NumbaCruncha - 9. The Mages and the Royal Couple

A raucous squabbling, grunting and thumping galvanised the young men awake. Imagining they’d left the door to the terrace open and wild animals had somehow found their way into the apartment, Peteru crept out of the tiny cupboard in which they’d slept, stealthily tip-toed down the passageway and peered into Ishbel’s new reception room. He was almost right, but the beasts were human. Daylight streaming in through wide open doors illuminated a scene that a week earlier would have merely sickened him. This morning, after a day spent with Seb and his friends, his entire being was revolted. Naked Mages clawing at each other in a frenzy of noisy, stinking sexual lust were defiling not only the morning, but also Ishbel’s pristine new salon. He crept back to Uretep and warned him to be careful. They dressed and managed to creep unnoticed to an alcove beside the nearest negrav chute. They had only just concealed themselves when…

‘Where are those two black bastards!’ Fabien shouted as he wandered down the corridor, stark naked and alarmingly aroused. ‘I’m going to ream their cute little arseholes till they beg for mercy.’

‘You’ll split them open,’ Augur snapped. ‘We need them alive until they’ve finished setting up this thing. As soon as everything’s fixed you can do what you like with them—and I’ll watch,’ he added with a slimy laugh, taking the Chief of Enforcement by the arm and leading him back to the lounge.

From their concealment Peteru and Uretep could scarcely breathe. Cold fingers clutched at entrails and spine. ‘What’ll we do?’

Uretep took a deep breath. ‘Wait till they’ve calmed down then wander in breezily pretending we’ve come from the negrav chute.’

‘What if the chutes aren’t working?’

‘They will be, because as we’ve just heard, these debauched creatures need us. Come on, we’re smarter than them and as long as we have our computer and an enseemat they can’t get us.’

‘OK, but we must never let each other out of sight!’

‘Never!’

After a very long half hour the cacophony subsided and, hoping everyone had dressed, they wandered noisily along the hallway into a room full of still naked Mages draped unappetisingly over the armchairs. The aura of bestiality had been replaced by loathsome self-satisfaction. Twenty-six predatory eyes fixed on the young men. Fabien licked his lips. Xanthippe scratched lewdly between her legs. Augur fondled himself and Agnes caressed her long nipples. No one smiled.

‘Where’ve you been!’ Ishbel presented an awesome figure. A pale mountain of flab literally quivering with rage. Sweating and stinking—as were all the Mages the young men discovered as they approached, relieved they’d put on their clothes.

Maintaining a realistic smile while trying not to retch was difficult. ‘We’ve just been to take a look at the Arena and workshops. You were right as usual, Ishbel, everything’s exactly the same here as at home so there’ll be zero problems.’

Irritation unappeased by the flattery, Ishbel reached forward and slapped Peteru with all her considerable force on the side of his head, knocking him off his feet, rendering him temporarily deaf. ‘You’re needed,’ she snarled, hands on hips, massive legs astride his startled, prone body.

He looked up in shock, having understood nothing.

‘This’ll teach you to be there when I need you!’ she screamed, releasing a stream of urine. ‘You have to check the latest enseemats and wireless terminal placements, then rehearse the Emperor and Empress in their role—they’re as thick as a couple of mattresses, so if anything goes wrong you’ll pay for it!’

Peteru was too busy shielding his face from the hot stinking liquid to hear or understand anything.

‘Yes, your worship,’ Uretep said humbly, ‘we will make sure everything is to your satisfaction.’

‘You’d better!’ Giving a kick to the cringing body beneath, Ishbel stomped over to an armchair and flopped into it.

Peteru slithered away and sat against the wall, not daring to even wipe his face while Uretep kept trying to calm the Chief Mage down. ‘Were there any problems with your NumbaCruncha trip here?’

‘Does it look like it?’ she snarled, heaving herself to her feet and raising a massive fist ready to strike.

Uretep stepped back in alarm.

