was like the whole world changed for you. You make it sound everything is behind you. And like I said, God works in mysterious ways. The pastor hitting you is one strange way in itself.

You should have always been treated well and been made to feel you belonged. But hell, what's life without a few knots and a little pain? Those things make us grow. I kind of laughed when you said you felt like crying all day. It must have been hard to hold those tears of joy inside. Think about what you said awhile back, "I could never understand how anyone could have tears of joy." Now you know. Isn't it wonderful?

It's also hard for me to believe that I am a part of it all. I thank God every day for the opportunity we both had to make a difference in each other's lives. You have made a big difference in my life. I became a teacher and coach because I wanted to touch young people's lives and make a positive difference. It hasn't been the same since I retired and now look how things have changed.

Hard to believe you have homework already. But I'm sure you're going to face it with a whole new attitude compared to last year. Have a great night and hopefully you'll be able to sleep. But I have to tell you, I'd probably lie in bed and picture the whole day over and over again in my head before I was finally able to sleep.

God bless. Love you too.

Frank

*****

Will Waters Tue, Sept 2, 5:38 PM

To: frankf4321S@gotmail.com

After I wrote to u I actually sat in my room with Max and had a good long cry. The emotions of the day just washed over me and I couldn't help it. I'm so happy n never dreamed I would be. And yes ur a part of it. A huge huge part. Yeah I actually got freakin homework in English and government classes today. Shit. I'm working on both right now trying to finish up soon. Have to have lights out by 10:30 on school nights and i wanna read and write in my journal too before bedtime. Frank so much has happened and changed so fast that my head is spinning. It's hard for me to even understand. But I'm happy. I'm happy Frank. I'm finally actually happy. I love u so much. Will n Max. Woof!

*****

frankf4321s Tue, Sept 2, 9:24 PM

To: willw521k@willmail.com

Will

I imagine you're in bed by now. Glad you got a good cry. I guess we can't always understand what's happening in our life when it happens so fast. But at least you’re happy and life is going smoothly.

Give Max a hug for me. Love you both.

Frank

 *****

Will Waters

To: frankf4321S@gotmail.com

Hey!!! I'm home already! This seventh period open study thing is awesome! Ha! I've already got a shitload of homework though! And well...to be honest there were a few minor difficulties today too. Even though Gary and Jason and I guess quite a few others have basically accepted me back into the group not everyone feels the same way. A few shades of the last two years today and it was both embarrassing and depressing. :-( No matter how much things have gotten better with some of the kids I found out the hard embarrassing way today that not everyone's on the same page. A couple things kinda really sucked to be honest. And well I'm kinda upset about it too. Gary told me to tell him if anyone gives me shit but I don't wanna be caught in the middle cause these guys are all football teammates. It's a sticky uncomfortable situation. (????). I can't go into a play by play of my day cause I have a lot of homework and plus I'm kinda upset and trying to sort things out bout what to do. But things are better, a lot. Just not perfect. Will they ever be??? Love ya. Will n Max.

Frank wrote me a quick note and said, “Remember, we never expected things to be perfect anyway. If anything, we expected it to be a lot tougher.”

*****

frankf4321s Wed, Sept 3, 4:05 PM

To: willw521k@willmail.com

Sorry I didn’t get back to you sooner, but I had some work to do. I also had a chance to read about this gay guy. He said he knew he was gay when he was your age and also lived in a small town like you. So he kept it all to himself and had to listen to his family’s homophobic remarks during his four years of high school.

He got a job and after moving away from home told his sister and then his brother that he was ga. He finally told his religiously conservative parents. Ironically, they managed to tell him that they loved him anyway. He didn't say he regretted keeping it a secret. And of course, we know, waiting was the right thing to do. Just thought you might like to know about this guy. I was impressed that he was so willing to freely share this part of his life.

