Phoenix Lights - 2. CRUCIFIX

Friday, March 14, 1997

Sean had been so full of excitement.

As his mother drove under the highway overpass, toward his school, he was suddenly filled with dread. Moments ago, his head buzzing with brain-wave exchanges from Jeffrey, everything had suddenly gone quiet.

He tightly gripped the arm-rest on the door and slid down a little in his seat, holding his other hand over his chest.

His mother looked over with concern. “What’s the matter? All the color just drained from your face.”

Sean shook his head. “I don’t know. Something feels wrong.”

She reached across the cabin and held the backs of her fingers to his forehead. “Are you feeling sick?”

He shook his head, eyes wide and staring at the floorboard. “No. I just… I just…” Sean struggled to breathe.

“Calm down, honey. Talk to me, what’s the matter?”

“It feels like something bad happened. I don’t know why.”

She pulled off to the side of the road. Once the car was in park, she turned toward him. “Like what?”

“I don’t know,” he whimpered.

“Sean?”

He shook his head again.

“My chest feels funny. Something feels weird, like my brain disconnected.” A tear ran down his cheek.

“What are you feeling? Tell me about it.” She lightly rubbed his arm.

“Dread.”

“Breathe in. Slowly. Breathe out. Okay?” She paused. “Do it again. In and out. Are you having an anxiety attack?”

“I don’t know.”

“Is there something going on at school that’s stressing you out?”

He shook his head. “Everything’s been fine. I don’t know what it is.” Although things at school had been going well—he had made the honor roll last semester—he did know what it was; something had severed his connection with Jeffrey. He knew he couldn’t say anything to anyone about it, at least not yet. They didn’t know how they were connected like this.

Sean hadn’t been connected to Jeffrey for much more than ten hours, and although the silence in his head was like it had been any other day before that, his fight or flight mechanisms were suddenly sounding full alarms. He didn’t know what to do, or what it meant. He imagined that it was kinda like what happens when a twin dies, and the other twin feels exactly when it happens.

*****

Sean sat silently on his bed, hands folded and shaking in his lap, and he waited; he knew that Jeffrey didn’t get home from school until a half hour after he did. His nerves were frayed. His anxiety had been spiked all through school, and he’d found it hard to concentrate.

The signal had been back for ten minutes. Jeffrey was okay, and Jeffrey knew he was okay. They were both mentally in pain, and neither could figure out what had happened.

The bus was early, but Sean remained sitting on his bed. He knew that Jeffrey would be there soon. Before Sean could collect himself, Jeffrey was standing in the doorway to his bedroom.

Sean sprang to his feet, stumbling nervously across the room, and fell into Jeffrey’s chest; Jeffrey took Sean into his arms.

With a shaky voice, Sean said, “I was not okay.”

He felt Jeffrey squeeze him just a little tighter. I know.

What the hell happened?

I don’t know. I thought you’d died. Jeffrey held Sean at the shoulders and looked him over. “Are you okay now?”

Sean nodded. “I think so.”

“What were you doing when it stopped?”

“Mom was just driving down the road to drop me off at school, and we passed under the highway and I suddenly couldn’t feel you anymore.” Sean plopped down on his bed. What were you doing?

I was eating breakfast. Do you think Cap’n Crunch Berries would do that?

Strangely, the taste of Crunch Berries seemed to linger at the back of Sean’s throat. “Why would it?”

“Why any of this? I’ve never had a panic attack just going to school. I never freak out when I’m away from friends. Why today? We never met before yesterday, never talked, and now… now…” Jeffrey held his arm out. Jesus, I even know what your dick looks like. “Fuck. That thought came outta nowhere. Dude, I’m sorry.”

Sean felt his cheeks burn red.

“It’s like I’ve seen all your memories through your eyes. All your experiences and everything.” Jeffrey sat down next to him in a huff. “Shit.”

“We can’t read other minds. It’s just us. I figured it’s like there’s a telephone call constantly going on between us.” Sean tapped his fingers on his legs. What if it’s like a walkie-talkie, and we just got too far away from each other?

