A Night with no Stars - 20. Yellow Submarine

“Tell me something I don't know about you,” Maks asked, stretching lazily. He was too relaxed to even keep his eyes open. He felt the soft mattress under his back and Aleks's weight on his chest. There was nothing better.

“What do you wanna hear?” Aleks mumbled sleepily.

“Don't tell me what I wanna hear,” he protested. “Tell me... something about you. That you haven't told me before.”

Aleks was silent for a long moment and Maks was almost convinced he'd fallen asleep when he suddenly spoke up, “I'm afraid of fish,” he blurted out, then quickly reconsidered. “I mean, not that it's important or anything, but I really hate them, they're so slimy, there's nothing more disgusting in the whole world,” Aleks shuddered and Maks started to laugh quietly. Aleks glared at him.

“Noted. What else?” Maks asked, trying to keep his face straight.

“What else...” Aleks pondered for a bit. “Ok, I've got a guilty pleasure. There's this stupid high school drama, it's called Glee. They sing in it. A lot. I've been watching it on your computer, so people would think that you've been watching it instead of me,” he grinned.

Maks frowned. “What people?” he asked with amusement.

Aleks shrugged faintly. “I dunno, just... people,” he laughed ridiculously. “You never know who might be watching. It's better to be safe than sorry.”

Maks started to shake with laughter. “So these mysterious people who are watching, it's fine that they find out that we're fucking, as long as they don't find out that you're watching a stupid tv show?”

“Yes, exactly,” Aleks agreed casually.

Maks shook his head, not knowing why he was even continuing this absurd conversation. “And your general solution for covering your tracks is to throw me under the bus?” he asked much too seriously, though a small smirk gave him away.

Aleks looked at him innocently. “I can also touch my nose with my tongue, look,” he blurted to quickly change the subject before demonstrating the rare skill.

Maks started to laugh even louder. “I always knew you had a loose tongue,” he remarked dumbly.

Aleks's smirk widened. “I can show you how loose my tongue is,” he whispered seductively, drawing his face to Maks's, who snickered, abashed.

“Keep it up and you're gonna convince me someday,” he muttered wryly.

Aleks grinned. “Ladies and gentlemen, that wasn't a 'no',” he announced hopefully.

Maks dropped his head. He hoped the subject would be changed again, because he was feeling pretty torn about it. He could admit to being curious, even if only to himself for now, until he decided what to do about this curiosity. That's why he was set on avoiding the whole subject altogether, because he could also admit to being a little spooked. The idea of being... on the bottom... was spooky and alien and bizarre. And it was kind of ridiculous, because it was Aleks and Aleks could already do anything he wanted to him, every time they were together he felt truly and utterly fucked by Aleks regardless of being on top, so what difference would it really make? Also, it drove Aleks totally wild, so Maks thought it would be kind of nice to be driven wild. But at the same time he wanted to keep driving Aleks wild and he knew that Aleks actually liked it better that way. Sure, he'd hinted that he would like to try it the other way around, because why wouldn't he, but if he had to choose one way and stick with it, Aleks would always be the one being fucked. So couldn't he just bury this curiosity somewhere deep and pretend to like being on top better, even though he didn't know what he liked better, because he had nothing to compare it with? It would both keep Aleks happy and save him from doing something potentially spooky, alien and bizarre only to satisfy his curiosity.

He shook his head slightly, wondering why he was stubbornly indulging that line of thinking. Wasn't this whole thing supposed be to just for him? And if so, why was he still letting some fucked up convictions keep him from going for what he wanted? If he'd been following them, he would never have gone for Aleks in the first place. So now, in order to keep pushing the limits he should just have Aleks fuck him and get it over with.

“So... go on,” Maks urged Aleks after a long silence to cover his internal freak out.

Aleks blinked. “What?” he asked in confusion.

Maks rolled his eyes. “You were supposed to be telling me things I don't know about you,” he reminded him.

Aleks sighed heavily. “All right, all right,” he surrendered before staring at the headboard above Maks's shoulder for a long moment. “I always wanted to do music and I used to beg my mom to sign me up to the music school. And once she had a good day, I guess she wanted to be a cool mom or whatever and she told me she would. She even went to ask, but then my dad found out and said it was useless and he wouldn't pay for it,” he finished flatly. “So I never went to the music school and... I don't know why I'm even telling you about it,” he scowled like he'd suddenly decided that this story was dull and not worth mentioning. “It's just... it's pathetic, I know, but I can't play any instrument,” he confessed gloomily after a moment. “What kind of musician can't play any instrument?” he asked himself, pulling a face.