Anyway, back to your situation. You need to deal with this now. You can't let it fester. The question is how to deal with it. Homework and all is fine, but you can't avoid dealing with this. I need more details and maybe a conversation on the phone. (This is my idea and not yours, so this is a freebie.) You need to tell Gary and Jason. They asked you to, and if you don't, they'll be pissed or hurt or both. Forget about being caught in the middle. You're acting out of fear. "Face your fear and it will disappear." I know it's a cliche, but worth thinking about. Gary and Jason are leaders and these other guys will have to respect them. If you don't tell them, it could be a mistake. Gary and Jason will tell these guys to knock the shit off and that will hopefully be it. If they give you more shit, then tell them to grow up and fuck off or something that let's them know you're not going to put up with their shit anymore. But I'd start with Gary and Jason. Show them you are The Brave Prince.

And why are you trying to sort these things out on your own. What's the sense of having me in your corner if you don't tell me what happened so we can talk about it? I’m going to be busy for an hour or two. If you want to talk, write me back in the next 30 minutes with a time or at least write out what happened in more detail.

Keep the faith, be strong, and don't take any shit off anybody. Love you.

Frank

*****

Will Waters

To: frankf4321S@gotmail.com

Hey it's me. You are right. And gary has forced the issue and it's I guess being handled (?). Apparently there was some talk and laughing going on at football practice about what happened with me today and gary drove right to my house right after practice and demanded to know what happened and who was involved. I told him everything. Anyway he just about blew his fucking cork and grabbed his keys and left in a big hurry and said it's handled (?). That was it. That was two hours ago and he hasn't answered my text yet. I don't wanna be caught in the middle of something but u know what? If he says he's got my back n wants to handle this shit then I'm gonna let him! Why shouldn't I right?!? I spent two years with nobody handling shit for me so I figure the world owes me a couple. Somehow I believe between Jason and gary that I may not have a repeat of today again. Ya know I'm starting to like football more n more already! Ha! Love u Frank! Will n Max (woof!)

*****

frankf4321s Wed, Sept 3, 6:31 PM

To: willw521k@willmail.com

Boy am I glad this shit is working out. God, Gary, and Jason have your back. I was afraid you wouldn't take any action and let the whole thing fester. I guess you can sleep tight tonight and thank God for such good friends.

Of course, the proof is in the pudding as they say, so you probably won't know much until he texts you or you find out something at school tomorrow.

Just remember you can't let the ignorant fools get away with their shit. Either you have to let Gary and Jason handle it. OR The next step would be to tell those guys to fuck off, and of course the third and final option, kick them in the balls or hit them in the mouth before they have a chance to do anything. But don't let them get away with this shit. If you do, they'll consider you weak and they will continue to give you crap. Be The Brave Prince and not the Cowardly Lion.

Be sure to say your prayers tonight.

Love ya. Give Max a hug for me.

Frank

*****

Will Waters willw521K@willmail.com Wed, Sept 3, 6:44 PM

To: frankf4321S@gotmail.com

I say my prayers every night and ur always in them! I've decided I'm not gonna be shy about getting help with bullies and assholes anymore. I got peeps now so I'm using them! Ha! But I'm not hitting anyone unless I'm cornered n alone like last winter when it was two on one. If Gary n Jason wanna step in and handle shit then fine! I'm gonna let em! U don't know gary hehe! He has his ways! Ha! I'll let ya know soon as I hear back from gary or tomorrow after school what happened. I have some more reading for both English and government to do tonight before lights out. I am the brave prince and I am the chameleon! I love ya Frank! Will n Max

I wrote him again before he had a chance to get back to me.

Will Waters willw521K@willmail.com Wed, Sept 3, 7:21 PM

To: frankf4321S@gotmail.com

Ok. Gary finally texted back. God! He really REALLY handled shit! Like fuckin BIGTIME handled shit!!! Don't have long cause it's almost lights out time. He n Jason went to the coach's house and told him everything! Like everything! The entire who what where how n why everything! I asked why they did that n he said because he's sick of people's immature bullshit and our school's zero tolerance policy does zero good if nobody gets involved! Holy shit!!!! So him n Jason got like major involved! Fucking wow!!!! The coach said they did good and he would be talking to other witnesses and the offenders and possibly suspending some people from playing for one or more games! Holy shit! Oh my God!

*****

frankf4321s Wed, Sept 3, 8:12 PM

To: willw521k@willmail.com

Will

That's great. What exactly happened? You notice there is a lot less time in the day now that school has started. I had no idea that the coach might suspend these guys from a game. Cool! It's about time someone did something. I'm impressed with Gary and Jason's maturity. The fact they went to the coach instead of the kids involved is impressive. That is a much better approach.

