Breakdown - 33. 31 Conference

Cam woke without pain. He was almost surprised, and his muddled brain associated the warmth and security of another’s arms around him with Gabriel. Perhaps all the drugs and the second arrival of Aziel had only been a nightmare? He didn’t want to open his eyes and find out if he was wrong. The reality would be too painful.

So instead of opening his eyes, Cam lay with his cheek pressed to a warm shoulder, his arms around a firm chest, and warm breath trailing over his cheek. He could have remained like this forever, whether the one he was holding was Aziel or Gabriel, as long as he didn’t know. Ignorance was indeed bliss.

However, he could not remain ignorant indefinitely, despite his wishes. Eventually, the warm body under him shifted, and though the arms stayed around him to comfort him, the coldness in the voice that spoke dispelled any notion that it could be Gabriel under Cam’s fingertips.

“Good morning, Cameron,” the voice said, mockingly warm words for a voice that had no warmth. “We have to have a little conversation about your life the way it is now.”

Cam didn’t move. He’d opened his eyes now, looking out towards the corner of his bedroom. He could see the rise and fall of the other’s chest as he breathed. Aziel had not asked for confirmation, so Cam didn’t give any, merely staring into the corner of the room and listening intently to the man that owned his soul.

“It will be very inconvenient for me to have to work around a schedule dictated by another man,” he said. At first, Cam wasn’t sure what he who he was referring to, but Aziel made himself clear. “Gabriel’s eagerness to take up your time will only make it more difficult for both of us.”

Cam squeezed his eyes shut. He imagined sitting at an expensive restaurant with Gabriel, talking quietly over wine. Then, like one cancerous cell in a whole body of healthy tissue, the phone would ring and he would have to excuse himself. Perhaps quickly, dashing out of the restaurant. He would be able to give no explanation; Cam understood that immediately, and the small cell of cancer would soon become an engorged tumor in Gabriel’s and Cam’s relationship. Gabriel’s curiosity would not let the matter lie.

But how could he pull away from Gabriel? Gabriel was everything that he ever wanted, all the comfort and joy he could have asked for. It hurt Cam just to think about leaving him and turning himself over to the dark chill that was Aziel’s torture.

“Since the situation is such that he cannot know about our meetings,” Aziel continued, obviously feeling that whatever Cam would say on the matter would be insignificant, “I would suggest, for his health and your own, that you do something about that.”

There was another long silence where Cam found himself thinking of untold, unthinkable possibilities. He thought of Gabriel walking in one night, maybe to surprise Cam, and finding Aziel in his living room. He thought of the deadly sting of the needles in an untrained vein. He thought of the cold, cruel ice in Aziel’s eyes; he wouldn’t let Gabriel out alive.

“I will be leaving on a trip for a week,” Aziel resumed. “You will have a week to settle whatever affairs you must settle. Anything that is not settled by that time, I will deal with myself.”

Cam swallowed thickly. A week to gather his courage and crush the only light in his life?

“Understand that it’s not only your life at stake here, Cameron,” Aziel whispered. His fingers brushed through Cam’s hair, the gesture mockingly comforting after such horrible, unspeakable words. Cam felt tears spring to his eyes, and he wondered how someone could be so cruel.

“I c-can’t,” Cam whispered. “I can’t do that to him.”

“Are you so selfish as to think that he wouldn’t get over you?” Aziel asked. “Think about it Cameron, do you really want to be a weight around his neck? You’re a whore.”

“I’m not anymore,” he said softly. His voice didn’t reflect the iron that his words should have had.

“You accept money in return for sexual services,” Aziel said, his lips tilting in a smile. Cam found the words disgusting, and shrunk back from him. He found it hard to believe that he had been able to do that for so long without actually realizing how far he’d gone down. Even then, he had no retort for Aziel’s words.

Aziel turned his head and touched Cam’s cheek affectionately. “You’ve done so well. Don’t disappoint me now.”

Cam blinked, not sure what that meant. He looked up into those blue eyes, hoping there would be some kind of clue, but all he found was the wasteland of chill and ice. He turned away, and Aziel rose from the bed. He dressed slowly, almost thoughtfully. His clothing was wrinkled, and it was an usual look for him.

“Have a good day, Cameron,” he said. “I’ll call you in a week’s time.”

Cam just nodded a little from his place on the bed, suddenly feeling the burn of Aziel’s finger marks in his hips. He felt disgusting as he lay there in the bed that still smelled of their sex. What was Aziel doing to him? Building him up with hope only to tear him down?

Cam heard the front door shut, and he slumped back into the bed, the smell of Aziel’s cologne lingering in his nostrils.

Cam was sitting on his leather couch in his jeans and a loose T-shirt. He was half-watching TV and half-watching the window. There was nothing on TV, and outside seemed to be just as entertaining. His foot tapped on the carpet. He hung his head between his knees and ran his hand up the back of his head.

He’d fucked up. From the start, right at square one, Cam had tripped. He’d fallen for greed and a false sense of security. Everything that Aziel had offered had seemed so good then; chances at steady employment and a constant flow of cash. Where had things started to go wrong, exactly? Yeah, Aziel had been a hard fuck, but Cam had expected that.

Cam was sure that the drugs weren’t the first red flag to go up, but he thought it was the boldest and brightest.

Well, hindsight was 20/20, huh?

