Remembering Tim - 14. Chapter 14 - The Group Home

Three months later Sam, Johnny, and Peter moved into the house and my life began to change. It was a gradual process that in the months to come would result in a change that I couldn’t imagine at the time. The boys were different, too.

There was something about Sam I couldn’t put my finger on. He was more aloof than usual. It was as if now that he was living in my house he didn’t want to be there. Every morning he got in Doctor Randall’s car with Johnny and Peter and was dropped off at St. Xavier’s. Peter went to Bruce Bigedic and Johnny went to North Park High. I don’t know why I wasn’t given a ride, too, but I wasn’t.

I suppose that biggest thing I noticed about Sam was that he stopped coming to my bed. It wasn’t all of a sudden, but over a period of weeks the gaps between his visits grew and grew to the point where when he did show up at night, I was surprised at the amount of his desire to be with me.

Then things in the house went south for a period of about a week when Peter went missing. I suppose Doctor Randall had suspected this might happen with Peter, but his disappearance had a dramatic effect on Johnny who looked forward to having Peter’s lips wrapped around his cock every night. I asked Sam if he was going to fill in for Peter, but he told me that if I was so concerned how Johnny was feeling, maybe I should blow him.

The first night I went into Johnny’s bedroom he was lying on his bed with his right hand in his pajama bottoms. I looked at him and shut his door. He looked up at me and then pushed down his pajamas and took them off.

“Come here, Geoff,” he said.

I walked over thinking I would climb up on his bed and kneel between his legs and take care of him, but he had another idea about my presence.

“I miss Peter and I want you to do something he does special for me,” he said. He got up on his knees and turned around so that his ass was facing me. “I’m going to jerk off and I want you to lick my ass like Peter did for me when I was upset. Could you do this for me?”

“I don’t know, I don’t like doing that.” And, I didn’t, but when he stared at me with those puppy-dog eyes I gave in and bent down. I spread his cheeks apart and buried my face between them. I could smell the pungent aroma of him and it excited me, giving me an immediate hard-on. I put my tongue out and began to do as Johnny wanted. Then he farted. “Eww! You shit! What did you do that for?”

“Sorry,” he said. He turned around and lay back on the bed. “Can you suck my cock, please?”

“Okay, but no more licking your ass if you’re going to fart in my face.”

In took a full week, but eventually the police found Peter up on Capitol Hill sucking an older guys cock. They arrested the guy and threw Peter in juvie. He was already strung out on shit and never came back.

**********

Two weeks later, just before dinner, Doctor Randall showed up with a new boy. He was a year younger than Johnny and a few inches shorter. He had short, red hair, blue eyes, pasty white skin, a lot of freckles, a narrow face, full lips, and a long, narrow nose. His name was Scott and he didn’t talk. He never talked. At meals the conversations circled him, but he never joined in; it was almost as if he wasn’t there.

His silence began to get on my nerves and I needed to do something about it, but couldn’t figure out what to do. I tried to be around him when he would come out of his room, but he ignored me and acted as if I wasn’t even there. I could’ve given up and let him have his own little crazy world, but I wasn’t having that. The thing that got to me the most was the way he shied away from me whenever I got too close as if he was afraid that I might touch him.

Finally, I had enough of his silence, ignoring, and standoffishness; and, I had the perfect opportunity to fix the problem, permanently, I hoped. It was a Saturday and Doctor Randall took Mother, Sally, Sam, and Johnny shopping downtown, leaving me to “babysit” Scott. I decided to go for a frontal attack, but was immediately rebuffed by his defenses. We were out in the living room. I was sitting in the red wingchair reading a book and he was sitting on the sofa watching cartoons on the TV. I looked over at him and made my move. I put my book down, got up, and went over to the sofa where I sat down next to him, close; probably too close, but I didn’t care. Unexpectedly, he screamed and ran to his bedroom. I heard the door slam shut.

When I got to the bedroom I knocked on the door, opened it, and went inside. Scott was nowhere to be seen, but I heard the sound of whimpering. I sat down on the floor and looked under the bed. Scott was back against the wall.

“Well, Scott, you certainly don’t seem to want to be my friend,” I said.

“Go away!” he exclaimed.

“No, I’m not leaving. We’re going to have a little conversation first and then, maybe, I might go, but you’re going to have to talk to me. Do you hear me?”

Nothing.

“Scott, I’m talking to you.”

“Go away,” he whined.

