Breakdown - 32. 30 Breakdown

If everything in Cam’s head had been made of crystal, it was surely shattered now. Individual shards of crystal were piercing the tender, delicate tissues of the inside of his skull, lancing his arteries and filling the inside of his head with pumping, hot blood. The pressure and pain were something that was quite unlike anything Cam had ever felt before. His eyes pounded in their sockets, thumping against his eyelids as if they had a will to escape. His ears rang a high-pitched squeal that rose and fell with his heartbeat.

Everything beyond his head felt like it was encased in lead. Slow and ineffectual, Cam could not coordinate his movements. He was vaguely aware of where he was (somewhere in his living room) and he was vaguely aware of his position (on his back, arms and legs splayed). He could feel the roughness of the carpet, the cool of the air on his naked flesh, and the hot lances of sun that were washing over his twitching fingertips.

These sensations were impressed upon his shattered brain before he was fully awake. The pain was pulling him into consciousness, wailing between his ears and mewling with each throb. Cam moaned bodily when he became fully awake, unable to express his discomfort. He wasn’t sure what to do; get up and get some Tylenol, get up and get a glass of water, get up and just sit there, or to just lay here until the world ended.

When he opened his eyes, he knew it was a mistake. The light was deadly, stabbing through his eyes to the back of his head with precision. He quickly shuddered his eyes, his lashes making a net over his vision. It helped, but it was still painful. As before when he had taken this drug, things had an odd sort of halo around them, as if they radiated light. Slowly, ever so slowly, Cam sat up from the floor.

Aziel had pretty much left him as he had collapsed on the floor. On the coffee table was a small piece of paper with two round red pills that he recognized as Tylenol, and a glass of water. Thankful for that small mercy, Cam eagerly took the pills and sunk back down to the floor.

It had all happened again. It was like he’d never escaped. Cam felt warm tears slide down his cheeks and was mildly surprised at their appearance.

Why was he feeling so sorry for himself? Was it because his plan didn’t work?

Well, it had been his fault that he’d gotten into this in the first place. He should have known Aziel’s type; the type that offers everything but takes everything in return. But he’d been so eager to believe that he could get something out of it, something that would make him a better person.

The drugs had been the wild card. Cam could have taken the abuse almost indefinitely, provided that it wasn’t life threatening. But the drugs… the drugs were horrible.

Why was he using drugs anyway? Cam was sure that this game wouldn’t allow him to escape alive… but drugs? Was that Aziel’s idea of a hurdle? See if he could still make it through class while he was stoned off his ass?

It didn’t matter, Cam decided. Nothing mattered now. Aziel had him again and there was no way he was going to get up the courage to escape again. Aziel had followed his trail somehow and without knowing how he had done that, exactly, it was pointless to try again. Cam lay on his floor and wondered if the pain in his heart was from the hangover or the feeling of dread that was buoying in his stomach.

Shaking, Cam pulled himself off the living room floor and collected his scattered garments of clothing. His body hurt; Gabriel had been far gentler with him. He wasn’t used to turning tricks anymore. Stumbling a little as he went, Cam found his bathroom and sat down on the toilet, not trusting himself to stand.

The hot shower plus the painkillers were helpful in dispelling the hangover. He felt almost normal as he dressed himself and cooked himself a light breakfast. He wasn’t particularly hungry, but he knew he should eat at least something to keep his blood sugar from crashing completely.

Cam’s eye was caught by something glittering on the coffee table. He walked over to investigate and found the red plastic cell phone glittering at him, trapped in a sunbeam. He picked it up with reservation and slipped it into the pocket of his jeans. He knew that Aziel was coming tonight, and it was likely he wasn’t going to phone before he arrived… but for some reason Cam just couldn’t leave it out on the table like that.

After breakfast, the next order of business was a difficult bit involving a phone call to Gabriel. Cam wasn’t sure how to exactly explain his situation to Gabriel in words that he would both understand and that didn’t include any form of truth. It took Cam the better part of the afternoon to gather up his courage to phone him.

The phone rang only once. Gabriel had obviously been waiting for his call.

“Cam?” he asked, having recognized the number. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Cam said, as light-hearted as he could manage.

“I tried to call you earlier,” Gabriel said. “But I think your phone was off.”

Cam tried to quickly think of an excuse, and then replied, “I forgot it in the bedroom.”

“Cam, I’m so glad you called,” Gabriel said, his voice heavy with sincerity. There was shuffling on his end.

“Did I catch you at a bad time? I can call back,” Cam said, leaning against his kitchen counter.

“No,” Gabriel said. “Just heading into my office.” A pause. “Are you okay? Did you want to do something tonight?”

“I can’t,” Cam said, running his bare toe along the crease in the linoleum. “I’ve got a lot of stuff on my mind right now. There’s just… a lot of shit going on.”

“Cam, if you need someone to talk to, you know I’m here, right?” Gabriel’s voice was cautious; it was obvious that he was just bristling with questions about the bizarre little red phone and Cam’s behavior.

“I know, Gabriel,” Cam said softly. “You just… you just really have to understand that this is not something I can talk about with you.”

“Is it from your past?”

“What is this, twenty questions?” Cam asked a little irritated.

“Okay, I’m sorry,” Gabriel said, backing off immediately. “I just don’t like seeing you that upset, Cam. You were in shambles when you opened that box.”

“I think shambles is a strong word,” Cam replied defensively.

“I don’t,” Gabriel retorted. “Look, I don’t want to fight about it either. I just want you to know that if you do want to talk to someone, I’m there for you. And if you want to do something to get your mind off of it, I’m there for that too.” He held his breath while he waited for Cam’s answer.

