Brotherly Love - 7. Chapter 7

For some time, Edward did not think that Ronny would ever summon enough courage to speak to him again. He knew Ronny was vulnerable, coming to apologise, and he intended to hurt him just as he did, five years ago. It took Ronny everything to face up to the past. Edward knew that if he turned down his brother then, Ronny would never be able to confront him again and he would lose his little brother forever. It was something Edward was willing to do. He knew he wasn’t going on his knees and beg for mercy. That would have encouraged Ronny to continue being the self-important individual he had always been, and it was time someone stood up to him. But would Ronny have released him, had Edward begged? He might have, but how would he explain what happened to Edward to the rest of the kingdom? Why would he free the rightful heir to the throne? How would Edward know that Ronny was sincerely sorry, when it was also possible that Ronny could gain something through his release? None of it would matter anymore, anyway. Soon, Ronny would be king and the whole incident would be forgotten, forever.

Edward stared out from the opening in the wall. It was late at night and the town beneath him lay silent, save the wind he could hear, knocking over plant pots in its way. Just as Edward was about to turn and go to bed, a voice behind him said softly,

‘My lord?’

For the second time in that month, a cloaked figure appeared outside his cell. The guard on duty appeared to be drugged. Edward stared at the figure as though he should know him.

‘My God, what have they done to you?’ the figure asked despairingly. A rhetorical question.

‘Who are you?’ Edward demanded.

‘Do you not remember me, my lord?’ The figure wept. ‘It’s me.’

He removed his hood at last and Edward recognised him then, vaguely. It was Reldo, aged considerably since they last met, years ago. How could he forget his own mentor? For the first time in five years, Edward’s lips broke into a smile not because of his fond memories of Tyler, but because he was genuinely happy. Edward rushed to the gate just as Reldo unlocked it with keys taken from the drugged guard.

‘Your father wouldn’t let me see you,’ said Reldo, crying, as he gave Edward a satisfying hug. ‘We’ve all missed you so much.’

‘Reldo…’ Edward was almost crying too. Conscious that he had not bathed for a few weeks, he tried to pull away but Reldo held him close and would not let him go.

‘No one knew where the King kept you,’ Reldo went on. ‘Not even the prisoner’s log referred to your existence. We had to put clues and rumours together –’

‘We?’

‘There were me, and your brother, my lord. We worked –’

At the mention of his enemy, Ronny, Edward broke away, violently. He paced angrily away, then decided to calm down by staring at the wall.

‘Why are you here?’ Edward demanded, without looking back.

‘Your brother sent me –’

‘Then go.’

Pause.

Reldo told him, ‘He’s written you this letter.’

‘I don’t want to read it.’

‘Please, for old time’s sake, Edward,’ Reldo said. ‘He has something to tell you. Please. Do it for me.’

Edward turned to him, infuriated that Reldo should abuse their relationship to help his brother’s cause. He forced himself to take a few steps forward and snatched the letter from Reldo’s hands. He opened the envelope and read it impatiently.

Dear Edward,

By the time you are reading this letter, hopefully the guards of this prison compound will either be on leave, dismissed, or incapacitated. I have asked Reldo to retrieve you from this place, and escort you to the Blue Moon Inn, where I have already arranged accommodation for you to stay until Father’s passed away. He has only days to live, Edward, and…I want you to be the next king. I do not want to wear a crown for a single minute that wasn’t rightfully mine. I am sorry this has taken so long and I wanted to get you out of there. I hope Reldo would be able to convince you to leave your cell.

You asked me what I have ever done for you and I knew that I could never repay your love, or your kindness towards me when I was a child. This is the least I can do for you. I want this to be the start of my amendment, to make things right again. When you are king, I want you to tell the kingdom what really happened to you, and the terrible thing that I did. I want you to punish me however you see fit. Please, Edward. You are not doing this for me. I am not the only one who wants you back. I am not the only one who needs you, who has missed you for the last five years. Please come back. He’s waiting for you too.

Your unworthy brother,

Ronny

The first thing that came into Edward’s mind was not the immaculate timing of the effort behind Ronny’s attempt to rescue him, to seek forgiveness, but how, finally, he could be reunited with his lover. The last sentence, ‘He is waiting for you too’, was all Ronny needed to say. Why didn’t he say it before, in his visit? Tyler was waiting all this time.

