Under the Guise - 4. Playing with Fire

“You’re still with that sleazebag?! Bro, I knew you had some masochistic tendencies, but this takes the cake!”

“Fuck you, PJ.”

“Don’t get upset with me! If I knew you were into married men, I’d introduce you to my dad’s friends!”

PJ was further adding to my humiliation by chucking it up in the study lab within the Sciences Department. We’re surrounded by students using microscopes, handling slides and Bunsen burners, and we’ve already been asked to keep it down twice. But alas, this goofball can’t shut the fuck up and be discreet for once.

“Look, if you keep making this into a joke, forget it. I don’t need you to make me feel worse.”

“But it’s funny!”

After he got a few more snickers out, in addition to the TA warning us to quit messing around before we were asked to leave, he moved closer and started tapping his pen on my notepad, looking me right in the eyes.

“Okay, okay,” he said, his voice lower. “So… what the hell does this guy have that keeps you answering his siren call? And please tell me it’s not because he’s got a big dick.” My eyes rolled hard. While doing so, I saw the two blonde chemists beside us staring. When PJ realized this, he lifted his eyebrows and gave them a smirk.

I groaned. “You’re just fucking around with me right?”

“Not like this married dude, am I right!?” He quit tapping the notepad, leaned and put his arms behind his back like he was some kind of don giving counsel. “Whatever man, I don’t see why you need advice for this. Just keep doing your thing and hope the Mrs. doesn’t find out.”

I nearly fell out of my chair.

“Wait, are you encouraging me to continue having an affair?” He shrugged. I looked at my notepad and noticed scrambled lines of black ink left by the pen he was stabbing it with. “That’s...not the advice I was expecting.”

“Were you hoping I’d tell you to stop? That this is all wrong and you should be thinking about their family? Look, you’re obviously coming to me out of guilt for the situation you’re in. But honestly, you’re a 19-year-old guy! This is the time for you to fuck up! Save the morals for your 30s.”

He took a swig of his water and turned back to the blonde chemists. I rubbed my back subconsciously, thinking about the way Lex took out those knots, kneading me like bread dough. PJ was right; it was easy to not accept accountability for matters like this when we have no partners or a family to be concerned about. What care do we have of these values when we’re years away from being married and having kids? I must’ve been making an interesting face as I pressed on the muscles on my neck thinking of Lex’s touch; I looked up and noticed PJ staring at me.

“You never answered my question. Why him?”

“Lex?”

“Uh, yeah! If all your time and energy is spent on going by his schedule, avoiding his wife, and taking the bus to some suburbia, what’s the appeal? You got plenty of dudes your age occupying the same campus, going to the same classes. And best of all, they’re SINGLE! Like that dude with the swaying bangs that Loren was talking about at the fair.”

“-A freshman?! That’d be wild.”

I looked over to the windows near the edge of the room and saw faux Justin Bieber. The last time I’d seen him was when he told us (me) about the LGBTQ social. I hadn’t known he wore reading glasses that gave him this dorky look, or that goofy way he stuck out his tongue when he seemed to be in deep thought. He looked so studious focusing on the desk in front of him. Was he working on some intense research project? Maybe formulating statistics for a homework assignment due this upcoming week? Upon closer inspection, he was just texting on his phone...

“Even better than what you’re doing now?”

“Yeah!” I sounded so sure of myself, and PJ appeared skeptical of my genuineness. “I mean, who wouldn’t want someone who’s mature, has their shit together, and is brutally honest enough to tell you about their situation from the start? Can’t say that about most of the guys here.”

“Right… A married man having an affair is definitely a prime example of stability and honesty.”

I frowned. I hated to admit it, but he had me there. “Fine, I’ll consider what you said. I have to admit, I didn’t really know what to expect confiding with you about something like this.”

“Oh sure, anytime man,” he said, waving his hand at me. “But I gotta ask though...How’s the wife look? Is she hot?”

______________

When I arrived at Lex’s late that afternoon, he didn’t meet me at the side door like he usually does. I was tired of the wait and thought to try the front. Fuck discretion. Ringing his front door, I observed the neighborhood around me with leaves caked on the sidewalks and lawns, trees growing increasingly bare. I pulled my beanie out of my bag to cover up, pondering why the weather around here can’t seem to stay consistent. Kids played in their front yards, starting up games of baseball and riding their bikes on the clear roads. No adult was in sight.

