A Night with no Stars - 1. The Little Match Boy

“Are you going to tell me your name?”, Maks asked, trying to appear impassive. The kid said nothing for a long moment.

“Aleks,” he muttered reluctantly. Maks glanced at him derisively.

“So… aversion to long names, Aleksander?” he baited him, grinning. When Aleks grimaced, he added cheerfully: “Olek is too clichéd?[1] Not that Aleks is very sophisticated.”

“Did I ask for your input?” Aleks asked with frigidly. Maks shrugged.

„I just thought it would be nice not to sit in silence,” he said calmly, feeling much more comfortable in his company when he was acting like a child throwing a hissy fit. He was relieved when they crossed the Poniatowski Bridge. For some reason he always felt safer on this side of the Vistula. “Where should I drop you off?” He frowned, concerned, when Aleks shrugged. „You’re not from here? Do you have anybody who lives here?”

“I’m from Praga.”

“We’ve already passed Praga,” observed Maks, receiving a mocking glare. Aleks opened his mouth, probably to say something mean and insulting, but suddenly his phone rang. Or not his, but the one he was looking for so desperately in the bushes. He froze with his eyes glued to the mobile, as if whoever called could see him if he made a sudden movement. After a while the phone went silent and Aleks exhaled loudly.

“You know, the further the better,” he said, trying to keep his voice light and looking around lit up downtown. Maks wasn’t sure when it will hit him how suspicious it all was and what the fuck did he get himself into.

“I’m going to Ochota,” he murmured, apparently having zero survival skills. Aleks nodded eagerly.

“Ochota sounds great.”

“Do you have a place to stay?” Maks asked directly. “Do you know anyone there…?”

“I know someone everywhere,” Aleks scoffed. His lofty tone sounded forced. “I’ll figure something out,” he added quietly. Maks closed his eyes, making an internal decision and turning to Dickens street. He stopped in front of the entry gate and pushed the button on the remote. Aleks snapped out of his thoughts.

“Ok, I’m gonna go. Thanks for the ride.” He opened the door and Maks noticed that the idiot didn’t even fasten his seatbelt.

“Tell me where you’re gonna go,” he demanded curtly. Aleks was taking way too long to answer. “Come back here,” he muttered, grabbing the gearbox when the entry gate opened for them. Aleks slammed the door shut, trying to look unwilling but not doing a very good job hiding his relief.

“You’re not some psycho, are you?” he asked quietly. Maks looked at him, aghast.

“You’re asking me if I’m a psycho?” He could barely believe what he was hearing. “I think I’m the one that should be worried…”

“Why?” Aleks wondered. „Between the two of us, you’re the one who invites a complete stranger to his apartment. Why else would you do that if not to cut off my toes and keep them in the refrigerator?” He sounded deadly serious. “You’re either a psycho or painfully naïve.” Maks snorted and shook his head, taking his parking spot and turning the engine off.

“I’m not a psycho,” he reassured. Aleks smirked, cause it was almost as if Maks admitted out loud that he was a schnook.

They went upstairs and Maks opened the front door, extending a hand awkwardly. Aleks entered slowly.

“Nice place. Yours?” Maks just nodded silently. Aleks took off his shoes, like he suddenly remembered there was such a thing as manners. „Lucky you,” he added, but didn’t sound envious, more like he tried to be polite or said it out of habit.

“Ok, so… make yourself comfortable and… oh, I only have the couch,” he said, wincing from embarrassment, even though he knew he shouldn’t be embarrassed, it was his fucking place and he didn’t owe anything to this guy, he didn’t have to let him stay. Only he offered it himself. Shit. He just wasn’t used to having anyone here, apart from Ewelina. Sometimes.

“No problem, sounds good.” Aleks was fully accommodating, because the couch did sound good and on top of that looked comfortable.

“You wanna beer or something?” Maks have no idea how he should act in a situation such as this one. “Sorry, I only got Corona and that’s, you know…”

“What? Beer for fags?” Aleks guessed defiantly. Maks’s eyes widened. He meant it was like… light. He didn’t mean…

“No, I didn’t mean…” he sputtered, but Aleks just laughed.