Then it all came back to Edward. Memories of his old self came flooding back. He remembered his promise to the man he loved, that night, in the altar. He could still marry him there, if Tyler’s feelings remained unchanged and if that was still what he wanted. He could still be that man who held his hand at night, the man Tyler fell in love with, and they would just carry on like they had never been separated. Edward’s eyes glowed as he imagined the things in life they could still do, together.

‘Where is he?’ Edward asked, full of happy tears. ‘I want to see him.’

‘He’s waiting for you,’ Reldo replied. ‘You should follow before the guards wake up…’

As Edward headed out, he looked back at his cell for the last time, his home for the past five years. Finally he could leave behind the solitude, the nightmares, the sufferings and the monster he thought he had become. Maybe it wasn’t the glorious departure he was dreaming of, but he was glad to leave this place. The two of them hopped down the spiral staircase from the highest chamber. With each descending step, the hope in Edward renewed, each undoing a day of his life in prison. He could be free of his past, free of his torment. He was free, at last.

‘When will I see him?’ Edward pursued. ‘What happened after –’

‘You will see him after you’re allowed back in the palace,’ Reldo said, calmly. ‘He still works in the kitchen. Nothing’s changed much down there. He missed you a lot.’

‘Really?’

Edward was too happy to question further. They went down for five minutes, encountering more drugged guards on the way. When they reached the bottom floor, Edward stopped outside the storage room. He paused and regarded the door, as if there was something he needed to remember.

‘My drawer. Things are kept here until I’m released,’ Edward said. ‘You still have the keys?’

‘Yeah. Be quick.’

As Reldo passed him the keys, he was oblivious to what Edward was looking for, and what he was about to find. Edward’s wooden drawer, according to a nearby catalogue, was located in the bottom right corner of the room. It was likely that Edward really was just looking for some decent clothes, the clothes in which he came to this prison on the first day, if only for proper first impressions when he got back. There, he might also find the doll of Tyler he made, which had been confiscated some time ago. To his surprise, when he opened his drawer, there was a note, a letter, without envelope, sitting on top of the pile of his belongings. His instincts told him not to read it, but, he took a closer look and as soon as he identified it was Tyler’s handwriting on the paper, he couldn’t see why not. It was dated just five days after his exile. He picked up the letter, and as love rushed through him, he savoured every word, every letter that was written as though they were the most beautiful things in the world.

Dear Edward,

If you are reading this letter, then your father will have realised he was wrong about you, and could stand by and watch you suffer no longer. How could he? You are his own son and I’m glad that he’s finally seen sense. You are safe now, and knowing that will put a smile on my face, wherever I am now.

It is strange that the night you made love to me should seem so very far away, like it was another life, another Tyler, another Edward. Two days ago, I was held at the tip of a sword to write you an official letter that I have never loved you, and I was torn between writing it, break your heart and hopefully secure your release, and in the same time, I didn’t want to lose you, or hurt you any more than your family already did. I refused, in the end, because I knew you would have wanted me to stay strong, and tell the world there was nothing to be ashamed of about us.

Edward, they are going to hang me tomorrow. After you were taken away, they locked me in the cellar and I’d never realised it was so dark down here. I’m not the only convict here of course, but we knew we all did something naughty, so I guess that was only fair. I get the feeling this is going to be one of those private executions done underground, and if so, then only a few people would know about me. I think it’s going to take a miracle to save me now.

If there is indeed no miracle for us tomorrow, then this letter will have reached you. A good friend of mine (we’ve been friends since we’re little kids!) came to visit me today, in the cellar. He was crying when I told him the news. He works on the bottom floor, in the prison compound where they keep you, you know? He said you’re at the top and he’s not authorised to pass anything to you. Maybe he’ll leave it in the drawer, I don’t know. He always finds a way. He’s promised to help me deliver this when it was finished.

Maybe you’re braver than I am, Edward. I would be lying if I were to tell you that I’m not afraid of tomorrow. But you must remember this is not your fault, or anybody else’s – well, maybe except your brother’s – and you need to stay strong and let me go. I know, with your release, you will be a great king some day.

I’m not going to forget the times we’ve had together. If there is a miracle in my life, you are it. I was never more in love, never more certain that the future was bright, with you by my side. I’m afraid of the thought that, tomorrow morning, I’m going to lose you forever and it would all be just a dream, a good dream. I’m not sure how they intend to explain, or justify my death. In any case, I’d rather you hear this from me, than to have you misunderstand what really happened.

