The Seventh Wing - 5. Chapter 5

Almost four months to the day from his arrival at Igen Weyr, J'day returned to his weyr for mid-day to see F'rian sitting at the table sketching. That in itself was not strange. No, the first thing that caught J'day's attention was the lack of shirt. Even in the coolness of the stone quarters, a light sheen of sweat covered the greenrider's back and shoulders. J'day's hands curled into fists and he lingered for a moment in the doorway, closing his eyes. He hadn't actually had intercourse since leaving Fort and to have Gibbrenth go from lusting after every green that so much as moved to complete celibacy was wrecking havoc on his self-control, especially as dealing with F'rian and especially since the Games.

Weyrleader T'rar gave the whole weyr downtime, aside from watchrider duty, following their victorious return from Nerat Hold. They hadn't won enough to take first place overall, but they'd retained their second-place status and they had triumphed in the exhibition and flame-drill events. J'day hadn't been there for the awards portion of the night, so he wasn't entirely sure what their prizes entailed, but Igen had come out very well and the Weyrleader was pleased indeed.

Now that the excitement over the annual festivities was past, J'day and his two new wing-seconds, R'dan and G'roth, had sat down to seriously start reviewing files to build the new wing. They met every morning after J'day's briefings with D'cor, choosing an empty Ready Room at random until J'day decided on the one he wanted.

There were three empty wingleader weyrs for J'day to choose from, now that there was no doubt about his permanent status at Igen. He actually liked the one furthest from the Lower Caverns, with a ledge that jutted out above the lake. The only human access came from the tunnels inside the walls of the crater itself, which was, J'day thought, the main reason no one had claimed it before. The ledge was large enough for three large dragons to comfortably snooze, and although the entrance faced West, the breeze off of the lake kept the interior pleasantly cool.

Inside, the weyr had four main rooms, a real luxury, but the best part was the Wing Ready Room, built with its own, separate entrance from the weyr itself. Access to the Ready Room could be had through a short corridor and open entrance from the ledge or through a doorway that led into the weyr itself, into a smaller room that J'day planned on using as his office. The Ready Room had its own table, which could easily sit thirty men, and a large slab of slate that completely occupied the length of one wall. The office had a desk that was twice the size of J'day's current one, with its own hearth, chairs and rugs.

An actual door led from the office into the main portion of the weyr, a large, airy room with a high ceiling. The small kitchenette was built into a recess in the wall and the whole thing faced the dragons' chamber, just like a Weyrwoman's quarters. J'day knew that Lioleth would love it. The sleeping alcove was almost its own separate room, with a narrow, curtained entrance rather than a door, and had direct access to the bathing room and necessary. On the far side of the weyr was the exit to the tunnels and interior hallways of the Weyr proper.

Sure, when there were dragons and their riders splashing in the lake, it could be noisy, but J'day rather thought the benefits outweighed the negative aspects, and he thought that F'rian would appreciate the subtle isolation. He just wished he had the courage to tell the greenrider that they'd be moving soon.

J'day shook his head and paced through his weyr towards the sleeping alcove, giving F'rian a wide berth. That was when he noticed the humming. He stopped and looked back. The greenrider had no ear for music; it was almost comical. He never sang, though he could keep time well enough, but J'day had only heard F'rian humming once before. He spun on his heel and ran outside.

Lioleth slept in the remaining patch of sun on the ledge, as was customary for her at this hour of the day. J'day scanned her with a critical eye, but could see nothing out of the ordinary. He turned to the sleeping Gibbrenth and was about to heave a sigh of relief when he realized that the bronze, though he looked to be asleep, was far too tense. His muscles bunched just under the skin and, looking more carefully, J'day saw that Gibbrenth had one eye half-open, just watching the green. He cautiously reached past the common, surface thoughts of his dragon and caught a flash of lust and anticipation.

"Shards!" he murmured.

He surveyed the bowl and the other dragons, but again could see nothing out of the ordinary. Most were asleep, basking in the sun while their riders slept through the heat of the day. Although still only late spring-early summer, the temperature was akin to a hot, late-summer day at Fort Weyr. Only a handful of people dotted the weyr bowl, most having sought the coolness of the interior, if they couldn't otherwise sleep.

"No." He was almost pleading, but with whom or what, J'day didn't know if he could ever have said. He didn't want to believe, but the signs were all there. Lioleth would be rising soon, probably very soon.