Trust me, I wasn't suggesting you get in a fight except as a last resort. I'm not into violence unless absolutely necessary. Although it sounds like the football coach may at least talk to the guys and tell them he won't put up with that kind of crap.

I've been so busy today I still haven't finished the next chapter of Knots. I'm not mentally prepared, but it has to be done in order to get it to Lisa.

Hope tomorrow goes a lot better. Sleep tight Brave Prince.

God loves you and so do I. Woof Woof

Frank

*****

Will Waters Thurs, Sept 4, 11:44 AM

To: frankf4321S@gotmail.com

I'm on lunch but gotta keep this brief cause I'm typing in the bathroom. If we get caught with phones in school they take em away n give em to our parents. That'd suck! Anyway big big shit!!!" Why can't I stay away from controversy! ????? Can't explain all now but will later. Two guys got suspended for 4 days n two games cause of what happened. Didn't tell u whole story cause I'm tired of being crybaby but guess I need to tonite. I will promise gotta go. Class in 5 min. Love ya Frank!

*****

Frank wrote me three emails while I was still at school so I combined them into one to make it easier to read.

frankf4321s Thurs, Sept 4, 11:53 AM

To: willw521k@willmail.com

Will, people don't wear those t-shirts that say “SHIT HAPPENS” for nothing. That's just the way life is. The only thing you can hope for is that there will be less controversy with time . And boy am I glad to see the school isn't putting up with any of their shit.

BTW, somebody's gonna get that phone if they catch you with it. It would be better to leave it at home and hide it somewhere.

I don't consider you a crybaby. I'm here to listen. I'm your GoTo Man. I was surprised you kept this to yourself instead of telling me what happened.

Did you talk to your parents about it? That should be your first choice unless it's something you don't feel you can talk to them about. That's when you should contact me. But of course, you can contact me any time.

Don't forget, God works in mysterious ways for those who love Him and ask for help. He may not answer our prayers like we want, but we'll have to figure He's wiser than we are. I'm sure you wouldn't have chosen to have the pastor hit you or get caught in the middle of the current controversy. But hell, two guys got suspended and won't be able to play in two games. They already were treating you like shit, so fuck them. You have nothing to lose on this deal as long as you have Gary, Jason, the coach, and the administration on your side. You have a whole army behind you and you are leading them Brave Prince. You just don't realize it. Be confident. Easy for me to say I know. But let go and let God. That means TRUST GOD. Again, it's easy to say, but give it your best shot.

I have the following prayer on my refrigerator.

Dear Lord

Bless me and enlarge my life, put your hand upon me, keep me from evil, may I cause no pain.

This is a paraphrase of the prayer of Jabez that I found in a book I bought my daughter which I don't think she ever read. In fact, I don't even know who Jabez is. But I like it. My life has been enlarged many times over and you are one part of so many good things that have enlarged my life. I usually pray this prayer at least once a day when I go to the refrigerator, which I do far too often.

Be patient. Love ya.

Frank

*****

Will Waters Thurs, Sept 4, 9:13 PM

To: frankf4321S@gotmail.com

Hi! Hadda shit ton of homework! Already. Yeah! I can't seem to not be in the middle of the shit somehow! Geez! Here's what happened. It was lunchtime and in the hall by my locker and two jocks grabbed me. One held me while the other grabbed my hips and started humping me like he was butt fucking me! I got pissed and screamed n tried to break free and struggled really hard. That pissed one off and he grabbed the back of my underwear really hard and gave me such a bad wedgie that it tore the whole elastic band of my underwear completely off! Two girls saw it and yelled at them to leave me alone. They just laughed and said homoboy (me) probably loved it! I was so fucking embarrassed. Had to go in the bathroom and throw my underwear out cause they wouldnt stay up without the elastic band. So I had to free ball it the rest of day and that pissed me off too! So now they're suspended til Tuesday and miss two games! Good! Assholes! Anyway it was kinda traumatic for me. I weigh all of 140 on a good day and they're both close to 200. I felt very helpless and powerless and I hate that shit. Gary heard bout it and the rest is history. May not seem like a big deal but it was to me! And most embarrassing part was assistant principal calling mom and talking to her. That sucked! Anyway it's over right. Homework finally done so I got some chillout TV time before lights out time. Love ya Frank! Will n Max! Woof!