Maks smiled, gently stroking his hair.

“What did you want to play?” he whispered. Unlike Aleks, he considered it very interesting.

“Saxophone,” Aleks replied without second thought.

Maks raised his eyebrows. “Seriously?” he asked in surprise.

Aleks's eyes narrowed, as if he couldn't decide if he should already feel insulted or not. “Why? Do you have something against the saxophone?” he asked reprovingly. “It's the best instrument ever.”

“No, no. Saxophone is cool,” Maks assured him quickly. “I like the saxophone,” he decided after short consideration.

“Yeah, it's awesome,” Aleks agreed broodily.

“You told me you liked jazz,” Maks remembered out of the blue. “The day we met,” he specified, seeing Aleks's quizzical gaze. “In the car you told me you liked jazz. Was it true?”

Aleks looked bewildered. “Sure I do,” he said slowly. “Why wouldn't it be true?”

Maks shrugged, embarrassed. “I just assumed you were lying,” he explained awkwardly, now realizing how stupid and offensive it sounded.

Aleks blinked. “Why would I lie about something like that?” he asked incredulously.

“I don't know!” Maks burst. “I just... back then I thought you were just shitting me most of the time,” he said lamely.

Aleks was gaping at him for a long moment before he finally snorted loudly. “I wasn't lying, you asshole,” he admonished. “I wouldn't lie about something so silly. And I definitely wouldn't do it just to take the piss out of you. Though I might have exaggerated a little here and there...”

“Of course,” Maks puffed, rolling his eyes.

“What? I liked you,” Aleks bridled. “And the circumstances weren't exactly in my favor, so I had to swing it somehow.”

“You liked me?” Maks repeated disbelievingly. “You'd barely known me for an hour!”

Aleks wrinkled his nose. “So what?” he scoffed. “You were hot,” he shrugged.

Maks opened his mouth to keep bickering, then froze. “Fair enough,” he admitted smugly.

Aleks grinned, resting his chin back on Maks's chest and closing his eyes. They were both silent for a while.

“You never talk about him,” Maks spoke suddenly. “Your dad,” he explained, seeing another quizzical glance. “So... what about him?” he asked shyly.

Aleks's face was mostly blank. “You talk about yours only when you bitch about him,” he flung back. Maks couldn't help but admit he was right. His own relationship with his dad left a lot to be desired too. He kept staring at Aleks expectantly until he cracked. “I don't know much about him. He left us when I was ten. My grandma was still in touch with him a while ago...”

“The one I've met?” Maks inquired.

“Yeah. Anyway... he disappeared eventually. No one knows where he is. Probably in prison.”

“What do you think he would be in prison for?” Maks asked, suspiciously calm.

“Anything really,” Aleks shrugged. “I would put nothing past him. Maybe he beat someone who, unlike my mom, had enough guts to report it. I don't know. I mean, I'm not saying that it's a good thing,” he emphasized quickly. “But as long as he's gone, I don't really care.”

Maks spent a moment in complete stillness, not knowing how to react to this sudden announcement. It's not like he hadn't already figured out what Aleks reluctance towards his family home most likely meant, but acknowledging it was a completely different matter. Pondering on it just brought an overwhelming desire to break something, so instead he ran his fingers through his hair, pulled him and kissed him very slowly. He didn't let him draw back when the kiss ended, he kept him there, rubbing his nose against his. He didn't think it was going to do much help, but maybe it would make Aleks feel better for now. Aleks deserved every 'better' he could get.

“And your dad works for the government,” Aleks said suddenly. Maks glanced at him in surprise, wondering how the hell did he know about it. Aleks smirked mysteriously. “We really are complete opposites, aren't we?”

Maks was silent for a moment. “Maybe we're not,” he hummed finally, deep in thought. “Maybe we're not that different in the end. You have daddy issues, I have daddy issues...”

Aleks snickered. “Those are completely different issues here,” Aleks pointed out.

Maks couldn't really argue with that. “So... what else?” he asked instead.

“Oh, we're still playing this game?” Aleks pondered for a moment, trying to come up with something. “Let's see... oh, I have asthma,” he confessed, sounding a little embarrassed. As soon as these words left his mouth, he was pinned by a glare.

“And you still smoke?” Maks asked disbelievingly.

Aleks shrugged. “Yeah, I know I shouldn't...”

“Then why do you?” Maks pressed.

“Because I'm an idiot,” Aleks grinned disarmingly.

Maks rubbed his face in annoyance. “It's not just stupid, do you have any idea how easily you can exacerbate it by smoking?”