He wavered in the entrance of the weyr, fighting off the muddled sensitivity of his dragon, unsure what he should do. He knew what he wanted to do, but F'rian had let J'day know, in no uncertain terms, that he just wasn't ready. After that one, startling kiss, J'day had had such high hopes, and the reality was maddening. He'd found F'rian, not with Lioleth like he'd expected, but at the beach. F'rian had been pacing, and doing a passably good job of limping on both feet. He'd started like a skittish colt when he heard J'day approach and had immediately started apologizing. Initially amused, J'day hadn't even tried figuring out what F'rian had been trying to say. He just waited until the verbal vomit had drawn to a close and had persuaded the greenrider to sit on one of the large rocks that dotted the shore. Silently, J'day had handed F'rian the wineskin, waiting silently until he gulped a few mouthfuls.

Then, leaning back, the food packet between them, he'd asked, "Now, just what is it that you think you need to apologize for?"

F'rian had almost dropped the wineskin, giving J'day another wide-eyed stare before turning back to stare at the sunset over the water. "It's just," he'd said quietly, "the Weyrs ... dont ... you were raised -- this is natural, and I -- I just --"

"F'rian," J'day had interrupted, "have you ever kissed a man before?"

"Yes."

Eyebrows practically in his hairline, J'day had to pause, thinking quickly as his assumptions had been suddenly turned on their ear. "Er, then you do like men?"

"But I didn't know it was wrong, I swear!"

"Wrong?" J'day had cried, jaw dropping open. He had to fist his hands in his trousers to keep from gathering F'rian into a hug. "Who told you that?"

"W-w-well, I --"

"Look, it doesn't matter, I'm sorry." Leaning forward, he had peered into the other's face. "F'rian," he had asked quietly, "did no one talk to you about ... er, about sex, when you were a weyrling?"

"Well, I don't -- y-yes, of course, but I didn't understand! Not alot of monogamy in a weyr, I got that, there's tales, you know. The girls all -- there was talk, I guess." F'rian had closed his eyes and turned away, swallowing, to whisper, "I w-wanted it, you see, but I was -- everyone was ... I ... I just ... I don't know."

With a groan, J'day had slumped back on the rock. He could picture it all too well. Dragons matured within about three turns. J'day had only been fourteen for his first encounter, terrified and confused and too caught up in his dragon's lust to do more than just be carried along, even knowing what was happening. Bronzes rose for queen dragons, not greens, not usually. He'd expected to have far longer to prepare himself. Luckily, the woman he'd ended up with had been very understanding, but J'day had taken pains to broaden his education in that area before he'd been required to take part in another flight.

"Was Lioleth's first, your first, too?"

F'rian had not immediately answered. He had massaged his left thigh absently, and stared at his toes. When he'd finally said, "No," J'day had had to choke back his first words.

"Er," he'd started to say.

"It wasn't ... they -- I don't want to talk about it."

J'day grabbed F'rian's shoulder as the man had made as if to leave. "F'rian, please, tell me."

Yanking his shoulder free, the greenrider had only given J'day a pained look. "I'm sorry, J'day, I just -- I just can't."

"It's okay," J'day had assured him quickly, suddenly scared that if he let F'rian out of his sight, he'd never see him again. "You don't have to tell me, but, F'rian? It's okay to be nervous."

That had earned him another look. "I'm not! I ... It -- it is?"

He'd smiled gently and grabbed the wineskin for a long draught. Taking a deep breath, he'd leaned forward, turning his face to look the taller man in the eye. "Look, F'rian, I need to know. Did you mean anything by back there?"

F'rian had bitten his lip and looked away, muttering something under his breath. J'day had to sit on his hands this time.

"What?" he'd asked, when it became obvious that F'rian wasn't going to repeat himself.

There was still light enough for J'day to see the blush spreading across F'rian's face. "I didn't like it, the way he was looking at you," he'd finally mumbled a little louder. Then his eyes had lifted to meet J'day's. "You're mine," he'd said.

J'day had laughed then, for F'rian had sounded just like his dragon, and he'd been too delighted and relieved to take offense, but, staring back through the weyr at him now, J'day knew only frustration. He'd thought that their little talk would bring them closer together, but F'rian had been more distant than ever. Now he didn't know what to do. Should he go to F'rian, say something? Should he just wait? Should he block the doors so he couldn't get away? Idea after crazy idea flashed through his head, and then it was too late.

