Brotherly Love - 3. Chapter 3

Being the keeper of a terrible secret certainly helped his confidence, but it made him restless and it was impossible to sleep. He replayed the whole scene in his mind, his heart throbbed with excitement as he once again recalled every detail, every word that was said in the room. Though the details of the event never changed, his perception of it would in the coming years, and so too would its meaning and its significance, as he began to realise that it was not the act, what his brother did, that mattered. What he saw was Edward, in love, and that was all there was to it, even though Ronny had yet to experience or understand what it meant to give up oneself completely for the love of another. He couldn’t have conceived it to be this way then. He was too young, too ignorant in the ways of the world. That was the simple truth he’d failed to grasp that evening, that it was an affair of the adult world and therefore none of his business. Over the years, he would learn to see from the same event what Edward was, rather than what he did. But at the time he felt the experience mustn’t be forgotten – it was something he could use, whenever the time came and this piece of information was required. He perceived it was so. As he drifted into sleep that night, he had no idea what awaited him on the next day, or what lurked in the shadow of his heart.

He woke up in the morning with more ease than ever. He was never more ready for the day, though he should be tired due to the lack of sleep. When a person was deprived of sleep, Reldo once said, he would be prone to suffer a degree of emotional instability. He grabbed the story he’d written last night and locked it in a casket as he reflected on what Reldo had said. It was a hypothesis only and, if it were true, it appeared Ronny must be the anomaly. He left his room with one arm trapping the casket against his side. Ronny was incredibly happy, and he’d forgotten why until Edward stepped out of his own room, further down the corridor. Edward turned, immediately noticing Ronny walking in his direction with a strange casket. He wondered what was in it.

‘Hey, little bro!’ Edward held out his hand for a high-five as Ronny rushed past him, wanting to escape questioning, avoiding eye-contact the whole while and ignoring Edward completely. To Ronny, Edward was a criminal and silence was what he deserved. God knew what he’d touched with that hand the night before. In any case, Ronny knew he wasn’t touching that hand ever again. He dreaded that Edward might come after him and demand an explanation for his rudeness. He quickened his pace.

From a distance, Edward shrugged and watched his brother retreating with incredulity. Confused as he was by the encounter, he had no wish to pursue his little brother. He too was in a lovely mood that morning, completely satisfied, feeling confident and loved. He watched Ronny hurry down the corridor, past the altar and down to the kitchen. Deciding not to let his mood being affected by his brother’s rejection, he conjured in his mind the image of Tyler and wondered what he was doing now. Maybe he should go and see him at some point during the day and make sure he was alright, but he knew it was difficult not to look suspicious when they were together in public – there was little reason why he, a prince, should speak with a kitchen boy privately. Breakfast would be served soon and there was no doubt Jasmine and King Vallance were seated in the dining hall already, perhaps speaking with his father. Instead of charging downstairs to meet the three of them which suggested eagerness, an impression he ought not to convey, Edward preferred to stay in his room until he was summoned. Their guests would be leaving this afternoon and it would all be over. Edward sighed and returned to his room. On his desk were books on the history of elves he had borrowed from Reldo and on the side was the telescope he’d gotten from Tyler the night before. Maybe he should see if it actually worked. He picked up the telescope impatiently, stepped over to the windows and peered down at the kitchen. The focus was wrong. It took him a moment to adjust. He searched for a few seconds, but there was no sign of Tyler and it annoyed him greatly. There was nobody else he wanted to see more that day. Maybe he was addicted to his lover. He missed him that much already, and he felt ridiculous that he should. In reality, he had only been gone for a few hours.

