Carter's Fortress - 15. Chapter 15

Will had commandeered an overstuffed leather easy chair by the window where he sat doing a crossword puzzle. He occasionally clicked his pen and jotted letters into the box as he worked out yet another clue. It was, for Will, a moment of Zen, where he was so focused on what he was doing that nothing could bother him.

Brody and Lisa were having a conversation in the kitchen preparing supper. As always the electricity between them drove people to give them a wide berth. Few remembered the history between the two former lovers, but Brody and Lisa recalled it all too well and sniping at each other had become almost habit, even though they cared deeply for each other. It just added to the tension of the moment.

Will clicked the pen again and crossed off another clue as he filled it in. It was a tough puzzle, but all he needed to do was clear his head and focus and he would get it, in time. Words were easy; it was the Americanisms in the puzzle that always frustrated him. He honestly had no idea what a park in Colorado was called, nor did he care who was the twentieth president of the United States.

Jared was talking to Jeff on the couch across from him, Jared discussing life in Toronto and his career as a banker; he was up for promotion, doing well as usual in every aspect of his life but for the one that he truly wanted. It was funny; Jeff was so envious of everything Jared had accomplished in his life and yet he had the one thing Jared envied, a woman that he loved and who returned that love. Jared would give up all the money in a heartbeat for a shot at that.

He looked about wondering where Marc had wandered off to; he was probably outside smoking again, either that or taking pictures. He shrugged and returned to his moment of Zen, trying to ignore the barrage of insults being hurled in the kitchen as Brody and Lisa argued over how much oregano to add to the sauce. Will could see the Italian-born Jeff twitch and knew they were both wrong.

He smiled to himself again enjoying the fact that all his friends were about. It had been so long since they had been all together in one place after everything they had shared in high school. Had it really been ten years since Will had met Andrew? He stopped at that thought, realizing he was getting old, and a single glance up at the plate glass window that acted as a faint mirror caught his reflection.

Some time in the evening it had started to snow, and he watched it a moment before focusing on the reflection. He saw a man staring back at him dressed in a suit, glasses on and hair askew, a newspaper balanced across his knees and a pen in hand. He looked like his father-well, as close as an academic could get to a military service man. It was more like he looked at an alternate version of his father, a version that had been a father first instead of a soldier.

* * *

Will skidded into the kitchen, slipping on the linoleum in his socks as he slipped into the seat at the kitchen table, hoping that the fact he was late had escaped notice. As usual it was a vain hope.

His stepmother was wrapped up in a pink flannel robe smoking a cigarette over by the sink, glaring at him as he began to shovel porridge into his mouth. His logic was simple: eat as fast as he could, get his boots on and get out to the school bus before the major...

"You took your time this morning," Major David Carter said, marching into the room and doing up his uniform tie as he reached for the coffee pot. "You know better than to take that long in the bathroom."

"Y-yes sir," Will managed, wolfing down the last few spoonfuls of porridge oats as he pushed back his chair. There was still time for him to escape; if he could get his boots on and get out the door he would be...

"Did you do your homework?" the Major asked suspiciously, turning his attention to the young runt of a boy halfway across the kitchen trying to evade him.

"Yes sir, I did," Will lied effortlessly; he'd done most of it. But there was an English paper he hadn't finished that he would have to do when he got to school. He hoped his father wouldn't ask to check.

The Major opened his mouth to ask exactly that when the phone rang, blessedly sparing the young Will from the inevitable reprisal that would come when his father figured out Will had lied to him. Will didn't hesitate; he had his boots on in two seconds flat, tugging on the old heavy jacket his father had given him, an old British DPM jacket that was heavy and warm.

He re-tucked his hair under his ball cap and was gone before his father could get back.

* * *

Will clicked the pen and filled in another clue on the puzzle; scanning it over with a critical eye, he caught another one and added that in as well. It wasn't as if he had lived in perpetual fear growing up, it had just been that his father had been unable to deal with people outside of the army.

His grandmother had summed it up best: the Major treated everyone like they were in the army. He had expectations of people that were so high that when they failed to meet them he was annoyed and disappointed. That was doubly so about his only son. He wanted a boy that was a star athlete who would follow his footsteps into the army and keep an age-old family tradition alive.

Will looked over at Jeff, the first among them to actually be a father. The unconditional love he had for his little boy Aiden showed on his face each time he picked the sprog up and looked at him.

Will wondered at that point what kind of father he would be, as he glanced at his reflection again. Would he be a good one, or would the damage his father had done taint the way he raised his own children? How would he handle the same problems his father had handled, having a son that was a walking disappointment to so many dreams...

He saw reflected in the glass little Peter sitting on the stairs reading a book and he turned to look at the young man. Peter had grown up treating Will like an older brother, and Will had to admit that he'd enjoyed being there to offer advice to the young guy who had struggled with his own issues of identity and sexuality.

Though Peter was still unwilling to step fully out of the closet, he was happier than he had been when Will first met him. The young man was quiet and still painfully shy with anyone he didn't know, probably the reason he had never actually had a boyfriend, and Will sighed. Peter would be okay so long as he did things in his own time.

