Breakdown - 35. 33 Dawn

The world was incredible pain. His heart raced in his chest, pounding so hard, he thought it was going to leap right out of his chest. His head hurt, feeling like it was full of glass needles that jostled against each other and pushed at the soft tissues of his brain. Following on the heels of this incredible pain was a sense of debased wonderment focused on a single, leaping thought.

Why am I alive…?

He struggled to move, groping blindly in the darkness behind his eyelids. He was lying on his side, his cheek against the warm, smooth skin of another human. There was soft breath in his hair and a thick arm curled around his shoulders. After a moment of fitful struggle, a voice above him hissed air between his teeth in a familiar, comforting shh. Cam let himself be shushed, his muscles falling slack.

Things were whirling in his brain; he felt the sting in his arm from what felt like hundreds of needles. He felt the crystal pain of the drugs behind his eyes and in the fissures of his brain. He remembered, barely, what had happened the night before. The deadly choice that the demon had offered him glittered in his mind like a spectral dagger. Had it all been a horrible dream?

Why was he alive, in Gabriel’s arms? ‘

Cam struggled to swallow so that he could force his thick, dead tongue to life. A croaky voice revealed nothing of language, and Cam lapsed back into silence, reserved in disappointment. He didn’t want to open his eyes; he couldn’t bare the thought of facing Gabriel right now.

“Good morning, Cam,” a soft, smooth voice said from close to his ear. Immediately, Cam’s body tightened.

It wasn’t Gabriel’s.

It hadn’t been a nightmare, then. How could he be alive? There had been enough drugs in those needles to kill an elephant. How could he survive something so terrible?

“You’ve changed so much,” Aziel whispered, affectionately brushing his fingers through Cam’s hair. Cam bit his lip, curling into himself. “When I found you, you lacked nobility, lacked pride. Your image was nothing but trash, and you lived that image.”

Cam’s mind fled to the distant day when Aziel had pulled up to the side of the road. Cam remembered cocking his hips in that suggestive gesture, something he did almost unconsciously. He remembered leaning down and smiling at the demon in the car, eager for money. If pleasing this stranger would let him eat for another day, so be it. He would do whatever he wanted, within reason.

“You didn’t realize how disgusting you really were,” Aziel said quietly. Brushing Cam’s hair back from his temples. “You leapt at the chance of money, even when I’m sure you held reservations of getting so involved with a john.”

Cam was silent, listening. If Aziel was here, speaking to him, where was Gabriel? A soft tremble was shaking Cam’s body ever so slightly.

“When given the opportunity to clean yourself up, however, you pounced,” Aziel resumed quietly. “The thought of school, the thought of getting out, I don’t think had ever occurred to you. But you didn’t deserve to have it given to you, Cameron.” He took a breath, letting his hand brush over Cam’s cheeks. His fingers tickled slightly. “You had to earn your step up in life.”

So was that it? Just some crazy game that Aziel had decided to do in hopes of bettering a whore?

“I expected you to fail,” he said. “Your predecessor became obsessed with the drug.” There was a horrible, horrible smile in Aziel’s voice. Cam was glad his eyes were closed, for he was sure that the mental image of that ivory smile was better than the real thing. “He destroyed himself, broke the rules, and eventually became quite useless.”

“You killed Derek,” Cam managed.

“He killed himself,” Aziel said softly. “I merely provided him the means to do so.”

Cam felt hideously sick. Did Derek have a choice like this? A horrible temptation of drugs put before him and no will to resist it? Cam had a sudden intense mental image of Aziel sitting on one of the old chairs in Derek’s apartment, watching the whore stick needles in himself until he was frothing at the mouth. Why did Aziel turn him loose on the street?

“I didn’t expect you to sacrifice yourself, when you had witnessed first hand what the death was going to be like,” Aziel admitted. “I expected you to attempt to divide the syringes between you, perhaps saving more for yourself, but still having the audacity to drag someone into the Hell that you knew first hand. But, surprised as I may be, I’m amused to find that you have found someone you truly care about.”

Cam wondered where this was going.

“Two of the needles were the heroin derivative,” Aziel said. “Eight of them were saline salt solution… plasma.” His fingers stroked over Cam’s shoulder. “I would have killed both of you if you split them between you. You would have learned nothing and be useless to me.”

Cam gawped a little at the harshness of the words.

“As it is,” Aziel continued, “You have shown an incredible will to survive, so I knew that this was not a simple escape of suicide. Whatever feelings you profess to have for your lover allowed you to save both of your lives. It’s almost beautiful.”

Cam tried to push away from him. He succeeded, finally opening his eyes and looking up into the cold face of the expressionless demon that had haunted him for so long.

“What are you saying?” Cam asked firmly, his heart still hammering in his chest. He was aware that he was covered in perspiration and trembling, but somehow managed to keep his voice firm.