Cam heaved a sigh and tapped his fingers against the counter. “Thanks,” he said. “But I should really go… I’ve got some stuff to do and I want to get a good night’s sleep tonight.” He could have punched himself for lying to Gabriel.

“Okay, get some sleep then, and I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” Gabriel replied.

“Okay, goodnight,” Cam replied.

Cam hung up. Only four more hours until Aziel’s arrival.

The beginning of the evening was similar to the first. Aziel entered in his nice suit, smiling at Cam with that cold sliver of a smile and his ice blue eyes. He had put down his blue bag and hung up his jacket. Cam had waited for him to do these things, trying to look like he was interested in the whorls in his carpet.

“How are you tonight, Cam?” Aziel asked the question almost preliminary and Cam doubting that he cared about the answer.

“Fine,” he returned.

“Tell me about this lover of yours,” Aziel ventured, walking into the living room. Cam winced visibly.

“I don’t really want to talk about it,” Cam said.

“Very well,” Aziel replied, his tone somewhat terse. “Then go to the bedroom.”

Cam winced again, this time at his mistake. Perhaps he should have given Aziel what he wanted, prolonging the inevitable. Cam blinked, and he was lying on his back, slowly taking off his clothes and waiting for Aziel to darken his doorway.

Was it wrong that some part of him was thrilled to be back under Aziel’s thumb?

Aziel entered the room without the little blue roll. He looked at Cam, mostly naked on the bed, and inclined his head.

“I did miss you, Cameron. It was such a shame that you thought to run away,” he said.

Cam felt mildly uncomfortable and turned away.

Aziel moved forward and ran his hand over Cam’s chest and stomach. His muscles tightened under Aziel’s touch. Slowly, the assassin leaned down and put his lips against his whore’s. Cam accepted the kiss, letting Aziel guide the pace of the encounter. Cam felt Aziel slip over top of him, pressing him down into the mattress. Cam let his hands slip to Aziel’s clothing, lightly undoing his shirt and pushing it back from his shoulders.

Aziel’s warm chest came into contact with Cam’s. His body remembered, oh, did his body remember the feeling of the strong, hard assassin over him. He felt his legs tremble slightly as Aziel spread them and lay against him. Aziel was still wearing his pants, and Cam could feel his hardness. They kissed, tongues playing across each other. The moment was powerful and sensual.

Cam’s fingers found the edge of Aziel’s pants. Aziel allowed him enough room to remove them, and then Cam felt all of Aziel’s naked body pressed against him. It was hot and hard, strong and firm.

The kisses became more passionate, less asking and more demanding. Cam struggled to keep up with the change in the pace, feeling Aziel’s hands tease at his nipples. Their members were pressed between their bodies, rubbing against each other. Aziel parted from him only to put a hand between Cam’s legs and lightly toy with his opening.

Cam gasped; he couldn’t help it. It always felt good when Aziel touched him, seeming to know every spot that drove him wild. Cam found himself groaning and writhing underneath the assassin, unable to stop. He found himself wanting Aziel to fuck him, pin him to the bed and take everything he had.

Aziel’s fingers broke into him. It hurt a little, but it was quickly dispelled by the pleasure that wormed deeply into him. He gasped, his thighs tightening around Aziel’s hips as Aziel’s tongue claimed his mouth.

When Aziel’s fingers withdrew, Cam gasped loudly into his mouth. He found himself whispering, his breath mingling with Aziel’s.

“Put it in me…”

Aziel parted from him, his icy eyes pinning Cam to the sheets more effectively than any restraints ever could have. He opened Cam’s nightstand drawer and found Cam’s supply of lubricant. Cam was too far-gone to even blush, too reddened by the lust of promised sex.

The assassin opened the jar and carefully applied lubricant to his member before slipping back onto the bed with Cam. Lightly, he pressed against him. Cam swallowed and looked up at him, shaken by the cold, icy look in the other’s eyes.

It wasn’t Gabriel…

Aziel didn’t hesitate. He pushed forward and watched as Cam’s face contorted in a mix of pain and pleasure. Cam’s fingers dug into Aziel’s arms, holding on tight as Aziel worked his member deeply inside of him.

In a way, the moment was made worse by the absence of the drugs. Cam could always have blamed the drugs before, said that they made him enjoy it, and it had nothing to do with Aziel. But with the assassin over him, playing his nerves like a harp and making him twist and writhe at every opportunity, Cam couldn’t hide behind the drugs any longer.

Screaming out his climax, feeling the hot and salty ropes hit his stomach, Cam was sure that this was what Aziel had wanted. To show him that no matter how far he ran, no matter how high he climbed, he was still just a whore to be fucked.

It welled up despair in Cam’s heart. He felt tears slip down his cheeks as Aziel started to work him to his second climax. God, why did it all have to feel so good?

“You’re beautiful when you cry,” Aziel whispered, kissing the tears off of Cam’s face. Cam pressed his hands against Aziel’s back, digging in his nails and scratching down. The pain only seemed to make the other more eager, more intense. Every thrust was harder and deeper than the last, reaching into infinity. Cam was lost in pleasure, and by the time his second climax ripped from him, he was seeing spots before his eyes.

Aziel finished inside of him, spraying hotly and deeply. Cam felt the uncomfortable feeling of being slick inside. When Aziel pulled out, he lay down beside Cam on the bed. Cam swallowed thickly, turning away from the assassin.

“We’ll talk in the morning,” Aziel whispered, running his fingers down Cam’s sweaty back.

Cam closed his eyes, forcing himself not to cry.