‘Never forget, you creepy black maggot, that Mages have superb self control.’ Her voice was lethal. Low and sibilant. The hiss of a venomous serpent considering whether to strike. Deciding not to bother she dragged her fingers between her legs and flicked drops of urine at her genius inventor before turning to her smirking entourage. ‘There’s still only that bloody algal muck here and I’m starving. Everyone assemble in my apartment in one hour.’ She stepped haughtily onto a mat, whispered a number into her tiny computer, popped it into her mouth, touched her wrist and disappeared, followed by the others. Only their stench remained.

It took several minutes before Peteru stopped dry retching and was able to join Uretep in a shower where they scrubbed themselves raw.

When at last they felt clean, Uretep took a deep breath, held it as long as he could then exhaled loudly. ‘That was terrifying. After pissing on you she looked so furious when I asked if she'd had any problems with her NumbaCruncha trip I honestly thought she was going to kill me. That’s the fear all her Freemen and Vassals live with night and day. I can’t go back there! Let’s just escape to the forest and if the Men don’t want us, we’ll try to live on our own.’

‘You call that terrifying? You weren’t nearly drowned in her stinking piss! It was so hot!’

‘I’m so, so sorry Peteru, are you all right? Can I do anything?’

‘How do I smell?’

‘Like fresh air. Was it very terrible?’

‘Hot and foul. I was too busy not letting it get into my mouth and eyes to think.’

‘I couldn’t help you.’

‘You distracted her, that was plenty.’

‘So, shall we go away now?’

‘I thought you wanted to destroy Oasis?’

‘Don’t be ridiculous! How can we?’

‘I’m certain Seb and the others want the same thing. He said we had that in common. Surely we have to return and give them more information? We can’t just wimp out.’

Uretep sighed. ‘Yes, of course you’re right. Sorry. You’re so brave. And she hit you too, are you OK?’

‘I was deaf for a while, but I’m fine now. It’s the first time I’ve been hit. I had no idea how demoralising it is. I was completely unmanned! It’s nothing like verbal insults—those you can rationalise and dismiss, but being physically abused with impunity! No one has any mental defence against that. Suddenly I realised they have total power over my life and death. I have no rights, nothing. In their eyes I am nothing! No wonder everyone else including the Aristocrats is so pathetic—they’ve been brainwashed with the fear of Domino and Domina as well as the Mages. So we have to at least try to get rid of them.’ He took a deep breath, shook himself and grinned bravely. ‘Let battle begin.’

Back in their room they breakfasted on tasteless mush, wondering how to explain their scratches and scars.

‘Ishbel’s room isn’t well illuminated, they probably won’t notice.’

‘But if they do?’

‘We’ll say we had a fight.’

*****

Ishbel’s room was darkened when they arrived. Several Mages, still naked, were loudly complaining of headaches. No one noticed the minor abrasions of a pair of very temporary honorary Mages. Xanthippe, who was wearing her wig and nothing else, told them what would be expected from the royal couple at the public demonstration, and gave them the text for the Emperor to learn.

‘This is a very delicate and important propaganda exercise I hope you realise,’ Melvyn announced pompously. ‘The success of the enterprise depends on a convincing performance by the Emperor and Empress. They aren’t the easiest people to get along with, and dumb as shit—which they even look like.’ He waited successfully for a laugh.

‘If it’s so important, why are you entrusting it to us?’

‘Because you’re as black as them.’ He yawned and lay back, caressing a potbelly that seemed to have grown overnight.

‘You’ll need your universal key,’ yawned the teenage Nell who had recently been rejuvenated. ‘It gives you entry everywhere, even the royal suites. But make no decisions outside your expertise! Use the vidcom to ask the appropriate Mage if you’re even slightly unsure what to do!’

‘You’d better wear these,’ Xanthippe waved a hand and two Vassals appeared with tunics and cloaks similar to the ones the Mages wore in public. ‘As Melvyn said, this is too important to get wrong. Wearing these you will be treated like gods.’

Before they could respond Ishbel interrupted irritably. ‘Off you go, then. Inspect the engineers’ work on mat and terminal placement, and tell them to hurry everything along. Things are more desperate than we realised, according to Ruby and Justinian. After that, go and teach their Royal Highnesses how to use NumbaCruncha, and then make him learn his lines by rote. Let me know when you’ve been successful.’

