Remembering Tim - 12. Chapter 12 - Tim and the Corsair

Tim came for breakfast Monday morning before school. He looked like someone who knew a secret and was busting a gut to keep from telling everyone he met. Mother was still subdued and standoffish to me. I must have scared the shit out of her. I wasn’t in the mood for school, but went through the motions, anyway. At least I didn’t have to go out to Doctor Randall’s happy farm for my stunt on Jerry’s balcony.

Tim didn’t talk all the way to school. Not a word. I hadn’t seen him since Saturday morning when he came over for breakfast, so I didn’t know what was going on. I looked at him when he pulled into the circle drive in front of the main entrance.

“What’s this?” I asked.

“I’m not going in today,” he said. He didn’t turn to face me. “I’m getting on an airplane this afternoon. I’m going to LA to make some movies.”

“Movies? When did this come about?”

“Saturday at the football game. That’s why I was there, for an audition.”

“How do you audition at a football game? What is this, Tim?”

Holding up the paper bag that had been sitting between us, Tim said, “This is the model of Uncle Jerry’s Corsair. I know you like it, so I’m giving it to you. I want you to keep it.”

“Tim, what’s going on?” I asked. He sounded as if he was going to cry when I took the bag from him. It was taped shut and I didn’t make a move to open it. I didn’t want the Corsair to be in the bag.

“Look, my parents sell sex stuff, wholesale. They import it from overseas, books, magazines, sex aids, movies, and some other stuff, stuff that isn’t exactly legal. I never wanted to get in the business. I don’t want anything to do with that shit. I don’t want to sell sex. Well, my father decided I needed to do something in the business so he got me a couple movie deals. I’m quitting school and going to make some kiddie sex flicks.”

“What?”

“You know I look more like a twelve-year-old than a sixteen-year-old, well, I guess there’s a lot of money in movies that have kids in them? I’ll being doing it with a bunch of boys who are like me or younger. The guy said I might even do it with little kids. Little kids, Geoff, my dad sold me so I can have sex with little kids.”

“Isn’t that illegal?”

“Hell, half the stuff my parents sell is illegal somewhere. Why do you think we’re so rich? Fucking bastard basically sold me to this outfit that does movies. I guess my parents have some kind of debt that needs to be paid, or else. You know, or else, like somebody with a gun might come over to our house and not for a visit. So I cover the debt.”

“He can’t do that,” I said not believing a word Tim was telling me. It didn’t sound like the kind of thing a parent would do to their own offspring. Selling people had to be illegal.

“Geoff, get a life, this is the real world here. I don’t have a choice, okay? None. My father’s got me by the balls, so to speak, considering mine are so tiny, but anyway, I’m gone. The next couple weeks in California, then down to Florida, and then up to New York City to work in the tourist industry, if you know what I mean. It’s been nice knowing you.”

“What about becoming a Navy pilot? I thought you had your heart set on that. I thought you had plans.”

“Please, Geoff, don’t make this harder than it is. I’m gone. I’m already not here. Just forget me, okay? Just get the fuck out of my life. Go on, get out of my car. Leave me, damn it.”

“Call me, call collect, call me. If you need anything, call me I’ll get help.”

“There’s no help for me. Now, get the fuck away from me.”

He was crying. Tears were streaming down his face. Whatever his father was holding over him had to be something big because Tim hardly ever spoke to his father. I couldn’t think of anything good happening to Tim. I couldn’t think what to do. I had to call Jerry.

As soon as I got into the main building, I headed for the office all the time praying no one forgot their lunch and had to call their mommy. I tried Jerry’s home number, but there was no answer. I looked in the phone book for the Veterans Hospital. I dialed the number, the receptionist transferred me, a woman answered.

“Is Jerry Chambers there?” I asked.

“Doctor Chambers?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“He’s in a consultation now. May I take message?”

“I need to talk to him, it’s very important.”

“I’m sorry, he can’t be interrupted.”

“His nephew, Tim, is in trouble. I have to talk to, uh, Doctor Chambers.”

“One moment, but I can’t promise anything.”