Lioleth woke and uncurled from her nap in a single bound, stretching sensuously and leaping for the top of the cliffs. Brown and blue and even a few bronzes sprang into action, the weyr bowl coming instantly to life as riders started making their way towards F'rian.

"Lio?" he heard F'rian call, from inside. He only talked aloud to his dragon when thoroughly distracted or upset. The bronzerider tore his gaze away from his own dragon to look back inside. F'rian leaned crazily against one wall. J'day's feet took him to F'rian's side immediately, to take his arm and help him outside.

The greenrider's eyes were glazed over and distant, gray-green and hazy. He stared up at his dragon as she called again and F'rian reeled, clutching at J'day.

"J'day!" he cried.

The bronzerider fought back against Gibbrenth's hold on his mind, striving to keep enough of himself separate to help F'rian. "Go with her," he urged. "Let go."

F'rian's hands tightened on J'day's arm to the point of pain. He winced, but the vise-like grip helped him concentrate. F'rian shuddered and stepped even closer, dragging J'day to one side as other riders started to congregate around them, coming up the short flight of steps to the dragon's ledge.

Lioleth screamed again, a call of fury, of contempt at her suitors. She launched from the weyr's edge and flew, straight up, as if to fly into the sun itself before leveling out across the plains. Through the eyes of Gibbrenth, J'day followed, his wings beating strongly, confidence and the thrill of the chase pounding in his veins. But he could also sense a growing uneasiness as the green dragon trilled again, more uncertainly, and lowered her head into a straight line, putting on a burst of speed that left the other dragons far behind.

F'rian wrenched J'day's arm painfully, shoving the bronzerider in the path of another man who approached too close. F'rian had his back against a wall in the dragons' chamber, using J'day as a human shield against men who had no concept of the huge amount of personal space F'rian required. In the current state of things, they were not of much mind to care, either.

"J'day!" whimpered the greenrider and J'day blinked into those panicky eyes and face and swore silently to himself. It wasn't Lioleth who was afraid; it was F'rian, and his internal terrors were leaking to his dragon.

"Calm ... down," he managed to say. "Trust in Lioleth. F'rian! Block off your fear!"

Movement came strangely stilted, as J'day remained partially with Gibbrenth, the shadows of much larger forearms or wings causing him to misjudge and requiring two tries to cup a cheek in his free hand, directing the greenrider's gaze down to his eyes.

"F'rian, listen to me. Listen! You must calm down! Trust your dragon. Be with Lioleth!"

Through the link with his bronze, J'day saw the green dragon pause in her headstrong flight. She looked back, confused and uncertain. The chasing dragons plowed into one another in their efforts to stop, as she had. Weight slammed into Gibbrenth from behind and both rider and dragon fell. Lioleth screamed in pain as a much larger brown grasped after her with his talons, raking huge gashes across her shoulders. She struggled; the brown dug in tighter. A surge of fury overcame Gibbrenth's natural inclination to leave off the pursuit.

Cheek in the gritty sand of the dragon's chamber, J'day heard both dragon and rider scream and he fought the hold Gibbrenth had on his mind to try and figure out what was going on. He lay on the floor, half-in, half-out of the weyr, other riders tumbled to the stone behind him. Weight pinned J'day's legs to the ground. F'rian screamed, echoing strangely in the bronzerider's ears with another scream from Lioleth.

Another rider, he couldn't tell who, his bleary eyes couldn't tell him that much, had F'rian around the waist, dragging him towards the sleeping couch. F'rian was having as much trouble with his limbs as J'day seemed to be, but everything about him shouted out in fear. The rider threw F'rian down, and then hit him as he struggled to get away.

"J'day! J'day!" cried F'rian, cowering away from the other man.

J'day saw red, could feel his dragon's rage as his own. Gibbrenth beat his wings furiously to catch up, to build into speed for a dive. Lioleth still struggled, the brown dragon raking her back with his claws, trying for a better grip. J'day lurched across the inner weyr, tripping on discarded clothes without truly being cognizant of how they'd gotten there. Gibbrenth slammed into the brown dragon at the same time that J'day threw himself against the brown's rider. The rider, a brief look of shock on his face, hit the wall on the far side, slid down to the floor, and remained still. The brown dragon dropped away.

Gibbrenth reached out for the plummeting green, crooning in encouragement, catching her in gentle claws and teeth and twinning their tails together. J'day fell on F'rian in an untidy heap, calling his name, and clutching the shivering man to him. The greenrider's arms went around J'day's back, seizing fistfuls of fabric. He pressed his face into J'day's chest and sobbed.