Jeffrey nodded. Maybe! How far was that? Do you have a map of the city?

I think there’s one in the garage. Sean shot to his feet and ran out of the room. After a few moments, he returned with a Rand Mcnally Arizona map book with every city mapped out. He plucked a ruler and a pencil out of a coffee cup on the desk, and sat down next to Jeffrey. Sean thumbed through a few pages.

There. Jeffrey pointed in the middle of the page, at a major street near their houses.

Sean followed the road with his finger, flipping the page twice before stopping and changing direction. One page later, his finger covered the intersection nearest their house. With the pencil, he marked where he guessed Jeffrey’s house was. Then, he followed the route to school with his finger. He tapped on the page. “I think we were just about here. We passed under Superstition Freeway, and I remember just passing the Burger King.”

Jeffrey pointed at the map. “So, right about there.”

Sean marked the map again. He measured between the two spots, and held the ruler up to the scale line. About two and a tenth of a mile.

We can be two miles apart before we both start freaking out.

What do we do?

Can we tell someone?

Who would we tell? We’d become some government science experiment. Besides, who would believe us?

Jeffrey nodded. Guess we have to test it out to be sure. He sat straight up with a smile. Dude! Let’s fuck with my sister!”

*****

Emily squealed. “Ohhhh my God, how are you doing this?” She looked up from the book. “You’re freaking me out!”

Sean grinned. “It’s magic, I can’t tell you.”

She leaned toward her backpack and plucked out her history book. “You’re messing with me somehow. You’re messing with me.”

Jeffrey sat next to her on the couch, acting surprised.

Emily opened to a random page. “There’s no way you’ve read this book.”

“Page number?” Sean asked.

“616,” she replied.

For dramatic effect, Sean held his arms up, with his fingers pressed to his temples, and hummed.

Jeffrey silently read the first paragraph to himself.

“Early socialism,” Sean started. “The transition to factory work was difficult. Although the lives of workers changed for the better, they suffered greatly over the early periods of industrialization.”

Emily followed along with her finger. She gasped, then pulled her finger down the page to a different paragraph. “Okay, if you’re so good, what am I reading now?”

Jeffrey silently read the first sentence in the paragraph under her finger.

“Robert Owen, who was a British cotton industrialist, was also a utopian socialist. His beliefs were that humans would display natural goodness if they lived cooperatively together.” Sean grinned as Emily turned red with frustration.

She elbowed Jeffrey hard in the side. “Okay, how are you helping him? I know you’re doing it.”

“It was a random book, I swear. I didn’t say anything.”

She glanced around the room. “You’re both cheating. I know it.”

“It wouldn’t be much of a magic trick if you could tell how he did it, Emily.”

I think we really freaked her out, Sean thought.

“Oh, yeah,” Jeffrey said to Sean, “but you should see her freak out when she misses Friends.”

Emily twisted around on the couch. “What?”

“Sean said he freaked you out.” Just then, Jeffrey realized that Sean hadn’t said anything out loud.

Smooth move.

“Pizza’s here,” Jeffrey’s mother called from the kitchen.

In a fit of giggles, the boys scampered to the kitchen, leaving Emily in a state of confusion, sitting on the couch.

*****

Night had come, and a fresh desert breeze gently tussled the curtains over Jeffrey’s windows. The light of a passing vehicle swept across the dark wall, and the posters that lived there—ones for Phoenix Suns players, and rock stars, and cars, and the one or two random swimsuit models Jeffrey had mixed in because he was stroking his father’s machismo—the only other light in the room was from the light in the bathroom, down the hall. Jeffrey’s parents and sister had rooms on the other side of the house, and Jeffrey’s room was part of an add-on behind the garage. Like most houses in Phoenix, his was a single-story with attached garage, and a xeriscaped yard.

Sean lay in Jeffrey’s bed, between the soft blue sheets. It was a queen size, and the green-blue plaid comforter smelled freshly laundered. He only wore a pair of Umbro shorts, which was his normal bedtime garb, and as he shifted on the mattress, something around his neck caught on the blankets. He sighed and unclipped the crucifix from his body, leaning across the bed to drop it on the night stand. Before he let it fall to the surface of the cabinet, he held the metal effigy in his hand, staring at it, tracing his finger along the edge as a glint of light refracted off the surface.