“Course I know,” Aleks grumbled, rolling his eyes. “But it's been much better lately...”

“What does that mean?”

“I haven't had an attack in a... year or so?” Aleks said, shrugging. “I'm fine. My lungs are fine. Honestly, they didn't used to be, because no one realized for quite a long time and I just thought it was normal that sometimes people couldn't breathe and you just had to live with it...”

Maks closed his eyes in resignation. “You really are an idiot,” he sighed.

Aleks gave him an unapologetic smile. “I know,” he admitted casually. “Anyway, at some point I almost suffocated during PE back in middle school and ended up in the ER...”

“Aleks, you need to quit smoking,” Maks cut him off, sounding as if was not up for discussion. “Now while it's ok, not when it gets worse,” he added when Aleks opened his mouth to protest, predicting his response.

Aleks closed his mouth and rolled his eyes. “Lots of things are bad for our health,” he muttered, sulking. “We can't give them all up, so why bother? If you like something, just keep doing it, and I happen to like smoking...”

“And I happen to like you,” Maks snapped, looking reproachful.

“Then just keep doing me,” Aleks shrugged without missing a beat, a silly smile on his face.

“That's my intention,” Maks said seriously, not taking the bait. “But in order to do that I need you to stop doing everything in your power to not make it past twenty,” he growled.

Aleks pressed his lips together, suddenly lost for words. “I'm going to make it past twenty,” he informed him coolly. “And thirty, and forty. You don't have to worry about that.”

Maks's face softened. “Yeah, that's easy for you to say,” he whispered before reaching out to caress his cheek and brushed away his fringe from his eyes. “Maybe you don't care about your health or about yourself in general, but I care, ok? About all of you,” he emphasized.

Aleks averted his eyes, abashed, not even trying to hide a big smile that appeared on his face. It was lovely to hear, but things had got a little too serious for his liking. He refocused on Maks's skin beneath his face. His lips started to nibble on his neck, wandering towards his nipple.

Maks gasped quietly. “I knew that already,” he realized suddenly. “That you had asthma,” he explained, when Aleks raised his head to look at him quizzically. “It was in one of your songs. 'Smog mask'.”

Aleks blinked. “Did you listen to all of it?”

Maks scoffed. “Of course,” he said, wondering why he sounded so surprised. Sure, last time Maks hadn't exactly admitted to having Aleks's whole track list on his phone and listening to it religiously at work every day, but things had changed quite drastically since then.

Aleks's smile was almost shy, but this time he didn't ask Maks what he thought. “How do you know I wasn't just talking bullshit?” he asked instead.

“I thought it was just an elusive apocalyptic vision, but it's not that hard to say when something is completely dreamed up from scratch and when you're writing from personal experience.”

Aleks's smile widened. It was one thing to take time to listen, but that Maks noticed things like that... that he cared enough to notice things like that... it was something else entirely.

“The lyrics were fantastic,” Maks said, even though he hadn't been asked, because he suddenly remembered Ewelina ridiculing his dreams as silly and unrealistic. He never wanted Aleks to feel like he did. “You should keep doing it.”

“I'm going to. If everything goes according to the plan, I'm gonna release an album. Soon. You know?” Aleks asked, sounding a bit lost and shrugging to play it down.

Maks smiled at the ceiling. “I know,” he whispered. He wanted that for Aleks. He wanted him to be an artist, express himself, do what he loved and be good at it. He also wanted him to do anything except for what he was currently doing. Which was actually a catch, because even though he didn't ask Aleks for any specifics, he knew that his sudden success in negotiating with a label had less to do with his own genius and more to do with Partyka, and Maks would prefer to keep Aleks away from that man altogether. “Good. You should,” he added anyway and felt Aleks's smile against his own skin.

They spent next few minutes in comfortable silence, only with Maks's fingers running slowly through his hair. “Let's do something,” Maks said out of the blue.

Aleks raised his head reluctantly. “What do you wanna do?” he asked curiously.

Maks spent a long moment looking at him in deliberation before jumping out of bed. “Come on,” he urged Aleks when he lifted himself up as well and hesitated. Maks walked to the wardrobe, so Aleks reached for his t-shirt, still frowning. “Don't get dressed. Just put these on,” Maks instructed, picking up his briefs from the floor and throwing them at him offhandedly. He slipped into his own boxers and headed outside, Aleks's laughter and steps following him.

“Where are you going?” he whispered, seeing Maks climbing on the wooden bridge.

Maks just glanced at him over his shoulder with a provocative smile.