How they ended up with J'day on the bottom, the bronzerider couldn't say, but he retained the presence of mind to only curl his own arms around F'rian and hang on, however much his body demanded and screamed at him for satisfaction.

He woke to cramps in his arms, with the dimmer light of late afternoon streaming through the open curtain outside. F'rian still shivered, still resting between J'day's thighs, still pressing himself so tightly against J'day's chest that he wondered how he could still breathe. He sent out a tentative query to Gibbrenth and found that the two dragons rested in the remains of the day before they would come back.

F'rian stirred, pushing up to stare down into J'day's eyes. He slithered forward a little, making J'day's groin whimper with need, and then the two riders were lip and lip. The kiss was awkward and not-quite right, but J'day acted instinctively to lift his chin and shift F'rian just that little bit to bring them closer together. J'day groaned, eyes falling closed, arms tightening around his partner. Heat pulsated madly in his groin, his pants suddenly so unbelievably tight he didn't know if he could stand it another minute. He'd never been so excited about a close-mouthed kiss in his life!

J'day wasn't about to let such an opportunity pass him by. His right arm was on fire, but he pushed the pain to the back of his mind. Sliding one hand up the scarred shoulders to cup the back of F'rian's head, he coaxed the mouth open with his tongue to deepen the kiss. F'rian tried to draw back, but J'day didn't let him go, instead wrapping his legs around the other man's hips and holding on tighter. F'rian's eyes popped open and J'day let him retreat from the kiss. The greenrider arched his back, pushing up with his arms, but froze as J'day's fingers hovered over a couple of pressure points, not so far gone that he didn't remember what J'day could do with one, quick jab.

"Easy," said J'day soothingly. "It's okay, F'rian, it's me. You're safe, okay? I won't hurt you."

F'rian's eyes darted from side to side, as if by refusing to look at J'day he could deny the whole situation. The bronzerider smiled as reassuringly as he could and rocked his hips slightly so that their erections rubbed together. F'rian bit his lip, but not in time to stop his breathy moan. J'day repeated the motion and was rewarded by a deeper groan.

"What -- what are you doing?"

"Trust me," said J'day.

The color of F'rian's eyes was impossible to determine with what little light there was shining from behind him, but his face was more open than J'day had yet seen. He looked painfully undecided.

"Please," J'day whispered.

F'rian's eyes slid closed again and J'day thought he'd lost him, but then his whole body went limp and he sank, shivering, back into J'day's arms and hiding his face in J'day's neck. J'day blinked back tears and slowly rubbed his palms up and down his greenrider's back until the shaking eased once more.

"It's alright," he crooned. "Shh, everything's going to be fine."

When J'day's fingers found and followed one of the scar ridges, he heard F'rian gasp, and his body shivered again. J'day smiled. So, the skin was sensitive, was it? He continued the caress, teasing more shivers from his partner and a soft moan. Having dropped his legs back to the sleeping couch when F'rian had ceased struggling, J'day bent his knees and lifted a little to rub their hips together again. F'rian gasped, jerking his head back. J'day was gratified to feel the resulting hardness. He kept up the caresses, but dropped one hand to F'rian's hips to help guide him. He started to reach inside the breeks, but tension snapped through F'rian's body instantly and J'day withdrew. His fingers lingered instead over the small of F'rian's back.

Months of tension and no outlet brought J'day to a quick, rushing release. He lay still, eyes closed and panting, sated if not really satisfied, and then picked up the rocking motion again to bring F'rian to his conclusion.

Finished, the greenrider drew back and slid down to press his cheek once more into J'day's chest, hands sliding up to curl around his shoulders. F'rian let out a small sigh and fell instantly back to sleep. J'day was not far behind, but woke up again only a couple hours later, cold and desperately needing to use the necessary. F'rian still clung to him, but he was as limp in sleep as he was tense and edgy awake and hardly stirred when J'day eased out from under him. The bronzerider paused to draw covers over the sleeping rider, running a hand over the scars and watching the skin shiver under his touch. He sighed.

His own needs taken care of, J'day saw that the other riders, even the one he'd bashed unconscious, were gone, and he sighed again in relief. The dragons had returned as well and J'day roused them both, demanding that Gibbrenth escort his lady to the dragon infirmary. He walked there, and, half-way there, realized that he could have just flown, but that another of F'rian's habits had worn off on him. F'rian preferred to walk everywhere, even when it would be faster or easier to just hop across the bowl on dragon-back. Running a hand through his hair in frustration, J'day hunted down the dragon healer on duty.