Jeffrey returned from the bathroom and his nightly routine, and although Sean didn’t see it, he could feel the look of pity he was being given.

Sean dropped the chain onto the night stand and rolled back to his side of the bed. You know I don’t believe in it.

Yeah, I know. It’s your brother’s cross. What I don’t get is how you survive at a Catholic school if you don’t believe. Don’t the nuns have some sort of agnostic spider-sense or something?

And you don’t give a crap about Cindy Crawford or Karen Mulder, Sean thought of the posters.

Jeffrey hesitated. So? Dad gave them to me. I bet he thinks it would be an honor to be suffocated to death between a pair of big, fake tits.

Sean smiled as Jeffrey slid in next to him. Why are you wearing shorts and a shirt to bed? You normally sleep naked.

Only when I don’t have company over. Jeffrey scratched his nose.

I don’t care. I know what it looks like, Sean ribbed.

The thought didn’t even phase Jeffrey. It’s our first sleepover. Isn’t there some sort of rule about things like that?

I don’t care.

I know you don’t. Jeffrey held back a giggle.

I know you really hate wearing shirts to bed.

Yeah, you have a point. Jeffrey slipped his shirt off over his head. He laid back, staring up at the ceiling. I don’t think we should tell people about us. I don’t think they’d understand. I think my parents would flip.

My mom would have me exorcised for demons. Catholics don’t buy into the whole psychic thing.

But, we’re not psychic. Jeffrey rolled his head toward Sean.

What do we call it?

Maybe a bond or something.

Maybe. Sean sighed. Playing video games with you sucks, by the way. I’m not ever playing a fighting game with you again.

You know what I’m thinking, too!

I’m not that good, Jeff. Even when I know what you’re thinking.

*****

Sean never remembered having a dream so vivid; he and Jeffrey were floating naked through the air, drowned in brilliant warm light. There were others present, but he didn’t care, and neither did Jeffrey. Sean’s heart beat fast in his chest as Jeffrey leaned forward, in the dream, and gave him a gentle kiss, as they stared deeply, transcendently into each other. They floated in an upright position, facing each other, Sean holding both Jeffrey’s hands. The light grew hotter and brighter, and Sean felt himself set down on something soft and warm.

That’s where the dream ended.

Sean opened his eyes gently; he was laying almost on his stomach with an arm and a leg draped over Jeffrey, both their heads on the same pillow, their faces inches apart, almost nose to nose. Jeffrey was laying straight on his back with his head turned to one side. As Jeffrey gently opened his eyes, and stared deep into Sean’s soul, for a moment, Sean couldn’t feel Jeffrey, but not in a panicked way as earlier.

Slowly, Sean put his lips on Jeffrey’s. Somehow, he could feel him pulling, or spooling the feelings and flashes of Sean’s dream into his own mind. Sean pulled his head back and waited for something.

As Sean moved his head in for one more kiss, he saw Jeffrey’s bottom lip quiver, then his whole jaw. Sean slowly rolled toward his side of the bed wondering if he’d made a mistake.

Then, there was a jumble of noise and chaos and screaming that hit Sean’s mind at once, causing him to reel back and wince in pain. When he opened his eyes, he was again fully connected with Jeffrey, and he could feel nothing but fear; Jeffrey shook and sputtered, a tear running down his cheek.

“It wasn’t my dream,” Jeffrey whimpered, over and over again. He gasped for air, then sat bolt upright. “Wasn’t… wasn’t my dream. Wasn’t… no.”

Slowly, Sean sat up next to him, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder to calm him from his nightmare.

Suddenly, Jeffrey lunged at Sean, hugging onto him unbearably tightly, pushing him back onto the bed. He pushed his face into Sean’s side, twisting the bed sheets up in his hands and sobbing uncontrollably, nearly convulsing—his upsetting nightmare seeping into the very core, and into every corner of Sean’s psyche.