Dating Rules And Pretty Fools - 31. My Guardian Angel

Chapter Thirty-One – My Guardian Angel

His eyelids seemed to have turned into heavy weights and he was incapable of opening his eyes. A constant beep had entered his dreams, and it punctuated the passing of each moment with unnerving precision. Hudson struggled and finally managed to open one of his eyes. As he brought a hand up that was being held back by something long and wiry, he realized that the eye remaining closed was actually bandaged. Funny thing, he didn’t recall how that had come to be, although those goons had had no problem with hitting him while he was down.

He turned his head slowly, taking in the white walls and all the equipment surrounding him, as his brain began moving at a snail’s pace to catch up with his most recent memories. Ah, damn, it hurt to breathe too deeply, but he could breathe, which was a great thing in itself.

His one good eye finally landed on the only person present in the room. Hudson tried to speak, but his throat was parched, and what came out resembled a growl more than anything.

The sleeping man slouched in a chair by his bedside finally stirred.

“Hey, asshole,” Hudson uttered in a gravelly whisper, “rise and shine.”

Gavin started, probably because he had finally realized that the patient was awake. He opened his eyes and blinked a few times. Then his tired face lit up, making him appear younger by at least five years. “Looks who’s finally awake. How are you feeling, partner?”

“Great, given the circs,” Hudson whispered. “My throat is damned parched. How about you fetch me a beer?”

“Yeah, right,” Gavin said with a snort and pushed himself off the chair, wincing at the audible creak in his bones. “Only water for you, I’m afraid. Doctor’s orders.”

Hudson groaned as Gavin adjusted his bed so that he could lift his head enough to accept the plastic cup brought to his lips. His longtime friend even used a tissue to wipe his mouth.

“Looking to secure a permanent position around here? Tired of being a cop?”

Gavin laughed. “Shut up, West. But thank you. I’m glad you find my bedside manner good enough. Although I bet it’s not my ugly mug you wanted to see the first time you opened your eyes.”

Hudson threw a look toward the door. “Is he here? Or was he taken in for questioning?”

“We’ve already done that. And yes, he’s here. There are just some details I need to work out with you before I leave you two lovebirds to it.”

“Shoot. But first, did you catch that guy Watkins?”

“Yeah, we got him,” Gavin confirmed. “He walked right into our hands, and it happened before we rained fire and brimstone on that bunch of lowlifes. Gotta tell you, man, he started chirping like a magpie. Hoping to secure a deal for his sorry ass and whatnot.”

“Don’t you dare let him walk,” Hudson forced himself to speak.

Gavin offered more water, and he gulped it down. “He tried painting himself like some sort of victim, but you know that shit doesn’t fly with us when such high profile cases are involved. There’s more info to squeeze out of him.”

“All the names, other similar operations, all that, right?” Hudson let his head drop back on the pillow and closed his eye for a moment. “He must want some sweet deal in return.”

“He might not have as much to offer as he thinks he does. Your informant and that boy Jasper offered us enough to nail the bastard, too. When it’s personal stuff like that, well, you know how it is.”

“Personal?” Hudson asked.

“Looks like Watkins is your boy’s uncle.”

“What? Otis’s uncle?”

“No.” Gavin laughed and shook his head. “Jackie’s.”

“No way. They don’t look like each other at all.”

“It happens. Thing is Jackie really has a bone to pick with the guy. Because of that guy he liked, from the old cases. Sweetheart.”

“You seem to know everything.”

“Not everything.” Gavin rubbed his forehead and then threw Hudson a puzzled look. “Your shoulder is shot, man. You’ll need a long vacation. It’ll come with a nice paycheck, don’t worry.”

“So? I guess I earned it,” Hudson replied.

Gavin gave him another long look. “But that’s your right shoulder. Can’t very well use your shooting hand with it in such bad shape.”

“And?” Hudson kept a neutral face, as much as that mattered, seeing how patched up he was.

Gavin pulled his chair in closer and leaned over. “Kind of hard to be the same cool hand with it like that. And yet, damn, bull’s eye. I’m talking about that Keres guy.”

