Poetry From The Heart - 1. My Life, it's not the same as most

My life, it's not the same as most
not one about I wish to brag or boast
just going on day by day
wondering every moment should I go or stay

Love for me I'm never finding
To a lover I wish to be ever binding
with a sad head hung low
I carry on my emotions I do not show

living a lie, a sham, a masquerade
never knowing what will happen today
will I live? will I die?
will someone discover my horrible lie

doing my best to hide who I am
if I can go on do I think I can?
always scared, always in fear
no one to help wipe away my tears

it is easy I am always told
good things come to those who are bold
rash decisions ever damning
keeping me from the task uncanning

Could it really ever be?
could it be possible for me to be free?
dreams of happiness not far from reach
but would they put me out on the streets?

Dreams for me ever falling
coming clean I'm ever stalling
will I make it through I never know
will I rise above or end up below

being hurt time and time again
should I trust those who say they are my friends
broken heart, beaten down
I try and push myself from the ground

I stumble and fall over and over
I try to run but never find cover
I am at mercy to my own design
peace and help I may never find

am I a freak? am I weird?
for having love, for the way I feel
is it so wrong? is it so bad?
thinking of only the love I could have had

torn between freedom and love
I raise my hands to God above
looking hard for a vision
wondering how to make my decision

Do I run or stay and pray
what traps and pitfalls ahead do lay
what will each turn in life bring
will I ever sooth my hearts sting

my old life I wish to depart
start a new with love in my heart
with pleading eyes I beg
for God to help me get ahead

going through life forever wondering
my mind a whirl always pondering
could it be as unnoticeable as I hope
that my life is not the same as most.