Stirring the Past - 1. Chapter 1

Part 1 - Catching up on Life

I absolutely love Vancouver. I’d move back in a heartbeat, but after finishing university, I made the decision to head out to Toronto. My life is there now—my friends, my work, and for someone young, the nightlife’s better.

Don’t get me wrong, Vancouver is a great city. It’s where I grew up, where I came out, and where I was accepted without question. Living in a progressive city has its advantages. But coming back? It’s always nice. I get to catch up with old friends, visit family, and just breathe.

After a grueling day at the office, I decided to head out and explore. People in the office kept talking about this new coffee shop, it has an odd sounding name, but apparently it’s amazing. The owners are gay, and I like supporting LGBTQ-friendly spots, so I figured why not? It was a bit far, so I grabbed an Uber.

The ride dropped me off a short walk away. It was cool outside, but I didn’t mind—the air was crisp, and I had my jacket. As I got closer, I saw the place was packed. Maybe the hype was justified after all. Still, I had to see for myself.

I joined the line and started browsing their Google reviews, their menu, anything to pass the time. When I got to the counter, the barista looked familiar. It bugged me for a second, trying to place him. I ran through the alphabet in my head—Adam? Brian? Carl?—and on my third go-around, it hit me. Zach. We went to high school and university together. What was he doing here?

I stepped up to the counter. He didn’t even look up. It was so busy he barely had time to take my order before he rushed off to make the drinks. Guess he wasn’t the cashier, after all—he was the barista. But how did someone like Zach go from bright, university-educated to working in a coffee shop? Not that there’s anything wrong with it, but I was genuinely curious.

A few minutes later, my coffee was ready. As I went to grab it, Zach finally looked up. His eyes widened as recognition dawned.

“Robert? Robert Wallace? Is that you?”

“Zach! You finally remembered. Honestly, I wasn’t sure when I first walked in.” I smiled. “Yeah, it’s me. It’s been what, ten years?”

“Something like that. What are you doing here? Do you own this place or...?”

He laughed, shaking his head. “No, I just work here. I’m on break in about five minutes—can you stick around? I’d love to catch up.”

“Yeah, sure. I’ll grab a table.”

I snagged the last open table, tossing my jacket over the other chair to hold it. The coffee was great, better than I expected, and I could see why the place was so busy.

A few minutes later, Zach joined me. He looked the same, just a little older, maybe more tired, but that easy smile was still there.

“I can’t believe it’s you after all this time,” he said, settling in. “You’re still in Toronto, right? Are you moving back?”

“Nope, just here on business. Flying back Friday. But tell me about you. What’ve you been up to? When you graduated, I thought for sure you’d go into physio or something like that.”

“I did.” He ran a hand through his hair, looking down for a moment. “I loved the job, the people, but it was draining. Mentally, physically. Then...my partner passed away during COVID. It messed me up. And when the lockdowns hit, I re-evaluated everything. When I finally got back to work, I just didn’t have it in me anymore. Thought about starting my own practice, but I didn’t want the stress of running a business.”

He paused, his eyes distant. “A few years ago, I hit rock bottom. Mental health issues, hospital stays...thankfully my family’s all here in Vancouver. They helped me get back on my feet, but I knew I couldn’t go back to physio. This place opened up, and I knew nothing about coffee except how to drink it, but the owner gave me a chance. So here I am.”

“Wow.” I took a breath, feeling the weight of his words. “I’m really sorry about your partner.”

“Yeah, thanks.” He glanced at the table, then back at me. “We were together through most of university, drifted apart, but a year or so before COVID, we reconnected. He moved in with me...”

“He?”

Zach’s eyes narrowed slightly. “Yeah, he. Is that a problem for you? You’re not homophobic, are you?”

“No, no, of course not.” I shook my head quickly. “Just caught me off guard. I didn’t know you were dating anyone in university. Anyway, sorry to interrupt.”

Zach softened, the tension easing from his shoulders. “Yeah, he moved in. We had a great relationship. But he had diabetes and didn’t take care of himself the way he should’ve. I was always there to help him, but when he got COVID...it just went downhill fast. Within a month or two, he was gone. Somehow, I didn’t get sick. I was with him day and night, but I never caught it.”

He pulled out his phone, scrolling through photos before holding it up. “Here. That’s him.”

The picture showed a handsome man with soft brown hair and kind eyes. “He looks like a great guy,” I said, my chest tightening at the thought of Zach’s loss. “I’m really sorry.”

“Thanks. His family’s been incredible. They’re like my own family now.” He sighed, his voice dropping. “I miss him.”

We sat in silence for a moment. I wanted to say something more, but I wasn’t sure what. Grief was something you couldn’t fix with words.

“If you don’t mind me asking,” I finally said, “are you dating anyone now?”

Zach shook his head. “No. It’s been tough. I still see him everywhere. But being here gives me purpose. It helps, even if it’s hard to move on. We were going to get married, you know.”