“Relax. Don’t worry, it’s my favorite.” He winked. Maks had no fucking idea if he was kidding or not and whether it was bad that he almost insulted gay people, or it was bad that the guy thought that Maks was calling him a faggot. One way or another, he would probably end up getting his ass kicked. He opened his mouth. “And stop apologizing,” Aleks cut him off, apparently knowing exactly what he was going to say. Maks dutifully closed his mouth and went to the fridge, aware of the amused eyes escorting him. “Thanks.” Maks opened two bottles and Aleks took a large gulp from his. “Do you mind if I…” he started tentatively, pointing his thumb to the balcony door. “…smoke?”

Maks spaced out for a moment before coming out suddenly. That was probably because of all the surprising shit that stubbornly kept happening that night.

“Sure,” he said without conviction. “I don’t have any ashtray, but I’ll try to figure something…” He turned around a few times awkwardly, not really knowing what he was looking for. Shit, it was painfully obvious that he didn’t have any friends who visited him, because in every group of friends there was at least one smoker. Jesus, he was probably making a complete idiot of himself.

Aleks didn’t seem to think so, because he graciously took the jar Maks found for him and went out without a word. Maks observed him taking out a matchbox, he lighted one and it illuminated his left profile. He wasn’t even pretending that he didn’t drew nearer when he realized that Aleks was calling someone. It’s not that he wanted to eavesdrop on his conversation, but he had to admit to being a tiny bit curious. Who wouldn’t be?

“Did they come?” Aleks asked quietly without further ado. After that he seemed to only listen for a long time. “Yeah, I got it. I’ll check it and drop it off tomorrow morning. As early as it takes.” Short break. „Yeah, it should be ok where I am right now. I don’t really wanna… All right.” Another long silence. „The fuck do you mean you didn’t clean up? Did they appear the second I fled? Fuck, you’re sure this shit’s safe? No, you’re not fucking sure cause you can’t know that. Fine,” he snapped eventually. Maks heard clear traces of annoyance in his tone. „You know if you need I can always… sure, staying out of it, fuck you,” he scoffed. “Get off the fucking phone and at least get yourself cleaned up. I’ll call you in the morning”.

Maks focused fully on pretending that he didn’t hear a word, when Aleks exhaled for the last time, threw the butt in the jar and reopened the balcony door. Still for some reason he was convinced that Aleks knew that he heard his conversation, and knew that Aleks knew that he knew, but neither of them acknowledged it. Instead Aleks examined his place for the first time, now that he smoked a cigarette he longed for so much. His eyes caught a few letters laying on the coffee table.

“Maksymilian Kołodziejczyk, really?” he read upside down and snorted. “How long does it take for you to sign your name?”

“It would probably take hours,” Maks shot back without thought. “If I was illiterate.” Aleks smiled, but didn’t comment, instead he switched his attention to picture frames on the drawer.

“She’s pretty,” he observed blandly. “Girlfriend?”

The word “fiancée” disappeared from Maks’s mind as fast as it came.

“Yeah,” he said shortly. Ewelina on the photo was around eighteen, Maks took it when they were at the seaside. Her hair was up on the top of her head and her face was barely visible from behind the huge sunglasses. He didn’t remember when was the last time he saw her so… carefree.

“This one’s prettier,” he pointed to the next frame. “Side-piece?” he asked mischievously. Maks glared at him.

“Sister,” he corrected sourly. Aleks did a double take.

“You don’t look alike.” It was true, they didn’t. Wiki’s hair was more honey colored than blond, their features weren’t very similar too. Wiki looked a lot like mom. “Yeah, she does look too young for you.”

“For you too,” Maks said sharply. Aleks glanced at him over his shoulder with eyebrows raised and snorted.

