Silver and Gold - 10. Chapter 10

Feldspar stared at the two empty backpacks on his bed. Silver had given them to him and asked him to pack while he hiked down to the border. He’d said something indecipherable about reception and cell signal, and Feldspar could tell it one of the many human things that was not worth the effort for Silver to explain to him. All he needed to know was that Silver needed to be on the border in order to contact his friends to make transportation arrangements.

He glanced at his closet and back to the backpacks, frowning. He hadn’t been willing to ask Silver what to pack. This was the least of what needed preparing before they were to leave for Paris to take care of Brody’s affairs. He cast his mind back to his time before the Wood for any memory of what the weather was like in Paris. It was a fruitless task. He had no idea what season it even was, let alone what the typical weather would be. He needed to swallow his pride and ask for help, and aside from Silver there was only one other person he could go to.

As if summoned by a thought, he heard Daniella’s voice calling to him from below. “You up there?” she called out.

Feldspar poked his head out and looked down the ladder. “Hello, Dani. Come up.”

A moment later the human woman was standing in front of his bed, arms crossed as she surveyed the empty bags. “Looks like you’re making a lot of progress here.”

Feldspar frowned at her. “You know I haven’t a clue what I’m doing. Silver asked me to get our luggage packed while he arranges our transportation.”

“When do you leave?”

“I suppose as soon as we’re able. He’s anxious to get there as soon as possible, but Silver said it would take at least a full day to get to Paris depending on the flights he is about to secure.”

Daniella chewed on her lip. “A full day? You’re taking a plane?”

Feldspar nodded sharply. He tensed for what he knew would come next.

“You know that Mal could take you,” she said cautiously. “Gneiss could host the delegation for half a day and he could take you.” Her words were a smidge more confident than her tone, and Feldspar’s frown deepened.

“The fact that he might delay our departure to care for the delegation is exactly the reason I’d rather not speak with him right now. I can imagine how that conversation would go and I’m not eager to deal with him right now. Aside from that, I don’t want to risk a major delay if something should happen that he feels is more important than getting us to Paris. I can’t put that stress on Silver, and I’d rather not set myself up for disappointment.”

Daniella winced and her body sagged. “Fair enough,” she said, pained. “He is wound pretty tight with the European faeries here and trying to strategize a plan for making contact with the federal government. It kills me to see you two fighting though. You’re one of his oldest friends and he needs you, even if he’s shitty at showing it.”

Feldspar had nothing to say to that, so he turned back to the still-empty backpacks.

“How long will you be gone?” Daniella asked after an uncomfortable silence.

Feldspar shrugged. “As long as Silver needs. I believe that Brody’s family in — “ he looked at the ceiling as he struggled to remember the name of his birthplace. “Kentucky — are managing most of his affairs here, but Silver will likely have duties to attend to on his behalf in Paris. I believe he is also organizing a memorial service for Brody’s friends in Europe. I haven’t a clue truly, but I suspect at least a few weeks.”

“Okay, so you’ll need a decent amount of clothes. Let’s see,” she pulled out her thick journal and leafed through it to a page of calendars with each day scrupulously checked off. “It’s December out there and from what I remember it gets pretty cold in France. I don’t think it snows though. Or at least, not a lot of snow. As long as we pack some decently warm clothing I’m sure Silver can borrow from friends if you need more.” She walked into Feldspar’s closet and started rifling through his clothing. “Based on Silver’s style, I’m guessing you’ll want things that aren’t too obviously faery-ish. Here,” she passed a somber suit and white shirt to him. “You’ll need that for the funeral and anything else fancy you might go to.”

“Silver doesn’t like fancy things.”

“Just in case.” Feldspar nodded dumbly as he let Dani take over. She continued sifting through his closet, passing him what few clothes he had that passed for human-made. In the end she’d gathered barely half the amount she thought he’d need. “Please tell me Silver’s closet is a bit better?”