"Rough flight?"

He blinked. "Sorry?"

Coryn smiled, but kindly, and tugged at J'day's shirt. He hadn't even realized it'd been torn. He supposed that he ought to be grateful he'd had the sense to change his pants. That could have been really embarassing.

"Looks like things got rough. Where is she?"

"Oh. Yeah, something like that," he replied absently, calling his dragon. "Here they come."

In the light of the cavern's glows, Lioleth's injuries looked even worse than J'day had thought. He winced as Coryn sent him a scathing glance.

"Where's her rider?" she asked, hauling out a step-ladder to better survey the injuries.

"Still asleep."

"Well, if his dragon's any indication, then you should probably both see a healer. Hmm, some of these need sutures. I need to fetch the master. Wait here."

Gibbrenth thoughtfully extended a forearm and J'day sat down, leaning into his dragon's side. The clatter of healers and their various supplies roused him and the dragons, and they watched with interest as the wounds were cleaned out, dabbed with numbweed and the appropriate ones stitched closed.

"I'm sorry, girl," J'day murmured to Lioleth.

She blinked at him slowly, eyes dull from pain. We match.

"That ... that is true, I suppose," he replied.

"Rider J'day," said Master Everin as his assistants helped settle Lioleth into a bay.

The bronzerider straightened up at the harsh tone, turning to face the dragon healer reluctantly.

"Injuries of that nature from a mating flight are unacceptable!"

"I know, sir," he tried to head off the lecture, but the man refused to be distracted. His voice rose until he was shouting, cowing even Gibbrenth until the bronze realized, from J'day, that the healer thought that he'd been the one to do the clawing. Gibbrenth's angry growl and sudden, threatening posture put an awkward halt to the tirade. J'day hastily calmed his dragon.

He didn't know, of course he'd assume!

He shouldn't! snorted the bronze. I would never!

"Please, Gibbrenth," J'day continued out loud. "Calm down, he didn't mean it. Go on back to the weyr now, I'm sure F'rian would love your company."

He sleeps.

I know. Just go. Please. The healers will take good care of Lioleth.

Oh, very well.

J'day sighed. "I apologize, Master," he said to Everin. "Gibbrenth thought you were accusing him of making those marks. He's tired or he wouldn't be so testy."

The healer seemed slightly mollified, if not even more curious. "I apologize, too, Bronzerider, I did assume that you had won the flight, I thought that's what I had understood from earlier."

"We did, and it's a long story, but Gibbrenth has never hurt another dragon in a mating flight. He was rather insulted by the accusation."

"I see," he said, even though he clearly didn't understand at all.

"How long will she be in here?"

"Just overnight. Those wounds should heal quickly enough. Fit to fly in a day or two, I should think."

"That's good. I'll have F'rian come see her first thing in the morning, see if we can't convince Lioleth to mind you."

The healer's mouth quirked. "That would certainly be appreciated, Rider. Now, what about you, then?"

"Me?"

"Coryn, why don't you help our young friend to the infirmary to get patched up. And yes, you, Bronzerider, you look a sight."

He followed the healer woman obediently enough, content to let Master Okato fuss over him. The healer tsked at the deep bruising on his arm, rubbing in some numbweed and setting him in a sling.

"You're off the duty roster," the healer decreed, heedless of J'day's groan. "Just rest should do the trick. I'll give you some more salve, too."

"You certainly do make mating flights exciting around here," said a droll voice from the door.

"Wingleader!" J'day exclaimed. "I apologize! I completely forgot about --"

"Your weyrmate's flight should have come first, J'day, don't fret. It was understandable." He moved over to stand next to where the younger rider sat. "Can you tell me what happened?"

"Started out all right, I suppose," said J'day slowly. He shook his head. "There was no warning, none at all. Took us both by surprise, but F'rian stayed with Lioleth at first. I'm not sure if he realized what was going on or if he couldn't suppress his own instincts anymore or what, I wasn't fully coherent myself, but there was some confusion and dragons collided. Lioleth panicked, that's how she got scratched." He rubbed his head sheepishly. "She'll be out for a few days."

D'cor groaned. F'rian and Lioleth had only just been returned to active duty. "And you and F'rian?"