“What can I tell you, man? He got right in my face. It was impossible to miss.”

“You didn’t think of just hurting him so that we could interrogate him later?”

“My life was on the line. And yes, my shoulder was in a bad way. I thought it better not to take any chances.”

“Convenient. Still, man, bull’s eye.”

“Stranger things have happened.”

Gavin nodded and pulled away, resting against the back of his chair. “Good. ‘Cause there’s a lot of paperwork to fill out, and I don’t want you coming up later with all that ‘it’s not how it actually happened’.”

“No worries from me. Are you in charge of all that pesky paperwork?”

Gavin grinned. “You know how much I love doing that. I wouldn’t let anyone else near it. And it was a damn good thing that those assholes turned on each other.”

“Hmm?”

“Don’t hmm me,” Gavin said and chuckled. “The captain is sure to commend you for taking care of the department’s budget. You barely shot like three bullets or so.”

“I like to think they were shot when it mattered.”

“And shot who mattered,” Gavin added with a sly smirk. He got up and patted Hudson on the knee. “Get well, partner. I’m sending your boy in next.”

“Jackie?”

“Gotcha. No. Mr. Otis Bendecker. This is how he introduced himself, and yes, with Mr. in front. He gave us an exact account of the events he witnessed and offered not to leave town for the foreseeable future.”

“Sounds like my guy.” Too bad it hurt so much to smile. “And? What do you think?”

“He’d be good for you. That is if he still wants to keep you after seeing your mug wrecked like this.”

“He will. He’s not the superficial kind.”

Gavin gave him a thumbs up and then yawned loudly. “Good that you’re awake. I can finally go home and change.”

“How long was I out?”

“Long enough. Next time, you’ll be the desk guy, and I’ll be the operative. See how you like that.”

“I’d like myself some desk time.”

“No, you wouldn’t. See you later, partner. And make sure you let the captain know how much restraint it took for you to save so many bullets during such a big op.”

“Will do,” Hudson confirmed and lifted his arm to shoo Gavin away. “Come on, go home already.”

Gavin shook his head in mirth and left the room but not before he saluted with two fingers tapping an imaginary hat, his gesture completely un-ironic.

***

To his relief, Otis looked as serene as always, and he didn’t appear to have been harmed during that showdown between the police and Watkins’s hired goons. His clothes were perfect, scrubbed and without a wrinkle, and his hair was brushed over half his face like usual. Hudson felt a pleasant tingling sensation when Otis hurried to the bed and took his hand gingerly between his smooth cool ones.

“You are well,” he said and smiled.

“Yes, I am. Thanks to you.”

Otis stole a nervous look around and leaned over so that they could speak in complete privacy. “I lied to the police,” he whispered. “Because that is what I understood that I had to do from the little information you offered.”

“Good boy,” Hudson praised him. “I knew you were smart.”

Otis sighed. “You shouldn’t praise me for doing bad things. I am at risk of it becoming a habit.”

“I think it takes more than that, but don’t worry, I won’t ask it again.”

Otis looked around and saw the chair in which Gavin had slumped until only earlier. He sat down primly and put his hands on his knees. There was something rigid in the way he assumed that position as if he were a pupil in school and was waiting to be reprimanded by the teacher.

“You are a cop,” he said after some hesitation.

“Yes.”

“And you’ve been working undercover.”

“Yes.”

“Throughout our relationship.”

“Yes.” He had been wrong before; Otis was putting him through the wringer, not expecting to be the one put on the stand. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want to put you at risk. Although it looks like I did that anyway. Do you think you could forgive me? Not right now, but later?”

“How much later?” Otis trained his beautiful eye on him.

“It depends on how long it takes you to forgive me.”

“But I’m not mad at you. Not upset either.”

“Oh, you’re not? That’s a huge relief. I was looking forward to doing some begging and groveling.”

Otis shook his head. “No need for that. But given my position, I have to ask. Was being boyfriends part of your undercover operation? Please be honest with me, Mr. West.”