*****

frankf4321s Thurs, Sept 4, 9:53 PM

To: willw521k@willmail.com

Will

You have to wonder why two guys that weigh around 200 lbs would pick on a 140 lb guy. It's because they're small minded chicken shits. Something is wrong upstairs and they deserve the suspension. It must be nice to have some people come to your defense. No need to be embarrassed. You're the victim and have two big guys picking on you. They're the ones who should be embarrassed.

Did Gary or Jason tell you what they said to the two assholes before they talked to the coach. But like I said, if you'd have kicked one of them in the balls, that would have stopped him right away. We've all been hit in the balls before and it completely stops you. Even a light flick will do it. Doesn't take much. That doesn't mean they wouldn't have been pissed, but they'd have had to stop. Oh well. It's over for now and you survived and got a lot of support from some of the kids in the hall, from Gary and Jason, the coaches, and the administration. Hopefully the message got out there. It sounds like these two guys are a minority.

If this crap happens again picture yourself as The Brave Prince that goes to battle to defend the weak and powerless. Hell, Joan of Arc was a woman and look at what she did.

What I find interesting is that these guys really want you to be gay so they'll have an excuse to pick on you. You said you weren't gay and because they needed someone to pick on, they still picked on you because they really don't give a shit if you're gay or not. They're just bullies.

Well, thanks for sharing. You'll have peace for a while and I'm sure that unless they want to be suspended from the football team, they'll shape up. That doesn't mean you won't get some dirty looks and some words from them. Be sure you tell them to fuck off. You don't want to appear weak.

I know it goes against the type of person you are, but the one thing I learned from playing football was to be more aggressive. When I was a freshman, I hated hitting people. I'd always been taught that violence was wrong. The coach kept on me to get meaner. But it wasn't in my nature. Over time though I got tougher, not meaner, but tougher. And once that happened, I excelled. I'm just a big pussycat. I'm still not aggressive and really am afraid to fight, but I will if I have to. Of course it doesn't hurt to be 240 lbs. But hell, I'd be out of breath in seconds if I had to fight some smaller guy that was in good shape. But some of the toughest kids I knew growing up were small guys. They were quick. That made a lot of difference.

I'm not suggesting you become a mean asshole, which I know you'd never become because it's not in your nature.

Anyway, I was over jogging at the high school and listening to country and western music. All the football players were out there and I was surprised at how small and quick some of them were. But that's not the point. The following song came on while I was jogging. It’s one of my favorite. It’s The Real World by Alan Jackson. I'm giving you the first part of the lyrics that I like the best.

"Here In The Real World"

Cowboys don't cry, and heroes don't die
Good always wins, again and again
And love is a sweet dream, that always comes true
Oh if life were like the movies, I'd never be blue

But here in the real world, it's not that easy at all
'Cause when hearts get broken, it's real tears that fall

 

Those are my parting words for the night. Sounds like school is keeping you busy and that's a good thing because you can focus it on it and getting those good grades because YOU'RE GOING TO COLLEGE!!!

Love Ya. God bless.

Frank

*****

I got so busy I didn’t write Frank for three days.

Will Waters Sun, Sept 7, 4:37 PM

To: frankf4321S@gotmail.com

Hey it's me! My bud gary took a pic of me on Friday and shipped it too my iPhone so I could send it to u and I totally forgot! Ha! So sorry! But everyone was so excited bout the first football home game that crap just fell thru the cracks. Alright...I screwed up! Ha! Sorry! Anyway had super busy day cause we went and did church an the whole damn day with grandparents in and I just forgot. Sorry. Worked on homework like 3 hours yesterday and still not done. Crap. FrankI need u ta know ur as important to me as ever if not more. Seriously!!!! I know ur judge buddy has issues but screw it! If ur not here fer graduation I'll shit a brick! And throw it all the way to California!!! Ha!! We'll figure it out! U see I have a whole totally completely different life now, like u have no idea!!! There's not a moment that goes by with my rents or grandparents or in school when I sit with people at lunch or people talk to me n say hi when I don't think "Frank did this!" I love u now more than ever truly I do. U don't even know. Consider me one of your kids cause I am forever that n more. I love ya bro! Will and Max. Woof!! Ha! ;-)