His voice cracked slightly at the mention of marriage, and I could see the pain he was still carrying. Losing a partner like that...it was unimaginable.

Before I could say more, Zach straightened up. “But enough about me. What about you? What’s been going on since you left?”

I glanced at the counter, noticing a line forming again. “Don’t you have to get back?”

“Nah, the owner’s covering for me. I told him I needed some time to catch up with an old friend.”

“Nice.” I smiled, then took a sip of my coffee. “So yeah, my story. I graduated, obviously”—Zach grinned—“and moved to Toronto. I had some family there, so it made the transition easier. Found a job, got a decent place, made some new friends...been enjoying it, really.”

Zach leaned in, raising an eyebrow. “And nobody special in your life?”

“Nope,” I said, laughing lightly. “Still looking.”

“So, what are you doing out there? I remember you were in computer science,” Zach asked, leaning back in his chair.

“Yeah, I was,” I replied, settling in. “I got a job at a small company leading implementation projects. Loved it, still do. But I wanted to move up faster, and the place was too small for that. So, I worked there for a few years, then moved on.”

I glanced out the window, watching the busy street, as memories of the early days in Toronto flashed by. “It wasn’t easy at first—moving to a big city with no real support system. But I liked the challenge, you know? Pushing myself, making something of my own out there.” I paused, sipping my coffee. “Toronto’s given me a lot. I’ve built a great life for myself.”

Zach nodded, sipping his coffee as I continued.

“I’m a Director at a mid-sized company now, managing Onboarding and Implementations. It’s great—I love it. I get to work with all sorts of people, and it keeps me on my toes. I don’t travel much, which suits me just fine. I’m not big on moving around all the time. I like the stability of being in one place, which is why I’m calling Toronto home.”

“I remember back in school, you were always ambitious,” Zach said with a grin. “Had your eye on the prize from the start.”

I chuckled. “Yeah, guess that’s still me. I like a good challenge, but I also value balance. I work hard, but I make time for myself too—hiking, reading, just slowing down when I need to.”

“Sounds like you’ve got the best of both worlds,” Zach said with a soft chuckle. “Nice job, stable life, and a little bit of travel now and then to keep things interesting.”

“Exactly.” I smiled, feeling a warmth not just from the coffee but from the familiarity of talking to an old friend again. It had been so long, yet it felt like no time had passed at all.

I glanced at my watch, realizing time had slipped away faster than I thought. “Hey, listen, I need to get back to the office. Still got a few hours to go.”

Zach nodded, his smile fading slightly, but he kept the lightness in his eyes. “No worries. It’s been great catching up, though.”

“For sure.” I stood, slipping on my jacket. “I’ll stop by tomorrow, maybe we can catch up again? I’ve got four more days here before I head home.”

Zach grinned. “Sounds good to me.”

I leaned in a little, lowering my voice with a playful smirk. “Besides, I think your boss wants you back behind the counter. He’s been eyeing us this whole time.”

Zach chuckled, glancing over his shoulder. “Yeah, he probably does. But hey, worth it.”

“Definitely worth it.” I gave him a nod before heading out the door, already looking forward to tomorrow.

Part 2 - Reminiscing

The next day, as promised, I showed up at the cafe a little later, making sure not to catch Zach at a busy time. When he saw me walk in, he immediately signaled to a colleague to take over the counter and started making a couple of drinks.

I stepped up to place my order, but Zach waved it off, flashing a grin. “It’s on me, Rob. My treat. And I’m grabbing a couple of cookies—they’re absolutely amazing!”

“You don’t have to, Zach. Let me get it this time. Next time’s on you.”

“Nope—it’s done and done.” He handed off the drinks to another barista. “It’s quiet right now, so grab a table. I’ll be right there.”

I took the same spot by the window where we sat yesterday. The afternoon sun streamed in, casting a warm glow across the table. Within a few minutes, Zach came over with two steaming cups and then hurried back to the counter, returning with a plate of cookies.

“Got you something different today,” he said, setting a cup in front of me. “Chrysanthemum tea. It’s really good—I think you’ll like it.”

“Tea? Fancy,” I teased, taking a sip. The floral taste was light and comforting. “Not bad. What happened to the crappy corner store coffee we used to drink?”

Zach laughed, settling in. “Yeah, we didn’t know any better back then, did we? Cheap coffee, cheap fun. Especially in high school.”

“High school.” I shook my head, staring down into my cup. “Those were some crazy times.”

Zach nodded, his smile fading a little. “Yeah, it was... it had its ups and downs.”

I hesitated, feeling a pang of guilt bubbling up as memories resurfaced. I hadn’t really thought about it in years, but now, sitting across from Zach, I remembered all too well how things had played out back then. Zach had been quiet about coming out—only a few people knew—but rumors had spread, and some of us… I’d been part of it, indirectly at least. I hadn’t stepped in when others made comments. Sometimes I’d even laughed along, not really thinking about the damage it caused. And now, looking at him, I felt a sharp regret for not being better.