It would appear that Ronny was in the kitchen now, speaking with the chef, presumably asking for information on the dessert tonight. The chef was frying bacon, or was at least trying to. Ronny was persistent with his questions, unaware that everyone in the kitchen was ordered to put on a meal in half the time they were accustomed to. Edward thought he might go down and reason with his brother, also hopeful that he might catch sight of Tyler but eventually he decided against it. If he did, one of them was bound to give in and get into trouble. Or worse, a bigot with the eyes of an owl might notice something between them, out them in public and all would be over. It was more trouble than it was worth. He stepped away from the windows, smiling sadly to himself as he recalled from Ronny’s persistence with the chef that he used to do the very same when he was a child. Then, he understood the world differently and now he saw everything he had lost. It was as though through the windows he saw the world he once knew. As a child, he was a lot freer and there was no one to shadow his every achievement. He was encouraged by his mother and father to discover his talents and interests. He believed in God and the teachings of the church, up until one point. He believed all virtues would be rewarded. In a way, he rather missed being a child, with his innocent thoughts, dreams, and a chance to ask his mother again how in the name of God it was possible that he, a human being, was born, made out of nothing if not from the food she ate everyday, or that if he continued eating, it would in turn lead him to pregnancy.

Edward sat by his desk and decided to do some light reading. He had forgotten to make his bed this morning for the first time in months. He could leave it to the servants, who by now would have gotten used to the fact that Edward liked to make his own bed. But this was a very special day. Sticking to his plan, he would wait here and read until he was summoned. Wasn’t he lucky? A prince, privileged, educated, and in love. He wanted little else. Still, as he flicked to the first page of the book, The History of Isafdar, he couldn’t help but recall again his brother’s inexplicable rudeness this morning in the corridor. Something must have happened to Ronny, though he wasn’t sure what. Maybe he could ask him about it later and demand the truth. He wondered to himself what Ronny was doing now.

* * * * *

Just outside the kitchen about thirty yards away, Ronny had just finished digging on the bit of soil between the palace wall and the large yew tree there. He had left the kitchen through the backdoor and found a spade left by the gardeners on the side. He had snatched it in the blink of an eye and dashed behind the tree where the shadow concealed him from sight while he dug. He had discovered the desserts from the ill-tempered chef and that breakfast would not be ready for the next half hour, which suggested plenty of time to put his story away. As he finished digging, he suddenly felt a rush of tenderness towards the poor casket that would never again see the light of day and he wanted to kiss it goodbye but ended up waving instead. Then he buried it. In time, the casket would be forgotten, but the deed would still be there, so that even when the rest of the world belonged to Edward, here, in that dark casket was where Ronny achieved his ultimate victory.

Feeling satisfied, particularly about his deep interpretation for what he had done, he went to the dining hall where breakfast was about to be served. To his surprise, Edward and his mother were already there. The King indicated he should have the seat opposite of Edward. He could not bring himself to meet his brother’s eyes yet and all the while he felt Edward’s gaze burning his skin, as though he was interrogating him where the casket had gone. The Kings had to encourage conversation between Edward and Jasmine, both unresponsive to questions and prompts. Maybe they were still embarrassed about yesterday evening. Usually Edward would be putting everybody at ease. Sitting across him, Ronny could feel, rather than saw, that Edward was distracted, perhaps by inappropriate thoughts. Once Ronny deemed Edward safe to establish eye contact, he looked up from his plate.

‘Have you slept well, Edward?’ Queen Tanya asked.

‘Very well. Thank you, Mother.’

‘Goodness, you are blushing,’ the Queen smiled.

Edward looked away, unwilling to be interrogated. Now servants, in a neat single file emerged from the kitchen, bringing breakfast around. There was the usual sound of wobbly dinner trolleys, and Ronny could swear that Edward jumped a little when Tyler walked into the room. They were both trying very hard to be expressionless.

‘Enjoy your meal,’ Tyler said to Edward as he placed breakfast before him. It was the same as everybody else’s: omelettes, toast, bacon, mushroom, and beans.

‘Thank you,’ replied Edward, giving his words a seductive ending. Tyler punched him quickly on the shoulder.

‘Ow.’

‘What was that?’ the King inquired. Tyler was already hurrying out of sight.

‘Nothing.’

Ronny, who from where he sat saw everything, said, ‘Yeah, right.’

