Seb and Beau - 1. Chapter 1 - Beau

Days like today I love being outside, the rays of sunshine warming my back as I walk alongside the creek on my way home. It’s hard to wipe the smile from my face. Today, I kissed a boy for the first time. It was fantastic, exciting, it was… awesome. This kiss took place behind the mini-mart in the alleyway. The touch of his lips made mine tingle, I could still feel those silky lips on mine. God, the boy can kiss. Not that I have anything to compare it to. I’ve never kissed anyone before. Oh, I’ve dreamt about it, tried to simulate it, but… there is nothing quite like the real thing. The way my stomach got all fluttery when his hand slid from my elbow all the way up my arm until his fingers threaded through my hair and held me still. He closed his eyes leaning down to meet his lips with mine. His tongue licked my bottom lip before he delved in deeper; it was, ahh. It was warm and inviting, he tasted like coconut, nougat, and chocolate milk. The snack we’d scoffed right before he kissed me. It lasted all of fifteen seconds and that’s generous but the best quarter of a minute of my life.

We have to keep this a secret between the two of us, he’s on the football team, and I’m a nobody. Not a nobody, but I am invisible; mostly. This little god fearing Baptist town is intolerant of anything different like me, not because I like boys; nobody knows that little nugget. No, it’s because I’m deaf. People are nice to my face, but they treat me like I’m infected with something, as if they got too close they could catch it. Weirdo’s. I’ve never really cared enough to get upset about it; to be honest I really don’t know what they think. I do see the looks everyone gives my parents when I’m with them so I’m not an idiot. My folks tend to garner a lot of sympathy from the community, how awful they were unlucky enough to get a defective kid.

You would think these things would hurt but I gave up a while ago and don’t let much in or get to me anymore. Teflon baby, that’s me. I found that if I ignore what’s going on around me and just do as I’m told I get left alone. I like that. The thing is I don’t talk audibly or sign in public anymore. I do at school when I have to but that’s all. Well, that and I do with my best-friend Bryce. He graduated last year and is working odd jobs here and there to save for college. We only get to hang out a couple of nights a week with all his jobs. I used to wear hearing aids and talk all the time but after what happened at the church one-time last year I don’t with anyone except Bryce and his girlfriend anymore. It was so humiliating I vowed I’d never put myself in that position again. Since that day I’ve lived in my own world and prayed for time to move quickly so I could get the hell out of this town.

Almost a year ago,

Ugh! Sundays. I hate Sundays. Well, it has its good and bad points. Bad – I have to go to church. Good – I get to look at Simon Livingston for a couple of hours. The guy was a god, so hot and sexy. He’s the biggest cliché of the small-town hero and lives up to the stereotype. Gorgeous everything, face, hair, body, personality, good, and kind christian. He’s even the quarterback of the football team, and football is a religion all on its own around here. The town worships the ground the guy walks on, he’s also the main event in all masturbatory fantasies. Mine anyway, I imagine quite a few others around here have him in their spank bank.

Sunday morning church service had just let out and all the sinners were gathered around outside gossiping with whomever crossed their path at the time. I was standing with my family, well where my mother told me to stand. It sounds pathetic that a seventeen-year-old just does whatever he’s told but it certainly beats the alternative of having to put up with her passive-aggressive pouting for the rest of the day. It’s not like anyone is going to notice me anyway, I do my best to be invisible at all times. It works too, people talk about me as if I’m not standing right next to my mother while she gathers as much sympathy as she can for herself on account of her defective son.

The hypocrisy among this church community is astounding. There are so many badly kept secrets among these very good christian people. The Pastor is actually having an affair with a married woman, he himself is married. The local sheriff takes bribes, and the secret brothel in town services both the Pastor and the Sheriff. Not to mention half of the married men standing in front of this church right now. One of the bars in town sells alcohol to underage kids through the back door as long as they are on the football team at a higher cost of course. Everybody knows these things, but nobody talks about them. It’s laughable in a very not funny way.

Ah crap, here comes Ms. Livingston as she likes to be called. She’s also Simon’s mother, and he’s hot on her tail trying to stop her for some reason. By the time they reached us poor Simon’s face was red as a beetroot, his mother however had steam coming out of her ears, and a pulsating vein in her forehead which had taken on a life of its own. Simon mouthed “Sorry,” as his mother laid into mine. When his mother speaks people listen like she’s the all mighty powerful Oz. The Livingston’s are one of the poorest families’ in the county, but thanks to her very talented son she became popular and jumped right on board that gravy train.

