Extra Innings - 15. Chapter 15 A

I wish I could say I remembered how my exams were, but between the periodic headaches from falling and absolutely panicking about the exams and then trying to pack for the Winter vacation, I couldn’t tell you how I did. I didn’t see much of anyone except Vincente or Bryce, as I eventually moved back to the room so that Bryce could have his space and a bed again, and I didn’t seem like I needed anything to get better.

Dad picked me up from the residence right at noon, and I couldn’t begin to think about how early he had to have woken up to make that happen. It was a Saturday, but it also had started snowing, and there were a few inches of fluffy snow all over the ground, which meant there was probably ice on the roads. Dad must have gotten up extra early to get here on time, which was really kind of him. I also made sure this time to sign out with reception and let them know that I’d be gone for the entirety of Winter break, but that I’d be returning in January on schedule for my classes. I didn’t want to have to deal with anything crazy like the school chasing after me, wondering where I’d gone off to.

The trip was a lot slower because of how much ice and snow there was on the roads. Dad didn’t talk much either, he was focusing on driving safely and I didn’t want to distract him; he even turned the radio off because it was a bit too much of a distraction. Even once we got on the highway and things were a bit clearer, Dad kept driving below the speed limit. I guess he was worried about hitting a patch of ice or something, but it meant we were going to spend more time together.

“How were your exams, do you think everything went okay?” He suddenly asked, breaking the silence and surprising me that he was interested in talking after all.

“Oh! Ummm, they were good I guess. We shouldn’t have the marks back for a week or two, depends on the instructors and how quickly they can get through everything. But I think I did okay. I don’t remember too much, everything was going by pretty quickly and I had a bit of a fall right in the last few days before the exams started.”

“What do you mean you had a fall? Someone should have contacted me. Why didn’t you let me know that you got hurt at school?” Dad asked, sounding annoyed and a bit frustrated that I got hurt again.

“Dad, relax. It’s fine.” I said. “I was at the fraternity, I tripped over something and fell down. Nothing serious happened, the guys took me in to the hospital and I got checked out. No concussion, they told me to relax for a few days and not to overdo it. Wasn’t hard to do, It was a good excuse to sit and read instead of going out to the gym or everywhere else the team and the boys were going.”

I wasn’t going to explain that this was a panic attack caused by thinking about Sean. This was not something I wanted to get into with Dad or Bryce or anyone. If I ignored it, the problem would go away and I wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore. That sounded like a good idea to me, then I wouldn’t have to deal with Sean and all of that stuff. After all, that was almost a whole year ago, better to just leave that alone and let it be.

Dad seemed to accept that I’d been well-cared for, and didn’t bring it up again on the ride home. I wished that I had brought my textbooks for the next semester with me so I could get a head start on my reading. The doctors still weren’t wanting me to do too much, and Coach agreed with that, as long as I started working hard to get in shape in the new year. But that meant I wouldn’t be doing too much running over the break, and I was going to go crazy without anything to do. Studying would have been a good way to deal with some of that boredom, since I didn’t want to become one of those people who watched TV all break long.

When we got home I took my stuff into my room and grabbed all of the laundry that I wanted to get done. I brought home pretty much all of my clothes and tried to bring home anything else that I might not have needed over the next semester. I realized that I was going to need a suit, in case the fraternity needed us to wear formal clothes for some of their events, which meant at some point over the break I was going to have to go buy a suit. This was the first time I was going to get a suit that didn’t get returned a few days later, so it was a bit of a step up into the adult world for me. I didn’t even know what to think about when trying to get the right suit, but I’m sure once I started shopping it would make more sense.

After unpacking everything, I decided to relax and lay down for awhile. Dad said he would wake me up before dinner, which wasn’t going to be for a couple of hours because of how late in the afternoon it was when we returned home.

Dinner was quiet, but it was nice to be home and to not have to worry about papers or lectures or catching up on chapters that needed to be read. I could get used to this for a couple of days, but I don’t think I’d want to do this forever. Eventually I was going to get bored and want to go back to school. A few of the guys from the team and frat were texting to see how things were going, and through the night I’d respond and see how things were, if they were making it back to where they lived or anything like that.

The next morning I woke up early as usual, I wanted to get some Christmas shopping done for Dad and for Bryce, and also wanted to get a suit for myself. I knew there were only a few days left before Christmas, but I was hoping that there would still be some good stuff available, and that things wouldn’t be too busy when we went shopping.

When Dad woke up, I pitched the idea of heading to Spokane to do our shopping, since there wasn’t too much available in Colfax to do in terms of shopping, and I wanted to make sure I got something that would be right for everyone I was shopping for this year. I knew I didn’t have to get anything for Bryce, but I figure it would be nice, and he was probably going to do or get something for me. Better to be more giving than not giving enough, and we could always talk about it after if that wasn’t right or anything like that.