Ah, damn, it was so unfair he couldn’t laugh. Still, the sounds he made were unmistakable for anything else.

“What is amusing?” Otis asked politely.

“Otis,” Hudson said with a sigh that helped some with the pain, “you are too good for me.”

“I see. I read about such things. Because our relationship was fake, now we have to break up.”

“What? No!” Hudson tried to roll to one side to reach Otis, but he couldn’t do much. “Forgive me, I’m a complete idiot. There was no plan for me to get a boyfriend. Actually, I went against all the unwritten rules of undercover ops by falling for you. I have no regrets, though. Even if the captain will eventually bite my head off when he learns about the details of this whole deal--”

“He won’t,” Otis interrupted him. “Mr. Stetson appears keen on standing up for you. And I believe he doesn’t mind,” he added while leaning forward, “doing some lying himself. That is what I understood.”

“Take my hand, Otis,” Hudson requested.

He liked to see his dark callous hand being cupped so gently by white flawless hands, beautiful as the wings of a dove.

“You know,” he said in a low voice, “you have the sort of strength that scares me, Otis.”

“Why?” came the natural question.

“Because I’ve never seen it before. Because I have never dared to imagine that it could even exist.”

“I don’t believe I understand.”

“I know. You’re above this dark wretched world in so many ways, that’s why. But you came down to its level. For me.”

“I had to. There was no one there to protect you.”

Hudson laughed. “Then there’s just one explanation for it. You must be my guardian angel.”

To his surprise, Otis snickered like a schoolkid. “The doctors and nurses here must be giving you some very strong medication, Mr. West.”

“Come on, Otis, I’m in love with you. And stop it with this Mr. West thing. Call me Hudson like always. And what do you mean by that? That I’m too high to think straight?”

Otis broke into full-blown laughter now. “You can’t think straight. Because you’re gay.”

Hudson rolled his eye. The only one he could roll. “Mr. Bendecker, did you just make a joke?”

“Yes,” Otis replied with delight, “I believe I did. It was just so funny to call me your guardian angel. Angels aren’t scarred like me.”

“Mine is,” Hudson shot back. “And he’s perfect. One of a kind.” Even though it hurt, he lifted his arm enough to brush the hair away from Otis’s face so that he could see both his eyes.

“Okay,” Otis said and blushed. “Okay.”

“I’m happy to hear you agree. Although,” Hudson smiled slyly, deciding to tease his beautiful boyfriend a bit, “I must say that you took your time to shoot that asshole down.”

“I had to get close enough to make sure I didn’t miss,” Otis replied, his face all seriousness.

Hudson had to drop his arm. “I was just teasing you. By the way, Otis, you’re an amazing shot.”

“I know.”

“What? Full of yourself much?”

“It is the truth.”

“Yeah, yeah it is. Now, I’m afraid you will have to do all the work because I need you to kiss me just to make sure that my strong medication isn’t the only reason why I’m going to have such nice dreams.”

***

According to Mr. Stetson, Hudson would need a long time to get his body working the way it used to, and that meant that he needed a lot of care. Otis wondered how his small apartment could accommodate the equipment required to help his boyfriend with the physical therapy he would need. Hudson’s apartment wasn’t any better, and as he thought that he realized that his boyfriend had to have another home somewhere.

He thought of all that while brushing his lips against Hudson’s dry ones.

“What? So little? Don’t you think I deserve more after everything I’ve been through?”

Otis had so many things he needed to put in order, but Hudson’s request was valid. So, he put more into getting his mouth all over his boyfriend’s so that they could kiss properly. When he was done this time, they both looked a little flushed.

“Thank you, Otis,” Hudson said, his throaty voice low and tickling Otis’s ear in an unforeseen manner. “I think that will give me the proper incentive to get better as fast as possible so that I can get back home to you.”

“Where is your home?” Otis asked.

“That’s true, you’ve never seen it. There are so many things for us to learn about each other, isn’t there?”