“Who is this?” Jerry asked after a minute or so.

“This is Geoff. Did you know Tim is leaving today to make sex movies in California?”

“What?”

“Tim’s dad is making him go to California and Florida to make sex movies and something else in New York. You’ve got to help him. His dad is making him do this.”

“Shit! God damned bastard, sorry Geoff. Did Tim say when he is leaving?”

“He said he’s flying out this afternoon.”

“Probably a private plane. If they’re who I think, they won’t like the possibility of intervention. But, what airport? Not Sea-Tac, no not that, but maybe Boeing Field, no maybe Paine Field. Look, Geoff, I’ve got to go.”

“But, what about Tim?”

“Go to school. I’ll take care of this. Did he say how his father convinced him?”

“Something about being sold, some shit, something owing a big debt or something. I couldn’t understand.”

“Fuck! The damned bastard finally tried to play with the big boys. Well, I know some people who can stop this if we still have time. I’ve got to go. Don’t worry, Geoff. I’ll call you at home this afternoon. Oh, how’s the head?”

“Still a little sore. I miss you.”

“Go to school. I’ll be mad if you don’t. I’ll take care of this. Don’t worry, I’ll get Tim back.”

He hung up on me. I stood at the payphone watching the hall slowly fill up with students. Home period was a few minutes away. Another boring day at North Park High.

**********

Mother wasn’t at work, she was home. Doctor Randall was there, too. I looked at them sitting at the dinette when I came in, but I went straight up to my room. I wasn’t in the mood to talk to the man who was fucking my mother. I knew she wasn’t in the mood to talk to her already dead son.

My bedroom door was open. Familiar voices were talking inside. When I got to the door I saw Sam sitting on my bed. Peter and Johnny were sitting on the floor playing Chutes and Ladders with Sally, probably losing horribly, poor suckers.

“Am I missing out on something?” I asked. Sam was up and practically ran to me. Our lips met for a moment before I had to break away. Sally was in the room and I had to be careful of the paper bag holding the Corsair. I didn’t want to break it. It was all I had to remember Tim if Jerry didn’t get him off the plane. I still couldn’t figure out what was happening.

“What’s in the bag?” Sam asked.

“Something Tim gave me,” I said, putting the bag on my desk. I turned and Sam’s lips met mine, again. I practically had to force him away from me. The sad look on his face was strangely disturbing.

“Hey, Sam, quit hogging our new brother,” Peter said.

“What?” I asked.

“You don’t know?” Johnny asked. He was up and walking toward me. “Didn’t your mother tell you? I hope she isn’t like my mother.”

“Tell me what?”

“Your mother is going to be our foster mother,” Sam said, his face still filled with sadness. “All of us are going to live here, with you.”

“And, me,” Sally said.

“And, you,” Peter said, kneeling down and hugging Sally. “I get a little sister. I’ve always wanted a little sister, Geoff, and now I get to share yours. We’re going to have fun together, aren’t we Sally?”

“You can have the spoiled brat,” I said.

“That’s not nice,” Sally said. “I’m going to tell Mommy.”

“That’s all right, Sally, we’ll take care of him,” Johnny said, slugging me in the arm.

“Hey, watch that,” I said. “I’m older than you.”

“Yeah, but I’m oldest,” Sam said. “So if anyone’s going to be punishing you, it’s going to be me.”

“You won’t punish him,” Sally said. “You kissed Geoff.”

“Um, guys, a word of warning,” I said. “There are little eyes in this house. So if you want things to continue here as they are out at the hospital, you’re going to have to be very careful. Understood?”

“Okay,” all three said in unison.

“Now, tell me what this is about. Are all of you going to be living here?”

“Doctor Randall convinced me to let all of you live here,” Mother said from behind me. I turned. She smiled and held out her arms. I sank into her embrace and nearly started crying. She hadn’t held me like this in years. “He’ll be here, too.”