Relieved at their summary dismissal, the two inventors returned to Alger and Begum’s office wearing their new cloaks. Both engineers welcomed them with cool but distinct respect, unable to conceal the gnawing irritant of their curiosity while holding out their wrists to show their silver implants.

‘Everyone, including every Aristocrat, now has one of these things imbedded in their wrist,’ Begum whined. ‘They’re all curious—some very angry, and threatened to kill the implanter until he threatened to call a Mage. There are mats everywhere, screens that show maps and numbers and those terminals to speak into. The whole city is going crazy with curiosity and,’ her voice took on a hectoring tone, ‘we think it is time you told us…’

‘Freemen and Vassals are neither curious nor impatient,’ Peteru interrupted curtly. ‘They do as they’re told without curiosity, just as Aristocrats must. I am certain Mage Fabien will be interested in the names of any Aristocrat who is being unnaturally curious and impatient.’

Begum reddened and Alger plucked nervously at the sleeve of her gown. Suddenly panicking, she gazed in horror at the Mage cloaks as if she’d just realised who they really were, and threw herself on the ground, whimpering apologies. The two novice Mages turned on their heels to hide grins, and went through to the main workshop, removing the hoods of their cloaks.

The assistants greeted them like old friends. They complimented everyone on the excellent protection provided for the public enseemats, the user-friendly maps and number lists, and the astonishing efficiency with which everyone had been implanted and an enseemat and terminal had been placed in every Aristocrat and Freemen apartment. The Vassal’s mats would be completed within the day. With great pride the head technician informed them that the automated manufacturing process was so efficient that New Oasis too would be fully set up within the next two days, with everything controlled by the designated Mainframe computer in Computer Central.

Peteru could scarcely contain his delight. ‘You guys are really fantastic!’ he beamed, spreading his arms to include Alger and Begum, who had followed the Mages into the workshop. You all deserve medals. I’d no idea there was so much talent in Oasis.’

Furious at being included in praise given to Freemen, the Aristocrats asked to be excused.

‘Certainly, you must have plenty to do,’ Uretep said sweetly.

As the door closed behind them the atmosphere relaxed and Peteru and Uretep took the extraordinary step of shaking hands with each of the Freemen whose efforts had been so remarkable. At first shocked at being touched in friendship by someone so powerful, they nervously smiled and thanked and complimented the two inventors. Unfortunately, Alger returned and threatened everyone with extermination if they weren’t back at work instantly.

Alone in their room, Uretep sighed. ‘They could be redeemed, don’t you think? The Freemen?’

‘No. They responded to kindness, but once that stimulus was removed they reverted. Infant conditioning is permanent. No change is possible. Are you ready to meet the Emperor?

‘Can’t wait.’

*****

The gold disc allowed access to the negrav chute that ascended directly to the royal suite where a Vassal conducted them to a large, impressively furnished reception room. Despite their new robes and hoods they couldn’t help feeling a trifle nervous when an internal door opened to admit the most handsome man either had ever seen. In his early thirties, he was about twenty centimetres taller than his visitors, perfectly proportioned, flawless skin like burnished blue-black ebony, wearing a short sleeveless tunic of a coarse material that barely reached mid thigh. He padded forward on bare feet and stood a metre in front of his guests, mutely questioning. A perfectly symmetrical body exuding power, health and vigour. Only the eyes appeared lost, vague and unsure.

‘They told me you’d be coming.’ The voice was rich, deep, and sad. The smile slightly bewildered. Childlike. Nervous. ‘Please don’t hurt me. I’ve been as good as I can.’

On a sudden impulse Uretep threw back his hood and wrapped his arms around the Emperor in a friendly hug. Recollecting himself he stepped back, unsure if he’d transgressed some protocol that might jeopardise their plan. His worries were groundless. The Emperor’s nervous smile became a wide grin of delight. He enveloped Uretep in powerful arms, then did the same to Peteru who had also discarded his hood.