“No, that isn’t how we’re playing this game. I’m not leaving until you come out from under the bed.”

“You’re a queer and I don’t want you to touch me.”

So, that was it. Well, that made things easier. At least I knew what his problem was, but how did he know? Well, everybody in the house new I was queer, but it’s not like I flaunted it or did anything to show.

“Why do you think I’m queer?”

“Because I saw you kiss Sam.”

“And, you think that makes me queer?”

“Yes. A guy doesn’t kiss another guy unless he’s queer.”

“Has anybody ever tried to kiss you?”

Silence.

“Scott?”

“Yes?”

“What’s your problem?”

“What do you mean, what’s my problem?”

“Well, I’m suicidal. Johnny’s been manipulated by his mother. I don’t know exactly what Sam’s problem is, but it’s serious enough to have him here. What’s your problem?”

“Do I have to say?”

“It will make things easier.”

Silence and then I heard a shuffling sound. Scott extricated himself out from under the bed and came over to where I was sitting. He assumed a sitting position about three feet in front of me.

“Before my parents divorced, my father abused me, both physically and sexually,” Scott said. He stared at the floor. “Mother caught him once when he was fucking me. She called the police and had him arrested. I haven’t spoken since the trial.”

“Did he kiss you?”

“Yes.”

“Oh, Scott, that isn’t how it works. Perverts aren’t homosexuals.”

“They’re not?”

“No, they’re just dirty old men who get their jollies messing with kids.”

“Oh, but what about me?”

“What about you? Is there something else going on with you?”

“I like guys and not because my father fucked me either; at least I don’t think it’s because of that. Do you think it could be because of that?”

“No.”

“Oh, then that means I must be a homosexual, too. Right?”

“Probably, do you like to kiss?”

“No, I don’t want to do anything.”

“Well, at least you’re talking.”

“Yeah, I guess it was kind of stupid of me.”

“No, I don’t think so, but that’s more of Doctor Randall’s territory.”

“Oh, yeah, I suppose it is. Say, Geoff, do you know a guy name Darling? He mentioned you, once.”

“Darling? How do you know Darling? He saved me when I was in County. He taught me how to fuck and how to suck cock. What’s he done for you?”

“We talk sometimes. My school is next to his apartment building. I know his boyfriend, Roger; he helps out at my school. Do you know Roger?”

“No, never met him. Is he nice to Darling?”

“Oh, yeah, they’re best buds. Do you think Doctor Randall would let us go see Darling someday? Oh, wait, what time is it. Oh, shit, it’s time for Bugs Bunny to come on. I gotta go watch TV. I can’t miss Bugs Bunny.”

“Okay, Scott, and thank you for talking to me.”

“Hey, no problem at all and thank you for getting me to talk. It feels kind of good, you know?”

Scott and I watched TV until the gang came back, but Sam was not with them. Then I noticed they were back awfully early. Something was going on because Doctor Randall walked right past us and went upstairs. Johnny came over and sat down between Scott and I.

“Hi,” Scott said.

“You can talk,” Johnny said.

“Geoff made me talk to him,” Scott said.

“Geoff, did you hit him? Because if you did, I’ll hit you.”

“No, I didn’t hit Scott.”

“What are you guys watching?” Johnny asked.

“It’s a war movie with Richard Widmark,” Scott said.

“It’s called Halls of Montezuma,” I said.

“I think I’ve seen that one, it’s good,” Johnny said.

“Where’s Sam?” Scott asked.

“He disappeared, we had to come home,” Johnny said. “He’s going to get in trouble when Doctor Tim finds him.”

Eventually, sometime around dinner Sam walked in the backdoor and went up to his room. Sally came in the living room and whispered in Doctor Randall’s ear. He got up and left. The rest of us boys watched Wide World of Sports.

That night Sam came into my room and sat down on my bed. He was wearing a t-shirt and blue boxers. I turned around from working on some homework and looked at him. He smiled and then lay down on my bed. I got up, went over and shut my door and locked it, and went over to the bed where I lay down next to Sam. He snuggled up against me, draped his arm over my chest, and lay his head against my arm. I was okay with him doing just that. Whatever happened to him during the time he went missing was not explained, nor did I really want to know.

**********

Two days later I received a telephone call that brought back a lot of memories I thought would never trouble me. I was up in my room working on homework, a paper I had to write for Civics, when Mother yelled, “Geoff, phone, it’s Tim!”

I don’t know how I made it down the stairs without killing myself, but I did. I took the phone from her and said, “Tim? Is that really you? Where are you?”