frankf4321s Thurs, Sept 4, 6:29 PM

To: willw521k@willmail.com

Will

When I don' t hear from you, I think to myself, "Will must be busy enjoying his new life and everything must be going great." and I'm happy for you. I love getting your emails but write when you feel you need to or want to. There's nothing worse that feeling obligated to do something. So write because you want to and when you have time, not because you feel you have to.

Love the picture, but I'd like to finally see one without your hat on so I can see your whole head with a smile.

Don't forget that I may give you the ideas, but you did them yourself, so you have to take credit for a lot that has happened in your life. I'm so pleased everything is smoothing out. I'll be curious what happens when the two jerks return to school. They will probably be pissed but humbled. It really helps having Gary and Jason being responsible for their demise. That takes the burden off of you. But of course they won't go after Gary or Jason. And hopefully they've learned their lesson and won't go after you either.

I did't realize you had to go 20 miles out of town to go to your new church. But at least you don't have to go back to the other one.

I'm sending you a couple more pictures of the two streams that are about 20 minute from my house. I love fly fishing where these pictures were taken. I like dry fly fishing and you have to usually wet fly fish to get the big ones. I love seeing the fish come up to take the fly. Haven't been out in a couple years though. I should do it now that it's fall and all the tourists have gone.

Love ya Will, and you are one of my kids, and I'm happy your life has changed for the better. Stay courageous Brave Prince and don't forget, while it may seem like you are following, you are not the follower. You are leading because you've taken the initiative to do what was necessary to be happy. Keep on keeping on. God bless.

Frank

*****

I wrote Frank a short note before heading to bed. I commented on the pictures he sent and then didn’t write him until Tuesday.

Will Waters Tue, Sept 9, 3:28 PM

To: frankf4321S@gotmail.com

Hey its me (and Max!). U ever had the feeling that something is inevitable and ur just waiting for the when and not the if? Well my when happened today at lunch. Gary said this morning that me n him were going to lunch today by ourselves without Jason or his girlfriend, just the two of us. Seniors are allowed to leave campus for lunch if we have our parents ok. It's a form they sign at the beginning of the school year. Anyway I was planning on buying my lunch in the cafeteria so I told him we'd go to my house cause I live closest and we only get 40 minutes. He drove, I made us sandwiches real quick and he dived right in to why we he wanted to talk. He said flat out "this whole act ur puttin on ain't foolin us, ur gay and we know it". Well...I was stunned to silence and panicked. But everything turned out fine. He said we're all totally cool with it and we don't care. I asked who all "we" is and he said "him, Jason, Samantha (Jason’s flavor of the month), and a few others who are cool too so ur secrets safe with us. Plus we know why ur lying about being straight and we'll back u up all the way".

Well I still couldn't talk and think I forgot to chew for a while too. I honestly just couldn't form words. I just lost it. I broke down and told him everything as quick as I could and told him I was just so tired of being alone and taunted. He said that was their fault and not mine and it'll never happen again.

I asked why only the two of us were talking about this and he said they all agreed that a one on one talk would be best. He also said he knows I'm scared from being small and I'd never have to worry bout being hurt again. He said him and Jason are taking some shit for getting those other two guys suspended by going to the coach bout what happened to me by my locker but they don't care and they'll do it again and everyone knows they'll do it again. He also said him n Jason and two other guys on the team have told basically the whole school if anyone touches me they're going down. Wow!! We never did finish lunch, we were almost late getting back, and that's that. Frank I don't know what to say. (???). I'm thrilled at the sudden loyalty and protection, but where was it two years ago and for the last two years? Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled!, but now what??? I hate living a dual life!!! I'm kinda screwed up in the head here and worried bout how to proceed here! This is where u come in! You've always been my answer man and I could use a few tonight! Love ya! Will and Max! Woof!