Even though Ms. Livingston looked as if she could wrestle an alligator into submission with one look, a proper southern woman would never cause a scene. They smile and use their caustic yet passive-aggressive tongues to do the work for them.

“Bethany-Ann,” she greeted my mother. “It’s nice to see you. How are the family?”

“Very well, and yours?” My mother enquired.

She waved away my mother’s comment, “Good always, you know that.”

“Lovely.”

“How did you enjoy today’s service?” Ms. Livingston asked as she eyeballed me.

Here it comes.

“The Pastor always does a wonderful job passing on messages from above. The church choir were superb this week.” My mother smiled.

“They did, bless your heart. How did you even hear them over that?” She smiled waving a hand in my direction without actually acknowledging I was standing right next to my mother. “It’s nice the way you include him in family outings even if he can’t really enjoy them or join in.”

My mother gave her a sad smile. “We try Jo-Ellen, we try,” she said squeezing the woman’s hand.

The horror on Simon’s face would have been comical if I hadn’t been trying to command a cloak of invisibility right at that moment. They moved on to a more palatable subject – how great Simon is. With my mother gushing all over her son, and how she wished it would have been the same for her, but alas, she does her best with what God gave her.

“The Lord our God gives us what we can handle,” said Ms. Livingston.

Mother nodded, and glanced at me before saying, “Yes, true. And sometimes will send something our way to test our faith.”

“Bless your heart. Well, we must be on our way. Hopefully next week the choir will sound better. Bye now.”

Then she guided her son away from us. Simon looked back over his shoulder at me, frowning. I stuffed my hands in my pockets as my mother got my attention.

“You will no longer talk or sing in public, I will not have you humiliate this family. From now on you will be silent unless told otherwise. We have the reputation of your brother and sister to think about. It’s not like you have anything to lose, but they do. Am I understood?”

I signed, “Yes Ma’am.”

She rolled her eyes, “Silent, also means no signing. You’ll draw unwanted attention to yourself and it will reflect badly on us. No signing. You’ll just have to do as your told without question or you won’t be able to come out with the family anymore.”

I curtly nodded my head.

“Good, let’s find your father and go home.” My mother stomped off so I trudged after her pretending no-one had witnessed my mother’s admonishment or my humiliation.

When we got home I hid my hearing aids, if I was no longer allowed to participate I no longer needed to hear. I could read lips so all I had to do was as I was told. Easy.

I haven’t spoken or signed since, unless it was for school or I was alone with Bryce, my best and only friend.

Present Day

I was walking the same route I take every day from school to home. So I know the minute I get around the next bend in the creek, I’ll be able to see my house through the trees. It kind of made me walk a little slower, I wanted to stretch out my alone time. As I walked around the bend I could see it, there it was in all its lemon-yellow glory – my house. I rolled my eyes, well, my parents house. I just reside there much to their consternation.

This is always my favorite part of the day, I can imagine I’m free. No one around, no one harassing me, no one making sure I know I’m in the way. It’s so easy to get lost in my thoughts the way I am right now. I bent over and picked up a stick using it to swat at the familiar long green tufts and native flora that ran alongside the creek. Our state flower is the apple blossom, but I much prefer the wild orchids that grow in abundance, they add something to the magic of the place.

I love gardens, they’re pretty and inspiring for the soul. It’s how I pass my time mostly, if I’m somewhere like church I sit and pick a house from the neighborhood and change their yard bit by bit into a magical getaway that match the owner. Sometimes it’s pretty flowers, or other times it would be green with stone features, or maybe a rockery display with succulents. There’s a farm house with a wraparound porch and huge Beech tree in front. I’d love to get my hands on that place. The imagination is wonderful thing, it takes me where ever I want to go, when I want to go. It is my constant companion.

As I approached the house flying on cloud nine, nothing was going to kill my good mood. I’d kissed a boy and world didn’t implode. I had one more year and a few months and I’d be out of this town and off to college. My grades were at the top of my class, I’d be applying for every scholarship known to man. Life is good – so I thought.