Aleks stopped abruptly halfway to the edge. “Yeah, I'm not going any further,” he announced. “I don't trust you, you're gonna push me into the water.”

Maks finally turned. “What, you don't feel like swimming?” he challenged.

Aleks looked at him as if he was crazy. “Not really. It's probably freaking freezing,” he said, indicating the water.

“It's twenty four degrees,” Maks scoffed.

“Yeah. In the air,” Aleks pointed out. “Besides, we've had a beer and we would probably both die, and you were the one telling me not to risk my...”

“Don't be silly,” Maks cut him off indulgently. “We're not gonna die. I'm a fantastic swimmer and I would never let you drown,” he promised. “You're not scared of water, are you?”

Aleks's eyes narrowed. “Of course I'm not scared of water,” he drawled out.

Maks reached out his hand. “Come here then,” he pleaded with an entrancing smile.

Aleks still looked suspicious. “You're not gonna push me into the water, are you?” he asked just to make sure. When Maks slowly shook his head, he took a deep breath and a few more steps, until he reached the edge of the bridge and Maks's arms. He closed his eyes. Maks's lips were so close to his own, he couldn't help but close the distance, wondering briefly if the fact that they hadn't seen anyone around for these last days meant that they were indeed safe from anyone who could spy on them. Maks tilted Aleks's head to deepen the kiss and licked into his mouth. Aleks raised his hands to cup his face and sucked on his tongue vigorously, standing on his toes to grind against him, which made Maks take a step back under pressure and...

It was a split second. First he registered Maks's lips disappearing and himself losing balance almost at the same time. Then he made a very unmanly sound he was never going to own up to and crashed through the water's surface. He and Maks were still slightly tangled and smashed their heads together at some point. He was still sinking down like a stone and now in addition to that he felt as if his skull was breaking. He started kicking his legs and moving his arms frantically. It wasn't enough, but suddenly he felt an arm appearing out of nowhere and grabbing him around the middle. Aleks didn't care that he would look like a pussy and that he was probably not helping at all, he just clung to the solid body, wrapping all of his limbs around it, because Maks seemed to know what he was doing when he pulled them up confidently. As soon as they broke the surface again, Aleks inhaled the liberating air deep into his lungs.

“You did it on purpose,” he panted, his voice shaking, his breath fast and jerky.

“Why would I do it on purpose?” Maks protested quietly, sounding much calmer, but he also had a hard time catching his breath.

“Because you're an insane bastard,” Aleks uttered without second thought. “Jesus, it's so fucking cold.”

He felt Maks's arms tightening around him, not caring about an insult. Maks seemed to be keeping afloat easily, so Aleks gave up all pretense and clutched him again, pressing his face to his neck. Maks laughed quietly and held him until he started to slowly settle down. “You're gonna get used to it in a minute,” he said. The glare Aleks sent him in response was murderous. “It's not that cold.”

“It's not?” Aleks mocked in high-pitched voice. “It's fucking freezing! I can't believe you did this...”

“I didn't do it on...” Maks started again patiently.

“What was that?!?” Aleks squealed nervously. “Something touched me!”

“It was probably just a fish,” Maks swept it aside at first, before remembering their conversation.

“I'm going to fucking kill you!” Aleks wailed, trying to get his legs as far from this goddamn thing as possible and wrapping them around Maks's waist, who dared to start laughing out loud by now.

Maks couldn't help himself, this whole thing was absurd and it was a capstone for this whole weekend. He didn't remember himself ever feeling so deliriously happy, so he just let Aleks cling to him tightly, cupped his face and kissed him deeply.

I love you, he thought. “I'm crazy about you,” he whispered, chickening out in the last moment. “This has been the best weekend of my life.”

“Yeah, it has been,” Aleks agreed teasingly, smile already forming on his face. “Until you turned it traumatizing. I know that somehow that had been your plan all along. I'm never gonna forgive you for that.”

“You already have,” Maks disagreed cockily.

Aleks stared at him for a short moment before grinning widely and shaking his head in resignation. It was all because of that stupid smile of his. All was forgiven if it made Maks look this happy. “Fuck you,” he muttered for principle's sake before sighing deeply. “I don't wanna go back to Warsaw tomorrow,” he confessed suddenly.

“Me neither,” Maks's answer was almost inaudible.

Aleks was the one who reached for another kiss. He was more relaxed by now, he didn't have to fight to survive anymore and Maks seemed to have no problem with keeping them both afloat. If he was so sure that neither of them was going to drown then Aleks had full confidence in him. That was a surprising discovery, that apparently at some point he'd started to trust him implicitly. He wasn't sure if it was all that smart, because overall Maks didn't seem to be the most reliable person in the world, but for some reason Aleks knew that when it came down to it, he would be. That at least where it mattered most, he could trust him and rely on him not to let him drown.

