Mind Over Matter - 8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

Whatever I’d been expecting when Adam said ‘shower’, it wasn’t to have him pull me into the bathroom, turn on the water and then walk out. I shook my head and climbed under the spray.

When I emerged twenty minutes later (the hot water had felt really good), Adam was busy cooking something in my kitchen. I went into my bedroom, wrapped myself up in my old robe and went to see what he was doing.

“What’s that?”

He was stirring a pot of water. Brown water, it looked like. He said “Broth”.

“Broth?” I leaned over his arm and sniffed. “Doesn’t smell too bad.”

“It isn’t. And it’s easy on the stomach.”

I watched him for a minute. “What kind of broth?”

“Chicken.” I made a face. “It was all you had.”

“I had broth?”

“Apparently.”

I moved over to the table and sat down. “That’s what I get for letting Cindy shop for me,” I grumbled. “Chicken broth.”

“It could be worse,” Adam said, reaching into the cupboard for a bowl.

“Yeah? How’s that?”

He glanced at me and then began pouring out the soup. “It could be clam chowder.” I shuddered. I hated clam chowder.

A thought occurred to me. “You don’t like clam chowder?” I asked, watching his face.

He shrugged. “I don’t mind it.”

“Then how do you know I don’t like it?”

His hand froze in the act of putting a spoon in the bowl. “Ah…”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Just how much do you know about me?” I asked.

Adam brought the bowl over and set it in front of me. He pulled out a chair and sat down without answering. I ignored the soup for a minute. “Adam?”

“Enough,” he said at last. “Eat your soup.”

***

After I’d eaten – and we were both sure it would all stay down – Adam and I moved into the living room and sat on the couch. I curled up in the blanket again while he sat at the other end, tucking one foot underneath him so he could sit sideways facing me. I waited.

After a long silence Adam began “I asked George about you.” My eyebrows went up slightly, but I didn’t speak. “And Cindy. And my grandfather.”

“Why?”

He shrugged. “Because I want to help you?” he asked. “Because in order to do that I need to know…” He trailed off, staring at me intently.

I wrapped myself tighter in the blanket and forced myself to keep looking at him, even though my stomach was threatening to revolt. “Need to know what, Adam?” I asked quietly.

“I need to know,” he began again. He took a deep breath and then spoke in a rush. “I need to know about you – everything about you. It’s not just because I want to help you. I do, but I also want to know if… if you could ever be interested in me.”

I swallowed hard. “Me?”

“Yes, you,” he replied, nodding. “Why is that so hard to take? Am I repulsive or something?”

“No!” I blurted unintentionally. I really needed to get a grip on myself. “No, you aren’t,” I said, a little more evenly. “You’re very handsome.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

I struggled for something to say. “Doesn’t this go against some kind of rule or something?” I managed at last. “Some kind of patient-doctor code?”

He smiled slowly. “If I were your doctor it would,” he answered.

“You’re not?”

“No.” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and looked at me intently. “I meant what I said, Joey. I want to help you. If we’re never more than friends, well…” He shrugged. “I could handle it. I’d like us to be more than that, though.”

I wanted to scream at him So do I! but my mouth wouldn’t work. My stomach gave a god-awful flip and I swallowed again. “Why do I feel sick?” I whispered instead.

“I have a theory on that,” Adam replied, sitting back. “You want to hear it?” I nodded. “You’ve had a long time – over a year, if what I’ve heard is true – to convince yourself that your normal sexual preferences are… what words did you use? ‘Sick, twisted…’.”

“Depraved,” I whispered. “And gay isn’t normal.”

“It is for you,” he said. “And me. And thousands of other people, men and women alike. Homosexuality isn’t something dreamt up by a group of sex-starved hippies at Woodstock, Joey,” he went on. “It’s been around for thousands of years. At one time it was even fashionable.”

“Fashionable?”

“The ancient Greeks thought it was ‘quite the thing’ to have boy-toys lying about the house,” he explained. “Persians, Celts… Japanese samurai thought a boy could only become a man if he’d been with a man.”

My mind was reeling. “So…” I said slowly. “You’re saying you’re interested in pederasty?”