Will looked back at his reflection. So that was the kind of father he was; the kind that would be everything the Major couldn't be, accepting and patient. The kind of father reflected in the glass, the kind that didn't belong in the past but dwelled squarely in the future.

* * *

Everyone else had gone to bed, but Will was still seated in his chair finishing the last few stubborn clues in the puzzle. Marc had come in from outside and had gone to bed. Will had wondered after him, but the way Marc walked told Will that he should give the guy some space. Marc was a person who preferred to talk in his own time and there were times when he just needed to cool down.

He shifted in the chair and rubbed his brow, struggling with a particularly frustrating corner.

"Garfield," Andrew said taking a seat on the footstool beside the easy chair.

"The cartoon?" Will said looking up at the funnies above the crossword.

"No," Andrew said with a smile, "the twentieth president of the States. James Garfield"

"Ahh," Will said, gritting his teeth as he filled in the aggravating clue and suddenly seeing how the last few clues fell into place. He finished a moment later, and in satisfaction set the paper down on his knees. "Why are you still up?"

Andrew unzipped his fleece jacket and sat back a little. "Not tired, too much going on up here," he tapped his temple.

"I know that feeling," Will replied glancing at his reflection again.

"You've been pretty quiet most of the night," Andrew said. "Are you okay?"

Will shrugged his shoulders, "I just felt like relaxing, doing some thinking..." He smiled, "Do you know it's ten years today?"

Andrew took a long breath, "Yeah." He stood up, "Come with me."

Will frowned but stood up, setting the paper down on the chair as he followed Andrew to the door. "Where are we going?" he asked, confused, but slipped his shoes on as Andrew led him out into the fresh snowfall.

"Get in," Andrew said, flipping open the door to the new Mustang and gesturing to the back seat.

Will hesitated and looked at Andrew, "I don't..."

Andrew looked at him pleadingly and Will felt his resolve crumbling as he got into the backseat of the Mustang, swallowing as his nervousness grew. He took a heavy breath to steady himself as Andrew climbed into the backseat next to him and closed the door shutting them inside.

"Well, this brings back memories," Will murmured dryly.

"Yeah," Andrew agreed as he removed his jacket and tossed it into the front seat.

Will watched the motion and looked at Andrew. "This isn't a good idea," he said calmly, swallowing back a dryness in his throat.

Andrew looked at Will, those eyes studying his. "I have to try," he said firmly.

"I know you do," Will responded sitting back in the seat. "And were my situation different I wouldn't say no, but I have to think about Marc."

Andrew pushed his blonde hair back out of his eyes as he sighed and stretched out in the backseat so he was lying with his head in Will's lap. Will looked down at the other man, his hands tracing those features by themselves as he felt so much emotion welling up within him. His fingers ran up the bridge of Andrew's nose, across his brow and back down his cheeks.

He felt the moisture on them and looked down again to see the tear that had escaped Andrew's eye. He felt his heart melting at it, as his eyes flicked up and out the back window of the car to the darkened bedroom window where Marc was sleeping.

"Was it a mistake?" Andrew asked quietly, emotion hitching his voice.

"Was what?" Will asked, looking down again.

"Our first kiss," Andrew said quietly staring up at him.

"If I recall," Will said, "you kissed me and ran away."

"I did not," Andrew said defensively. "I just realized that...well... I..."

Will smiled down at him, "We were both a little scared by it at the time, but I'd hardly call it a mistake. No, the mistakes came later."

Andrew shifted a little, and Will found himself kicking off his shoes and laying down along side him on the backseat of the car. It was cramped and awkward, but at the same time it felt very natural, and Will felt Andrew's arm go around him drawing him close.

They lay there awhile just staring into each other's eyes, Andrew's free hand tracing over the lines of Will's jacket, slipping under it and finding a bare patch of Will's skin where his shirt had come untucked he traced the skin.

Will's heart felt heavy, knowing full well he shouldn't be there, that he shouldn't be allowing Andrew to be that intimate with him. But as the protests were ringing in his head, he lay there staring into those eyes and feeling the sense of loss he had.

"I love you," Andrew said quietly.

"I know you do," Will replied, "but it's too late for us now. Why are you here, why are we both here like this?" He shook his head as he sat up again, wiping away his damp eyes, "This hurts too much...I..." His feet found his shoes and he got out of the car and started back towards the lodge.

Andrew caught him halfway across the drive, a pair of long arms wrapping around him from behind and turning him. He shivered in surprise and didn't resist; he stood there a moment in Andrew's embrace and knew what was coming.

Andrew's first kiss was gentle at first, exploring, then growing in intensity as Will closed his eyes to the tears rolling down his cheeks and returned the kiss. Confusion whirled around inside his head as he felt his entire world come crashing down in one single moment.

Andrew's kiss changed everything. And they both knew they had crossed a line neither of them should have crossed. Things had changed, and for good or for ill they both knew they would be unable to deny it anymore.

* * *

The camera shutter clicked once, and again. The photographer frowned as he took some more shots. Things had just become a whole lot more interesting with this assignment. He was actually beginning to enjoy himself, or would have were he not stuck out in the cold freezing his butt off.

He got up after the two men went back into their cabin, shaking off the snow from his coat and heading back to his car, ready to call it a night. He wanted to get these new pictures back as soon as he could. They had to be worth a bonus.