So he let Maks's hands wander wherever they wanted while keeping him pressed tightly against him with his legs, so he could rub their crotches together more easily. The water was a little disgusting, but not enough for him not to get hard when Maks was groping his ass. And boy, was he.

“I can see you approve,” Maks muttered against his lips.

Aleks whimpered quietly, because he approved all right, even though they had no lube and it was probably going to hurt like hell, and no condoms, fuck, he was actually intending to do something about it before he got overtaken by exams and trips and illegal activities. He'd added taking an STD test to his to-do-list, even though he didn't have sex without protection, almost not ever. Right. And then gritting his teeth and talking to Maks about it, even though he had no wish to know whether he and Ewelina had been using any protection at all or not. If she was on the pill then they probably hadn't and who knew where she had been straying. For some reason the idea of getting an STD that used to belong to her was slightly more sickening than getting it from someone else. But had Maks even had sex with anyone else but her and him? Huh.

So yeah, he had been planning on biting the bullet and talking to Maks about it, mainly because talking about sex while not having it was simply smart and healthy, but also because he knew that at some point the time would come when they didn't have supplies handy and he didn't want it to keep them from fucking each other's brains out. But of course he was too late, because the time just came and even if he wanted to be responsible, as soon as Maks's fingers sneaked beneath his underwear and between his butt cheeks, he was all ready to press his luck and keep his fingers crossed that they were both clean.

“Thought so,” Maks whispered, mouthing at his neck and pulling them closer to the bridge to have something solid to lean against.

Aleks was mostly nonresistant by this point, just passively surrendering to anything Maks wanted to do to him, even though the water was so fucking dirty and full of bacteria for sure, and had slimy things that could touch him and they could drown in it. When they came here, Maks was so ecstatic that Aleks had no heart to tell him that he actually hated nature. Sure, he could admire it from afar, but he was a city boy through and through. He definitely preferred when it smelt like smog than fish and all these alive things in the grass and on the trees and everywhere around were making him slightly jumpy, not to mention that he was losing signal in his phone all the fucking time.

Well, he might have hated nature, but Maks loved nature and he loved Maks.

***

Maybe he loved Maks, but right now he wanted to murder him for putting him in this position.

He stared at Ewelina, trying to smile, but he suspected it looked more as if he had a stomach ache. She didn't seem to notice, she just leaned on the table, looking at him conspicuously, as if they were... as if they were friends or something. The fact that this particular confrontation was even occurring at all was completely preposterous.

“Listen, I know that I shouldn't do it this way, but I don't know... maybe he has told you something?” she asked, biting her lip hopefully.

Aleks wanted to laugh in her face. Had Maks told him something? Yeah, he'd kind of been telling him things from time to time.

“He's being so weird lately and he doesn't tell me anything...”

“Ewelina, look,” Aleks cut her off cautiously. “I don't think that I'm the one who should...”

“No, I know,” he assured him right away, sounding apologetic. “But he spends more time with you lately than he does with anyone, definitely more than with me,” she emphasized, clearly trying very hard not to sound accusing, even though it didn't work very well. “You're around all the time, now you've been on this trip and I know your friends were also there, but still, you two have to talk about me sometimes, right?” she asked rhetorically.

Aleks wanted to wince, because no, for their own sanity's sake they'd talked about her as little as possible. He opened his mouth, but she didn't let him interrupt.

“I just don't know what to do anymore, I've tried to get him to open up, but he keeps pushing me away, like physically we can be right next to each other, but I still feel as if he was somewhere completely else. And I know that it's my fault, but...” she broke off, gaping miserably at the table.

“Come on, it's not your fault,” he assured her, because it was essentially true. She wasn't blameless, sure, but she also wasn't responsible for Maks's strange behavior.

“But did he tell you that?” she asked stubbornly. “Did he tell you anything? Maks is pretty difficult when it comes to talking,” she said and Aleks wanted to roll his eyes, because no shit. “I think if he talked to anyone, it would be you,” she broke off only to pin him with such an intense gaze that he felt the need to twitch. “If you knew anything... would you tell me?”

For a moment he just sat there tongue-tied, because she was really succeeding in making him feel like a complete bastard, even though she didn't know it. Finally he managed to find words. “If I knew what was going on with Maks, I would tell you. But I don't,” he said, choosing his words carefully. It was a half-truth, because sometimes he really didn't know what was going on with Maks.