“No!” Adam roared. I shrank back into the sofa cushions. “No,” he repeated, moving closer to me. “Joey – Joe – I don’t think of you as a little boy. When I look at you, I see a man. A man I think I could love. And,” he went on, placing a hand on my blanket-covered leg. “A man who I hope could one day come to love me as well.”

“I’m only…” I paused as I remembered something. “Damn – I’m nineteen!”

Adam cocked his head to one side. “Is that bad?” he asked.

“No, I – I just… I forgot, is all.”

“You forgot you were nineteen?” he asked. I didn’t answer and a sad look came over his face. “You forgot your nineteenth birthday.”

I shrugged. “It doesn’t matter.” My voice was really quiet. Adam didn’t say anything so I added, “Really. No big deal.”

He got up from the sofa. “It’s…” He was looking down at me, but I didn’t meet his eyes. “I guess you were pretty busy,” he said at last. I nodded once. “When was it?”

“The twelfth,” I replied. Today was the twenty-fourth. I’d been nineteen for almost two weeks and didn’t realize it. “Shit,” I muttered under my breath.

Adam sat down again. “Back to the original topic,” he said. “You’re nineteen and… what? I’m twenty-four. Is five years such a big deal?”

I didn’t know and said so. “This is all supposing that you and I are getting together,” I added. “That’s a pretty big assumption.”

“Big words,” he said with another brilliant smile. For a moment it struck me that I should feel offended, but I couldn’t. Not with him sitting so close and… My stomach gave a threatening grumble. “You hungry again?” he asked.

I shook my head. “You were going to tell me how I could get over this problem of mine,” I responded.

He leaned back, lacing his fingers behind his head as he stared up at the ceiling. “I can’t tell you how to get over it,” he said after a moment. “I can, however, help you find out how to get over it.” His hands dropped into his lap and he looked at me. “Wanna give it a shot?”

My stomach gave another warning rumble. “I’m game,” I whispered.

“Okay…”

***

We talked. After covering the uncomfortable details of my eviction, Adam told me about his experience with coming out to his parents. He’d thought they would be a lot more supportive, he told me, and was shocked to find it wasn’t true.

“I read some crap about that,” I muttered when he’d finished. “None of it was true.”

“Maybe not for you or me, Joey,” he replied. “But it does turn out alright for a lot of people.”

I shrugged my shoulders, burrowing deeper under the blanket. From there he had me tell about coming to town, meeting Cindy and Mr. D, going to school and my job. I knew I got more excited talking about work. Did I mention I love books?

“My grandpa told me about you,” Adam confessed. “About you being gay, I mean. George never told.” That made me feel better. I didn’t want to believe Mr. D would betray me like that. On the other hand, I didn’t really mind that much knowing Mr. Winters told Adam I was gay. Somehow it seemed okay. “After the first time we met in the hospital, I was feeling pretty bad that I couldn’t do more to help you.”

“Why were you there?” It was something that’d been bugging me since he’d said he wasn’t my doctor. “I mean…”

Adam smiled. “I know. Must have thrown you for a loop when I said that, huh?” What – now he reads minds? “George asked me to check on you the first time. Sheriff Stone had some things he wanted to go over with him and he couldn’t get there right away.” The smile faded a bit as he stared at me. “I didn’t know what I was letting myself in for.”

I could feel my stomach getting hostile again. I closed my eyes and concentrated on his words instead. “What do you mean?” I asked.

The cushions sprung back as he got off the sofa. “It’s getting late,” he said. I opened my eyes and watched as he walked over to grab his coat and pull it on. “I have to work at the hospital in the morning.”

I couldn’t tell if he was avoiding the question or if he just hadn’t heard me. “Okay…” I wanted to ask if he’d come back after work but I didn’t dare. Instead I said, “Thanks for coming by.”

Adam turned slightly, looking at me as he reached to straighten his collar. “You’re welcome,” he replied. “I’d like to continue our chat sometime.”

“Yeah.” I commanded my guts to shut up and met his gaze. I really hoped he could read minds.

After a moment his hands dropped to his sides and the corner of his mouth quirked up. “I’m off at six,” he said.

I returned the smile. “Bring Chinese.”