‘Why have you never visited me before?’ he asked, excited as a child. ‘No one ever hugs me or is nice to me, they’re all stiff and boring and tell me what to do all the time and I don’t like them.’ Placing hands on both their shoulders as if frightened they’d go away, he continued excitedly, ‘I thought you’d be like the other Mages, but you’re nice! I can tell by looking at you that you won’t hurt me.’

‘You're nice too, Emperor,’ Peteru smiled gently, ‘and we certainly will not hurt you. In fact we were worried you’d be difficult to talk to because you’re so important.’

‘My name’s Calisto,’ he said modestly. ‘Please don’t call me Emperor. I wish I’d never been elected. It’s horrible.’

‘What about the Empress?’

‘She’s the most horrible. She hates me because I’m a Vassal. Calls me dirty names. I’m glad she lives in her own palace.’

‘But when you’re together you both look so happy.’

‘That’s because if we don’t we’re punished.’ He turned and lifted his tunic to expose recently healed scars across both buttocks. They did this to me because I wouldn’t do something. I forget what it was. They used a hot iron thing.’

‘But that’s terrible!’ both young men were horrified.

‘The worst thing is being lonely. I miss my best friend. I’ve no one to talk to and laugh with and…’ tears streamed down the handsome cheeks.

‘What’s the name of your friend?’ Peteru asked.

‘Philo.’

‘Where’s your vidcom?’

Calisto pointed.

The gold disc ensured instant connection to Melvyn. ‘What do you want?’ he snapped.

‘Melvyn, you’re the bloke in charge of propaganda, so I turn to you for assistance. In the interests of a happy resolution to the Emperor’s speech at the unveiling of NumbaCruncha, I need the Vassal Philo sent to the royal apartments immediately. Thanks.’ He disconnected before Melvyn could ask questions.

The Vidcom bleeped. ‘Don’t you hang up on me you…’ Melvyn’s face was purple.

‘If you can’t do it, then I’ll try Ishbel,’ Peteru said pleasantly.

Melvyn disconnected, and three minutes later a servant shoved into the room an extremely nervous, rather ordinary looking Vassal of about the same age as the Emperor, dressed in stained overalls. Without looking up he fell on his face and whimpered.

Calisto raced forward, pulled him to his feet and wrapped him in his arms. ‘Philo, it’s me.’

Philo looked up. A smile of astonished relief split his face. ‘Calisto!’

‘The Emperor grinned and nuzzled at his lover’s ears, nose, eyes and lips, unfazed by the presence of the two Mages who had replaced their hoods.

Suddenly realising what was happening, Philo pulled back in alarm and threw himself at their feet. ‘Forgive me, your worships. I am just so happy to see my friend I…’

Uretep pulled him upright. ‘Philo, it pleases us to see you both happy.’

‘Can he stay?’ Calisto asked without much hope.’

‘Do you love each other? Uretep asked, trying to sound as cool as Seb when asking him the same question in the forest the previous day.

The Emperor’s eyes glazed as if confused, then as if daring the Mages to do their worst, said simply, ‘Yes... if what I feel is love.’

‘Then he can stay, but he can’t be seen with you in public.’

‘Why can’t he be the Emperor’s bodyguard?’ Peteru suggested.

‘He's already got one.’

‘I hate him. He fucks the Empress and tells her everything about me.’

‘Then that’s settled. You can dismiss him.’

Learning the short speech that would explain NumbaCruncha to the multitudes took less than ten minutes. Calisto only had to hear a sentence twice before it was committed to memory. When complimented he seemed surprised. All Vassals do that; we can’t read, so we remember. Philo will have remembered it too.’ He turned to his friend. ‘Come on, Philo, show them.’

Shyly at first, then with increasing confidence Philo repeated the entire speech word perfect with identical emphasis.

‘What do you think the people will say, Calisto?’

‘About what?’

‘The contents of the speech.’

‘Oh, I’ve only learned it, I haven’t thought about what it means.’ He turned to Philo. ‘You’re cleverer than me at understanding things. Tell me what it’s about.’