“Come on, Aleks,” Ewelina scoffed, still piercing him with her eyes. For a moment he felt as if he was being interrogated and was filled by sudden panic that maybe she actually knew everything and was just trying to trick him into admitting it. Maybe she wasn't as dumb as she looked. He wasn't even anxious that she might find out, it was just that he wasn't the one that should be confessing here. He swallowed, but she went on before he managed to cut in. “Look, I know he's your friend and that you're loyal to him, but something is wrong with him and I need to know what in order to deal with it. Even if there's someone else, I would rather know. Is there?” she asked curtly.

Aleks blinked, unable to believe that he was having this conversation. It was all Maks's fault, from the very beginning. It was his fault that he had a fiancée who had every right to drop by unannounced when they'd just got back from the lake this afternoon and were both still feeling a little high. If she'd turned up thirty minutes earlier, she would have found them in a very compromising position and this confrontation would have gone quite differently. It was also Maks's fault, because he'd texted her that Aleks was still over, as if he thought that it would discourage her and make her leave them alone. He didn't take into consideration that she would decide that she would love to see Aleks again and pop in anyway. Luckily they'd been almost completely dressed by then and it was somehow settled that Maks would go to the store and then make them both dinner. She even had the nerve to ask him if he'd already had an opportunity to see what a great cook Maks was and he had no bite his lip not to drawl out, that yes, of course he did, Maks was only cooking for him every fucking day. But he couldn't say that, he could barely say anything in front of her and he was stuck with her alone, so he set on forced smiles and nodding, because what else was he supposed to do?

It wasn't her fault, it was all Maks's indecision. She probably wasn't a bad person and Aleks felt like an asshole thinking badly of her. He couldn't think well, because she was a girl who claimed a right to a guy who was the love of his life and it was all accidental and the result of Maks's inability to make tough decisions. No, Aleks didn't want to hate her, but he didn't know what else to do about her. That jealousy that he felt around her wasn't even burning, it was just a dull, jaded, inertial jealousy, because even if by now he didn't have many doubts that between the two of them, Maks would choose him, it didn't change that she was still in the picture. And as long as she was in the picture then no matter how romantic, lovely, passionate and infinite his affair with Maks seemed to him, it was just that, an affair. As long as she was in the picture, Aleks was still the other one.

What the fucking question was that? Is there someone else, really. Yeah, for the record, all these time that he's spent not fucking you, he's been fucking me, because newsflash, he likes fucking me much better than fucking you. Sorry.

He really wasn't a complete asshole and wanted to find some words that would reassure her that it wasn't her fault, but at the same time wouldn't give him and Maks away or suggest that she and Maks were fine, because nothing was further from the truth. The thing is, such words probably didn't exist.

“Look, I... I don't know those things,” he started reluctantly, wishing this conversation could be over already. “If you and Maks have some problems between the two of you, you need to figure it out between the two of you. I can't speak for him,” he said calmly.

Ewelina deflated visibly, then sighed. “Do you have any idea how hard it is to squeeze anything out of him?” she asked, then scoffed. “Although, maybe you don't have this problem.”

Aleks raised an eyebrow. “Do I sense some bitterness?” he asked quietly.

She glared at him. “No, I'm not bitter at all over the fact that my fiance spends more time with you than with me,” she said scornfully.

“Yeah, I wonder why,” Aleks blurted without thinking, cursing himself instantly, because fighting with her was probably the worst thing he could possibly do right now, but he couldn't help himself, because this 'my fiance' was a red rag to him. He wanted to tell her that Maks wasn't hers, that he couldn't belong to both of them at the same time, one of them had to have him more and Aleks firmly believed that it was him, even though the moments like this one effectively snapped him out of this fantasy of eternal love and made him analyze the situation with clear head. And the situation was that maybe Maks hadn't dumped his girlfriend yet for a reason, and Aleks didn't even want to think what that reason might be. Maybe Maks considered it all a bit less eternal. And just last night Aleks thought that he trusted him implicitly. Idiot.

“Well, maybe he wouldn't if you didn't meddle all the time,” she growled, then instantly thought twice of it. “No, I'm sorry, Aleks. I don't want to fight with you,” she confessed, sounding remorseful. Aleks breathed in relief, because at least that they could agree on. “I don't want to make a scene and I'm not going to lay down any conditions on Maks, because I know that your friendship is very important to him. And I like you, truly, but maybe if you stopped distracting him then he would have no other choice than to face me and figure things out with me.”