“You know,” I started, unsure of how to phrase it, “I’ve been thinking about high school a lot since we talked yesterday. I didn’t know you had it so rough back then. I mean, I saw some of it… I guess I didn’t want to believe it was that bad.”

Zach shrugged, picking at the edge of the cookie. “I didn’t really advertise it. I kept to myself. But when people found out, it got ugly fast. I dropped out of sports because no one wanted to play with me anymore.”

I winced. “Yeah, I remember hearing about that. I should’ve said something, done something. I wasn’t part of the bullying directly, but I didn’t help, either. I just… let it happen.”

Zach looked up, his expression softening. “You were part of a different crowd, Rob. I get it. We weren’t that close back then.”

“Still, I feel like I failed you. I remember the guys, my friends, making jokes. I didn’t stop them.”

Zach held my gaze for a moment before giving a small, understanding nod. “It’s in the past. And besides, it wasn’t all bad. I still had some fun.”

“Yeah? Like sneaking into Playland?”

Zach’s face brightened with a grin. “Oh man, that was epic.”

I laughed, the memory coming back in full color. “I can’t believe we actually pulled that off. Two different groups, and somehow, we all met up at the gates. You, me, and everyone else, sneaking in without paying. I remember I nearly got caught climbing over the fence.”

“You were lucky,” Zach said, chuckling. “I still don’t know how you managed to clear it with all those people watching.”

“I didn’t,” I replied with a smirk. “The security guard totally saw me, but I gave him some story about needing to find my friends. He just rolled his eyes and let me through.”

Zach shook his head, laughing. “Classic. And we spent the whole day riding roller coasters and getting into trouble.”

“That was one of the best nights,” I admitted. “We might’ve been in different cliques, but we had moments like that. Those were the times I wished we’d hung out more.”

Zach’s smile softened, a mix of nostalgia and something deeper behind his eyes. “Yeah, I do too. But hey, we’re here now, right? Better late than never.”

I nodded, taking another sip of tea, the warmth spreading through me. It felt good to laugh about the past, but that lingering guilt still gnawed at the back of my mind. High school had been fun in a lot of ways, but I couldn’t help wondering how different it could’ve been for Zach if more of us had stood by him.

I paused, my thoughts drifting back to high school. The truth was, I’d always noticed Zach, maybe more than I let on. He wasn’t just another face in the crowd to me, even though I pretended like he was. I admired him—his confidence, his self-assuredness, even after people found out about him being gay. There was something about him that drew my attention, though I didn’t have the courage to admit it back then.

I was scared. Scared of what it would mean to show any interest, scared that I’d end up getting bullied too. I laughed at the jokes with my friends, not because I thought they were funny, but because it was easier than confronting my own feelings. If I joined in, I wouldn’t be seen as different. I wouldn’t be at risk. But now, sitting across from him, I realized how much I regretted that. I wasn’t brave enough then, and I missed the chance to be closer to him, to really understand him.

“So, high school is all done,” I said, shifting the conversation. “University—those were good times. I enjoyed it a lot. Loved my Comp Sci classes, but I’m sure yours were more interesting. How did university go for you? I’m guessing as an ‘adult,’ people were a lot more accepting?”

Zach nodded. “Yeah, a lot more accepting. I joined the LGBTQ on-campus society, and we organized a ton of events. There were still subtle signs of pushback—our posters getting torn down, hearing the occasional slur—but nobody dared do anything more. The stakes were higher. Everyone knew if you got caught doing something like that, it was usually expulsion. Most people just kept their heads down, focused on their own paths.”

I leaned forward, sipping my tea. “I’m glad things were better for you, but that must’ve still been tough. What did you get up to aside from all that? How did university treat you?”

Zach shrugged, though his expression softened at the memory. “I got into my studies, but I also made some good friends. We had a tight-knit group. The LGBTQ society was a big part of it. We’d throw events, host discussions, and support each other. It was definitely better than high school, but you never forget that there are always going to be people out there who aren’t okay with who you are.”

I nodded, understanding the weight behind his words. “What about classes? What were you studying?”

“Psychology, but with a focus on kinesiology. Thought I’d go into physio, and I did for a while, like I told you. But, well... you know how that went.” He gave a half-smile, his eyes flicking to his cup.

“And you? How was your experience?” he asked, shifting the focus back to me.

“Me?” I chuckled. “I guess it went pretty well, all things considered. University was an upgrade from high school, for sure. Classes were tough but good—Comp Sci definitely kept me busy. But aside from that, I had a good group of friends, made some connections. You know how it is, you figure things out as you go. Nothing like what you went through, though.”

Zach leaned back in his chair, a faint smile on his face, though there was a touch of weariness behind it. “Nope, on that level you’re lucky. Not having to deal with mixed feelings growing up, wondering if your friends or family will accept you. No worries about how others will see you. Between you and me, the straight crowd has it a lot easier. I mean, only about 2% or 3% of the population is gay—you know how difficult it is to find someone in that pool of available men?”