A good ten minutes after my arrival, Lex finally came to the door, but was pulling it closed behind him while looking at me awkwardly.

I said, “Hey uhh, something wrong?” PJ was right, this gets old.

“No no, not exactly,” he said, scratching the back of his head and looking away. “But she is coming home...soon.”

“Your wife? Soon as in the next five or so minutes?”

“Basically...”

I sucked my teeth, not even bothering to hide my irritation, pacing the sidewalk. Way to handle things, being asked to leave when he finally finds the time to open the door. Only so he can save face with his wife. “Really Lex? Come on, I came all this way and you couldn’t even give me a heads up?!”

“Hey, don’t worry. I was thinking we could - oh!” I looked at Lex staring behind me. I started to shiver, worried his wife might’ve made an appearance. When I looked behind, there was a woman walking towards us.

“Hello neighbor,” she greeted. “Is the wife away?”

So, this wasn’t his wife. She was a tall, wiry woman with red hair, a heavy sweater, and a wool scarf. Lex and I probably looked as if we would shit our pants right then and there.

“Hey Martha,” he said casually, walking up to her and pass me. “Yes, Ella is out at the moment, but she should be coming by soon.

“Great! I’ve been meaning to talk with her. And who is this handsome young man?” Her eyes turned to me, the same innocent expression painted on her face. Lex stood beside her with tightened fists and a furrowed brow. He looked truly terrified, staring boldly at me. It occurred to me that I could expose him right then and there, Lex would be a guilty man, and this woman would be privy to her friend’s cheating husband whose lover is some young-faced college boy.

Lex said, “He’s a...mentee.”

“Really? A mentee? Well, look at you! Taking in apprentices under your wing?”

“What can I say!” He came up to me laughing like a goof and planted his firm hands on my shoulders. I thought I was tense, but I felt like I could melt. “Could always use some extra hands. And he’s picking up what he needs to know pretty well.”

“Take that as a compliment, sweetheart,” she said, waving her hand playfully at me. “This man is hard to please!” Believe me, I know. I’ve seen his business practices. Can’t say the same about his libido…

“It was nice running into you, Martha. Gonna take this one to the office to work on some things.”

“Okay! Don’t want to hold you up!”

The woman was gone and I noticed Lex hadn’t removed his hands from my shoulder.

I said, “We’re not going to your office.”

He laughed. “Naw, something a little better.”

_____________________

To make this appear even more like an affair than it was before, Lex would take us to a hotel in downtown. He indicated to his wife that he might have a late night and she expressed no concern or suspicion, at least none that Lex could detect from the phone call. I felt the urge to bring up the subject of our arrangement until I looked into our room. A king-sized bed was in the middle with warm, cream-colored blankets and pillows nicely laid out. Generic paintings of nature hung on the walls. I took off my shoes and felt the warm, navy blue carpet. It had the usual, clean hotel smell, a nice change from the stench of gnarly college boys. I was moving towards the window, wanting to take in the downtown view from our twentieth-floor suite, but Lex beat me to it, closing the heavy, beige curtains that could be their own makeshift blanket.

“Well, what do you think?” he said.

“It’s nice. Looks expensive.”

“It’s not. Not for me anyway.” He came closer, his hands caressing my love handles as he pulled me in for a kiss. “Now, we don’t have to worry about getting caught.”

In a way, I was relieved. Being out of his house gave us complete privacy and took away the usual worries we endured. My body collapsed in his hands. He started kissing my neck, and I returned his kisses pecking his shoulders and chest, wrapping my hands on his sides. His nipples came up erect when I pinched them, and I continued planting kisses on his stomach and belly button. He moaned, rubbed my hair. Once my hands were on his thighs, and my knees and legs had dropped to the floor, I went down on him and he did a sharp inhale. He started pulling at my hair, even as I continued. I looked up to see his eyes closed and his left hand rubbing his pecs.

“Oh fuck, baby don’t stop.”