“I’m saying you have passed,” Aziel said calmly. “I will release you.”

Cam wanted to scoff at the incredible arrogance in the words, but he knew all the same that it wasn’t all arrogance. Aziel had owned him, and only Aziel could make the decision that Cam could walk. He’d proven as much by coming back to get him when Cam had fled. Maybe it had been a point of pride to not let his whore escape, but he had come all the same. To prove his dominance and prove just exactly how easily Cam could be beaten.

Cam turned from Aziel. Slumped in the chair, just as he had been last night, was Gabriel. There was a dark stain down the front of his sweater and he looked just as lifeless as when Cam had passed out. Trembling in fear, he tried to crawl towards him, away from the demon in bed with him.

Aziel let him go, standing from the bed and pulling on his peculiar bodysuit. He watched as Cam reached out trembling fingers to tilt Gabriel’s face up to his. Gabriel’s face was a wash of blood, the source of which seemed to be his forehead and nose. Tears came to Cam’s eyes as he gazed on his ravaged features. Gabriel’s glasses were missing. Cam could just feel a weak pulse under his fingers.

“You bastard,” Cam whispered, slowly and gently hugging Gabriel’s head against his chest.

“He’ll wake in an hour,” Aziel said casually, glancing at his watch. He picked up the blue roll with the shed needles and rolled it up very carefully.

“Why did you do this?” Cam whispered, his mouth in Gabriel’s hair. The world was spinning wildly, and Cam was having trouble keeping his feet.

Aziel finished zipping up his curious body suit and looked at Cam with an even, expressionless appraisal. When he spoke, his voice had lost a lot of the coldness that it usually held. He tilted his head up.

“We all do things to protect the ones we love.”

Cam found that answer entirely unsatisfying, and cradled Gabriel’s wounded head closer.

“That being said,” Aziel said, resuming his former chill. “If you breathe a word of any of this to the authorities, I will come back and make you watch as I tear him apart. And then I will do the same to you.” He faced Cam, and Cam was left with no doubt that the threat was real. “The last contact you will have with me will be in two day’s time.” He put on his trench coat over his body suit and pulled his hair free of the collar. Cam watched all of this with a mix of fear and hope.

Was this really the end?

“Goodbye, Cameron,” Aziel said with a soft nod, and walked out of the bedroom. Cam heard the door of the apartment shut, and slumped to his knees before Gabriel’s still form.

He cried.

Gabriel had woke in an hour, just like Aziel had said. In the meantime, Cam had untied him from the chair and bandaged his wrists. He’d managed to pull him the short distance onto the bed with the last of his remaining shaky strength. With love and tenderness, he had wiped the crusted blood from his face. Naked, Cam had curled up to him and cried, not knowing what his tears were for.

When Gabriel had woken, he had moaned in pain from a hangover that Cam was sure had something to do with whatever Aziel had put into him. He provided him with Tylenol and a shortened explanation of what had happened.

“Gabriel,” Cam said softly. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have told you everything. It’s my stupidity that’s to blame for this.”

Gabriel shook his head slowly, rubbing the back of his head. “If he’s telling the truth, and he’s going to leave you alone, maybe it’s worth it?”

“I shouldn’t have put you in danger,” Cam whispered. “He’s completely unpredictable. I don’t even know if he’s actually letting me go, or if he’s just playing another game.”

Gabriel looked at him evenly. With Cam’s help, he’d managed to pull of the blood-crusted sweater. Again, he shook his head and lay back down on the bed. “No, I wanted to know, Cam. That’s what lovers do you know, share each other’s burdens?”

Cam’s expression soured. “I think there’s exceptions to that rule.”

Gabriel managed a soft laugh and put his hand over Cam’s. It was obvious that Gabriel was still in pain, but he was trying to hide it. Cam lay beside him and savored the warmth of the other’s body.

“We can’t go to the police?” Gabriel asked softly.

Cam shook his head quickly, regretting it when he felt the pain trickle through his skull. “No, Gabriel. We can’t. If we do… he’ll come back.”

Gabriel sighed heavily. “I don’t like the fact that he’s just going to… get away with what he’s done to you.”

Cam thought about that for a moment, and then shook his head more softly this time. He held Gabriel tightly. “In a way, I have to thank him. He gave me the strength to get out and find you.” He smiled a little. “Cheesy, I know, but it’s true. I never would have left Chicago on my own. I just would have stayed there until I died. And I knew I was going to die, and I didn’t care. As horrible as he was, Aziel gave me a reason to keep living.”

Gabriel wrapped his arms around Cam. “That’s almost sweet.”

Cam laughed and hugged Gabriel’s chest.

With Aziel’s shadow receding, Cam couldn’t help but feel that the world was a little bit lighter.