He led the way to Silver’s tree and Daniella quickly started pulling things from Silver’s closet for both him and Feldspar. Feldspar made sure to grab Silver’s favorite hoodie and sweats, along with anything else he thought might add a measure of comfort. Half an hour later Daniella stood back from the two piles of clothing, running a mental checklist on everything she thought they would need.

“Thank you for this, Dani. It’s been so long since I’ve been outside, I doubt I would have been much help to Silver without you.” Feldspar chewed his cheek as a slip of anxiety wriggled in his stomach.

“Hey,” Daniella said gently. “It’s going to mean a lot to him that you’re there. So you won’t know how to navigate the human stuff. I promise that won’t be the stuff he needs your support for anyway. He’s going to be grateful you’re there no matter what.”

“Thanks,” Feldspar said hollowly. “He told me I don’t have to go. He said he can handle it on his own and that I should tend to my duties with Mal and the delegation.”

“And what did you say to that?”

“There’s no way I would allow him to face this alone.”

Daniella gave him a tight, sympathetic smile. “Are you at least going to say goodbye to Mal before you leave?”

Feldspar shook his head, crossing his arms defensively. The last thing he was interested in was a human woman less than half his age piling guilt on him about his broken friendship. “I do not have the capacity for Mal, besides which he will try to convince me to stay or delay and my mind is already made up. I don’t see a point in arguing with him when I already know what each of us would say. He would tell me to stay here for him. I would tell him he’s a selfish asshole. I’d rather go without making it worse between us, if it’s all the same.”

To his surprise, she sighed and said, “I get that.” She peeked at him and seemed to consider her next words carefully. “Fel, I know Mal is being a stubborn dick. I love him, but even I can see that.” She hesitated, twisting her hands in the hem of her shirt. “Maybe I shouldn’t even be saying this, and if I shouldn’t, please just forget I said anything. It would make me really, really sad if you two never get past this. You have been friends for such a long time and you’ve been through so much together. It might not seem like it but it’s killing Mal that you aren’t on good terms. Go on your trip, be there for Silver. I mean, god, you’re going to the most romantic city on earth! By the time you come back, I just hope that Mal will be ready to fight for your friendship. You both deserve that.”

******

Feldspar and Silver left early the next morning. Gneiss and Nephrite walked with them to the border and hugged them. Nephrite had given him a bundle of letters to post and a kiss on the cheek. Gneiss had given him one of her best throwing knives and slap on the ass. Feldspar hesitated for a few minutes, making superficial conversation with his friends. He knew it was time to leave, but some small part of him hoped that Mal would show up to say goodbye. Despite what he’d said to Daniella, it felt wrong to leave without him. Since becoming a faery he’d never gone into battle without Mal at his back.

With a falsely bright smile Feldspar took Silver’s hand. It was time to leave whether he was ready or not. As they crossed the border he could feel his friends at his back, the warmth of their love and the chill of things left unsaid. He picked out the trail, deliberately turning his mind to getting Silver safely down the mountain.

Before he knew it the world around him had greyed subtly, all magic leeched from the atmosphere. At the foot of the mountain they followed a human hiking trail to a crumbling parking lot. Silver dropped his backpack heavily and rolled his shoulders, eyes fixed on the entrance to the parking lot. He shifted restlessly and checked his phone with a frown. Silver held the phone up and waved it around, then peered at the screen again. Feldspar tensed, his body taut with the desire to step in and help. He didn’t know what Silver needed, and so he could only watch impotently as the other faery grew anxious.

Twenty minutes later a sleek silver car slid into the lot, humming with a distinctive harmony that tickled Feldspar’s ears. He shook his head fruitlessly to dispel the odd sensation. The car glided to a stop in front of them and the humming stopped to Feldspar’s relief.

“Hey Dave,” Silver said as a scruffy man emerged from the car. “Thanks for picking us up.”

“Yeah, man. No problem.” Dave gave Silver a quick one-armed hug in greeting and held out a hand to Feldspar. “You must be Silver’s boyfriend. It’s nice to meet you.”