Eyes wide, Philo looked as if ready to run. ‘I...I can’t! The gods will kill me.’

‘They won’t, Philo. We are the representatives of the gods and, as the Chief Mage will explain at the Arena, this message comes directly from them. Come on, what’s it about? In different words though, not the ones you’ve memorised. Imagine you’re Calisto explaining it to other Vassals.’

After a deep breath and a stuttering start, Philo spoke slowly and carefully. ‘The Chief Mage has just told you that Domino and Domina have given us a new way to move around Oasis. It is safe and happens at once and will make everyone very happy and feel sexy and you’ll also be naked. But that’s OK because the gods don’t want us to wear clothes any more. Also, men and women have to fuck every day, because when a man puts his rod into a woman’s hole and pumps until it squirts, it causes her to grow a new person in her belly, called a baby, and the gods want us to make as many babies as we can.’ He stopped, confused. ‘Calisto and I squirt into each other’s holes sometimes, but we don’t have babies.’

‘That’s a different hole. Women have a third hole in the middle, so only they can have babies.’

‘But most men I know squirt into women sometimes and they haven’t had babies.’

‘That’s because Domino and Domina prevented it from happening. But please go on, you haven’t finished explaining Calisto’s speech.’

‘Sorry.’ Philo visibly collected his thoughts. ‘Then the Empress and I will show you all how to use the new way of moving around Oasis, and then I will put my rod into her and fuck, pumping until I squirt so everyone can see that it is the right thing to do.’ Philo stopped and thought. ‘Ah yes, then he says, Domino and Domina be with you.’

‘Excellent, Philo.’

‘Calisto was frowning. ‘I’m worried I won’t be able to do it. I don’t like the Empress, she’s always bossy and rude and tells me I’m useless because I can’t get stiff with her.’

‘You only have to do it once to solve a huge problem the Mages have. You see, as the most important person in Oasis, you are the only person who can help them.’

‘I don’t want to help them.’

‘Yes you do.’

‘What’s their problem?’

‘Convincing ordinary people to believe they have to be naked everywhere and have sex frequently. As you know, it’s always been forbidden in public. But if they see the Emperor and Empress naked on the stage having sex in public, then they will believe it is the right thing to do. It is your duty as Emperor to show the way for your subjects. They elected you and admire you. Trust me—no one else in Oasis could do it.’

Calisto’s chest swelled visibly at the thought of having such power. Then he frowned. ‘But my rod never gets hard with her! That’s why she hates me.’

‘Believe me, it will get hard, and you will feel like doing it with her.’ Let me show you the new way of moving.

Uretep placed two mats at one end of the room and a second pair at the other, a good twenty metres away. Then he and Peteru stood on the mats, whispered a number into their terminals, touched their wrists and before their cloaks and tunics hit the ground they were standing on the mats at the other end. Calisto and Philo were staring in astonishment at the now empty mats.

‘We’re here,’ Peteru called.

Their audience turned, speechless.

‘Now it’s your turn.’

‘You’re naked!’

‘Yes, it feels much better. More natural.’

‘And your rods are hard.’

‘Yes. And it feels great. Come on. Give me your wrists.’

To disobey two Mages who could fly invisibly through the room was unthinkable, so they both accepted the implant, stood on the enseemats, whispered the number into the computer held by Uretep, touched their wrists and appeared at the other end of the room. After gazing for at least two seconds in astonished lust at each other’s arousal, they sank to the floor and caressed, kissed, fondled and eventually brought each other to orgasm.

Touched by such a captivating expression of love, Uretep and Peteru also took pleasure in each other’s bodies, amused when they surfaced to see Calisto and Philo squatting in front of them, shaking their heads in wonderment.

‘We didn’t know Mages were so beautiful. And you also love each other.’

‘Yes, that’s why we understand you. So, did you enjoy the experience?’

Calisto heaved a great sigh and failed to wipe off the silly grin. ‘Yes.’ He rubbed his hand over his head. ‘Where’s my hair? You too!’ he shouted at Philo. ‘We’re both bald. Down here too,’ he whispered looking down. ‘You didn’t tell us about that.’