"Gibbrenth shoved off the brown who had Lioleth and I got to F'rian, calmed them both down again. She's resting in the infirmary and F'rian's still asleep."

"And your arm?"

"Just bruised."

"Hmm."

"Sir --"

D'cor held up a hand. "Don't fret, J'day. Enjoy the time off, it's probably the last little bit of freedom you'll have. Have your wingseconds write the reports for awhile, it'll do them good."

"Yes, sir."

"What I wanted to tell you earlier is that the Weyrleader wants your final roster in the morning. I'll talk to him tonight. Just get it in as soon as possible."

"Yes, sir."

"I thought I told you not to call me 'sir'?"

"Ah, force of habit, s -- er, D'cor."

"You'll get used to it. And J'day?"

"Yes?"

"Make sure you get your new insignia. T'rar will want you in uniform when he makes the announcement. It'll happen soon."

Excitement and apprehension sent shivers up and down J'day's spine, but his thrilled smile remained as he returned to the weyr with a pot of klah and a selection of pasties tucked in his sling. He set everything down on the table and carefully stoked and then banked the fire, setting the klah in the coals to keep warm. Shedding the ruined shirt, he sat on the edge of the sleeping couch and pulled off his boots and breeks. Turning around, he almost laughed.

F'rian still lay face-down, sprawled haphazardly diagonally across the large bed. The greenrider didn't snore, but he was making soft little wheezing sounds through his nose as he breathed. J'day wrestled off F'rian's boots and pulled his pants the rest of the way off before settling the bedfurs back around him. With his own tired sigh, J'day curled up in the remaining space, reaching out for Gibbrenth's unconditional love to help settle himself into sleep.

He woke suddenly from half-remembered dreams and groaned as his arm made its pains known to him. He started to move and froze. Warmth enveloped him from the top of his head to the bottoms of his feet. A muscular arm was his pillow, the hairs tickling his nose, and another arm curled around his chest, fingers entwined with his own, legs entangled. F'rian's soft breath stirred the hair by J'day's ear. He tried to relax again, but there were places on his body that were not taking instruction very well. Groaning, he scrambled free and staggered into the bathing room.

F'rian rose a little later, rubbing his eyes and walking, still half-asleep, directly towards the necessary facilities. J'day sank a little lower in the hot pool. The greenrider caught sight of J'day on his way back out, more awake now, and paused. He turned, turned again, started to leave, and then walked across the pool to sit across from J'day in the hot water. The bronzerider stared at him, too shocked for words.

"I ... didn't want to wait," said F'rian. He lifted his arms over the sides and stretched out his legs. J'day had to scoot to the side to make space.

Relaxing, relaxing, J'day told himself, striving to put aside the irreverent thoughts streaming into his head.

"Um, about yesterday," began F'rian, staring intently across the small space.

"Y-yeah? What about it?"

F'rian sat up suddenly. "What happened?"

J'day gawked. "What?"

"I mean, I know ... um ... that is, I think I know, at least some, but it doesn't make sense to me. Lio only tells me that everything is fine and she's scaring the boys trying to paint her with numbweed. How'd she get hurt, J'day? I don't remember that! I should -- I should know, m-my dragon, I ...."

"F'rian." The bronzerider sat upright, taking the greenrider's gesturing hand in his own. "Lioleth is fine. If she's got enough strength to harass the apprentices, then she's more than fine. Don't worry about it, Gib and I took her to the infirmary last night."

F'rian snatched his hand away, staring at the offended limb. "But that's just the thing!" he exclaimed. "Why you? Why didn't she wake me? She's done it before, lots of times before, but, since ... you, she asks you for everything!"

"Only while you were recovering," J'day protested, his insides twisting a little. "You weren't in any shape to get up. I was. End of story. I mean, have you even taken a look at yourself?" He leaned out of the pool and fetched one of the little shaving mirrors. "Here."

The greenrider fingered his split, swollen lip and puffy cheek tenderly, wiggling his jaw a little. The look he turned back to J'day was, if that were possible, even more haunted than before.

"You wouldn't hit me."

He spoke in a whisper and his hand suddenly shook around the mirror. Looking away, F'rian lifted his other hand to his mouth. "By the Egg, J'day!" he cried. "Tell me what happened! I ... thought ... that it had to be a dream -- just a dream! -- because I woke up with you!"

"Nothing happened," said J'day carefully, holding up both hands in what he hoped was a soothing gesture. "Gibbrenth and I got pushed aside by another rider and his dragon. I didn't expect that, there were some things that happened in the flight, but everything came out fine."