When I opened the door to the house, my brother pounced pushing me into the living room. There sat my mother in the club chair crying into a handkerchief. My sister sat on the arm of the couch comforting my mother, when she saw me her eyes narrowed. Father was pacing back and forth like a predatory tiger. On the couch sat Ms. Livingston with Simon, who couldn’t look me in the eye. Fuck!

“You,” yelled my father as he stalked toward me.

I stepped back to get away from him right into my brother who blocked me from moving any further. How could Simon do this to me. I thought my heart was going to beat right out of my chest. The panic started to rise within me, not sure of what was about to happen. My father was still yelling, he reached out and grabbed me by the top of my arm and yanked me away from my brother. I tripped and stumbled as he practically dragged me to the door. He had me in one hand opened the door with the other and threw me outside. Unfortunately, I landed on my face. I quickly flipped and then got on my knees as I watched my father still yelling as he approached me like a wild animal his hand raised as if he were going to hit me. I got up on my feet, stumbling trying to get away from him.

“–don’t ever come back to this house. Do you hear me?” NO! Obviously.

All I could do was run once I had my balance, so that’s what I did. I ran as fast as I could away from the house. I checked over my shoulder as I ran to make sure he wasn’t following me. My mind racing and heart pounding, I just kept running until I found myself in front of Bryce’s place. I banged on the door then bent over to catch my breath. That’s how Bryce found me when he opened the door. His eyes bugged out, shuffling me through the house to his bedroom. Thankfully, Bryce had learned sign language since we met, he always signed while he spoke.

“What the fuck happened? Why are you crying, B? I’ve never seen you cry?”

I didn’t even realize I was, I reached up to touch my face and sure enough there were tears.

“I got caught kissing a boy, my father called me a bunch of names I think. Then threw me out and told me never to come back.”

“Fuck, B.” Bryce scrubbed his hand down his face.

Looking around me I just realized I’d forgotten to pick my back pack up off the ground. I have nothing now. Not that there was much in there but school books, but at the very least I would have had Id.

“Shit! What am I going to do Bryce?”

“Who’d you kiss?”

“Does it matter?” I retorted.

“No, I guess not. How’d they find out?”

“I’m guessing he told or someone saw us and told his mother. When I got home from school they were in my living room. The coward wouldn’t even look at me,” I spat out angrily.

“Man, what a dick.”

Bryce sat down on his bed, while I paced the room. We didn’t say anything. All I could think about was what to do next. My mind racing with different scenarios of just how actually screwed I am. No money and only the clothes on my back which were now dirty after rolling around on the front lawn. I had grass stains on my knees and shirt and blisters on my feet from running in proper shoes and not gym shoes. I feel gross and sweaty, and in about two minutes I’ll also smell like vomit.

Bryce suddenly sat up straight his finger in the air, like a light bulb had just switched on in his head.

“What about your Uncle?”

“Are you insane, he’s worse than my father,” I said incredulously.

“Not that piece of shit, the one that disappeared when you were a kid?”

I tilted my head, “Uncle Cass?”

“Yeah, yeah. Him, what about him?” Bryce said excitedly.

“I don’t even know where he is Bryce.”

He got up from his bed and went to his closet pulling things off the shelf until he brought back a letter. It was the letter that Uncle Cass had sent to Bryce’s house for me. My fingers ran over the front of the envelope. It was a little ratty now, but still intact. I looked up at Bryce.

“You kept it?” I whispered.

“I thought you might want it back one day, when you weren’t mad at him anymore,” he said sheepishly. “To be honest I’d forgotten I still had it until now.”

I slowly sat down on the bed and carefully pulled out the letter.

Dear Beau,

Sorry I had to go away. Please don’t think because I’m not around anymore that I don’t love you. I miss you every day little man. If you ever need me please find a way to call, I’ll be there before you know it.

Love Uncle Cass

(859) 555-4102

This time I knew I was crying, god I missed him. He was my favorite adult on the planet when I was a kid. Then one day he was just gone, and we weren’t allowed to mention his name. The family acted as if he’d never existed. That was my first broken heart. The letter was my second, it was when I realized he never coming back.

Bryce tapped the letter to get my attention.

“Let’s try the number, what’s the worst that could happen.”

I wiped my eyes and nodded my head.

He picked up his phone and dialed the number on the letter. His face morphed into a surprised expression.

“It’s ringing at least.”

After a minute Bryce ended the call.

“Sorry B, it rang out.”

