Reach - 6. Chapter 6

Tibial decided it would be best if he kept himself busy, not that it was hard. Mia had to go to the doctor a lot now that she was pregnant, for baby information and to make sure she was keeping herself healthy. Tibial also knew they would both be required to take the government sponsored parenting classes, but that would be later on. Now that the news was out, everyone Tibial ever knew was stopping by to offer congratulations. Lady Eva lightened his chore load so he could have more time to focus on school, but he still had to spend time in the fields because the wine business was all about timing and they could not afford to be short of hands at such a critical time. Between that and his increased course load to get to graduation on time, he barely had enough time to sleep. His weekends he had to spend with Mia. Had to. Because he had gotten her pregnant and she was his responsibility and that was something he couldn’t forget, no matter how much he wanted to. A man accepted his responsibility without complaint and bore it with patience and honor: his father’s words.

He would not think about Chad, would not let himself think about Chad, but Chad was a damnable sneaky creature, and slipped into his dreams at night, kissing him, touching him, whispering about making love to him, leaving him aching and unfulfilled in his empty bed in a stifling hot room.

* * *

Tibial sighed and threw his pencil down, resting his head in his hands, briefly closing his eyes. His lamp threw a small circle of light on the desk; illuminating papers and charts he need to focus on but could not.

His Business Finance class was easy for him, but tonight he couldn’t focus on the formulas and charts that he needed to know. He was so exhausted; working hard all day, studying to the point of incomprehensibility in the evenings. And worrying, although he would never consciously admit it, about Chad and Mia and what to do about them. He felt like he was in limbo, some kind of holding pattern. He felt like he was waiting for something, but he wasn’t sure what. But he couldn’t keep this up forever.

There was a light knock on his door and Tibial glanced over. “Come in please.”

His father opened the door. Tibial gave him a tired smile. “Hey.”

His father grinned, approached him. He looked old and haggard in the dim light from the desk lamp. “How’s the studying?”

“Mind-numbingly boring,” Tibial said.

His father grinned again. “I bet. You take after your mother in business smarts, I never was very good at money management.”

“I don’t mind it. It’s just not very interesting to me right now. I have other things on my mind.”

“Like Mia, the baby?”

“Yeah.” Among other things

“I was happy to hear the news. I’m very proud of you.”

Tibial blushed faintly. He didn’t do anything he felt he should be proud of. He thought that he was just lucky; the mutation obviously had yet to touch him. But he valued his father’s praise very highly. “Thanks.”

“Your mother wants you to take tomorrow off.”

Tibial looked up, eyes wide. “But-but work-”

“Don’t worry. I’m calling in some favors to make sure we have enough people to get the grapes sorted. You’re covered. Your mother and I know how hard you have been working and we want you to take a break. Go spend some time with your friends, have fun. You won’t be able to get out much after the baby is born.”

“I don’t-”

“We don’t care,” his father said gently. “If I catch you in the fields tomorrow I will whip your ass, are we clear?”

“Yes sir.”

“Good boy.” His father reached out, ruffled his hair. It was clumsy and awkward but Tibial appreciated the gesture all the same.

* * *

Tibial headed straight downtown on his rare day off. Even though he was worried about not being with the family working when they needed the extra help, he couldn’t help appreciating a totally free day. It wasn’t the nicest weather; the sky was gray and overcast, humid and hot. Tibial would have appreciated the lack of sunshine in the fields, but for today at least, he would have liked a sunny sky.

He met up with Robert, who congratulated him for being “a lucky bastard equipped with some damn fine swimmers”. They went to lunch, talked and joked around as usual. They were walking around town together when Tibial glanced up into a store window and saw a familiar reflection.

His stomach dropped. Chad. Standing across the street, looking at him.

He watched the reflection in the store window turn, walk down the street and disappear around the corner. His heart was beating rapidly, his groin was warm and throbbing.

“See something you like?” Robert asked. Tibial shifted his gaze away from the store window.

“You could say that,” Tibial replied.

Tibial knew that he needed to decide what to do. He was doing okay, carefully avoiding the looming issue of this ridiculous…

What would his situation be called? Love triangle? Sex triangle?