F'rian stared at him for a minute. "So you did -- did we ...?"

"No."

The green rider slumped against the tiled edges of the pool. He stared down at his hands and then threw the mirror suddenly against the wall. J'day gaped, first at the trickle of shards, and then at the man who, just as suddenly, broke down in tears.

"Um, F'rian?"

"Don't touch me!"

J'day stilled, but only for a minute, and then he stepped across the deeper center to sit next to F'rian and put his good arm around the man's shoulders. In one swift move, F'rian turned and threw his own arms around J'day's neck, leaning his chin against his shoulder. The tears ended as soon as they'd begun, but F'rian remained, still shaking slightly. J'day just held him quietly, content to bask in the simple contact.

"Lioleth," said F'rian quietly, after a long moment, "says that you're good for me. I ... I guess she's right."

"That's funny," said J'day. "Gib told me the same thing, right after we first met."

Their eyes met and the two men laughed.

"Meddlesome, match-making dragons," said J'day, rolling his eyes. "So, are you hungry?"

"Yeah."

"Then let's get cleaned up and dressed. I brought some things back last night, so we don't have to brave the dining hall until later. Sound good?"

"Yes, thank you, J'day." F'rian frowned a bit. "You're always doing things for me and I'm always thanking you. I --"

"It's my pleasure, F'rian."

"But, what do you get out of it?"

"Get out of it?" J'day echoed. He cocked his head. F'rian still looked guilty. "Hey, is that it? You think I'm trying to make you indebted to me?"

F'rian flicked at the warm water with his fingers, looking down. "I'm just a greenrider, I have noth --"

"Oh, for the love of little dragons," sighed J'day. He seized F'rian's chin and kissed him, sucking gently on the swollen lip. There was an instant, as the greenrider jerked backwards, that J'day thought he was about to be shoved aside or slugged, but then F'rian brought up both hands to cup J'day's face and leaned into the kiss. He surrendered as F'rian pressed for control, relaxing and letting the greenrider take the lead.

"We did something," said F'rian, his breath soft on J'day's face. "Didn't we?"

J'day had his arms by his sides, eyes half-closed at the unfamiliar sensation of F'rian's rough palms on his scruffy cheeks. "Yes," he answered, going fully alert as a pang of alarm shot through him. "Was it okay?"

F'rian blushed, letting his hands fall. He most likely would have backed away if he had room. "I thought you said you didn't want anything from me."

"I want you," said J'day, holding F'rian's startled gaze. "You. That's what I want. You, Lioleth, and whatever problems it is that you think you have. I want you and I want ... I want to be yours."

"W-why? You're so b -- um, handsome, and I'm --"

"Don't you dare say you're ugly. No one can even see your scars most of the time. You don't seem like a vain person, what is it, really?"

F'rian's gaze dropped again, staring down into the water. J'day sighed, abandoning the question. He pushed at F'rian's chin with a finger, forcing him to look up.

"You're brave, and you're strong," he said. "You're tall --"

"Not really."

"Taller than me, then."

"That's not hard."

"Would you stop arguing?" said J'day, exasperated. He shook his head, smiling. "You're also kind and helpful and willing to stand up for what you believe. I admire you. I have admired you for a long, long time, since the very first moment I saw you. Yes, you, who wanted a bronze and was claimed by a green with a heart of gold."

"You were at my Impression."

"Yes. One of my cousins was a candidate. Didn't Impress."

"So you saw?"

"Yes." J'day lightly brushed the top edges of F'rian's scars where they peeked over his shoulder. "I remember you standing there, so tall and proud, and then, even after getting these," he touched again, feeling F'rian shiver, "your only concern was for your dragonet. It was amazing. I never forgot. And then, when I saw you last turn, at the Games, you were all I could think about." He leaned forward and touched his lips to the scars. F'rian started, but he didn't move away. "I dreamed about meeting you, tried to find any excuse at all to come by here, dropping off messages, anything, just to try and get another look." He teased the scar tissue with his tongue.

F'rian gasped softly, his head lolling backwards and slightly to the side as his hands came up to clutch J'day's shoulders. The bronzerider smiled and placed a kiss on the join between shoulder and neck.