I tensed and I think she noticed, but she continued to hold me to her. It hadn’t been that long since Dad died, but maybe their marriage wasn’t as good as I thought. He’d never been here very much; always out on the road being the best pipe salesman west of the Rockies, so maybe Mother got tired of him being gone. I didn’t want to think she missed having a dick between her legs, but the thought of it made me see Doctor Randall in my mind sticking it to her while she moaned in ecstasy, “oooh, Timmy, fuck me, fuck me baby, fuck me hard.”

God, I was pathetic. How could anyone think such thoughts about their mother? And, my psychiatrist, what was I going to do about him? “Daddy? I’m having this little problem with suicide. Can you help me?” I was not about to reveal my most secrets thoughts to that man, ever again. Fuck!

But, I stayed in Mother’s embrace, letting her say when it would stop. It was nice feeling her love, again. Maybe Doctor Randall gave her a good talking to, before fucking her brains out.

It was not to be for a while, yet. The county had a ton of paperwork to process, workmen had to come in and add another full bath downstairs and a three-quarter bath upstairs, no more running downstairs to take a shit. All three boys had to have separate bedrooms, but that was easy as Karl’s and Trudy’s bedrooms were not being used and there was the guest bedroom, too.

We, Peter, Johnny, Sam and I, decided that Johnny would have the other bedroom upstairs so Peter could come up and sleep with him. Sam was going to be spending a lot of his time in my room, I hoped, so it made some kind of sense to have all of us older boys upstairs. We’d be together, again.

**********

Jerry called after dinner, while we were having dessert. Sally answered and said, “There’s a Doctor Chambers who wants to speak to Geoff.” Mother looked at me. I shrugged my shoulders and went to the phone. I’d have to explain, but I wanted to find out about Tim.

“Hello?”

“Geoff, is that you?”

“Yeah, is Tim okay?”

“I’ve sent him out of town. He’s in a safe place.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Look, my brother, Tim’s father, is involved with a number of men whose interests tend to run on the darker side of the street. Actually, they practically think they own the darker side. I needed to get Tim out of town for his own safety.”

“But, why?”

“Tim’s father is dealing with people who will kill if they don’t get their way. You know, the guys in the movies, I think the word is gangsters. Anyway, my brother decided Tim was of better use to the family as a porn star and prostitute, than the youngest member of the family.”

“Prostitute?”

“Yes, that’s the biggest problem we’ve got. That’s the big stickler we’ve run up against. Those people were really counting on Tim to make some serious money for them. Now, I can’t tell you where Tim is for your own safety. There are people looking for Tim right now. I’m also going to be gone for a while, but I’ll be back.”

“But …”

“No, none of that. I’ll keep in touch, but you can’t know where I am. I want you to be extra careful because you are Tim’s friend. I’m not worried about my brother doing anything stupid, but the people he’s dealing with don’t really care if you’re only sixteen. I’ve got to go; we’ve talked too long.”

He hung up, again. I didn’t know what to do. Tim was gone. He wasn’t going to be doing any of that bad stuff, but he was still gone. And, who were these people I had to watch out for? It almost sounded like they were some kind of criminal, someone who wouldn’t have a problem with killing a sixteen-year-old boy, me, to find out where Tim and Jerry were hiding.

The only thing I could figure out was I needed Sam and he wasn’t here. I’d lost another boyfriend. God, I was so pathetic. I was going to be so happy when I finally got the nerve to kill myself.

**********

I snuck out of the house. It was late, but not too late that the busses weren’t running. I caught the all-night local down to the junction and waited for the trolley to take me to my bridge. I couldn’t handle Tim being gone; and, Sam, well, what was Sam? I couldn’t figure him out and I didn’t want to. I had to go and this was my night to do it.

A slow drizzle was falling when I reached my spot on the bridge. This was the spot where Kiel jumped. I looked over the railing, but I couldn’t see him falling. There was a huge big-leaf maple directly below. It would’ve caught Kiel, quite possibly skewering him with a limb or maybe his body broke a lot of the limbs as it fell into the tree and the broken ends tore at his flesh. This wasn’t my spot.

I walked toward the south end of the bridge and looked over the railing, again. The street, my street, was directly below, now. This was my spot.