*****

frankf4321s Tue, Sept 9, 3:56 PM

To: willw521k@willmail.com

Will

What an interesting lunch. I know you're upset because these guys didn't show you their loyalty before, but count your blessings and forget about the past. They have your back and were just kids themselves when this all came down. Don't forget that.

My suggestion is: "When in doubt, do nothing." Go about living your life as usual. You're not planning on having sex with any guys at your school so why even worry about it. You'd be living a double life if you were having sex with a guy on the side while trying to say you're straight. It really doesn't make any difference if you're straight or gay so be neutral on the issue. It sounds like no one is going to bring it up and as long as Gary and Jason, and the rest keep things right, then you're going to coast through the year.

One warning, if some guy comes up and tells you he's gay and wants a relationship, tell him you're not interested and leave it at that. It could be a setup. Not necessarily, but no sense in taking a chance. You said you were going to remain a virgin until college, so keep it that way. I imagine you're safe as long as you don't act gay. I don't' much like saying that, but it's true.

It appears that everyone has grown up a lot over the last two years, and when a guy, especially a popular guy, apologizes, that's a big thing. I only say that because popular guys don't need to do that because they're popular. But Gary sounds like one hell of a guy, and if he ever finds out about me, tell him I said so. Jason sounds pretty cool too, but Gary sounds like a leader as well as a good student. We should offer our prayers for all of them and pFrankthat Jason gets smart, gets good grades, and can GO TO COLLEGE too.

My son emailed me today and called me on Skype asking for my advice because he is so frustrated. I'm beginning to feel like the Oracle at Delphi. lol.

That's my thoughts on this. Let me know what you think.

Frank

*****

Will Waters Tue, Sept 9, 4:49 PM

To: frankf4321S@gotmail.com

U know ur right. And after I wrote u I took Max for a jog because it's supposed to rain for 48 hours starting tonite and I thought maybe I'm worrying too much and should be grateful for what I have. I think that's what ur trying to tell me. I'm thinking why am I upset about what I have and why, when at the beginning of August, I kinda had nothing. Ur right gary is one helluva guy! God if he were only gay...heh heh! He's hot too! When I said I told him everything today I meant it. He does know about u. But not ur name or age or where u live or how to find u online or anything. Nobody except Jenn will ever know those or any things until next year when they meet u. And I trust Jenn with my life. Gary is actually very happy bout u! Says it's awesome I have u for help and said to say hi and thanks! So, hi and thanks! But yes ur right....just like always. Thanks teach! Ha! Love u more than ever Frank! U mean a lot to me. Will n Max! Woof woof! (That lab-speak for u rock!)

*****

frankf4321s Tue, Sept 9, 5:15 PM

To: willw521k@willmail.com

Will

I was wondering how much you told Gary about me. It's okay if he knows I'm a coach and written a book and was MVP in football and went to college on a football scholarship. Not necessary though because it doesn't sound like he would care. He is the kind of friend that is a rare find.

Glad you and Nick had time to think. You got it right. Tell Gary how much I respect him for his maturity.

I'm just heading out to jog right now and don't feel much like doing it. I finally got my sleep number bed and love it. Still need to figure out the right numbers because I slept well, but not any better than normal. I had fun making it hard and soft though. I was just like a kid. (no pun intended in that comment.)

God bless. Love you. Glad God put me in your life.

Frank

*****

Frank always told me to expect the unexpected and I’m not sure I was ready for what happened. Frank and I would only be in contact for three of four more days. Little did I know or expect it.

Will Waters Tue, Sept 9, 5:35 PM

To: frankf4321S@gotmail.com

I'm done with my homework so I got some time to chat. Been so busy these last few days. It's nice having 7th period study hall because with my GPA and academic standing I get to just leave if I want. A full hour almost before everyone else. Pretty cool. There's a notice in today's bulletins that says the varsity football team needs another team manager (helper I guess) and gary wants me to do it. I might. Anyway forgot to respond about sex. I have no intention of losing my virgin status or even attempting to date before college. None. Far too risky. And there's just nobody in this town that I want. Period. It is weird thinking bout graduating without ever having been on a date, and I do kinda want to go to prom too, so I dunno... a fake straight date wouldn't count in my mind at all as a first date though. Another topic for another day I guess. Worth some thought. There's actually way more girls in my senior class than guys for some reason (?), so I know for sure it'd be a snap to go to prom, and I don't wanna miss it. Long as I can actually find a girl willing to go with me that isn't gonna be a foot taller than me with heels on. Ha! I kinda don't want to miss that though, gay or not. Is that ok? I think so. Love ya!