"When my Weyrleader made the announcement, that T'rar was looking for a new Wingleader and wingseconds, I was the first to put my application in." Another kiss. "I could hardly believe it when he chose me. When I stood in front of the wing that first time, when D'cor introduced me, I didn't know you were there." J'day shifted to his knees, careful not to touch, but placing more kisses up F'rian's neck. "But when I got the dossiers on everyone and saw your name, and Lioleth's, I wanted to come find you immediately, but I was so nervous." F'rian groaned as J'day sucked at his pulse point. "My friends told me I was being foolish, and everyone here painted such a picture that I was afraid. I had even forgotten what you looked like."

He paused to nibble along the jaw and to tug on an ear with his teeth. F'rian murmured incoherently, eyes closed and leaning against the edge of the pool.

"But I remembered you standing tall and proud on the Hatching Grounds that day, and your calm, steady words as you lay bleeding your life away on the sands, and it was all I wanted." He sat back to kiss F'rian on the lips. "Your voice in my ears, to tell me that it would be all right. That you were mine, all mine, and not to worry, that you were going to take care of me."

Dark eyes opened to look at J'day. Strong, callused hands slithered up his neck to his face. F'rian leaned forward and kissed away the tears coursing down J'day's face.

"I was so jealous," J'day whispered, trying to smile and failing. "Jealous. Of a dragon! How stupid, huh?"

"It happens."

"Not to dragonriders."

"And now?"

"Now ... Now I have everything I could want, and yet ... it's like standing in front of a grand banquet and being forbidden to eat anything."

"I'm sorry."

"Quit apologizing!" J'day snapped, glaring. "You apologize all the time! And it's not your fault! If I ever find out who it was that hurt you, I'll -- I'll have Gib drop them between!"

J'day found himself suddenly pulled into F'rian's lap, his chin on J'day's head and his arms holding the bronzerider tight. Sore arm and all, J'day hugged him back, sobbing into his neck. "I love you! It's stupid, but I can't help it. Even if you never feel the same, I don't care! I don't care."

"It's too late," said F'rian when J'day was reduced to hiccuping.

"Huh?"

The greenrider brushed at the last of J'day's tears. "You're already mine," he said. "Remember?"

Then he kissed J'day and the bronzerider lost track of everything but the lips on his own and the tongue in his mouth. F'rian was tentative and gentle at first, but as J'day encouraged him, the kiss gained depth and strength. More than the heat of the water had J'day's head floating. Was it just wishful thinking, or did this kiss have every bit of the passion so carefully hidden away in F'rian's muted exterior? J'day hoped not. He had to believe there was something there, some spark or other in the greenrider's eyes that was meant for him alone. He wanted to hear it, he had to know.

"F'rian --"

"Shh." He placed a finger on J'day's lips. "If we don't get out of here, we're going to end up old uncles long before our time. And I'm hungry."

J'day frowned, but he was steadily, if gently, pushed off. He watched as F'rian climbed out of the pool and dried off. There was damage to the left thigh such that F'rian would always limp, but the stagger to his step seemed more pronounced that morning.

"Are you okay?" J'day asked.

"Most likely just a side-effect of yesterday," the greenrider replied, shrugging. "I've had worse. Actually, this is the best I've ever felt." He held out another soft, thick hide. "Are you coming?"

J'day sighed, but he pulled himself out, dressed, and joined F'rian at the table. F'rian set down his klah and stared at the sling.

"What happened?"

"Likely just a side-effect of yesterday."

Both corners of the rider's mouth turned down. "J'day."

He sat down and picked up a pasty. "F'rian."

"What happened to your arm?"

"It's just bruised. I've seen the healers, I'm fine."

"J'day --"

"Drop it."

F'rian opened his mouth to continue the argument, but his eyes quickly unfocused and he turned his head slightly. "I've got to go," he explained when he came back. "Lioleth's causing a fuss."

"Okay, I've got work to do, anyway."

"Are you sure you --"

"I'm fine!" J'day snapped. "Just go."

He was aware he was acting childish and petty, but all the good feelings of the morning had vanished into the harsh insides of his stomach that was currently shredding the few pieces of pastry he'd managed to choke down. A month ago, he wouldn't have thought twice; the words would have just been spoken, because he would have meant them. A day ago, he still would have spoken, because he still wanted F'rian to be happy, even at his own expense. But today, today he didn't care anymore. He'd voiced his feelings and there hadn't been any reply. He was unhappy and he didn't care if F'rian knew.

It was selfish and self-defeating to make the rider try and choose between J'day and Lioleth, but common sense had fled. He just sat there and stared dumbly at the man, and watched him walk away.