“So what is it about… you don’t seem used to having many guests here, but you keep these frames, because… you feel guilty of not paying the two of them enough attention?” he guessed casually. “Or are you emotionally incapacitated and unable to show them that they’re important the regular way, so you’re trying to compensate?” Maks blinked, having no idea how to react to that. Was this kid trying to psychoanalyze him an hour after meeting him? What the fuck? He wasn’t going to admit out loud how correct his diagnosis was. “Sorry,” Aleks said, in spite of his words sounding completely unapologetic. “Sometimes I don’t know when to shut up. Take it easy, it was just a hunch. And there’s nothing wrong with that,” he emphasized. „Immuring yourself for your own peace of mind is a completely natural desire.”

“Are you pretending to be a shrink?” Maks asked skeptically. Aleks shrugged and grinned.

“How do you know I’m not one?” he asked sneakily.

“Doubtful, I don’t think they give degrees to children,” Maks snorted. He wasn’t sure how much younger Aleks was, he could be twenty or twenty one, but probably not older than that. Aleks glared without much conviction.

“Ok, so I’m not.”

“And I’m not hiding in this apartment from the rest of the world.” For some reason it bothered him that Aleks already labeled him as an alienated recluse with no friends. He had friends, it’s just since he came back, he wasn’t in the right mood to reunite with them and get… friendly again.

“You‘re not?” Aleks sounded almost disappointed. „Shame. I would, if I had an apartment like yours. But I’m weird, and paranoid, so…” he cut off and sipped his beer instead of continuing.

“You’re paranoid?” Maks repeated. It was starting to be fun, even though Aleks seemed a little self-involved and more than a little dramatic. He sat on the opposite side of the table, remembering his beer.

“Sort of. Sometimes when I’m home alone and talking to myself, I got this sudden scare that feral cats are eavesdropping. And then I realize that no one would probably want to listen to me mumbling to myself, let alone cats, cause they’re not very interested in anything and are too lazy to collect intel, no matter if it’s useful or not…”

Maks’s eyebrows stopped somewhere in the middle of his forehead, when he was listening with cocked head.

“Feral cats, huh?” He blinked slowly. “You’re not particularly normal, are you?”

“No,” Aleks said apologetically. For a split second he looked almost shy. It was a peculiar expression on his face. “I can try though,” he offered half-heartedly. Maks ducked his head so he couldn’t see him smiling.

“I doubt it.” Aleks shrugged.

“Don’t write me off yet.”

“No, let’s not risk it,” Maks decided, not even trying to hide his smile anymore. “You know, you could keep on with this shrink crap, after the feral cats I could probably believe that you’re a shrink who just stopped growing in the middle of adolescence,” he mocked. “Only they are mental enough.”

“And poets,” Aleks mentioned casually.

“Poets? Are you a poet?” Maks couldn’t imagine anything more horrifying.

“I sure am,” he declared, sounding as if it should be obvious. “Can’t you tell?”

Maks allowed himself to look a little closer. Sneakers – what were they called? Air Max? Kids seemed to love them – skinny jeans, grey hoodie, plain and baggy. Something weird on his wrist, what was it? Oh, a tattooed dotted line and a little scissors, that were apparently supposed to help someone who was trying to cut off his hand to do it as precisely and elegantly as possible. Funny. He was average height, shorter than him, but only a little bit. A mess on his head was a little too perfect for Maks to believe that its owner didn’t spend ages in front of the mirror to achieve that effect. Overall, there was nothing special about him at all.

“No,” he said matter-of-factly after studying his inconspicuous appearance. “No one told you that poets are extinct?”

“If you think so, then you clearly don’t know where to find them.” Aleks smiled mysteriously. Maks thought he was full of shit.

“So where would I find more people like you?” Aleks pondered for a bit without answering, but still looked smug.

“I’ve probably said too much,” he muttered, seemingly at ease, as if admitting it wasn’t a part of 'saying too much'. “I do that, you know. Loose tongue.”

“So are you going to tell me what you were doing in the woods and why you were looking for a phone that is not yours?” Maks asked, seizing an opportunity. Aleks smiled.