Otis confirmed with a nod. He hesitated for a moment and then blurted out. “I kept things from you too. Please forgive me.”

“There’s nothing to forgive, my beautiful. I’ve been a stranger to you. I plan to correct that. And when I’m out of the hospital, I want you to come live with me. That is if it’s something you also want. I’m not imposing, but I do plan on begging you to do it.”

“Is your home big enough for the necessary equipment?”

“What equipment?”

“You will need physical therapy.”

“Ah, I see. Yes, there’s enough space.”

Otis worried his bottom lip while pondering on what other questions to ask. “What about your kitchen? Is there room for more than just a little fridge with two beers?”

Hudson sighed. “I guess that’s something you won’t allow me to forget soon. It has everything it needs, my kitchen. It does lack love and someone to use the appliances, though. I’m not that much of a cook.”

Otis nodded in acquiescence. “Will I be able to reach work in less than two hours?”

“Hmm, I think so.”

“What public transportation is available?”

“That is a bit of a problem, because it’s in the suburbs,” Hudson explained. “You’ll need a driver’s license. And a car.”

“That will take some time,” Otis said as he considered the issue. “How long will you wait for me to come live with you?”

“We’ll figure it all out, don’t you worry. Also, I must tell you from the get-go. I have a dog.”

Otis felt his eyes growing wide. “A dog? A real dog?”

“Yep, not a fake one. Don’t worry; he’s friendly. I’m sure he’ll take to you like there’s no tomorrow.”

“A dog,” Otis whispered with delight. “I did some dog walking in my time, you know? I mean… ah, I think that business fell through since I haven’t returned the clients’ calls--”

“I’m sure they’ll understand. Only that, you see, Otis, Zeus is the jealous type. He might not like you walking other dogs.”

“I understand,” Otis said while nodding. “How much will the rent be? I need to budget correctly so that everyone is happy. Since I have to give up on the dog walking business and find something else.”

Hudson tried to laugh again and winced. Maybe he wasn’t on that strong medication after all, Otis thought. “The place is mine. You don’t have to pay any rent.”

“But there must be a mortgage,” Otis insisted.

“And I can afford it. My boyfriend will not have to pay a dime.”

“But I can’t be a freeloader!”

“I’m sure you’ll find ways to avoid that. Ah, it’s just too bad that I’m hurting so much. I would hug you and kiss you once every minute but I can’t.”

“Should I call a nurse?” Otis offered. His boyfriend’s wellbeing was the first item on the list. There were no other priorities for now.

“No. They’ll want to put me to sleep, and I just want you here with me for a little longer. Is that all right with you?”

“Yes,” Otis confirmed. “Hudson, you say that we are strangers. But I don’t want us to be. Can I tell you about my scar? But if you think this is not the time--”

“Don’t worry. Please, tell me everything you want me to know.”

He opened his mouth a few times, not knowing how and where to start. “She was… not okay,” he began. “But she was my mother.”

“Was she the one who hurt you?”

“Yes, but… I think that, in her own way, she did it because she… didn’t want me to suffer at her hands anymore. She didn’t want to hurt me ever again. Do you know there are people who can’t love properly?”

“I believe so, yes.” Hudson didn’t press and allowed him to continue with all the breaks he needed to take.

“According to my grandma, she used to be a beauty. There were many men courting her, and that went to her head. That’s what grandma used to say. She even said that maybe if my mom hadn’t been so beautiful, she would have had less trouble coming her way. But she fell for the wrong man while very young. That must have been my father. She ran away from home to be with him, although she didn’t know much about life or how to make a family. I couldn’t question grandma about it, because it always made her cry. But she insisted on telling me, so I listened to everything she could tell me.

“For many years, grandma didn’t even know where she was, although she looked for her everywhere. Only when I was five or so, my mother called to ask her for money. I think that was when I saw grandma for the first time. She smelled nice and she was so good to me. She spent a few days with us, not that I remember it all that well. Save for the stories. Grandma knew how to read bedtime stories. She and mom got into a big fight, and it was because grandma offered to take both of us home with her and take care of us. But my mom didn’t want to go. She insisted that she must wait for her husband. My father. That he wouldn’t know where she had gone if he didn’t find her there. That he would get mad.