He paused, realizing the weight of his words. “Oh, sorry. I hope I’m not making you uncomfortable.”

“No, not at all, Zach,” I said quickly, shaking my head. But inside, my mind was spinning.

How do I tell Zach? The truth is, I’m gay too—but I’ve never told anyone. Not my family, not my friends. No one knows. And now, hearing Zach talk about all the things he went through, I don’t know if I should say anything at all. I don’t want him to think I’m trying to take advantage of this moment, especially when he’s still grieving the loss of his partner. He’s had enough on his plate already. What if I just make things worse? What if it adds confusion when he’s trying to heal?

I forced a laugh, trying to push the thoughts aside. “Yeah, there might be a lot of fish in the ocean, but it’s just as hard to land the right one, which is why I’m still single.”

Zach smiled at that, taking a sip of his tea. “It’s not easy, no matter who you are.”

“My parents keep pushing me, you know?” I continued, leaning into the casual tone to mask the turmoil inside. “They want me to settle down, find someone, start the whole family thing. But right now, I’m happy where I am. I get to travel, do my own thing, and not have to worry about anyone or anything.”

“Maybe you’ll settle down someday,” Zach offered, his tone light.

“Maybe,” I replied, but the weight of unspoken words hung between us.

“Hey, Zach, I should go,” Robert said, checking his watch. “I only get an hour for lunch, and I’m cutting it pretty close. I still have to Uber back to the office.”

Zach nodded, smiling. “Meet tomorrow? Same place?”

“Yeah, sure,” Robert replied.

“Sounds like we’re going on a date!” Zach teased, his usual lightheartedness masking the swirl of emotions he couldn’t quite shake.

As soon as the words left his mouth, Zach noticed something: Robert blushed. Just for a second, but it was there. That surprised him. He felt his heart skip a beat as questions began tumbling through his mind. Wait—what was that blush all about? Was Robert... embarrassed? Or was there something more? No, it couldn’t be. Rob wasn’t gay. Zach had known him for years; they’d been in high school and university together. Rob had never shown any signs, never hinted at anything like that.

But then again... something about this conversation had felt different. His instincts—his "gaydar," as they called it—had been picking up strange signals all day. Robert had been comfortable, maybe too comfortable, and that blush… it hadn’t gone unnoticed. Should he ask? Should he say something? Maybe he was reading too much into it.

“Yeah, of course!” Robert’s voice broke through Zach’s thoughts. “Hey, would you mind if we swapped phone numbers? I’m hoping we can stay in touch.”

Zach smiled, pushing the confusion aside. “Sure. What’s your number?”

As he took Robert’s number, sending a quick text so they’d be connected, Zach couldn’t help but feel a bit torn. On the one hand, it was great reconnecting with an old friend, especially someone as easy to talk to as Robert. But on the other hand, there was this unfamiliar tug in his chest, something he wasn’t quite ready to face. Was he just craving a connection because he hadn’t fully dealt with his partner’s death? Was it loneliness playing tricks on him, or was there something more going on between him and Robert?

Zach stood, following Robert’s lead. Before he could say anything, Robert pulled him into a hug—quick, but firm. Zach was surprised by how natural it felt, how much he needed that simple touch. As Robert stepped away and headed for the door, Zach found himself watching him leave, his mind still churning with questions he wasn’t sure he was ready to ask.

Should he bring it up tomorrow? Or was this all in his head? Maybe Robert was just being a good friend. But that blush... it had stirred something in Zach that he couldn’t ignore. He wasn’t sure what to do about it, but for the first time in a long while, he felt something different, something that wasn’t grief.

Maybe that was a sign. Maybe it wasn’t. Either way, tomorrow couldn’t come soon enough.

Part 3 - Life's Missed Opportunities

The next day, Robert showed up like clockwork. I had the coffee ready and even grabbed some sandwiches from the shop next door. I hoped he hadn’t eaten yet—I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable by ordering lunch for us. As soon as I saw him step out of the Uber, I waved him over to our usual table.

“Zach! Hey, what’s all this?”

“Oh, nothing,” I said, waving it off. “You mentioned lunch yesterday, so I thought a good friend would make sure his buddy actually eats instead of chatting the afternoon away. Hope you like it—it’s from a vegan place nearby.”

Robert smiled. “Zach, I can see why your partner adored you. I’ve never met anyone so thoughtful. Thank you. But, man, you’re running the tab up pretty high!”

“It’s nothing. Maybe we could go to the vegan restaurant for dinner. You pay,” I said with a smirk.

“Sure, I’d like that,” Robert said, laughing.

We settled in, unwrapping the sandwiches, and Zach took a bite before speaking. “So, tell me more about your life out in Toronto. You said you’re single, family pushing you, but you’re an attractive guy. I remember in high school you had girls falling all over you. I’m surprised you didn’t find your high school sweetheart and settle down.”