‘Does it worry you? Your hair was so short I can hardly see the difference. What about you, Philo?’

‘I don’t care about anything if I can be with Calisto.’

‘You’re still feeling sexy, I see.’

Calisto giggled boyishly. ‘He’s always feeling sexy with me. Is it like this every time?’

‘Yes, so if you and the Empress transport at the same time, she’ll also feel sexy and you’ll easily be able to shove your rod into her.’

He frowned. ‘But she won’t want me to.’

‘I guarantee she will. Come on, let’s go to her apartment so she can hear your speech and get used to the idea, then I’ll teach her how to use the new transportation, and you can both make the crossing together like you did with Philo, after which you will shove your rod into her until you’re satisfied.’

‘Can Philo come too?’

‘He’s now your bodyguard, so of course.’ Uretep turned to Philo. ‘As long as you don’t get jealous when you see Calisto with the woman.’

‘Of course not,’ Philo said with a frown. ‘Calisto is only doing his work.’

‘Very sensible. And don’t tell her you’re lovers because she will tell everyone she sees and that will spoil Calisto’s image as a potent Emperor.’

‘OK.’

‘Now, we must all put on our clothes; something impressive for you Calisto, and Philo in whatever a bodyguard wears. Oh, and wear hoods or hats so she doesn’t get suspicious about your lack of hair. Definitely don’t tell her you’ve already transported.’

Empress Agnes was a striking, big-bosomed, narrow-waisted woman in her thirties with bleached blond ringlets and small eyes that seemed too close together. An elaborately embroidered gown exaggerated her tiny waist and generous hips while exposing a cleavage deep enough to burrow into. In an effort to look as pale as a Mage, Agnes had painted all her exposed skin deathly white, as if she’d been suffering a severe nausea attack. A large and powerful bodyguard in a rough tunic stood protectively behind the chaise longue on which she reclined in exaggerated languor. She extended a hand as if expecting it to be kissed.

The two Mages in their cloaks of power drew themselves up with assumed anger. ‘On your feet, woman!’ Peteru snapped. ‘Kneel and kiss my sandal.’

Astonished, the woman leaped to her feet and prostrated herself.

We have a message from Gods Domino and Domina,’ Uretep intoned. ‘Sit and listen carefully to your Emperor who will repeat to you the speech he will deliver at the next grand assembly.’

The Empress sniggered.

‘If you wish to be alive tomorrow, I suggest you show your Emperor the respect he deserves,’ Peteru snarled with such venom that the woman burst into tears, kneeled and begged forgiveness. ‘Shut up, woman, and listen!’ He nodded to Calisto who cleared his throat and declaimed his speech with all the majesty one would expect from a grand seigneur.

At the conclusion the poor Empress looked even paler than before.

‘Naked!’ she screeched. ‘Forgive me your worships, but surely that cannot be? The Empress can never appear naked before her people.’

‘You can and will. Furthermore, to demonstrate to your people that the gods are serious, you and the Emperor will have sexual intercourse in front of the entire population.’

Her eyes widened. ‘Not with that Vassal…’

‘Silence woman unless you want your reign terminated immediately! That is not all. Before the public sexual act you and your Emperor will demonstrate the new transportation system.’ Peteru signalled to Philo who placed mats at either end of the large room.

‘Agnes,’ Uretep said gently, ‘I am going to implant a tiny piece of silver in your wrist to enable you to use the new transportation. It is totally painless. Give me your arm.’

‘Please… no,’ she wailed.

‘Your body guard will tell you it is painless,’ he said quietly, beckoning to the guard who held out his arm as if uninterested, and didn’t flinch.

Rigid with fear, eyes staring in horror, Agnes watched when it was done to her, relaxing slightly when it didn’t hurt. Uretep then led her by the hand to the far enseemats where Calisto joined her. As soon as Peteru told them what to whisper into the computer, they touched their wrists, disappeared, and materialised at the far end of the room.