“Back then, there was still enough food. My mother had a job, at a local grocery store. The house was still clean. That’s what grandma told me. And since mom sent her out the door, she left. She was shocked to discover how we lived years after. My mom called her regularly, telling her not to worry, promising her we’d visit, she and I, but never following through. And all that time, she turned sadder and sadder and brought home more bottles than food. She sold things from the house. I have only a vague memory of having a TV. She didn’t like me to talk, kept me home from school, and barely noticed me around the house.”

Hudson let out a sigh. “Don’t mind me saying this, Otis, but your mom sounds like a piece of work.”

Otis shrugged. “I don’t mind. She must have been as you say, and I wish I had one happy memory of her because I don’t. I believe she chose the darkness inside her, as grandma used to say. She didn’t like to turn on the lights in the evening, said her head hurt. And she got mad every now and then. The moment she heard me talking or being around, she locked me up in my room. In the dark.”

“Ah, damn it, Otis,” Hudson whispered. “I had no idea things were that bad for you.”

“The nice lady at the therapy office told me that not everyone might be comfortable with hearing my story. That I should only talk about these things with people I trusted, kind people. She told me I would know the kind from the bad, because I have the soul for it. I didn’t know what she meant by that. But if you need me to stop, I will.”

“Go on, tell me everything. I want to know everything.”

“The days were long and hard,” Otis said. “I had nothing to do all day, without school, without television, or toys or other things children have. I didn’t know that, but I heard grandma talking about it. But that wasn’t why it was so hard. I always found ways to not be bored. Like picking the lock on my room so that I could get out. The hard part was that she would catch me. Very often at first, and she got so mad.”

“Did she hit you?”

Otis shook his head. “No. She just said mean things and never let me talk. I didn’t understand much. I just feared her. So I became better at staying out of her way. At being silent and listening for any sign of her still being up and about. Still, I had to brave her anger when I needed to find something to eat.”

“I hate your mom,” Hudson said under his breath.

“I don’t,” Otis replied. “I don’t understand why, but I don’t. The night she gave me this,” he added and pointed at his scar, “it was the one kind thing she did for me. In her own way. Because she had cut her wrists and set the house on fire, but did this to chase me away so that I didn’t die along with her.”

“I read the newspaper clipping,” Hudson said. “I shouldn’t have, but I--”

“That’s good, actually. You know what happened, and I don’t have to go into all of the details. She burned in that house. They said that even if they had arrived earlier, they wouldn’t have been able to put the fire out. I ran away that night and when I came back… I couldn’t save her.” He bent at the waist and traced the shape of his scar. “I wished I could have, but I was too scared. Too scared that I was suddenly all alone, and… that froze me.”

“Like what happened to you during your kidnapping?” Hudson asked.

Otis nodded. “It is a coping mechanism, some doctors think. That’s what they told me. Grandma had come to see us not too long before. She scolded mom hard that time. She noticed I wasn’t talking. And that the house was dirty. And that there were so many bottles everywhere, some empty, some half-full still. She wanted to get help so that she could take me away from my mom. And that… grandma blamed herself, she told me. That her threats that time must have triggered mom’s desire to kill herself. And she also blamed herself for believing everything was fine when it wasn’t. She wished she had come for me earlier.”

Poignant silence followed. It was hard but also good to talk about this thing, like when you press on a sore spot but the pain feels good.

“But I don’t think so. I think my grandma wanted the right thing for me. And for my mother. And she wanted to save me. Which she did. She was so kind to me, all the years that she had left. For some time, I didn’t speak at all and remained frozen like that. But she didn’t care that it took time and money and other things to take care of me. I learned to talk, and I went to school, although it was hard to be the worst student in the class. She was sick and frail herself, but she still used all her waking hours to teach me how to… get all those years back. She wasn’t rich. Actually, I believe that she was poor. But her house was clean, and there were no bottles. And there was always food, even if it was nothing fancy. Most of all, she loved me. She loved me the normal way, talking to me, and making me feel that I truly mattered to her. Teaching me everything she could. New words, good manners, how to cook an egg.”