Robert shrugged. “Lots of girls, but not the right one—know what I mean? It looked like what you and your partner had was good. I’d like that for myself, but nobody feels quite right. Maybe I’m being too picky, but the nightclub scene never really interested me much, so it’s limited my chances. Besides, I’m in my thirties now. I’m not hitting up nightclubs anytime soon.”

We both laughed.

“But what about you?” Robert asked. “You came out in high school. There must have been boyfriends along the way?”

I felt a little flustered, unsure of how much to say. Normally, I was confident, able to express myself without hesitation. But around Zach, I felt nervous, like I didn’t want to say the wrong thing or make things awkward. “Yeah, there were a few boyfriends. I had fun, but they were more one-night stands. I guess I never found the perfect guy for me in high-school. Maybe I was too picky, like you. But in my case, nobody was pushing me to get married and settle down—not like I was going to give my parents any grandkids!” I laughed, but there was an edge of sadness in my voice.

“Well, Zach, you know there’s always adoption or surrogacy,” Robert said gently.

“Yeah, I suppose. You know, my partner and I never got to finish that conversation.” I could feel the familiar ache in my chest when I mentioned Sheldon. The loss was always there, lingering just beneath the surface.

Robert noticed. “Zach, I’m sorry—I didn’t mean to...”

“No, I’m sorry,” I interrupted, shaking my head. “I should try and leave the past behind, but it’s hard, you know?”

“Yeah, I know what you mean. You never mentioned his name. Can I ask?”

“His name was Sheldon. He was an amazing guy.”

“I’m sure he was,” Robert said softly. “You both were lucky to find each other, and I’m certain you’ll find someone else when you’re ready to.”

Robert reached across the table, gently squeezing my hand. The warmth of his touch sent tingles up my spine. My breath hitched, but before I could process it, Robert pulled his hand back quickly, as if realizing what he’d done.

I tried to focus on the conversation, but his touch lingered in my mind. I shouldn’t feel this way. I couldn’t. He’s straight—he’s made that clear. But I couldn’t ignore the feeling stirring inside me. Was it because I hadn’t fully recovered from losing Sheldon? Was I just craving connection?

Robert cleared his throat, shifting the conversation. “But yeah, there were a lot of missed opportunities in high school. We were young. It was a time for us to understand ourselves. Sometimes I regret not acting on things, but you never know what would have happened.”

“Yeah, I get that,” I said, trying to focus. “There were a lot of guys I liked, but I kept it to myself. Fear of rejection, fear of getting bullied... fear of getting the crap beaten out of me. So I just... watched from afar.”

Zach hesitated for a second, then spoke. “Can I tell you something, Rob? I don’t want to make this weird or uncomfortable, but I think I need to say it.”

He called me Rob. Since we met, he’s always called me Robert. Why the sudden change?

I looked at him, feeling a knot of tension form in my chest. “Not at all, Zach. We’re adults now. We’ve got more control over our feelings and ourselves. What’s on your mind?”

“That day at Playland, when you climbed over the fence...” He paused, then gave a half-laugh. “I couldn’t help but stare at you. I’m making this weird, aren’t I? I’m sorry. Bad habit of speaking my mind. But I had a huge crush on you back then. Of course, I knew you were straight, so I never said anything. This is the first time I’ve mentioned it.”

I was stunned. Zach had a crush on me? My mind raced. How could I tell him I had felt the same way?

Zach rubbed the back of his neck, his nervousness clear. “Hey, I’m sorry for making this uncomfortable. If you want to leave, I won’t blame you. It’s just, since Sheldon passed, I haven’t been able to talk like this with anyone. He and I used to sit and chat for hours—about everything, even the dumb stuff. Sometimes we’d talk about how the grass grows, like two old men on a porch. I miss him. A lot.”

I reached across the table again, giving Zach’s hand a gentle squeeze. Perhaps it stayed there longer than it should have. The spark was undeniable, but I had to remind myself that Zach thought I was straight. How could I explain what I was feeling? How could I fall for someone who wasn’t ready, who was still healing? How could I tell him that I was gay?

“No, Zach, I get it. You’ve been through a lot. And like I said, we’re adults now. If we’re not confident about who we are by now, we never will be.”

The truth was, I was falling for Zach. All over again. And I didn’t know how this would end.

Zach, visibly relieved, changed the subject. “Rob, you mentioned you like to travel. Where have you gone?”

Robert pulls his hands away, and continues eating his lunch.

I smiled, grateful for the shift. “I’ve been to Hong Kong a couple of times, and I went to Australia last year. Both trips were amazing. The culture, the food, the people... everything.”

After I finished, Zach told me about a trip he and Sheldon had taken to Brazil. He spoke fondly of their frequent camping trips, too. “Sheldon wasn’t big on overseas trips, but he loved camping. We’d go out whenever we could, usually to spots around BC. We both loved the outdoors—sometimes we’d go on week-long hikes, just the two of us.”