*****

frankf4321s Wed, Sept 10, 3:17 PM

To: willw521k@willmail.com

Will

Somehow I missed the email you sent yesterday. Yes, you should go to the prom and yes, you should be manager. You get to travel with the team and kind of become one of the team. I always gave our team managers a block. Check on that.

 

Like I said. You should go on a date, have a good time, kiss her goodnight, and wa la, you've had your first date with a girl. Your parents will be so happy and take pictures and you'll have them to remember years from now no matter what happens in the future.

You'll have to wait a while to have your first date with a guy. But dates count no matter what. It will broaden your experience.

Which brings me to a point I was going to discuss with you a long time ago. The Renaissance Man.

Here is a definition from Wikipedia:

The term Renaissance man or polymath is used for a very clever person who is good at a great many different things. The idea comes from a time of history called the Renaissance which lasted from about 1400 to about 1600. One of the most famous people alive during this time was Leonardo da Vinci. He was most famous as a painter, but he was also scientist, engineer and mathematician. Leonardo is called a "Renaissance man". Another "Renaissance man" was Michelangelo, who was a sculptor, painter, architect and poet. Wikipedia

When I was in college and read about the Renaissance Man, and I decided I wanted to be one. Ironically, as I've written you about so many things, I realized I may have achieved my goal. No, I'm not a painter, but I'm a philosopher, coach, athlete, readers of many things, lover of music of all kinds, piano player, author of stories and essays, a theologian, teacher, administrator, fraternity president, counselor, father, Distinguished Toastmaster, and a man of many experiences that I went out and sought just so I'd have them to help me achieve my goal to become a Renaissance Man. I've been to all 50 states and driven back and forth across the US at least three times. And I wish it was more, but been to Europe once as well as Canada and Mexico.

My point is that who I am is a culmination of my desire to be a Renaissance Man and a man of prayer that began when I was in my early 20's. I've experienced sex with a woman and with a man. I am able to love but have rarely felt loved and never experienced an all-encompassing love except for the love God has for me. I felt it this morning as I sat on the edge of my bed before getting dressed. It just came over me suddenly. So I know the pain of it and the feelings one can have when they don't feel unconditionally loved. But all these things make me who I am and all your experiences, both good and bad will make you who you are who you will become. Savor them because they are more valuable than gold or diamonds.

I feel blessed that our paths have crossed because you have made a big difference in my life because you made me feel like I could help and that you appreciate my help.

God bless. Love ya. Writing this brought tears to my eyes.

 

Frank

*****

Will Waters Wed, Sept 10, 3:57 PM

To: frankf4321S@gotmail.com

Hi Frank! Just so u know u have brought tears to my eyes many times. Young or old it's the same. I love u. I am going to go ahead tomorrow and take the team manager job. I actually hafta work tomorrow's game! I actually can't wait! I am gonna do the prom thing I think after what u said, but no girl dates til probably then, I just wanna go to prom ya know? I have no other desire to date a girl, I just don't wanna miss that. I get scared cause some girls are calling me "cute" that I might get pressured into going to homecoming or dating some chick sooner, but if I gotta do that to protect my image and the "plan" guess I'll deal with that as it comes eh? I just worry that some chick will get the wrong idea!!! FrankI really am 100% gay! I'm not confused or bi or unsure ya know!??! But guess I'll have to take it as it comes and "play it by ear". I am still worried bout this kinda dual existence, but as usual u have settled me down and put me more at ease. I am fascinated by the Renaissance man stuff, gonna look more into it. I think maybe we both are kinda that! U more than me, but think I gotta good jump on it! Ha!!! Love u sooo much Frank! Will n Max! Woof!!!