For a moment there, he had to stop as the memories of his grandmother came flooding back. He blinked one time to get rid of the moisture in his eyes. “To her last day, she cared. Too bad my seahorse is gone now. That was my favorite gift from her.”

“Your seahorse?” Hudson asked in a hoarse voice.

“The glass figurine. Angel crushed it when he kidnapped me.”

“He was the one who did that?” Hudson asked in disbelief.

“Yes. He told me. Like he told Jackie that he enjoyed taking the life of a young man called Sweetheart. I believe Jackie was in love with him. With that Sweetheart person.”

There was something that sounded like sniffling coming from Hudson.

Otis leaned closer. “Did I make you sad with what I’ve told you about me?”

Hudson moved his head away. “No, baby. But you can be sure as hell that I’m going to buy you all the seahorses in the world.”

“Seahorses should be free to swim in their coral reefs and among the mangrove roots,” he said, not quite understanding why Hudson was saying that.

“Okay, you’re right,” came another whisper.

“Did you know that they sometimes swim up estuaries because they can deal with different types of water salinity?”

“I do, now. Thank you for telling me. What about glass figurines? Can I get you those?”

“Yes,” Otis agreed. “But make sure that you budget for them properly. Always buy at a discount. They can be pretty expensive.”

“Of course. I appreciate your sensible advice. Now come here and hug me. Don’t let me go until I say so. Do you understand?”

“Yes. I enjoy doing what you say. You’re like grandma. You care about me.”

***

He recalled the last time he had cried as a grownup man, and it had been after Pete’s funeral. Not when he’d seen him dropping dead, not when holding him until the ambulance had come, not even as they lowered the closed casket into the ground. After, and for selfish reasons. Because he had never felt so alone ever before.

That had been pain, and Otis’s confession had caused pain too, but it was different. Because now he wasn’t alone. And the solid warmth of his boyfriend’s body in his arms assured him that he wouldn’t know that feeling of deep loneliness ever again.

“Can I keep you forever?” he asked into Otis’s hair, still smelling of what had to be shampoo bought at a discount. It was the best smell ever known to humankind.

“Yes.”

No hesitation there, but Otis Bendecker was surely not the kind of man to hesitate when it mattered. People who met him without getting to know him must think he was a shy young man whose sometimes awkward manners made them feel out of place, or in worse cases, superior. But they didn’t know the truth, not by far.

“I want to thank you, Hudson,” Otis said without letting go.

“Are you sure? I was supposed to protect you, but it was the other way around, after all.”

“I got to the end of it. Because of you.”

“The end of what?”

“I had this dream coming to me almost every night. About going back to save my mom. Always getting there too late. Just in time to watch the house burn and smell the ash in the air. The nice lady at the therapy office told me I needed to make peace with it.”

“Did she tell you to let go? That you couldn’t do anything to save her?”

“No, because it was all in my imagination now. She told me that I was brave and strong and that I could save whoever I wanted to save because it was my dream.”

“You came for me because of that?”

“Not only, but that was an important part of it too. That is why I knew I had to go all the way, to reach the end of the dream. When I knelt by your side and saw you truly alive, I knew I had won. It was a powerful feeling.”

“I’m glad to have been at least of some use.”

“You were. You saved all of those people. Mr. Stetson says you might get a special commendation for your bravery. For being a hero.”

“Not as much as you.”

“Don’t say that. I know you’re a hero. Because I’ve always imagined that I would fall in love with one.”

“Wow, is that a confession I’m hearing?”

“Yes. Was it too awkward? I can say ‘I love you’ instead.”

“I believe it was enough for me as it is.” Hudson brushed Otis’s ear with his lips. “But I wouldn’t mind hearing those words from you, over and over again.”

TBC