As The Sea Is Now Deep - 7. Chapter 7

"Dude! It's not what you..."

Liam's footsteps thudded down the stairs.

"Jesus, Graeme." I reached out towards my friend's face. He winced, but a strand of his congealing blood was already stuck to my fingers, rendered blue in the half-light.

"I'm not a—."

"A what?"

"You know, a—"

I put my hand on my forehead.

He stared at me.

"I didn't say you were, but what the hell have you two been doing behind my back?"

Graeme stared at the floor. "I'm sorry."

"Fuck that. Has he been hurting you?"

"No! In fact Lee has been... he just got a fright."

"You're calling him Lee now?"

Graeme's eyes were wet. "Please don't tell."

"Who the hell am I going to tell, dude? And why would I?"

"You don't think it's disgusting?"

I screwed my eyes shut. "What I think is disgusting is that nobody bothers telling me anything anymore. Not my mom. Not my dad. Not my best fucking friend that—wait, you honestly think I'd judge you?"

"But it's abnormal. Like, it says in the Bible—"

I curled my mouth into a sneer. "What the fuck do you know about the Bible?"

Graeme's eyes seared mine with a startled gaze.

"That's not nice, bru. My people gave you the Bible."

"Yeah, and you moan constantly your people cut the top of your dick off without your permission. And now I just insulted your religion twice. I suppose I should take a flight to Nuremberg and have them shoot me at dawn."

Graeme wiped his nose. "Three times now, in fact," he said, his voice bleeding into the summer dank. "Cut the drama, you moron. This isn't about you,"

"Yeah, nothing's about me anymore."

"I wanted to tell you, but you've had your own shit, and this—this just sort of happened."

"Him forcing himself on you? Taking advantage of you?"

"He likes me."

"And? You like him?"

Graeme paused. "Maybe. I don't know. I mean I like him as a person. Maybe I got a hard-on, but I think I still prefer tits."

I barked out a laugh. "I actually believe you. But why did you let him?"

"He's, I dunno, unsure. About these things. It felt nice to be... to be wanted. Or useful."

I folded my arms. "You mean used."

"You're so negative about everything. He trusted me. Told me things he's never told anyone."

"So, the jock is actually the faggot here."

"Didn't think you'd ever use such a word, Mr I'm-So-Open-Minded-The-Nineties-Are-Too-Ancient-For-Me."

My groan was almost subsonic. "Sorry." I flopped onto the bed next to my friend.

"I don't know what's going on any more," I said, listing my body from side to side.

Graeme reached a wiry arm out to my shoulder, patting it the way my dad would mop up our childhood grazes with cotton swabs.

"I'm still here, dude," he said. "And you look like you've got war paint on right now."

"Huh?"

"You've smeared my blood all over your forehead."

"Oh. Crap."

"Don't let me give you AIDS now," he said with a leer.

"You're an asshole. You know I'd use your toothbrush."

"Yeah, and then I'd get rabies from you, because I don't think you're fully human."

I elbowed him and he started laughing. It wasn't catching.

"Hey, bru, lighten up."

I hoped he couldn't see the tears in my eyes.

I suppressed the sob that was threatening to climb out my throat with a deep breath. "You're basically my brother," I said. "Can I go kill Liam now?"

"Could you please stop the lame-ass superhero routine right now? I don't need you to save me."

"Can I kill him tomorrow then?"

"No."

I curled up the side of my lip. "At least maim him slightly?"

Graeme sighed. "Okay, but only if my guilt trip doesn't work."

"He doesn't deserve you."

"Not now he doesn't."

"Was his dick big, at least?" I ventured.

"Fuck you," he snapped. "You've seen it."

"I meant, you know, hard."

"Brody, I need you to shut up now."

"I'm sorry."

He patted my shoulder again and then got up. "I know you are. I just want to wash my face and go home now. Lee...Liam... can stew in it."

The sounds of the party thudded and rumbled underneath the wooden floor. "Let's talk about it in the morning," he said against the noise.

I nodded.

But I should have been shaking my head. I knew we wouldn't be talking about it tomorrow at all.