Now, he was sitting in his old lady’s apartment, waiting for the buzzer to ring so that he could call Gabriel up and have The Talk. It weighed on his heart heavily, and he wondered how he could get away with it. Certainly Gabriel would be outraged, and he was smart enough to figure out that there was something serious going on in Cam’s life.

His reaction to the phone had been enough to tip him off.

Cam found himself thinking more and more of Derek. That shell of a human being that had latched on to him on the street corner, what seemed like a hundred years ago. That pale face, drawn cheeks, wasted body. Was it possible that Aziel was capable of something like that?

Definitely.

Cam swallowed thickly as he thought about his own fate. He didn’t harbor any hope that he would get out of his entanglement with Aziel alive. In a way, Cam felt that he was already dead, just going through the motions of keeping his corpse in shape so others didn’t notice. Was he scared? Yes. God yes. He had nightmares about Aziel.

The buzzer rang. He got to his feet and let Gabriel in with minimal conversation. Cam had brought him to his apartment so he could sit him down. He wanted to explain as much as he could without revealing everything. Maybe he could step around some of the details, just make himself seem unappealing enough that Gabriel would make the decision on his own.

Gabriel came into the apartment with a wan smile on his face. He touched Cam’s shoulder, and then took him into a hug. Cam tried to stay rigid in the hug, but it was difficult. Gabriel was so comfortable and comforting.

“Cam, what’s wrong? You sounded really sullen on the phone,” Gabriel said. He guided Cam to the living room, where they both sat on the couch. Cam’s hands were shaking, which he tired to hide by clasping them tightly together.

“Gabriel,” Cam started, deciding to just open the floodgates without any pretence. “I’m in trouble.”

Gabriel was silent, watching Cam with concern. His arm was draped over his shoulder, his warm hand against Cam’s jutting spine. Cam sensed that Gabriel was about to say something, so he swallowed the lump in his throat and pressed forward.

“It’s really big trouble, Gabriel. I can’t tell you about it, not without making your life miserable,” he said. “I just… I have to get you to understand that I can’t see you anymore. And it’s not because I don’t want to, it’s because I know that it will hurt you.” He looked up at him. “I’m not good enough for this, Gabriel. I don’t deserve to be happy. I’ve really… I’ve really fucked up.” He choked. “I’ve made some really bad choices and now I have to live with it.”

“Cam,” Gabriel said softly, when Cam’s voice finally failed him. “It’s okay, whatever it is, don’t do it alone. You can’t do it alone. You need help.”

Cam shook his head almost violently, trying to tear himself away from Gabriel’s grip, but Gabriel held on.

“No!” Cam cried, tears starting down his cheeks. “You don’t understand!” He bit his lip, trying to think of something, anything, to say that didn’t give everything away. “Please, it’s my fault.”

“Is it related to the drugs?” Gabriel asked.

Cam nodded his blonde head, tears dripping off his nose. His hands were now on Gabriel’s shoulders, as if he were trying to push him away but didn’t have the will to fight anymore. Gabriel slowly folded him into his arms, pulling him against his chest.

“Cam, we’ll get you into rehab. It’s okay,” Gabriel said soothingly.

“No,” Cam whispered into Gabriel’s sweater. “You don’t understand.”

“Quit telling me that I don’t understand when you haven’t told me anything,” Gabriel said desperately. “Cam, tell me what’s going on! I can’t help you otherwise.”

“Oh God, he’s going to kill me,” Cam whispered, shuddering bodily.

“Cam, what are you talking about? Please, tell me! I can help you! We’ll get the police involved, if there’s someone after you,” Gabriel said desperately, his lips in Cam’s hair.

There was a wild moment where Cam saw the light of escape and he tried to grasp for it. The story came out, broken and stilted, but it came out. He told Gabriel everything. He told him how Aziel had picked him up, drugged him, and then effectively raped him. He told him about his little plastic phone and what it meant. He told him about the school and the promise of an education. He told him about the expensive penthouse and the worsening of the abuse. He told him how he’d escaped, eluded him long enough to finish his high school education. Then, he told him about the last two nights, suspended in a horrible agony of shattered misery.

Gabriel listened stroking the top of Cam’s head, at times unable to believe that something so horrible could happen to someone.

“We’ll get you help, Cam,” Gabriel whispered. “We’ll go the police and we’ll get you help.”

Cam just sobbed, his fingers knotted in Gabriel’s sweater.

Aziel was sitting with his hands clasped under his chin, a headset in place. His eyes were closed, his face illuminated by the glow of his computer monitor. He was sitting in his new penthouse about ten city blocks from where Cameron was confessing to Gabriel. His mouth twitched as he listened. He opened his eyes and looked at his computer monitor. The computer monitor showed the back of Cam’s head and the profile of Gabriel’s face in somewhat grainy quality. The camera he was looking for was on top of the television, hidden amidst the potted plant that Cam had set there. From here, the microphone was picking everything up with crystal clear quality.

“Cameron,” Aziel said softly. “You’d been doing so well… and now you have to go and make things difficult.” He sighed as he leaned back, letting the earphones fall to the side of his desk. He paused only a moment before standing to fetch his blue bags.

Aziel unrolled the small blue roll in his hand and looked at the series of syringes that he had brought with them. All of them had survived the trip intact.

Good, because he was going to need them.