Feldspar shook his hand. “Nice to meet you,” he swallowed, fully aware that he was supposed to use the human’s name. Knowing and doing were two very different things, he was finding. It had been so long since he’d had to get by outside the Wood. “I’m…” he gave Silver an uncertain look. They hadn’t had time to discuss how much he should try to blend in and what their protocols should be around humans. Besides which, giving out his name felt so intimate. The idea of doing it in front of Silver sent an unpleasant quaver through him. Silver gave him an encouraging, understanding smile. Feldspar cleared his throat. “Fel. Please call me Fel,” he said.

Silver rubbed his lower back soothingly and Feldspar’s discomfort receded a bit. The human had already moved to open the back of the car for them to stow their bags, the exchange of names inconsequential to him. Feldspar could only laugh internally at himself for how daring the exchange felt, and how insignificant it was compared to what he would navigate over the coming days and weeks.

Silver open the backdoor of the car and got in first. Feldspar took one last look at the forest behind him. The ache in his chest went deep, driven as much by what was behind as by what lay ahead for Silver. He drew in one final breath, savoring the crisp breeze carrying the scent of the Wood on it. He silently said goodbye to his home and refuge, and slid into the car.

Once he was settled Silver leaned over him to show him how the fasten the seatbelt, and then retreated back to his side of the car. He held himself stiffly, as if loosening his hold on himself would unleash a tornado. Feldspar found himself clenching his jaw with anxiety. Silver had been quiet since they’d left. He wished he knew what to do or say to comfort Silver.

“This is great. Thanks again man,” Silver said as Dave guided the car silently back onto the road. “It’s so quiet compared to your other car.”

“Ah yeah. I figured I should bring an electric car since you said it was his first time. I know how sensitive your senses are.”

“Thank you,” Feldspar said. It was sweet and embarrassing to realize that Silver had been worrying about how he’d cope with the human world. It went against his instincts to not be leading and protecting Silver. He would have to rely on Silver completely, like a helpless little lamb. “Your car is much superior to the one I rode in some decades ago, though I admit it’s still unsettling. Please don’t trouble yourself on my account though. I’m eager to be on our way.”

Silver picked up a thread of the sparse conversation with Dave, catching up on the status of various mutual acquaintances. He was keeping the conversation just alive enough to not offend his friend, but Feldspar could tell his heart wasn’t in it. It was unsettling to see Silver attempting to behave naturally when he knew he was a mess inside. He hated that he felt the need to mask his feelings. Feldspar wanted to hold him, to be strong for him so that he would let go of being strong.

Since he couldn’t force Silver to stop trying to keep up a brave face in front of Dave, Feldspar began cutting into the conversation. Soon enough he’d coaxed the human into a lively discussion of the methods of roasting chicken. He soon was learning the intricacies of dry brining versus wet brining and the secrets behind his barbecue sauce recipe. It wasn’t much but at least he could save Silver from the effort of entertaining his friend.

Pine trees, aspens, and craggy granite slid past them as they drove down the mountain. Soon they had entered foothills of golden grass and oak trees. Feldspar watched in mute fascination as the landscape changed. He could hardly remember when he’d last seen this region. As he gleaned information on the previous few decades from Dave, he watched Silver from the corner of his eye. The faery had fallen into silence as soon as Feldspar had taken over the conversation. He leaned against the window, resting his cheek on his bicep as he watched the scenery flow past. Feldspar slid his hand over onto Silver’s knee and squeezed gently. Silver glanced at him and gave him a thin, perfunctory smile before staring back out the window. He didn’t move to shake Feldspar off his leg, and Feldspar decided to take that as a modestly good sign.

After they’d been driving for well over an hour the car suddenly slowed to a crawl. “Sorry, looks like there’s traffic around the airport,” Dave called back.

“We’ve got time,” Silver said.

Feldspar sat up and looked out the front window. There were cars as far as the eye could see. The car jerked forward, then stopped almost as quickly. Somewhere another car honked, followed by the blare of a truck horn. The smell of exhaust permeated the air. Feldspar drew in a shaky breath and tried to quell his roiling stomach. He could feel a light sweat starting to form on the back of his neck.