“Geoff, I can’t talk for very long. I just wanted to tell you I’m okay.”

“But, where are you? What do you mean you can’t talk? What’s going on?”

“Geoff, will you just shut up! I’m safe, okay?”

“But, where are you? I want to come and see you.”

“Geoff, I’m not where you can come.”

“But, Tim, are you okay? Are you safe?”

“Damn it, Geoff, yes, I’m trying to talk to him. Can I have a few more minutes? Geoff, I’ve got to get off the line, somebody might be listening.”

“Tim, don’t go, Tim! Talk to me, Tim!”

Silence, dead air, disappointment, sadness, extreme sadness. I put the receiver back on the cradle and went into the living room where I sat down on the sofa. Doctor Randall came in, sat beside me, and put his arm behind me. I felt his hand begin to rub my neck. I wanted to cry and knew I would if he was going to want me to start talking, so I leaned back into his hand and sighed into the comfort it offered. What was going on with Tim? Where was he? Why couldn’t he talk to me? Was I ever going to see him again?

More importantly, of course, was I going to the bridge tonight and do something stupid? No, I wasn’t. Those days had passed and I was going to move on with life and take whatever it gave me. I was through with trying to kill myself. There was no point to it. At least, now, I knew Tim was alive even though I didn’t know where he was or what his situation was and why he couldn’t talk to me. I had something to live for; I had to live for the possibility that I might see Tim again; and, I had to become responsible for myself.

“Do you want to talk?” Doctor Randall asked.

“No, I’m okay,” I said. “I don’t know what’s going on with Tim, he couldn’t talk, he wouldn’t say where he was, and then he had to cut me off. I guess just knowing he’s okay is fine with me. I’m safe, no trips to the bridge tonight.”

“Do you think you’ll need an injection tonight to help you sleep?”

“No, but I’ll take one now that you mention it. I don’t want to dream about Tim tonight.”

“Okay, let me know when you’re ready. I’m sorry you can’t be with Tim like you want.”

“That’s alright, I just miss him a whole lot and wish his dad hadn’t been such an asshole. I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but I’m kind of glad those criminals killed him. It’s a shame they killed his mother and the housekeeper, too, but I guess that’s what criminals do. I’m going to go get ready for bed, now. You can come up in a half an hour and I’ll be ready for the injection.”

“Do you want to go to school tomorrow?”

“You know, maybe you should give me a little extra. Thanks for offering.”

I said goodnight to Mother and went upstairs.

**********

For the next three months Sam continued to go missing for hours at a time on weekends. He usually came back Sunday nights, but sometimes didn’t show up until Monday after school. I knew that Doctor Randall was considering putting Sam back in the hospital, but I was afraid what that would do to Johnny who was now coming to my bed more than me going to him.

One Saturday morning, a Saturday with Sam nowhere in sight, the phone rang and I just happening to be there, so I answered it.

“Hello?”

“Geoff?”

“Yeah, who’s this?”

“Mark; I’m glad you answered because I don’t have much time. I wanted to say goodbye.”

“What do you mean? Where are you going?”

“Me and Sam are going away.”

“What do mean you and Sam are going?”

“We’re out here in the garage and we’re going away and I wanted to say goodbye. Don’t try to stop us, Geoff. I really like you, but don’t try to stop us. Sam, I’ll be there, yes, I see the rope, can I? Sam, please, I want to say goodbye to Geoff. Sam, please. Geoff, I’ve got to go now, bye.”

Click.

I looked in our phone book and found the telephone number for the Patterson’s. I don’t know why it was in the book, but I called it and listened to it ring and ring. Finally, someone answered it.

“Hello?”

“Who’s this?”

“This is Geoff Johnson. Mark is out in your garage with Sam Black and they’re going to do something drastic.”

“Geoff? Why are you calling us?”

“Who is this?”

“Donnie, why?”

“Donnie, please, go tell you parents Mark is going to commit suicide. You have to save him.”

“Oh, shit!”

Click.

I ran into the den where Doctor Randall was talking to Scott. He looked up and stared through me. I was interrupting a session, which, in the house, was a big no-no.

“Doctor Randall, Mark Patterson just called and said he and Sam are going to commit suicide. We need to get over there.”

“Scott, I’ll talk to you when I get back. Come on, Geoff, let’s go.”