After I finished talking about my trips to Hong Kong and Australia, Zach smiled, leaning back in his chair. “Sheldon and I took a trip to Brazil once, but he wasn’t too keen on overseas travel. What we really loved were our camping trips. BC has so many beautiful spots, and we’d go out whenever we could.”

He paused, his gaze drifting slightly as a memory surfaced. “One of my favorite trips was when we drove to Banff. We stayed at this little campground—it was gorgeous. Tall pines, mountains in the distance, and the air was so crisp and clean. We spent our days hiking, just the two of us, exploring the wilderness. Sheldon loved the outdoors.”

Zach chuckled, a warmth in his eyes as he continued. “But there was this one night, we were in our tent, getting ready to sleep, and we heard this rustling outside. At first, we thought it was just the wind, but then it got louder. Sheldon unzipped the tent just a bit to peek out, and there was a moose. A huge one, just a few feet away, sniffing around.”

I laughed. “No way. What did you do?”

“We froze,” Zach said, laughing too. “We didn’t want to startle it. Sheldon was whispering, ‘Don’t move, don’t move,’ like I was planning on running out or something. We just stayed still, watching this massive animal walk right past our tent. It was incredible, but also terrifying. After it left, we couldn’t stop laughing, like two kids who’d just survived a haunted house or something. Every time we told the story, Sheldon would exaggerate how close it was, saying the moose practically brushed up against the tent.”

I smiled, imagining the scene. “Sounds like an adventure.”

“It was,” Zach said softly, his smile fading slightly as the weight of the memory settled in. “We had a lot of great adventures.”

Zach leaned forward, still smiling from the memory of the moose encounter. “But tell me more about Australia. Did you go with anyone? Would you go back there? What did you do? What made you want to see it?”

I took a moment to collect my thoughts, remembering the trip. “No, I went solo,” I said. “It was kind of a spur-of-the-moment decision. I’d always wanted to see Australia—something about it just called to me. The mix of cities and wilderness, the Great Barrier Reef, the unique wildlife. It felt like a once-in-a-lifetime kind of trip.”

“Would you go back?” Zach asked, his curiosity genuine.

“Definitely. There’s so much to see, and I barely scratched the surface,” I said. “I spent a few days in Sydney—saw the Opera House, did the whole tourist thing. But what really blew me away was the Great Barrier Reef. I went snorkeling, and it was like being in another world. The colors, the marine life—it’s hard to describe. Just this immense beauty all around you.”

“That sounds amazing,” Zach said, his eyes bright with interest. “What else did you do?”

“I visited the Outback too,” I continued, smiling at the memory. “It’s so vast and empty, but there’s something peaceful about it. I did a guided tour, learned a lot about the Aboriginal culture. It’s humbling, being in a place that’s so ancient. And then, of course, there were the kangaroos and koalas. I mean, you can’t go to Australia and not see them, right?”

Zach chuckled. “Yeah, that’s a must. What did you love about it most?”

I paused, thinking about the question. “I think what I loved most was the sense of freedom. I’d been working so much, so being in a place so far away from everything, it gave me space to breathe, to think. I could just be in the moment, you know? It felt like I could let go of everything and just experience life.”

Zach nodded, his gaze thoughtful. “Sounds like it was more than just a trip.”

“Yeah,” I agreed, my voice softening. “It was.”

Before either of us realized it, we had spent more than an hour talking and reminiscing. Time had slipped away, and suddenly it hit me—I was late getting back to the office.

“Oh shit,” I muttered, checking my phone. “I’m late getting back to the office.”

I glanced down at the screen and saw several missed calls. “I’m in trouble,” I groaned. “A few missed calls from our project manager.”

Zach raised an eyebrow, grinning slightly. “Guess we got carried away.”

“Yeah, a little bit.” I stood up, stuffing my phone back into my pocket. “Hey, I’ll give you a call a little later, okay? Maybe we can go for that dinner tonight. Either way, lunch again tomorrow? But this time, I’m buying. You’re embarrassing me with all these free meals.”

Zach laughed. “Alright, alright. But dinner tonight sounds good. Call me later.”

I gave him a quick nod before rushing out the door, already mentally preparing for the flak I’d get at the office. But I couldn’t help smiling as I hurried to catch an Uber. Somehow, being with Zach had a way of making me forget the rest of the world.

As I watched Robert rush out the door, I leaned back in my chair, my thoughts racing. I was having such a great time talking to him. Rob... how did I switch so easily from Robert to Rob? It felt natural, like we’d always known each other this way. He was such an easy person to talk to, but… the touch. Twice this time. His hand on mine, that light squeeze—it wasn’t the first time, but now it felt different.

If I wasn’t confused last time, I was really confused now.