Amazed, Edward simply stared at him. Just how much did his brother know, about them? What if he knew something? What if he knew nothing? What if… So many possibilities crossed Edward’s mind at that moment, it was impossible to stay calm. It was in his intention to follow up on what was said because, not only to satisfy his own curiosity, but also, if Ronny really did know something, he had to make sure his brother was fine with it. Better to tell him in person than to have a freaked out brother, who could do anything. But the subject was dropped when the King again attempted, for the third time that morning, to encourage conversation between Edward and Jasmine, this time by asking for their opinions on children in general. Edward said he loved children, and Jasmine wasn’t sure. Ronny looked away, as if there was nothing more he wanted to say on the subject that mattered most to Edward. What struck Edward as strange was that, for the rest of that day, Ronny had deliberately avoided him. Maybe Ronny’s intention was to allow time for Edward to wonder how much he really knew, and savour his brother’s agony when the answer was maliciously held.

When their guests had finally gone for good after breakfast, Ronny, wanting to escape Edward’s questioning, ran to the library. For once he was early for his lesson with Reldo. It should have been a good day, after such a promising start, with the departure of the guests and his crime successfully buried, but Ronny could not have foreseen a report on the legend of Arrav coming (and Reldo expected it to be at least ten pages long, and due in by the end of the week). When the lesson had finished, he wanted to complain to his mother about his assignment. On his way to her room he met the son of a squire, Alan, who asked for the whereabouts of Edward. Another follower, or fan, of Edward. Ronny didn’t know where Edward was, and he told him so. Alan went reluctantly away. It occurred to him this was a bitter reminder that highlighted yet again what he already knew – he was a friendless individual, another sad fact he’d rather not be reminded of. Even when at last he finally reached his mother’s room and had told her how terrible his day had been, she only muttered to herself that it would all be over soon.

In the late afternoon, he was summoned by the King. He knew nothing good would come of it. Whenever he was summoned, if it was not a scold, it would be a lecture on how he should have done better. He was not good enough – only Edward was. Usually, Ronny would remain silent in these sessions, but this day was not any other day. Today was a special day. Therefore, if it was indeed going to be a scold, he decided he was not going to take all that crap again.

‘Why can’t you be a bit more like your brother, and make me proud for once?’ For thirty minutes, the King went on about how Ronny failed to put the guests at ease, did little, spoken little during their visit, and he had embarrassed the whole family, while Edward this morning could be excused because he was simply shy when it came to women. Ronny had no excuse.

The fact was, none of the grown-ups were sociable or keen enough to speak with one as young as Ronny. But the mention of Edward sparked a fuse somewhere, immediately reminding Ronny of what he had seen in the altar the previous night. And it couldn’t have helped either, when Tyler walked into the room and started cleaning the table on the side. Make the King proud? He knew nothing about Edward. It was Ronny’s role to tell him how much he really knew.

Without thinking, Ronny said, ‘At least I’m not gay and I don’t fondle kitchen boys at night.’

There was a sharp, sickening crack as the dishes fell from Tyler’s hands, scattering across the floor in pieces. The King turned to him.

‘Sorry,’ Tyler muttered, preparing to gather the fragments. The King’s eyes returned to Ronny.

‘What did you say?’

‘You heard me. Edward is gay. That’s why he’ll never love Jasmine…’

The King slapped Ronny so hard that he lost balance and fell. It didn’t make sense, as informers, particularly when informing the truth, should be rewarded. The Queen at this moment walked into the room and was immediately horrified by the scene. The King glanced back at her, his face bright red. With the Queen present, he decided against further violence and instead paced about the room furiously. It was in this moment when so many parts of a puzzle came together: Edward had never shown interest in any woman, he was always trying to avoid conversations regarding Jasmine and he always disagreed when it was mentioned that he should find a female partner soon. But still, what Ronny suggested was quite improbable…

‘You can always ask him,’ said Ronny, as though sensing his father’s thoughts. Then he added, ‘If you want.’

Tyler was visibly shaking now, and he instinctively darted for the door, only to be halted by a sound from the King.

‘You stay where you are.’