Doctor Randall drives as bad as Tim, maybe worse, but in an emergency he can be a very good driver. I don’t know why, but he seemed to know where he was going so I didn’t have to give him directions. When we came around the corner to the Patterson’s house I saw flashing red lights from a fire engine and an ambulance. Another ambulance came around the corner behind us and Doctor Randall pulled to the side of the road. It flew past us and stopped in front of the Patterson’s house.

After we parked, I ran up the driveway, but was blocked by a fireman from going back to the garage. A stretcher came out of the door and the body on it was covered by a sheet. My heart sank at the thought it might be Mark, but when the ambulance attendants pulled the stretcher by me I saw the body was too short to be Mark. It had to be Sam. I audibly gasped at the thought of him dying like that.

“Somebody you know?” the fireman asked.

“Yeah, I think so, one of them called me and said they were going away,” I said. “I called back and spoke to Mark’s brother.”

“Good thinking, kid, you probably saved the football player’s life. Too bad about this one, though. Did you know him?”

“Yeah, I wonder why they felt they needed to do this.”

“Kid, that’s the ultimate question about all suicides. I don’t know how many of these I’ve been to and I always wonder why, what could be so bad that someone wants to off themselves, but you seem to be a good kid, so I’m sure you don’t know what I’m talking about.”

“I’ve tried five times, but only once by hanging; almost died that time. All the others were trying to jump off the Aurora Bridge.”

“Are you getting help?”

“Yeah, I’ve got a good psychiatrist and I’m going to need him a lot today. Nice talking to you.”

“Sure, kid, you take care of yourself.”

It’s nice talking to an understanding adult, someone who doesn’t question your ability to carry on an intelligent conversation just because you’re not one of them. I went over to where Donnie and Mr. Patterson were standing. They looked at me, but walked away. I didn’t know what to make of it so I went back to the car.

Doctor Randall came back to the car and got in. He didn’t say a word as he started up the car. Silence accompanied us as we went back to the house. In a way, I was glad not to have to talk about Sam being dead, but I didn’t know what happened to Mark. When Doctor Randall parked the car and turned it off, he didn’t get out.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, how’s Mark?”

“Not good, but he is alive. We can thank God for that.”

“Too bad about Sam, though. I wonder why they did it.”

“Why did you keep trying to kill yourself?”

“I don’t know, just wanted to die, I guess, just wanted to die. I think that’s all it was. I couldn’t see any point of going on. Now, I’ve got the possibility that Tim might be okay and that we might see each other again. That gives me something to live for. You know?”

“Geoff, you keep that thought close to your heart and you’ll stay alive.”

“What was Sam’s problem?”

“He almost killed his little sister. He was lucky he didn’t end up in prison, but now that doesn’t matter does it. I think the reason he did that is because his parents were trying to get him committed to a state hospital for the criminally insane, but why Mark went along with him, I have no idea.”

“Are you going to help him?”

“If his parents want me to; I offered my services, but it will be up to them.”

“Doctor Randall?”

“Yes?”

“Johnny is going to take this kind of bad, isn’t he?”

“Yes, I’ll probably have to give him an injection. Come on, let’s go inside.”

“Okay, Doctor Randall; I hope Johnny will be okay, but I know he won’t.”

We went into the house. Doctor Randall found Johnny and took him into the den. Mother was in the living room crocheting something and Scott was playing Chutes and Ladders with Sally. I sat down on the sofa at the end nearest Mother.

“Well, is everything okay?” she asked, looking up from her work.

“Mark is alive, but Sam is dead,” I said.

“Where’s Timothy?”

“He took Johnny into the den to tell him about Sam.”

“Oh, dear, I’d better go and see if I can help,” she said as calm as she ever was in a crisis.

After she left, Sally came over and sat beside me. She asked, “Geoff, should I be sad about Sam?”

“You can be sad if you want,” I said.

“Okay, if Mommy asks, I’m in my room,” she said. She got up and left.

Scott came over and sat beside me. He asked, “Are you okay?”

“I don’t know; I should feel something, but I don’t. I should feel sad, but I don’t feel anything. I’m going to go up and lay down for a while.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“Sure, that would be nice.”

We went upstairs and into my bedroom. I shut the door and locked it, but knew nothing untoward was going to happen. I was looking for comfort and lay down on the bed on my back. Scott lay down beside me on his side and snuggled up against me. He put an arm across my chest. I don’t know if it was intentional or if he didn’t know what he was doing, but I could feel the throb of his cock against my upper thigh. He leaned over and lightly kissed me on the lips.