I couldn’t figure him out. He’d talked about missed opportunities in high school, and part of me couldn’t help but wonder what he was really getting at. Was he talking about me? Or was it just general regret? I wasn’t sure, but the way he touched me, the way he looked at me… it made me question everything.

He said he’d call me for dinner tonight. Maybe I’ll ask him then. I needed to know where he stood, what he meant by all of this. Was it just friendly, or was there something more?

Part 4 - Confessions

Rob never called. Must’ve gotten busy with work, or maybe I made things weird when I told him I had a crush on him in high school. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d crossed a line, even though he hadn’t said anything at the time. No matter—maybe he’ll still show up for lunch. I hope he does.

The day dragged on, and still no calls or texts from Rob. By mid-afternoon, I couldn’t help feeling a little disappointed. I’d hoped to see him one last time before he left, but now it seemed like I had scared him off. I couldn’t blame him. If I were in his shoes, I’d probably duck out too.

It was around 3:30 p.m. when my phone finally rang. I glanced at the screen and saw Rob’s name. My heart sank a little—I was expecting the worst, but at least he was calling instead of ghosting me completely.

“Hey Zach,” Rob’s voice came through the line. “Man, I’m so sorry about dinner last night and lunch today. We got called into a late meeting, and I didn’t get back to the hotel until after midnight. We were back at it this morning.”

“Oh, hey Rob,” I said, trying to keep my tone light. “No worries. You’re here on a business trip—it’s totally understandable.”

“You’re not mad?”

“No, why would I be?” I tried to laugh it off. “Now, if you were my boyfriend and ghosted me, I’d give you an earful—but you’re not, so don’t worry.”

As soon as the words left my mouth, I winced. There I went again, making it weird. But instead of awkward silence, Rob surprised me.

“If I were your boyfriend,” he said with a hint of a smile in his voice, “I’d probably make it up to you with dinner tonight. Maybe drinks afterward, too.”

My heart started thumping louder, and for a moment, all I could hear was the pounding in my chest. What should I say? Was he serious? Or just joking around?

“Zach, you there?” Rob’s voice broke through the haze of my thoughts. “I’ll stop by your coffee shop around closing. We’ll grab some cocktails and go for dinner at that vegan restaurant you mentioned. Will that work? Or do you have other plans?”

Every part of me wanted to say no, to keep things simple, but I couldn’t bring myself to turn him down. “No, that sounds great,” I replied, trying to steady my voice. “I’ll be waiting for you. See you around closing time.”

As I hung up the phone, I couldn’t help but wonder what this dinner was really about. Was it just a way for Rob to make up for missing lunch, or was there something more behind his words?

Right around closing time, the Uber pulled up, and I watched as Rob stepped out. I locked up the coffee shop and headed out to meet him.

“Hey Rob—glad you were able to make it. I was worried work might’ve gotten busy...” I winced internally. Why do I always have to make things weird? He already apologized, told me why he couldn’t make it. Damn it, Zach.

Rob smiled, shrugging it off. “Hey Zach—I wouldn’t miss this at all. I’m really sorry about yesterday. I should’ve at least texted. Totally my fault.”

We both got into the Uber, directing the driver to the restaurant, which was only a short drive away. When we arrived, there was a short wait for a table, so we waited outside, chatting a little more.

“So, you leave tomorrow?” I asked.

“Yup. Kinda happy to be going home. It’s been a long week, but I’m really glad I came to the coffee shop,” Rob said, glancing over at me. “I’ve really enjoyed catching up with you.”

“Yeah, it’s been nice talking to someone who remembers high school,” I said, smiling. “Especially someone who remembers what it was really like. Most people I went to school with either don’t remember much or only the good things. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but... it wasn’t all good, right?”

Rob nodded. “Nope, you’re right... Oh, hey, looks like our table’s ready.”

The wait hadn’t been long, and soon enough, we were seated inside. We started with cocktails, the conversation flowing easily. By the time the server came to take our order, we’d finished our drinks.

“Hey Zach, you’ve been here before—why don’t you order for both of us?” Rob said.

I raised an eyebrow. “You trust me to order food for you?”

“Sure. What’s the worst that could happen?” he joked.

I laughed and placed the order, making sure to choose dishes and drinks that complemented each other. Once the server left, Rob leaned back in his chair.

“So, I’m heading back tomorrow afternoon,” he said, glancing at me.

“Yeah, it was nice catching up,” I replied. “You’ve got my number now—stay in touch. Next time you’re in town, we should get together again.”

As Rob spoke, my mind started to race. I’d been thinking about this moment all night. I wanted to tell Zach the truth. To tell him that I’m gay, that I had a crush on him back in high school too. But should I? Was it selfish? He’d shared so much with me, opened up about his partner, his struggles, and I’d just listened. Would it be fair to him if I dropped this on him now? Or would I be complicating things?

I felt like I was back in high school, standing on the edge of something I couldn’t quite define. Was this going to be another missed opportunity? Or was I finally going to take the chance I’d always been too scared to take?