He had been avoiding it well, burying it under work, school and other obligations, but seeing Chad unexpected and unplanned, had brought everything back to the surface. He wanted to go to Chad, wanted to see him, wanted to touch him so bad his hands ached from it.

He needed to think. So he walked around downtown after Robert had left, with no particular destination in mind.

He had always tried to do what was right. He loved, respected, and admired his father, more so than anyone else in his tiny family, and wanted to be like him. His father was always calm, unruffled, willing to work hard and showed more affection in a small smile and wink than his mother did in all her overindulgent embraces and caresses. He felt like his father would always do the right thing and wouldn’t have trouble figuring out what the right thing was.

He knew that his father, if he asked, would tell him to stay with Mia. He had coupled with her, had made a child with her, and that was an iron clad commitment. He remembered her questions “You will stay, won’t you? Take care of me and the baby?” and his reply “Of course, of course. Why wouldn’t I?”

Why wouldn’t he indeed? Yes, staying with her would be the right thing to do. But on the other hand…

He loved Chad. There was no longer any doubt of that in his mind. And Chad had to feel something in return or that last encounter would not have turned out the way it had. Regardless of what Chad had said, it wasn’t a mistake. It had felt too right, too natural, as easy as breathing.

His father would say stay with Mia. Chad had said to stay with Mia. Part of him wanted to stay with Mia or this wouldn’t be such a damn problem.

But he also wanted to be with Chad. That would be more difficult for both of them. But that didn’t make him want to be with him any less.

Would staying with Mia be fair? To hold her and kiss her when he was longing for someone else? To make love to her while wishing she was someone else? To give her his body and his life while saving his heart for someone who would probably never take it?

Being with someone he didn’t love, would never love. Was that right?