Even though we will never see each other again, I always like to think that I’m only a step ahead, for we will be together at the end. I wish I could hold you, one last time. I wish you were here, holding my hand, telling me that it is all going to be fine. I can’t do this alone. Tomorrow, I will be gone, except for what survives in memory, in print, and in your heart where you will always know for certain that,

I love you.

Take care

Forever yours,

Tyler

Edward read the letter just once, but it was moments before the words and their meanings were finally absorbed. Then he was staring at the letter, or into the letter, then through the letter, with hundreds of calculations in his mind. It was difficult to think when so many emotions, so much emotion, were compressed in one short letter which gave a mental snapshot of his lover’s final moments. He wasn’t there for him. He was gone.

It was possible, Edward found, to be crouching and staring at the letter in this awkward position, in complete silence, making no reaction whatsoever. He didn’t have to, or want to, react to it. Maybe he just wasn’t quite sure how to react. So who has he been waiting for in the last five years? The moment of reunion, or the hope of it, was shattered, forever.

Tyler was the first nice guy he met. He didn’t like effeminate individuals, and he’d been staring at Tyler throughout his adolescence before he found out from gossips that Tyler was single and up for grabs. That was the best day in his life. He wrote a poem, faked an identity and left a note, asking if he would come to meet him in the altar that night. Edward didn’t think he would come. When Tyler turned up that night, he was horrified. He could not believe whom he was about to date. During their meet, they were clumsy and nervous like little children. It was their first date of a sort. Totally embarrassed by the experience, they avoided each other for weeks. But what did all these account for, really? It was a dream, a good dream. Tyler was right about that. Edward wanted to thank the guard who had delivered this message, but he wasn’t sure if he had the heart to, or for that matter, began to look for him. Something must be done, surely.

‘My lord?’ Reldo stepped forward, concerned.

So Reldo knew this all along. Everyone in the palace knew this, except him. Edward got to his feet, backed away and, with the letter in hand, he dodged his mentor, darted through the door and ran outside. Once there, out in the open, under the moonlight and the stars, in the air tinged with a deathly silence, Edward kneeled, looked up, and cried as though his soul was being ripped apart.

As Reldo remembered, it was a horrible noise, a cry of sheer anguish, frustration, and loss. Reldo went up beside him, carefully taking the letter from Edward’s unresisting hand, and felt he should read it before Edward had other ideas. Edward waited, his eyes fixated on the ground.

‘He’s dead,’ Edward whimpered, still looking down.

Reldo reached forward. ‘Edward…’

‘You lied to me.’ Edward stood up, away and out of reach.

‘It happened five years ago. Your father was still very angry at the time,’ Reldo explained. ‘Please, Edward. The whole kingdom needs you.’

It was at that moment, Reldo noticed, that a spark of hatred was once again visible in Edward’s eyes as he regarded his surroundings, unable to speak in his anger. His first thoughts were of revenge, of breaking those who had hurt him. He closed his eyes. He wanted no distractions. He had had enough.

‘My lord?’

Edward opened his eyes, turned to him, and said softly, ‘He’s dead.’

It was not revenge that he chose, in the end. He knew that no amount of killing, or torturing of priests, would bring his lover back or undo the past. He knew that, if he struck now, he would be struck in return. Revenge was not the way forward. The cycle must be broken, and someone had to give. He looked around him: the village, the prison, Reldo, and the wilderness in the north. What a horrible world.

Edward shook his head and stared at Reldo angrily. ‘I hope you’re proud of yourself, proud of when you could have done something, did nothing.’

It was not clear whom Edward was addressing to. It could have been Reldo, Ronny, the society, the world, or indeed, God. Before Reldo could respond, Edward turned and began to run, as far away as he could, to the north, to the wilderness. It didn’t matter where he went. He didn’t want to be found. He simply wanted to leave the wretched world behind, to a place where finally, he could be reunited with Tyler. It pained Reldo to see him go, to see the boy he taught should first end up a prisoner and now running for his life. But he also knew that there was no way to call him back, and if Edward had heard, he would not stop running. There, he stood, for half an hour, as he watched Edward receding in the distance, further and further away now, unreachable. He stood there, and looked on in silence, until the tiny shape finally vanished in the darkness.

King Roald III

Year 202