Dinner was amazing. Zach picked the perfect food and drinks, but it wasn’t just the meal—it was the company that made it unforgettable. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. His stunning features, those piercing blue eyes, the ease with which he spoke, his confidence, his charisma—it all pulled me in. I felt like I was back in high school, swooning all over again.

It was then I decided. I had to say something. If I didn’t, I would never forgive myself.

“Zach, can I tell you something?” I asked, my voice feeling heavier than usual.

“Yeah, of course, Rob. What’s on your mind?”

I took a breath. “Zach, I... I don’t know how to say this. This is the first time I’ve put myself out there. You’re the first person I’ve told.”

Rob’s serious tone made Zach sit up a little straighter. “This sounds serious. What is it?”

“I’m gay. I always have been.”

The moment the words left my mouth, I felt an enormous weight lift off my shoulders. For the first time, I felt free. It was as if nothing could hold me back, like I could finally fly. But then, as I looked at Zach’s face, the reality of the moment hit me, pulling me back to the ground.

“Zach, did you hear me?” I asked, my voice quieter now.

“Yes,” he replied softly. “I did. I... I don’t know what to say.”

I shifted in my seat, feeling the nerves tighten in my chest. “Listen, Zach. Now it’s my turn to make things weird. I’m sure the last thing you expected was for me to come out to you…”

Before I could finish, Zach cut me off. “So that means, in high school... you had a crush on me? And at Playland, I noticed you gave me a lot of attention.”

I nodded. “Yes, on both counts.”

Zach tilted his head, his brow furrowing slightly. “Why now?”

“Because I had to,” I said, the words coming out in a rush. “I’ve been keeping this secret for a long time. Oh, I admitted it to myself, but I kept it from everyone else. You’re the first person I’ve told. After we talked a few days ago about missed opportunities, I spent a lot of time thinking. I played out so many scenarios in my head. What if we’d gotten together in high school? What if we’d lasted? What if it was you and me... instead of you and Sheldon?”

As soon as I said it, I regretted it. I hung my head, ashamed of the words. How could I say something so stupid? So inconsiderate? But before I could spiral any further, Zach reached across the table and took my hand, holding it firmly. I looked up at him and saw the warmth of a smile on his face.

“Rob, don’t be embarrassed about what you said,” Zach said softly. “Honestly, I’ve been thinking the same thing. Don’t get me wrong—I’m glad I had Sheldon in my life. He was an amazing man, and I’ve been holding onto that memory for a very, very long time. But when you came into the coffee shop that day, I recognized you immediately. I played dumb because... well, how could I face my high school crush?”

I stared at him, stunned. Zach continued, his voice growing a little softer. “But when we started talking, I realized we’d both changed so much. And it was so easy, talking to you. It felt like I was sixteen again, being able to speak with you, to be vulnerable, and... you listened. You really listened.”

Zach’s grip on my hand tightened slightly. “Rob, where do we go from here? Is there a ‘we’? Or is this just wishful thinking?”

My mind was racing. What should I say? What should I do? I was falling for Zach all over again. But as much as I wanted there to be an ‘us,’ I couldn’t ignore the nagging fear. I couldn’t go through the confusion of high school all over again.

“I... I don’t know, Zach,” I said, my voice shaky. “All I know is that I can’t let another missed opportunity consume me. I was scared once. I don’t want to be scared anymore. I don’t want to think about the ‘what if’s’ anymore.”

I glanced down, taking a deep breath before continuing. “I don’t know what the future holds for us. I don’t know if this is even the right time to say anything. I don’t know if you’re ready to see someone else. I don’t even know how a long-distance relationship works. But I do know that I want to try.”

I looked up at him, my heart pounding. “Zach, I’m sorry. I’m so confused right now. Maybe I should have just kept my mouth shut. I’m making an already complex situation even more complicated. My PM always tells me to ‘keep it simple, stupid,’ and here I am making it more difficult.”

Zach’s eyes softened. “Rob, I don’t have the answers either. I’ve always followed my heart... Well, in most cases I have. I think I’m ready to try, to see where this goes. To see where we go. But... this isn’t the right place to have this conversation.”

I nodded, understanding what he meant. I called the server over and paid the bill. I had already called the Uber, and as we sat there, waiting, we just looked at each other—no words needed for now.

Within a few minutes, the car arrived, and Zach and I slipped into the backseat. We were both quiet, the weight of what we’d shared hanging in the air. But there was no rush. We’d continue this conversation in private, back at his place, where we could finally be open, with no more missed opportunities between us.

As we rode in the Uber, I stared out the window, my thoughts drifting. Rob was sitting next to me, and yet I couldn’t help thinking about Sheldon. What would he say if he could see me now? Moving on, trying to find something new? It felt wrong, but at the same time, it felt necessary. I’d held onto his memory for so long, and I loved him deeply, but part of me knew he’d want me to find happiness again.

And maybe Rob was the chance to do that.