“Good reflex,” he commended him and immediately stopped smiling. “But no. You will be much happier without this knowledge.”

He forgot that he was supposed to be concerned, but now his anxiety returned in full force.

“Didn’t I save your ass?” he asked quietly. “Don’t I deserve an explanation?” Aleks looked skeptical.

“You gave me a lift,” he stressed. “From suburbs…”

“It was actually outside of the city boundary…” Maks disagreed.

“…to downtown…”

“We’re more like at the other end of…” he started to correct for a principle’s sake.

“…so don’t flatter yourself, and why do people like you always think that they deserve something…?”

“People like me?” Maks repeated, feeling wounded.

“It’s such a stupid point, cause it’s based on the false assumption that we live in the world where we get what we deserve, and we don’t, so…” Maks rolled his eyes. He didn’t need the whole debate.

“Just ’no’ would do fine.”

“Yeah? You would stop asking if I just said ‘no’?”

“Why do you think that I will stop asking now?” Maks challenged. Aleks didn’t look amused and for a long moment he was staring at him in resignation.

“See, it was so nice and you’ve ruined it,” he complained grouchily, but for Maks it was obvious he was trying to hide his apprehension. He still snorted, but inside he was wondering if he should actually stop pressing the issue.

Only after he spread out the blanket on his couch for a strange guy, turned off the lights, entered his bedroom and sat on the bed, he was hit by an overwhelming clarity.

He had no idea what he was thinking. He’s never done something so stupid in his life and suddenly he started to regret that Aleks was in the living room and he wouldn’t even have to get past him on his way to the front door. If he wanted, he could take everything out of his apartment and he would be none the wiser. He didn’t know a thing about this kid, he only knew that his name was Aleks (or so he says) and he was a snooty wanker. He could be some nutcase. He could be a con artist, leeching on genuine people’s good will and gullibility. He could have some kind of weapon. He could rob him. He could be anything and Maks invited him into his home, so now he couldn’t even sleep a wink that night.

Annoyingly, he dozed off the second his face touched the pillow.

***           

He woke up at some ungodly hour to the sound of something moving around. Last time he checked, he lived alone. Who the hell was trotting around his apartment? He jumped in sudden panic.

Ugh. His brain started to slowly connect the facts. He was groggy, because he went to bed at three am and now it was… yes, half past six. He had a right to be groggy. He remembered both Aleks and his own foolishness from the night before, so he got up reluctantly and went to check if his night guest was responsible for all this turmoil.

Yup, Aleks was standing barefoot only in boxer briefs and a t-shirt in front of the coffee machine, apparently trying to start it up and looking like he was about to burst into tears. He was also making an incomprehensible amount of noise while doing it. Maks felt himself smiling involuntarily.

“Good morning,” he muttered. Aleks turned around, caught in the act. He scowled.

“This… thing… is an embodiment of evil,” he declared, sounding annoyingly awake. Maks yawned and whisked him away. He wanted to come up with some clever retort, but his brain didn’t function properly at this hour. “Sorry, I thought it would be rude to just leave without a word and I didn’t know if I should not wake you up, or wake you up and make you coffee, or…”

“Could you please… stop… talking?” Maks interrupted wearily. Aleks immediately shut up, flustered.

“No talking to you in the morning, cause you’re a dick. Duly noted.” Maks smiled again, handed him the first cup and out of habit turned on the TV. The news were on. He focused on preparing another coffee.

He wasn’t sure when exactly the words started to infiltrate his foggy brain, but he suddenly felt fully awake. He put the cup on the kitchen top. He didn’t turn to look at the TV.

“…the former military training area between Sulejówek and Rembertów was secured by the police after finding a body today around five am. Police wasn’t able to identify the victim yet, but by the initial estimation it's a male between twenty five and thirty years old. Right now we know that it was a fatal gunshot injury and that the police had already ruled out suicide. The circumstances are still being examined…” she was talking really fast and sounding surprisingly impassive for someone who was reporting a homicide.