I had a mind to call him out for calling me his “baby,” but rather than feel I was taking someone’s place, I was excited by it. This evening I was the one he wanted to claim, and I felt satisfied and bold all at once. He stopped me and had his hand wrapped around my chin.

“Slap me,” I demanded. He grinned devilishly and lightly patted my cheek. “You can do better than that. Harder!” And he delivered, backhand and front. The slap stung and burned my cheeks. I laughed, feeling beside myself and thrilled by the pain and submission. He had me so high.

“You’re going to be a good boy tonight?”

I had no intention of being “good.” I lifted myself up, grabbed him and pushed him onto the bed. He let out a hearty laugh just before I gave him a kiss. I held his cock while I searched his bag that was close by. There, I found the handcuffs.

“What’re you doing with those,” he asked playfully.

I said, “Making use of them.” I grabbed one of his hands, handcuffed it, and pulled him to the headboard. I put the handcuff through one of the bars and grabbed his other hand to handcuff, leaving him trapped and helpless on the bed. He breathed hard with anticipation, looking at me with his mouth hanging open. I grabbed his cock to go down on him again, and he howled with pleasure.

With him still hard, I straddled him on the bed. The blankets felt like velvet on my calves and feet. With one hand on his chest, and the other holding his cock, I asked him, “Wanna fuck me?”

“I do, baby, I do. I have condoms and lube in the bag.”

“I already have the lube.”

I was about to have him enter inside me before he asked, “Are you sure? No condom?” I just smiled; It didn’t matter to me. He lied for me, did all this just to have me alone. Of course I was sure, I was damn sure! And once he was all the way in, with my hands holding onto his belly, I told him he was mine, only mine, and I knew I could trust him.

____________________

I bit my lips, giggling as I skipped through campus. What a rush! We slept in each other’s arms for a time before Lex told me he had to return home. For the first time, I thought I missed him and felt a tinge of sadness having to leave the hotel. As he drove to campus, we didn’t stop holding each other’s hands.

The air was a stiff cold. I’d hope my roommate kept the place warm while I was gone. It was probably nearing midnight or one in the morning. I was approaching the door entrance, seeing plumes of smoke in the air from whoever was having their late-night cig. But as I got closer, the figure began to look familiar. Loren was in the middle of taking her drag when she noticed me cutting through the parking lot. She had a twisted expression on her face.

“Where were you,” she asked. Her tone wasn’t accusatory, but she seemed genuinely curious.

I laughed. “Wouldn’t you like to know.” She took a drag off her cig before peering at me closer. She put a hand to her mouth.

“Nice try, I see the hickey!” I touched my neck. Aww dammit, I told Lex not to bite my neck so hard. Let’s just say we had an extended goodbye in his car in the parking lot.

“You got me.”

She looked giddy and ready to pump me for all the information she can get. “Who was it?”

“Who do you think!?”

“I don’t know! The only one I know is…” She trailed off, and the smile she had on her face morphed into something ugly, not based on appearance, but a feeling she couldn’t hide. Disgust? “You’re still seeing him?” I shrugged, let out a nervous laugh. But Loren’s face was stiff as a board.

“I thought you stopped. You went back?”

“I mean, yeah. For a while now.”

“And you’re okay with this?”

“Yeah! You saw the hickey didn’t you?”

Loren was so stunned, she had forgotten about her cig still burning between her fingers. She smashed it into the cigarette can. I can honestly say I’d never seen her abandon a smoke midway through.

“He’s married!”

“So what? I don’t care about that anymore!”

“I don’t think it matters whether you care or not. You’re sleeping with a man who has a wife, maybe children.”

“Loren, I know all of this already. Maybe you need to quit being in my business and telling me what I should and shouldn’t do. You sound like a fag hag on repeat.”

Loren opened her mouth, but didn’t snap back at me. She looked me up and down briefly. I realized too late that I called her a fag, but I wasn’t about to bother taking it back. Her face relaxed, like she had no more energy or fight in her.

“Fine. You won’t have to hear from me about it anymore.”

“Good!”

I walked passed her and headed inside, not even looking back. Who does she think she is, chastising me like she didn’t have her own sins to answer for? I knew what I was doing, and I wasn’t about to throw Lex to the curb so easily. My skin was boiling, I no longer noticed the biting cold.