Mind Over Matter - 10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

The next two days were hell. I spent most of them sleeping on the couch, only getting up to go to the bathroom. I tried eating the leftover Chinese but the memory of how I’d practically driven Adam out after supper killed my appetite and I wound up throwing it away instead. Cindy called a couple of times to see how I was doing and, although I spent some time talking to her, later I couldn’t remember a word either one of us had said. When she hung up, I went and had a long shower, then climbed into my own bed and fell asleep.

When I woke up the sky outside was light but not the full bright of daytime. I got up and went to the window. The sun wasn’t visible and I looked at the clock beside my bed. The hands read five after six. I went into the kitchen and stared at that clock, but it didn’t answer my question either: Was it morning or evening?

I felt thoroughly rested, as though I’d gotten a full night’s sleep. But if it was six o’clock in the morning, then I’d only been out of it for a few hours. I paced in indecision for a moment and then went to the living room window. There weren’t many cars on the street, but that wasn’t a good indicator either – there was rarely any traffic in this part of town. Disgusted, I went back to my room and got dressed.

Outside the air was crisp and clean. I checked the bookstore but it was closed. I didn’t know, however, if that was because it was too early (the store opened at nine on Saturdays), too late (it closed at five) or if Mr. D wasn’t opening at all on weekends while I was recuperating. Biting back a groan of frustration, I turned on my heel and strode down the street to the diner.

The tables were empty. As I slid into my customary booth I glanced at the clock on the wall, shaking my head when I noticed for the first time that it, too, was analog and not digital. The waitress walked up to my table and asked in a bored tone, “Coffee?” I nodded and waited while she turned over the cup in front of me and filled it with strong, fresh brew.

As she turned to leave I asked, “Could you tell me what time it is, please?” She glanced over her shoulder at the timepiece on the wall, cocked an eyebrow at me and drawled, “Six thirty or thereabouts.” I didn’t want to look like a complete fool, so I just nodded my thanks and reached for the sugar.

A moment later I looked up to find her smiling at me. I shot her a questioning look and she said, “I hate it when that happens, don’t you?”

“Pardon?”

She leaned down and said in a conspiratorial whisper, “Six thirty in the morning, hon.” With that she turned and walked away.

I heaved a sigh of relief. I was really going to have to get a different alarm clock. As though the new information had thrown a switch I now felt tired, where only moments before I’d been wide awake. I finished my coffee, threw a couple of bills on the table and headed back to my apartment. Back inside, I barely took the time to strip my clothes off before climbing into bed. I was asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow.

***

Something wasn’t right. Every time I turned a page in my book, I could hear the sound of bells ringing. I looked up, scanning the sun-drenched meadow around me, but couldn’t find the source of the sound. After the third time I noticed the sun beginning to fade and realized that I was dreaming. I dragged myself out of my subconscious state just in time to recognize the sound of my phone.

I stumbled out of bed and staggered, naked, into the living room in search of the phone. By the time I’d found it under a stack of newspapers on the coffee table, it had stopped ringing. The display announced a new voicemail message. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and headed for the bathroom to relieve myself first, then sat on the edge of my bed while I checked the message.

“Hey, Joey,” Adam’s voice greeted me. “I know we sort of had plans to do something today but I got called in to work. Sorry about that, but you know how it is.” I could feel disappointment creeping in, weighing me down like a load of concrete. “I guess it’s for the best anyway,” he went on. “I couldn’t think of anything we could do. We need to talk, Joey, but until you can do that…” His voice trailed off and I could almost see him shrugging. “Anyway… Since I’m coming in on my day off, I get Tuesday off instead if you want to get together. I’ll call you when I get a break, okay?” There was a long pause. “Well, talk to you later, I guess. Take care, Joey. Bye.”

The line clicked and an automated voice came on, prompting me to choose between saving the message or deleting it. Instead I disconnected. I’d been waiting for days for this! How could he just… I dropped back on the mattress with a sigh. He had to work – he was still a student, he couldn’t say ‘no’, not really – of course he had to go in when he was called. If there was going to be any chance of an ‘us’, I was just going to have to get used to it.

Was there a chance, I wondered? I knew he was right about one thing – I had to talk to someone, to get my problems out in the open, before I could even think about getting involved with Adam. And I so wanted to be involved with Adam…

I tried picturing us together here, in my bed, our arms and legs intertwined. He would be holding me to his chest, placing gentle kisses to the top of my head, while I nibbled gently on his collarbone. His hands would be slowly rubbing circles on my back, going lower and lower until…

I bolted upright as my stomach heaved. Launching myself off the bed I raced for the bathroom, barely having enough time to drop to my knees before the cup of coffee I’d had earlier came back with a vengeance. When I was done I sat back on my heels, thoroughly disgusted with myself. I was still aroused from my fantasizing, but the idea of continuing through with the image made me feel sick all over again. I had to get a grip on myself.

Once I’d washed my face and brushed my teeth I went back into my bedroom and threw on some clothes. Taking the phone with me, I headed into the kitchen and grabbed the phone book. I shuffled through the pages until I found what I was looking for, then steeled my resolve and dialed.

On the third ring a familiar voice answered. “Mr. Winters?” I began hesitantly. “It’s Joe Sinclair, remember?” I cleared my throat. “Sir… I was wondering if you could help me. You seem to know just about everyone and I need to find someone I could talk to…”