Goddess help him, he was so confused.

~~~~~

Chad loved the way he felt when he was painting; the way his focus would narrow down to that single point: the colors, the stroke of bristles on canvas, the picture transferring from his head to the canvas, never quite the same as the one in his mind, but on good days came pretty damn close.

His concentration was so deeply focused on the image he was creating that he almost missed the flicker of movement in his peripheral vision, the creak of the door opening. He looked up, frowned, and then dropped his eyes back down to the canvas, even though the picture was gone, dissolving from his mind with each second.

“Where the hell are your manners?” he asked. “You should knock before entering a person's home.”

“Would you have answered?” Tibial asked, shutting the door behind him.

“No,” Chad said, dropping his brush away from the canvas.

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t want you here. Get out.”

“Make me.”

Chad looked up, arched an eyebrow. “Watch it. I’m actually considering the idea of doing just that.”

Tibial grinned coldly. “Wow, willing to actually touch me? What a brave man you are.”

Chad sighed. “What do you want?”

“I think you know the answer to that question.”

“How many times do we have to go through-”

“I'm in love with you.”

The silence hung heavily in the air between them for a few long seconds.

“No, you’re not,” Chad finally said, his voice low and hushed, as if he was afraid someone would overhear them.

“Don’t tell me I’m not. How the hell would you know?”

“I don’t know what it is exactly that you are feeling, but it’s not love. You’re just confused.”

“Yeah, I am confused, but not about this. Not about how I feel.”

Chad sighed and rubbed at his forehead with the back of his hand. “Fine,” he said, shrugging. “So what if you are in love with me? What difference does it make?”

“I wanted you to know.”

“Why? What, did you think that I would do? Sweep you up in my arms, tell you I love you in return, and then whisk you off into the sunset? Dammit, Tib, this is not a romance novel. It’s real life, and you have commitments. So let me tell you what you need to do. You need to just go home, forget you ever said anything to me and forget any ideas you ever had about us being together, no matter how much we both want it, because it is never going to happen.” Trying, perhaps, to somehow to soften the blow, he approached Tibial, cupped his chin in a warm hand. “It’s just not possible.”

Chad saw the naked despair in Tibial's face, and knew at once that Tibial had been expecting those words and had wished for the entire world not to hear them. His own heart ached. “I’m sorry. But you know why we can’t.”

“I know,” Tibial said. “Coupling relationships between two members of the same sex are not allowed beyond the lessons. I don't care.”

“It’s highly illegal. We could be put to death.”

“We could keep it a secret. No-one has to know.”

Chad picked up Tibial’s hand and pressed his lips to the tips of the fingers, hearing the boy sigh. “We couldn't. We would be found out sooner or later, you know this.”

“If death is the fate that the Goddess has in store for me, I’ll accept it if it means being with you.” Tibial moved closer. “How can loving you be a sin? How can it, when we both know it’s so good, so right?”

“It’s not conducive to making offspring.” Chad released Tibial's hand and turned away. The boy was wearing down his defenses.

“I’ve done my part already,” Tibial pressed, coming up behind Chad and wrapping his arms around the older man's midsection, hugging him tightly. “I don’t care for her. Goddess, I wish I could. But my mind is filled with you, my body aches for you. Do not deny me please, I beg you.” Tibial slid down to the ground, arms wrapped around Chad's legs, face pressed against the back of his knees. “I beg you. I beg for your kiss, your touch, your body on mine. Please, please.”

“For the love of the Goddess, get up,” Chad said hoarsely. He wanted Tibial so bad it was about to drive him crazy. “I warn you, this will end badly for both of us. If you don't leave now, I won't be able to resist you any longer.”

“Do you want to resist me?”

Chad closed his eyes, feeling the last of his defenses break and fall. “No.”

“Then don’t.”

And with that, Tibial was in Chad’s arms, crushed against his chest, arms holding too tight, lips pressing too hard, everything too overwhelming, too big to be stopped, too powerful to be denied.

* * *

Afterward, deep in the night, Chad pulled Tibial close to him, pressing his lips into his dark hair. Tibial snuggled in, feeling the slight trembling in Chad’s body. He pressed a light kiss to his chest, still beaded with sweat from their earlier exertions, then licked the saltiness off his lips.

“This isn’t wrong,” Chad finally said. “No matter what anyone tells you, no matter what they say, this isn’t wrong. Do you understand me? It’s not.”

“I know. I know,” Tibial said softly, wondering if Chad knew how badly he needed to hear that reassurance. Not wrong.

“This can’t be wrong, it can’t be,” Chad continued.

Tibial pulled away, then propped himself up on one elbow so he could see Chad’s face. “It isn’t wrong,” Tibial reassured him. “Just because some people want it to be, doesn’t mean it is so. I love you. I do. And if there is something wrong with being in love…” Tibial shook his head. “Then death is preferable. I know what I feel. It’s not wrong. Love is never wrong.”

Chad smiled at him. “Love is never wrong.”

When Tibial woke up the next morning, he found Chad sitting in a chair near the bed, drinking coffee and drawing something on a sketchpad he had in his lap.

“Morning,” Chad said, looking up as Tibial started to stir. He leaned forward and gave Tibial a quick kiss, Tibial returning it sleepily.

“What time is it?””

“A little after seven. What time are your parents expecting you?”

“Noon. I told them I was spending the night at a friends house.”

“Did you tell them you were coming over here?”

Tibial shook his head. “No.” He looked at Chad. “I don’t want to leave.”

“I don’t want you to.”

“Don’t make me.”

Chad sighed and moved to sit next to Tibial on the bed. “You know we have to be careful.”

“Yes, but-”

“That means following the rules and not doing anything suspicious."

Tibial sighed. “Do you really think we’ll be executed if we’re caught?”

“I don’t know.” Chad combed his fingers through Tibial’s hair, liking the soft texture. “Myself, certainly. You, however, being as young as you are and able to father children might be sent to a re-education camp.”

“I thought those were a myth.”

“There’s still one or two out there.”

Tibial shuddered. “I think I would prefer death,” Tibial said. He smiled and grabbed Chad’s wrist, bringing his hand down to kiss his knuckles. “That way we’ll still be together.”

“Mmm.” Chad leaned forward and kissed him again, thoroughly. “How sweetly morbid of you.”

Tibial laughed and Chad smiled.

“Do you want to sleep some more?” Chad asked. Tibial stretched, then locked his hands around Chad’s neck, pulling him down.

“I can think of several better ways to spend our time.”