Tears were streaming down my face when I climbed up onto the railing. I tried to think of Mother and Sally, but all I could think of was Tim. I saw his naked body. I touched his nakedness. I watched cum spew out of the end of his cock.

“Do you really want to do that?”

I froze. The drizzle was making the railing slippery. I could go at any moment.

“Is life really that bad?”

I didn’t recognize the voice. It wasn’t Kiel.

“Can I help you?”

“No, I have to do this myself,” I said. I was losing my nerve. I’d lost the moment. I wasn’t going to kill myself tonight, unless I slipped off the railing, which was suddenly a very real possibility.

“Give me your hand, let me help you.”

I turned. There was an old man standing there with his hand out beseeching me to stop. I felt myself slip. I leaned toward him as I slipped further.

I screamed.

He caught me and pulled back from certain death.

There were flashing red lights.

I woke up.

It had been a dream.

I needed to pee, bad.

**********

Not wanting to waste a good idea, I snuck out of the house and walked down to Oak Park Boulevard to catch the all-niter (The bus in my dream didn’t exist, but why had I put it there?), the bus that ran up Oak Park from the junction to the city line to the end of the line at One-hundred Eighty-fifth and back once an hour all night long, hence the name. Street people and the occasional graveyard shift worker used it to get from here to there. It wasn’t the bus to catch if you were looking for a friendly, helpful face. I didn’t need any help, jumping was a solo act.

I caught the all-night trolley at the junction. It wasn’t the same as the day ones, as it combined three routes into one and barely hit a stop on any of those. Basically, it went from the junction to downtown Seattle and turned around at First and Yesler, in the middle of Skid Road, a place where bums were murdered for the swallow of cheap fortified wine remaining in their bottle, a place where even the cops didn’t get out of their cars to walk around, but that was okay because I was getting off at the bridge.

He was waiting for me when I walked up to my spot.

“You’re dead,” I said.

“I was wondering when you were going to finally figure that out. You’re a loser. You know that, don’t you?”

“You’re dead, Kiel,” I said. “You’re not even here. You’re a figment of my imagination.”

Then I saw her. She was standing exactly halfway between two of the street lamps that barely illuminate the bridge surface. They were mostly for decoration. I walked toward her, slowly. I didn’t want to scare her into jumping, but I knew that’s why she was there.

“Kind of a cold night,” I said about ten feet away.

“You come here often?” She asked, turning away from the railing and looking at me.

“Too many times,” I said.

“I know how that goes,” she said. “Sometimes it’s just not the right time to go, but tonight is my night.”

“My name is Geoff,” I said, reducing the distance between us a little and stepping to the railing. We didn’t have to talk loudly now. I figured we might be able to get friendly.

“Melinda.”

“Hi, Melinda,” I said as I felt my edge slipping away. Tonight wasn’t my night.

“Hi.”

We stood there in the cold, damp air. Of course, I couldn’t jump, now. Besides losing my nerve, I wasn’t over my street. We were over the Ship Canal. I figured she was waiting for a boat to come along. Jumpers do that sometimes; wait for a solid object to come floating along, figuring they might survive if they hit the water. We were so high up the water was like concrete down there. As with any jump, you had a very slight chance of surviving, but you’d be broken in so many places, you’d wish you were dead. A head first plummet was always the best option, even over water.

“You weren’t thinking of going over, were you?” I asked. Okay, it was cold and I didn’t want to have to stand here all night talking a jumper out of doing the very thing I had come to do myself. She had taken my moment.

“Were you?”

“Yeah, but then I saw you and lost my nerve,” I said.

“It doesn’t take nerves to jump,” she said as she turned toward me. In the light, I could see she had been in some kind of horrible accident, her face all scarred and misshapen. She had a reason.

“Did you lose a boyfriend?” I asked, not wanting to go to the obvious question.

“I don’t get boyfriends to lose, anymore,” she said.

“I could be your boy friend,” I said.

“You’re too young for me, kid,” she said and then turned back to look out over the bridge. There was a tug pulling a raft of logs just making the turn at the gas plant. It would be under us within the hour. It looks like they move very slowly, but it’s surprising how fast your means of death can approach when you’re breathing your last few breaths.