Maks came back to life and turned very slowly. Aleks’s eyes were glued to the TV screen. He was a little paler than a minute ago and was biting his nail nervously, but he recovered quickly.

“Damn, some people really need to chill the fuck out.” He shook his head and even tried to smile, but when he glanced at Maks out of the corner of his eye to check his reaction, there was a clear dread on his face. Maks wasn’t impressed at all.

“Cut the bullshit,” he said, suspiciously calm. He still wasn’t sure when the right moment for panic was going to come. “You were there.” There was no doubt in his voice. Aleks seemed to think that the best defense was good offence.

“Oh, I should probably assure you that it wasn’t me who killed this guy,” he said mildly.

“I didn’t say it was you,” Maks protested quietly.

“Why? It would be a perfectly reasonable assumption,” Aleks snorted, crossing his arms and looking defiantly at Maks, who couldn’t believe that the kid had guts to actually argue with him right now. He also didn’t know how it was possible that he still didn’t completely lose his head and was capable of having a pretty rational conversation about it.

“It would be,” he agreed. “So why shouldn't I go to the police?” He was trying very hard to appear self-assured. Aleks smiled, but it wasn’t the same smile as before, the warm and genuine one. This smile had something ferocious and relentless about it, like this whole façade he showed so far was only supposed to lull you into the false sense of security and let him attack when you least expect it. Maks felt himself going numb when Aleks took a step towards him, fighting the impulse to take a step back. He knew he couldn’t let him see that he was scared, but the truth was that he really was starting to get scared. Still, he couldn’t help but think that… it was Aleks. And ok, he didn’t know anything about him, but it was the same crazy kid who was babbling last night about poets and feral cats. Back then he seemed like the least dangerous person on the planet.

Right, back then. Now Aleks covered the distance between them in two long strides and stopped right in front of him. He was a little shorter, but not short enough to have to cock up his head and in that moment there was something in his eyes and this lopsided smile that made Maks feel much smaller.

“Because you’re clever. And clever boys know that they shouldn’t get themselves into the situations that are too big for them and that they’re not prepared to handle. Come on, Maks, you’re not dumb. You must know how horrible things happen sometimes. Like people disappearing without a trace. That’s some seriously awful shit. You would have to be insane to want to get into it on your own free will.” Now he sounded almost cheerful, like he was talking about the weather. “Thanks for the ride and a place to stay. I’m sure that good karma will come back to you. And now just focus on getting used to the thought that last night never happened,” he instructed and then grabbed both phones, his own and the mysterious one that he was looking for yesterday. Maks gulped. Last night never happened… It was tempting, but… he wasn’t sure if he could do it. He couldn’t handle it, people turning out in his life out of the blue and then disappearing just as unexpectedly.

“So why risking like that and leaving me here with this knowledge?” The words got away before he managed to bite his tongue. Fuck, that was asking for trouble. Aleks was looking at him, calculating.

“I hate this kind of mess,” he spoke eventually, sounding indifferent and pointing with his chin to the TV. Maks hold his breath and then exhaled loudly. Was that an act? Yeah, it had to be. He was just playing the tough guy. It had to be all just for show to scare him off, so he would keep his mouth shut. Come on, he was just a kid. Only even Maks, who was completely detached from reality and kept in a cotton wool through his entire childhood, knew what some kids were up to these days. “Thanks again. Take care,” Aleks went to the hall and a few seconds later Maks heard the front door clicking. He was still frozen in the middle on the room, feeling completely overwhelmed by last night’s and this morning’s events.

He should go to the police. Immediately. He had no idea why he was still standing here instead.

Last night never happened.

I should probably assure you that it wasn’t me who killed this guy.

Maks tried to pretend that he didn’t believe him, but deep inside he knew it was a lie.

[1] In Polish, the usual short for the name “Aleksander" is “Olek”. If “Aleks” is used, it's considered “borrowed” from English.