She tried to sound firm, but Aleks heard what was underneath and cursed his previous doubts. He shouldn't let her make him question things. Look at her, she was just scared. Scared that she was losing Maks to him and she was damn right.

“He does that, you know, he runs away from problems so he doesn't have to deal with them. He's always done that, but we shouldn't let him. It's not good for him in general, but it's especially not good right now, because he and I are going to get married, for God's sake. We're going to start a family and he's just shut himself down and can barely look at me. So if you're really his friend and you also want it for him, then talk to him about it. It can't go on like this and I don't know how to get to him. And he will listen to you,” she said with a trace of desperation.

For a moment Aleks could do nothing but gape at her dumbly, words fighting to force their way out of his throat. No, he didn't want it for Maks. Maks didn't want it for himself. She also wouldn't want it if she only saw the whole picture. It was never going to happen, so she should bolt while she still could, and if she wanted a family she would have to find another loser to make it with. Maks wasn't that person. He was lying to her, cheating on her and would hurt her in the end. Aleks could easily forgive Maks for his morally wrong actions, he could also deal with his own guilt, but she needed to get herself out of this situation, she needed to leave these two assholes behind, move on and never look back.

Fuck, if Maks wasn't going to tell her that then he would. He'd already opened his mouth when they heard a voice from the hallway.

“How hungry are you?” Maks asked good-naturedly, taking off his shoes before heading to the kitchen to put the groceries away. He sent them both a serene smile on the way.

Aleks's eyes narrowed. Damn, he was really good. If he was putting on such a great act in front for her, how was Aleks to know that he wasn't doing the same to him?

Ewelina leaned in. “Aleks, please,” she begged inaudibly.

He gulped around the big lump in his throat and nodded reluctantly. They mostly sat in silence after that. Maks kept glancing at him quizzically from behind her back while he was cooking. Aleks glared at him a few times for good measure.

He'd had no doubt that this evening was going to be awkward, but the reality went far beyond that. He felt completely cornered, because Ewelina was shooting him nervous, pleading glances when Maks wasn't looking and Maks was shooting him nervous, worried glances when Ewelina wasn't looking and Aleks felt as if he was going to burst from all these implications hanging in the air. He kept his cool though, stubbornly ignoring all the glances sent towards him and staying focused on the content of his plate. Besides that Ewelina was chatting cheerfully – damn, she was pretty good too, they both were and Aleks, who normally considered himself rather composed, felt like an amateur next to them – and Maks was mostly nodding and chiming in every once in a while. Aleks wondered if every conversation between the two of them looked like that. It lifted his spirits slightly, because it was nothing like the way Maks talked to him, like he was listening to him attentively, bantering with him and smiling all the time. And now it was like he barely registered her presence, like everything she said was in one ear and out the other. It was obvious he wanted her to be gone already, because he could sense that Aleks was mad and probably wanted to find out why as soon as possible. Aleks would like to escape this fucked up situation himself, but on the other hand he didn't see why Maks shouldn't suffer just a little longer.

“Ok, guys, that was lovely, but I should probably go if I want to get up for work tomorrow,” Ewelina finally said. It was after eleven already. Maks stood up and she did the same before coming up to him. “I'm sorry, honey, I would stay, but you know how far it is to my office from here,” she explained, standing on her toes to kiss his chastely.

“Sure, it's fine,” Maks assured her quietly. “Get some rest, you don't do that nearly enough,” he added with a perfect amount of warmth and concern in his tone. Aleks wanted to throw up.

“Yeah, I know” she smiled tiredly, then looked at Aleks. “You have no idea how I envy you for your summer holiday.”

Aleks forced a smile when she let Maks go. He was hardly going to have any holiday at all, but she didn't need to know that. “I should go home too,” he said all of a sudden, following them to the hallway. Ewelina sent him a questioning glare to remind him that he was supposed to talk to Maks. He ignored her again, not looking at either of them. Maks was probably surprised, but Aleks wasn't sure what he wanted to tell him and he wanted to prepare for this conversation, and the only way to avoid it right now was leaving along with her.

He opened the front door and held it for Ewelina when her phone pinged to confirm that her cab was already waiting.

“Wait,” Maks finally woke up. “I'll unpack this bag you gave me for the trip and give it back to you,” he said in a sudden flash of genius. Aleks narrowed his eyes. This completely ruined his plan. Fucker.

“So now you thought of it?” he scoffed, crossing his arms. “I have a cab waiting...”

“The guy hasn't called yet,” Maks dismissed both his words and his harsh tone.