“You okay?” Silver said, turning away from his window to gently touch his shoulder. Feldspar nodded unconvincingly. Shit. He really didn’t want to make Silver take care of him. He pulled in another deep breath, only to feel a stronger wave of nausea roll over him. Silver watched him closely and immediately dug into his backpack. He produced a packet of dried ginger candy. “Here,” he said, holding out a piece to Feldspar. Feldspar chewed the candy gratefully. The spicy flavor filled his senses, blocking out the noxious smells of the bumper-to-bumper freeway. As soon as Silver was satisfied that Feldspar wasn’t about to vomit, he turned back to his window, immersed in his own world again.

******

“Passports please,” the young woman said crisply as she stuck her hand out to Feldspar. Her hair was pulled back so tightly into her sleek bun that it had to hurt. Feldspar wondered if that’s why she sounded so irritated under her sweet customer service voice. He blushed as he looked at her outstretched hand. His first instinct had been to step in front of Silver when they’d reached the counter. It felt natural to take care of him. He sighed. If only he knew how anything worked. He looked back toward Silver, who quickly stepped up to the counter, nudging him to the side.

Silver looked down his nose at the woman and heaved a disdainful sigh that reminded Feldspar of a stuffy noble. He’d never seen Silver treat anyone like that before, and he found himself frowning at this reminder that Silver might be a different person in the human realm. “We’re nonhuman passengers,” Silver said cooly.

The woman’s eyes widened and she leaned forward slightly. Feldspar had the strong urge to slap her as she gawked at Silver’s unusual coloring and pointed ears.

“Are those real?” she blurted, her professional facade cracking under the strain of the situation.

“Yes,” Silver said in a tone that invited no further inquiry. The woman turned to Feldspar and scrutinized him. He frowned at her. He didn’t appreciate being stared at, not did he like seeing Silver acting so stand-offish. It wasn’t like him, which could only mean that enough humans treated him this way that he had to put up his defenses.

“I’ve never… I’m sorry. It’s my first time serving your kind. I’m new, and uh, we don’t get many… Anyway. Yes. Let me look you up in that system.” She called her manager over to help her check them in. When she handed over their boarding passes her hand was shaking.

Silver led him through the maze of the security checkpoint. While the humans had to line up and go through machines that put Feldspar’s teeth on edge with their strange magnetism, the screening line for non-humans was entirely empty. Silver handed their boarding passes to the guard mutely, who examined them briefly before waving them through. Once they were clear Silver muttered that the humans had decided a few years prior that there was no point in checking non-humans for weapons when they had magic at their disposal.

From there Silver confidently led them through a sea of people milling about as they waited for their planes to take off. Feldspar hated everything about the airport. The aimless, slack-jawed travelers. The artificial, stifling stench of low-quality food. The overly bright lights and garish items for sale.

The only redeeming thing about the experience was that it was crowded and Silver had taken firm hold of his hand to keep them together. Feldspar didn’t like not knowing how to get where they were going. Never in his life had he entered into battle without surveying the ground and making a plan of attack. Now, he had no choice but to go into the unknown with nothing but faith that his love would be enough to help Silver through what lay ahead, even though there was so much he didn’t know.

As soon as they found their seats on the plane Silver began taking things out of his backpack with military precision. He passed earplugs to Feldspar and watched carefully to make sure he inserted them correctly. He gave Feldspar a pair of warm socks and small pillow, along with an eye mask and bottle of water. He pulled a book out and tucked it into the seat pocket in front of him.

Feldspar watched him in fascination. He was thrown back to the first time they’d run into each other at the crater lake. He’d been so intimidated by Silver’s worldliness. A wave of affection and desire coiled within him. Dani had been right. He had never known anything about half the things Silver had experienced. Silver didn’t care about that, he adored Feldspar just the same. With that comforting thought Feldspar felt a weight lift from his heart.