Dad liked the idea and after a big oatmeal breakfast, we packed ourselves into the car and resigned ourselves to the ice and snow that would cover our trip to Spokane. We were both hoping that if we got there early, we wouldn’t have to deal with any of the crowds that always magically pop up around Christmas time. By the time we got to North Town Mall, our hopes were dashed. The parking lot looked completely filled with cars, and even the side streets around the mall had lots of cars parked along them. It took twenty minutes to find parking anywhere even remotely close to the mall, and by the time we got inside, it was clear that pandemonium was going to reign today.

Dad and I decided to split up so we could cover more stores and hopefully get everything done before we were crushed to death by this tidal wave of people. It seemed like everyone in the Eastern half of Washington state was lodged inside the mall, so it was hard to move, let alone try to get to anything we thought we wanted. Splitting up would have given us some more leeway to move. Dad and I agreed to keep spending low again, we didn’t need to go crazy with our gifts, and I figured the same could work for Bryce.

I wandered around the lower floor of the mall, looking for something that might be a good gift for Dad. I was surprised how difficult it was. Normally, I didn’t have a problem and was able to find something pretty quickly. Then again, normally I started about a month ago and didn’t have to worry about every insane person in the world getting into potential brawls with me about anything I might want to buy. I finally decided on Buckle, and found a striped belt that Dad would probably like. It wasn’t perfect, but it was under budget and it did look nice.

As I picked the belt off the rack, I looked around to see where the lineup to pay started. My heart sank when I saw the line was snaking all the way through the back of the store and around the merchandise. I had awful recollections of what the first day of campus looked like, and especially of those hours spent in line waiting to pay for my textbooks for the year. Let this be a lesson to me to never wait until the last moment to buy things ever again. This was insane. Complete and utter madness. I couldn’t believe that people actually stood in lines like this.

At least some of them did stand in the lines. The ones that drove me insane were the people who brought someone with them to hold a spot in line so they could rummage through the remains of another sale bin or back to that one shirt they couldn’t quite decide on. Not only was it making the line take longer to get through, but it was rude. If you’re not done shopping, then stay out of the line and let people who are actually ready to pay get up there, so we can escape into the slightly less claustrophobic parts of the mall. At least the people running the cash registers weren’t new to their jobs. Once I got to the line, it was easy enough to pay and the lady at my register seemed grateful that I used cash instead of a card of some kind.

I left the store, eager to get away from some of the horde of people in the mall. I checked my phone and saw that it was already after noon. I considered going to the food court and getting some lunch, but I thought better of it and figured Dad and I could eat somewhere after we finished getting everything. Preferably somewhere that wasn’t as crowded as the mall was. Not that I hate crowds or anything… these people were crazy, that’s all. It’s like a holiday rolls around and everyone loses their minds. I couldn’t believe that it happened every single year, but then here I was with Dad, so what did that make us?

Bryce was going to be easy. I knew exactly what to get him, and exactly which store to get it in. Getting upstairs to Just Sports was an exercise in insanity, but at least I made it without being trampled to death. The store was exactly what I was looking for, and I was able to snatch up the last adjustable Mariners hat. Bryce once mentioned that he was from Seattle, so I thought he’d probably want some Seattle gear since I hadn’t seen him wear anything like that in all the times that I’d seen him. It was surprising that there were any left, considering where we were, Mariners gear should have been the first thing to sell out. Maybe they brought in a new shipment because of high demand. Either way, I was happy because I got something that I thought Bryce would like, and it wasn’t too expensive either.

I felt my stomach rumbling and realized that I was getting a lot hungrier than I thought I was. Dad said he would meet me in the food court eventually, so I made my way back there to grab some food and wait for him.

I saw him before he saw me, and I thought I could try to get away before he noticed that I was there. I should have known he would be doing some shopping as well, though I was surprised to see he wasn’t with his mother. Probably for the same reason that I wasn’t with Dad. I was a second too slow and Alex turned his head, instantly recognizing me. In that moment our eyes locked and something about the way he looked changed. The calm, carefree look in his eyes hardened instantly, replaced with something that might have been anger, or frustration or something else entirely. All I knew was that he was purposefully striding towards me, and trying to escape would probably make things worse than they already were.

Still, I had no idea what to say to him when he inevitably caught up with me. What do you say to your ex when you see them in the mall and they clearly still hate you, especially when they’re the ones chasing you down? Instead, I turned towards him and waited for whatever he was going to say or do.

Alex stood a couple of feet away from me, arms crossed and a flush reaching across his face. I watched him glance down at the bags I was carrying.

“Who’s all that for, Devin?” He asked. “I’m surprised you came all the way out here just to get some Christmas shopping done. I would have thought you could buy much better stuff in that college of yours. Don’t they have gifts for people to buy their families?”