“I lost three boyfriends, one of them jumped from over there above the trees,” I said. “I sat on the railing, once, but I stayed too long and a policeman pulled me off. See the scar around my neck? I jumped off a ladder. I know it’s not the same as jumping off a bridge, but I almost died, that time. My mother saved me. Once, I was knifed out here and nearly died from the loss of blood. I just found out tonight that I’ll never see my latest boyfriend, again. I’m only sixteen, but I want to die. Is your life worse than mine?”

“When you tell it like that, no,” she said. “I was once a very pretty girl. Now, I’m ugly. No one wants to be my friend, not even my family.”

“I’ll be your friend,” I said. “We could keep each other off this bridge.”

The tug had made the turn and was lining up to come down the canal. About the time it sounded its horn to signal the Fremont Bridge tender to raise the bridge, would be the perfect time to jump. If she was going to jump tonight, I had about a half an hour to save her life.

“I’ll be leaving soon,” she said. “I don’t want you to stop me. I’ve got a gun.”

“Guns are good, but you can miss and shoot yourself in the eye,” I said. I almost said face, but caught myself in time. I didn’t want to force the issue. “If you’re thinking of trying for the tug, it’d be better to aim for the logs. They’re a bigger target.”

“If you’re trying to scare me, you’re doing a pretty good job of it,” she said.

A police car pulled up with its lights flashing. One of them got out. It was the cop from before.

“Okay, which one gets the ride to the sandwich shop?” he asked.

“Sandwich shop, Officer?” Melinda asked.

“As in ‘you’re one sandwich short of a picnic’,” I said, smiling at the cop. “Not quite as bad as, ‘the lights are on, but nobody is home,’ but just as humorous. Officer, uh, I don’t think I got your name the last time we met, but I think we both came here for a purpose, but we’ve been talking each other out of it. Right, Melinda?”

She’d pulled her gun out of her purse. It looked kind of small, but was probably just as deadly as the big ones if the bullet hit the right spot. The cop reacted in a way I couldn’t quite understand. He put himself between me and Melinda.

“Now, don’t do anything foolish, miss,” the cop said. “Put the gun down and we can talk about this.”

I was trying to look around the cop, but he seemed to know my every move and kept getting in the way. I could see, though, that Melinda had the barrel against her temple, which was as good a place as any. I always thought the barrel between the teeth was kind of showy, besides, unless you used a big enough gun, like a shotgun, there was the odd chance the bullet would simply lodge itself in the back of your throat and they’d save you on the operating table. No, pointing it at the side of her head was probably her best option.

I couldn’t see, but I heard a gunshot. When I did look, she was lying on the sidewalk. The other cop had his gun out. He’d shot her, I guess to prevent her from hurting herself with her own gun. Police logic sometimes doesn’t make sense at all. I squatted down against the railing, wishing very much this was all a dream and I’d wake up soon.

The ambulance came and took Melinda away, which, I guess, is a good thing because the other option would’ve been the coroner’s wagon, but it doesn’t have any flashing lights so it can sneak in and sneak away without anyone knowing someone had died.

“I just winged her, she’ll be alright,” the cop said as he squatted down beside me. “Anybody I need to call?”

“Yeah, here in my wallet,” I said, pulling it out and finding Doctor Randall’s card. “Here, I guess he’ll want to know I’m on the bridge, again.”

“Timothy Randall, huh? A friend of mine’s kid is one of his patients. I guess he’s a good shrink.”

“He can’t seem to be able to keep me off this bridge, though,” I said.

“Don’t worry, kid, we’re not taking you to County,” the cop said as he stood up. “We’ll give you a free ride out to Doctor Randall’s peanut farm.”

“Thanks, I guess,” I said. I’d failed at killing myself, again, but maybe I did save a life. I suppose I should’ve felt good about that, but I didn’t. Melinda was going to County. If there ever was a Hell on Earth, that was the place.

I missed Tim so much, but I suppose not enough to kill myself. Maybe I was getting better.