As the plane taxied slowly to the runway, Silver’s brave facade began to crack. A light sheen of sweat formed on his upper lip and he began to shift in his seat. Feldspar reached for his hand and pulled him closer. “Silver, are you alright?”

Silver turned to him, his eyes darkened with fear. “Sorry,” he whispered. “This part really sucks.”

Just as he finished speaking, the plane began to accelerate. Feldspar felt his stomach drop, even as his ears screamed at the all-consuming roar of the engines. He gripped Silver’s hand, his eyes wide in shock at the overwhelming sensations as the plane began to take off.

Silver’s face was frozen in a mask of terror, his eyes fixed in the middle distance. Feldspar recovered from his surprise when he saw how frightened Silver was as the plane rose into the sky. He pulled Silver into his shoulder, letting him bury his face in his neck so that his vision and hearing were obscured in the protection of Feldspar’s arms. He put his hand over Silver’s other exposed ear, hoping to muffle the horrible roar that had filled the aircraft. He rubbed Silver’s back for the entire ascent, feeling useful for the first time all day.

As the plane leveled off and the sound of the engines quieted, Silver took a few shuddering breaths and began to shift back into his own seat. Feldspar pulled him back, refusing to let him go. Silver stiffened for a moment and then relaxed. Feldspar spread the thin airline blanket over Silver’s shoulders and put a pillow on his shoulder for Silver to lean on. Silver sighed and relaxed against Feldspar.

“Sorry to put you through that,” he mumbled quietly.

Feldspar frowned at him. “Put me through what?”

“This. All this — the car, the airport. Dragging you halfway around the world in a tin can hurtling through space. I feel like such a dick for making you go through all this for me.”

Feldspar kissed his head, smiling. “Silver, you’re not making me do anything. I insisted on coming with you. I want to be here, even if I am useless to you and don’t know anything about this realm. Anything that you go through, I want to go through with you.”

Silver gave him a watery smile and just shook his head as if he couldn’t quite believe Feldspar. “I’m really glad you’re here, even though it sucks.”

Feldspar’s eyes pricked with emotion and he kissed the top of Silver’s head again. “Sil, sweetheart, everything around us might suck. The circumstances of this trip definitely suck. But never question that I want to be here with you. Because we have — that could never suck. Now get some rest. You’ve been on point all day.”

Feldspar felt Silver release a shuddering breath and took up rubbing circles on Silver’s back again. He felt Silver’s silent tears soaking into the neck of his shirt and squeezed him closer. Before long he had drifted off. Feldspar’s heart swelled with relief that Silver was finally able to let go. He sleep surprisingly deeply, not even stirring when the flight attendants came around for drink orders, nor when dinner came.

Feldspar had begun to drop off into sleep against Silver when the plane suddenly shuddered and dropped. He jerked upright, every well-trained muscle ready to fight. The craft was shaking so violently it was certain to drop out of the sky. He looked around wildly for some means of escape. He needed to get Silver to safety. For one of the first times in his long life, he cursed the limits of his magic. If he had Mal’s power he could teleport Silver to safety, nosediving aircraft be damned.

Silver shifted in his tense arms and sat up, blinking blearily at Feldspar as the plane shook. He yawned and rolled his neck, grimacing at a twinge from sleeping for so long sitting up. Feldspar stared at him in confusion. Silver seemed utterly unconcerned with the plane’s erratic movements. Feldspar glanced around for a second time, this time realizing that none of the other passengers were panicking.

Silver saw the look on his face and patted his knee. “Just turbulence,” he mumbled as he leaned back against Feldspar’s shoulder. Feldspar blinked, dumbfounded that the danger he felt was apparently not worth more than two words. He wrapped an arm around his lover again and rested his cheek against Silver’s head. His heart was galloping like herd of wild horses. He drew in a deep breath, willing his heart to slow as he dissected Silver’s scent. He hadn’t cooked since he’d gotten the news about Brody, but he still smelled faintly of rosemary and spices. Slowly Feldspar’s body relaxed.

He had no idea what would face them when the plane landed, but he knew one thing: they would get through it, together.