He looked disappointed for me at least. What the hell am I going to do? Shit, shit, shit. Maybe if I go back, they’ll let me in the house and just ignore that I exist. I can’t believe that asshole wouldn’t even look at me. He was the one who initiated the kiss in the first place. Where the hell are his consequences. What a fucking asshole. I slid the letter back into the envelope, wiping my eyes again. For some reason the tears just keep coming. It’s so weird, I’m not even upset about getting kicked out of home. I feel scared because I don’t know what I’m going to do. If I’m being honest I don’t want to go back to that house.

A balled-up piece of paper hit my shoulder drawing my attention to Bryce.

“I have an idea. I found the address online that goes with the phone number. I’ll take you there.”

“How? I don’t have money for gas or even food. I don’t actually have anything at all.”

“You leave it to me. It’s only like a nine-hour drive give or take,” Bryce said with his phone to his ear.

When whoever answered he turned away and I no longer could see what he was saying.

“Up, get up. Let’s go.” Bryce lifted me from the bed grabbing my arm where my father had earlier.

The pain seared through my arm making me flinch. Bryce’s eyes narrowed at me and he lifted the sleeve of my sweater revealing dark finger bruises.

“That fucker!” he spat angrily. “Let’s go.”

We drove around to pick up Rhianna, Bryce’s girlfriend. I got into the back seat, so she could sit up front with Bryce. Before I got back in the car she hugged me so tight. Once we were on the road it didn’t take long for the emotional exhaustion to hit and I was asleep spread out on the back seat.

<>-<>-<>

They coaxed me awake with the smell of coffee. I sat up I looked around outside the windows.

“Where are we?”

“Lexington.” Rhianna smiled. “You slept the whole way. We didn’t want to wake you, you looked so worn out and you probably needed the sleep.”

I gave her a weak smile, “Thanks.”

We were at a service station, his phone must have rung, he made a detour over to the side while he talked with someone heatedly.

“I need to pee,” I said before exiting the car.

As I passed Bryce he nodded at me, mouthed the word, “Mom,” and went back to talking to his mother. I quickly peed and made my way back to the car where Bryce was now sitting in the driver’s seat waiting for me. He drove for about ten minutes and pulled up outside an apartment building which had seen better days. My stomach dropped as I took in my surroundings.

“Look Beau, I have to get back. Mom’s having an absolute hissy fit over this entire thing. You can either come back with us now or look for your Uncle. I can come back in a few days and get you if you don’t find him.”

I looked back up at the building, then thought about what there was to go back to. At least this place is a proper city, maybe I could just get a job or something if I can’t find my Uncle. Jesus this is scary as fuck. My uncle probably doesn’t even live here anymore it’s been more than a decade since he wrote that letter. His number has probably changed too. There has to be a way to find him. But I don’t have any money. Shit, what the hell.

“Are you sure you want to do this? We can just go back home. We’ll figure something out.” Bryce said worriedly looking from me to the building in front of us.

My heart was pounding, my body began to shake and before I knew what was happening my mouth opened and made the decision for me.

“I’ll stay, I think. I might be safer here. Once word gets around back home I’ll have a target on my back. It’s as good a place as any and I might be able to find Uncle Cass.”

I looked down at my feet giving a little prayer I was doing the right thing. I have no idea what I’m going to do, but I guess I’ll figure it out. Besides Bryce said he’ll come back and get me if I need him to. So, it’s not hopeless, I’m not stuck yet.

“Okay,” he said warily.

He popped the trunk pulling out a bag from Crazy Town and handed it to me.

“There are three pairs of new and clean boxer briefs. A change of clothes and a phone card, I’ve put my number on the back, I wasn’t sure if you remembered it. Just call and when the display shows I’ve answered push a button five times. I’ll come straight away okay? I’ll meet you right here.”

“Thank you, Bryce. You’ll never know how much this means to me.”

“I’d do anything for you B.” He pulled an envelope from his pocket. “Take this, it isn’t much, but it should tide you over for a couple of days.”

I stuffed the envelope into my pocket, then grabbed Bryce in a bear hug. He squeezed me so tight. He pulled away quickly and he had tears in his eyes just like I did.

“Be safe, call if you need me to come get you. I love you, B. I hope you find your Uncle.”

Rhianna gave me a quick hug and kissed my cheek. The next thing I know I was standing at the curb watching them drive away.