The bodyguard shouted in alarm, stared around wildly, then stared in mute astonishment at his mistress. Without the ridiculous hair, dress and makeup, Agnes was a very attractive woman—warm brown glossy skin, pert posture and a lustful look in the eye. Calisto, although aroused, remained abstracted until Agnes dragged him on top of her on the floor, legs wide and high—a funnel for lust that led the Emperor’s rod straight to the target. After less than a minute of vigorous thrusting he growled deeply, arched his back shot his load and clambered off, returning to Philo.

‘More! More!’ Agnes whimpered. ‘I need more!’

Peteru led her bodyguard to the far mat, and two seconds later he was doing his best to satisfy his mistress.

The Emperor, his lover and the two Mages quietly left them to it, preferring not to be around when the Empress discovered she was bald.

‘Do you still doubt your ability to perform with Agnes in front of the entire population?’

A satisfied grin. ‘I can’t wait to do it.’

*****

‘All done,’ Peteru said cheerfully on returning to Ishbel’s apartment. ‘The Emperor is word perfect and impatient to demonstrate both NumbaCruncha and his sexual prowess in front of the multitudes whenever required.’

‘You have a way with these lower castes, don’t you? Quite the diplomat.’ Ishbel said as if delivering an insult.

‘I guess we have more in common with them than our skin colour,’ Peteru said a little too sharply.

Ishbel’s colour rose; she did not like her insults to be parried. ‘When will everything be ready?’

‘Book the announcement and demonstration for directly after midday in four day’s time. Everyone will have an implant in their wrists by then, all enseemats and number directories are already in position, and by tomorrow every seat in the Arena will be ready and allocated. All that’s left to do is ensure everyone knows the number of their home mat so that once the Emperor’s speech and demonstration is complete, they can transport themselves home.’

‘But will they continue to use it, or just go back to the negrav chutes? They're creatures of habit, you know.’

‘To reinforce the lesson, we could order the entire population to assemble two hours later in Central Park, and temporarily shut down the negrav chutes to make sure they use NumbaCruncha. After that, I’m sure they’ll always use it, in the process lowering the city’s energy consumption.’

‘Do you think one demonstration in the Arena will be enough though?’ Ishbel appeared oddly insecure.

‘No, I think we should have one other couple, preferably Aristocrats.’

Ishbel’s laugh was genuine. ‘I was thinking of you and Uretep.’

‘Sure, no worries,’ Uretep agreed, to Ishbel’s surprise. ‘If you think it’s a good idea to promote two black men having sex?’

‘Of course not! We want them to breed!’

‘Like I said, what you really need is a couple of Aristocrats. Everyone knows the royal couple are a Vassal and a Freemen, so the Aristocrats could become rebellious unless one of them is also seen to transport and then enjoy the pleasures of the flesh.’

Ishbel’s lip curled in amused suspicion. ‘I presume you have someone in mind?’

‘How’d you guess? Let’s reward Alger and Begum. They’ve been in command of the project, so it’s fitting that they should be rewarded for all their hard work by proving that Aristocrats also can fuck like cockroaches.’

‘Were they very objectionable?’ Ishbel asked innocently.

‘At times.’

‘Then so be it, will you tell them or shall I?’

‘The honour would be greater coming from you, your worship.’

Ishbel burst into hearty laughter. ‘That’s the first time I’ve laughed properly for what seems like years. I’m growing to like you two.’

‘And we like you too Ishbel,’ Peteru responded, deciding that as she was obviously deranged and dangerously violent it would be unwise to remind her that she’d been urinating on him only that morning. ‘But we’ve had a gruelling day, so we’d like to turn in early if that’s OK with you.’

‘It’s only mid afternoon! But I suppose compared to me you're both still babies. Maybe it is a sensible idea to get a good rest, in case there are problems to solve between now and the grand unveiling.

Back in their own apartment Peteru shook his head in frustration. ‘I’m feeling sorry for Calisto and Philo. They’re excellent men. I can’t bear to think that in a couple of years they’ll be tossed down a chute like garbage.’

‘Perhaps we can arrange something less horrible?’

‘Were you thinking of…?’

‘I imagine so. But its getting late and we have a rendezvous.’