“Doesn’t matter who they’re for, not sure why you think it’s your business.” I replied.

“It’s for that boy you cheated on me with isn’t it? You’re already buying him gifts and not even bothering to get me anything after we’d known each other for years. Nice to see where your priorities are.”

“He smirked up at me.

“They ARE for him, aren’t they!” He gasped, as I watched the myriad emotions flicker across his face.

I wanted to reach out and try to make him understand that it wasn’t anything to do with him, that he was taking this and blowing it out of proportion, but I was concerned about what would happen if I did say anything or got too aggressive in defending myself. Part of me realized that there wasn’t any need to defend myself either. I know I hadn’t been fair to Alex, but it was over. It was time for us both to start living our lives and letting go of our relationship being over.

I lowered my voice, in contrast to Alex becoming increasingly loud and frustrated by what was going on.

“This is why things had to be over between us Alex. I thought you were the mature one, but you’re acting like an angsty little kid and embarrassing yourself. I moved on, maybe you should too.”

A flash of pain, and I fell to the floor, my bags scattering around me. I looked up and rubbed my jaw to see Alex breathing heavily, his face flushed and his hand still balled into a fist.

“You’re an ass, Devin. I hate you!” He screamed at me, before storming off out of the food court.

I glanced around the room and was surprised that no one interfered. I guess they didn’t want to be involved in what looked like a domestic problem. Maybe a few didn’t like that we were a ‘gay’ couple, or at least looked that way from how we fought. Most, though, looked like they hadn’t even seen the altercation and wanted to go about their day without having to worry about other people’s crap.

A few minutes later, I found Dad and he looked relieved to have found me. I wasn’t sure if it was because he saw or heard about the fight, or because the mall was getting even more hectic than it was when we first arrived. When I saw he had a couple of bags with him, I smiled and motioned towards the exit.

“Come on Dad, let’s go. I got everything I need, and this mall is getting crazy. Let’s get out of here, we can always grab a bite somewhere else.” I said.

Looking around at the state of the mall, I added. “Anywhere else. Before we get trampled to death.”

Dad looked me over slowly, like he was trying to figure out if there was anything that was bothering me by looking at me. I tried to calm myself down and look like I hadn’t been fighting with Alex a few minutes ago, but I think he could tell that something was on my nerves.

“You okay Son? Did you get everything you needed?” He asked.

“Yes, I’m fine. And yes, I got everything. You know how it is, I don’t like crowds… there’s got to be more people in the mall than in all of Colfax. Even being at college hasn’t gotten me totally used to large crowds yet.”

“Alright.” He replied. “Let’s get out of here. You’re right, this is way too many people for one place.”

I was quiet on the way back home, thinking about what had happened with Alex and everything that had happened in my life since I got to Whitman College last September. Things had changed. I didn’t know how I was supposed to feel about all these different things that had changed in my life. I mean, I liked living away from home and being in the fraternity, and I liked being able to explore the world and not worry as much about things. Those were good things, and I couldn’t have done them back in Colfax.

I probably couldn’t have done that without having met all of the people that I did get to know in college. Bryce, Vincente, the baseball team and frat boys, even Heather helped me grow and gave me a chance to screw up and learn from those screw ups.

But I changed.

Would the old me have given up on Alex so easily? I don’t know. Maybe I wouldn’t have… but then maybe I wouldn’t have had a choice or a chance. There literally wasn’t anyone else in Colfax that I could date on the male side of things, and I don’t think any of the girls would have taken me seriously after dating a guy. So then Alex and I probably would have had to stay together. Would we have drifted apart anyways? We didn’t during the Summer when we saw each other every day, but it was so easy to break apart once I got to Walla Walla.

I don’t regret some of it. Learning how to stand up for myself. Gaining some confidence that I could get through college and live alone and play on a team. Figuring out how to deal with people who may not like me because I’m queer. These were good things. But they made me different than Alex now. He wasn’t there yet. He was just this kid I knew. Or I thought I knew. After today, I wasn’t sure if I ever knew him. That was so unlike him to be that angry, to let himself get so emotional. I wonder if he was ever going to get over being dumped…

I wondered why it was my fault. If he was going to be this upset, then maybe it was better that we were apart like I said. I didn’t deserve someone being that clingy, and with Bryce we were definitely our own people. Bryce knew who and what he was and he celebrated it. I wasn’t there yet, but he was helping me. We both had our own things we did and we didn’t need to be around each other every day and every hour.

I shook my head at all the thoughts in my head and everything that was trying to confuse me about what I wanted. I was dating Bryce now, anything else was complicating things for no reason, and I didn’t need that.

When we got home, Dad and I went to our rooms to wrap the gifts we’d bought before going to dinner in town. I tried to focus on Dad and put everything else out of my mind, but I knew it was going to take a lot to figure things out.

Maybe when I got back to campus, I could find someone to talk to.