*****

frankf4321s Wed, Sept 10, 4:55 PM

To: willw521k@willmail.com

Will

I think you have a good jump on the Renaissance Man too. Going on a date won't kill you and it doesn't change who you are. Just have fun and think of it as going out with one of the guys, except it's a girl. Homecoming would be nice and after all, that is all a part of high school.

When you really think about it, most guys figure they should date a girl because that's what people expect guys to do. It's not like one day they are hot to go out with a girl. At least it wasn't that way for me. I went steady with this rich girl who had a corvette when I was a junior and we used to sit out in front of her house and make out and it didn't do anything for me. I felt it was something I was supposed to do. In those days we didn't think much about being straight or gay. I looked at guys a lot more than girls, but I never thought about being gay. I just figured one day I'd find the right girl, get married, and have kids. It was what was expected. Now days, like my daughter, many get married and don't have kids. So hell, you just as well be married to a guy as far as I'm concerned. Especially, if that makes you happier.

I later went steady with a girl from a different high school. She'd been runner up in a beauty contest in my home town. She was 5'9" and hot. We made out, but it still didn't do anything for me until I started giving her small kisses all around her mouth instead of long kisses. In the meantime, my best friend at the time had his hands everywhere on his girlfriend, and when they weren't with us, were having sex. I personally think he was bisexual or gay trying to pass for heterosexual because he grabbed my junk and grabbed my ass cheeks quite a few times when we were in high school. One time he goosed me (stuck his fingers in my ass through my pants) and I felt a stirring in my loins. At the time, I thought he was just screwing around. But looking back on it now, I wonder. I'm sure he's had some gay experiences, but we've never talked about it.

I went out on a lot of dates where I just had a good time, took them home, kissed them good night, and told them I had a great time. If they want more, just tell them that you don't want a serious relationship and are saving yourself for marriage. lol

Some kids say high school was the worst time in their life. For me, it was the best time of my life because I was still young and had so few responsibilities. Being involved and doing the things kids do in high school is what you need to take advantage of so you will have those experiences to remember when you're old like me.

I'm glad to hear you're taking the manager's job. You'll have a lot of fun and be part of the team. How cool.

*****

The following are the last two emails Frank and I wrote to each other. He wrote the last one.

Will Waters Thu, Sept 11, 2:49 PM

To: frankf4321S@gotmail.com

Hey it's me!! Today was my first day of being one of the new team managers and I loved it! Plus there's a HUGE BONUS too! Towel duty in the locker room and showers for 30 some hot sweaty naked boys!!!! Whoo hoo!!!! I'm gonna love this job!!!! Ha!!! Man was I sporting boner!!!! I get to stay dressed of course so it wasn't hard to hide it! Plus I'm not exactly hung either ya know. But man it's awesome! Ha! We have an away game tomorrow and I ride the team bus too and we're leaving right after school. Our team rocks too! We've won our first two games in a combined score of 56 to zero! Anyway long practice today and I've got a ton of homework tonite so I gotta run. I just wanted to tell ya though how absolutely cool it is to be a part of something!!! It's my first time feeling a part of something since being in high-school, and I love it!!! You've changed my life Frank and I'll love ya forever!!! Will n Max. Woof!

*****

frankf4321s Wed, Sept 11, 3:33 PM

To: willw521k@willmail.com

Will

Thanks for the update. It makes me happy to know you're so happy and feel a part of something. I always had a few guys on my team that acted like the managers were the personal flunkies, so if anyone asks you to do something personal for them, tell them it's not part of your job and leave it at that.

Like always, it’s usually only a couple guys. I'm subbing at the local community library right now. Four hours with not much to do. It's quite boring. I work from 2:00 to 6:00 PM and it's only 2:50.

I understand you're a lot busier than you thought you'd ever be and that's great. Keep your eyes in your head. Hell, at least your guys get towels. They quit giving towels out at when I was coaching and teaching to save money. I'm sure you'd hate to be accused of looking too hard. But hell every guy looks at other guys, so I never know what the big deal is.

Have fun. Enjoy the trip tomorrow. Sounds like your team must be awesome.

God bless. Love ya. It makes me happy to know I changed your life, but remember you also have to take a lot of credit for it Brave Prince.

Frank