“I really need to go,” Ewelina said apologetically.

“Sure. Go,” Maks leaned in to kiss her briefly before rushing to the bedroom.

Ewelina gave Aleks a warning look. “You were supposed to talk to him, not chew him out.”

“Trust me, I know what I'm doing,” Aleks whispered back wryly. He was already pissed and wasn't going to put on any pleasant act anymore. He complied reluctantly when she reached out to kiss his cheek goodnight. “Take care,” he muttered. She gave him one more significant look before disappearing. Aleks leaned against the wall and closed his eyes.

“What happened?” Maks asked in the same exact moment that Aleks's phone vibrated.

“And where's my bag?” Aleks scorned, seeing him back empty-handed, even though he knew the bag was just an excuse. He shook his head and reached for the door.

“Wait,” Maks said, grabbing his wrist. “Call off the cab,” he asked.

“Let me go,” Aleks scoffed, trying to get away.

“Then please, call off the cab,” Maks repeated stubbornly, putting his hands flat on the door on both sides of Aleks's body and keeping him in place. Aleks's phone wasn't vibrating anymore. “Talk to me,” Maks pleaded somberly. “What did she say to you?”

“She said lots of things,” Aleks growled, trying to slip out. “Let me go.”

“Then call off the cab,” Maks stood his ground, slowly moving his hands from the door to tighten them on Aleks's hips.

Aleks yanked back and narrowed his eyes. “I fucking hate you,” he drawled out loud and clear.

Maks was so surprised that he let go of his hips. It sounded pretty earnest and felt like a sting. He took a reluctant step back.

“Why is that?” he asked quietly.

Suddenly Aleks deflated and didn't seem all that eager to leave anymore. He looked torn and out of place. “It has to fucking end,” he whispered, noticing with embarrassment that his voice shook a little.

“I know it does,” Maks said cautiously, not sure how to handle Aleks's sudden agitation. “But why now...”

“Why?” Aleks sneered, raising his voice. “Because I don't want to listen to your girlfriend begging me to help her save your relationship!” she exclaimed, finally losing his temper. “Do you have any idea what kind of position that puts me in?!”

Maks rubbed his face. “Jesus,” he sighed, understanding now what kind of conversation had taken place while he was gone.

“Jesus is not going to help,” Aleks scoffed with a furious glare. Maybe it was time to call in the big guns and it wasn't too early for demands anymore. “It's not even about me, you know? From what I gathered, you at least used to love her, didn't you? Then do it for her out of basic respect, even if you don't give a shit about me...”

Maks rolled his eyes. “You know that I do give a shit about you...” he started placidly.

“Well, prove it,” Aleks cut him off, his eyes full of challenge.

“Ok,” Maks agreed easily. “Can we just cool off? I'll tell her everything, I'll break up with her, I'll do whatever you want. Just don't be mad,” he asked quietly, wondering if it was safe to approach him yet. He decided to try.

“No,” Aleks protested, gathering all of his willpower to push away Maks's hands that tried to embrace him loosely. “The time for your empty promises is over. Just let me know when it's dealt with,” he said coolly. “And keep the fucking bag until then,” he added sharply before walking out and slamming the door behind him.

Maks stared at it for a long time with an absurd urge to cry. He knew it would be pointless though. Feeling a little numb, he went to the balcony to stare at the sky instead of the door. It was the first time he fully acknowledged that he was going to do it, that it wasn't some vague plan, but a reality waiting for him. He couldn't postpone it forever and now if he wanted to keep Aleks he couldn't even postpone it for another day, week or month. He needed to clean up this mess he'd made. And he knew how. He'd known right from the start and his dragging it out had only resulted in Aleks hating him and hurting, which was literally breaking Maks's heart. He was right, it had to end. He knew what to do. He wouldn't say he was exactly ready, but if he hadn't figured out how to do it in the last two months, then he probably never would.

He sighed, forcing his eyes off the sky and going back inside. As always in this goddamn city it was completely black, there was not one star visible. He suddenly remembered those hundred billion stars and a huge, bright moon reflecting in the water last night, illuminating Aleks's pale shoulders and the side of his face. In that pure light he looked almost ethereal, so different from the dirty, dim city lights. Back there everything was simple and transparent, from the sounds of Aleks's groans and water splashing to the quiet confession Maks blurted out much later, when Aleks was already in bed sleeping, naked and with his hair damp. Back there it was like they didn't have to hide anything, but maybe it was better that he didn't hear him, because here they were back home and back to the charade, as if it was really the lack of the moon and the stars that made everything so fucking ambiguous .