Jump to content

  • Join Gay Authors

    Join us for free and follow your favorite authors and stories.

    Emi GS
  • Emi GS
  • Author
  • 12/18/2015
  • 815 Words
  • 746 Views
  • 10 Comments
The content presented here is for informational or educational purposes only. These are just the authors' personal opinions and knowledge.
Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are based on the authors' lives and experiences and may be changed to protect personal information. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

A Lifeless Journey - 1. Chapter 1 My Lifeless Journey

strong>The feeling I have been through these days...

My Lifeless Journey

My every step on the road I am set to walk on needed a reason to continue my journey. The reason never came to me, not with the possibility of pure hope. I waited for what seemed like forever, for someone who can understand me and accept me as I am. I never got that chance, so I continue on my unknown journey. There are so many road blocks and turns from which I get to learn lessons. I don’t always understand the lessons, but still try to infuse them in my life.

But unexpected things happen at unexpected times, and in unexpected ways. On one turn, for the first time, I stopped with some hope. That's when I felt you beside me. Suddenly I found something was changing around us. The world around us teemed with new life. Nature blossomed with different fragrances. Beautiful colors set to the long path we were now walking side by side. I think I can hear different kinds of birds singing melodiously.

It was all like I was walking in a living dream. But you are real, and with me. Until now I felt so alone, and I even wanted to stop the journey that was never ending. But now you have given warmth to my heart. You have given a reason to not stop. You have given the hope of good days in my future. You have given me everything I wanted. Everything I needed.

Unexpectedly, you liked the journey. You patiently listened to what I had to tell you. You never blamed me for my faults, but accepted my madness. You persisted on the journey you have made until you are here with me. You even assured me you had never shared about your life to anyone but me.

I know we have been through some misperceptions. I know we have gone through some situations we didn’t deserve. But what I care about is now. I just care what we have at this particular moment. I considered your innocence, which made me important to you. I only approve of what I see in your eyes when you are with me.

I assumed I am something to you. I thought you liked me the way I was. But I was wrong. All my assumptions were wrong. How could I be so blind?

And suddenly you stopped. You stopped where I thought fate, maybe for one time, had smiled towards me, towards us. But you stopped just where I can never expect a return. I wanted you to walk beside me. You were walking away, at an arm’s length, where I can't reach you. Even though we were walking on the same path, you made the distance grow greater.

Now I can see our paths have divided. I feel more than betrayed. I feel heart broken. You know, I have had my share of pain throughout my path before you came. But when you left it is not just pain, it is an ache. A heart ache that’s never gonna stop till I die. Why you left is still unknown to me. Whatever the reason, you made me the loneliest guy in the world again. I now have a gut feeling I was betrayed by the only guy I bound my hopes with.

I collapsed to my knees on the same road I must continue my journey. I can feel that I am moving. My chest is breathing unsteadily on this hard ground. But I can feel I am walking. I can smell the dusty path in my nostrils, but I am sure I am walking. Gathering all the strength remaining, I turn to see someone is walking on my path. A man I knew surely. What I never got to see before is he looks lifeless. He is walking like a zombie, like a robot that is preprogrammed.

I am shocked to see it's me. Yeah, the person walking like the dead is me. I can say it is just my body that is continuing my journey, or its journey to speak the truth. I can see my body moving on its own without any life in it. It's moving without any hope, without any life and without any love. I can feel the cold getting into my bones. I know I am taking my last breaths.

Without any hope to reach for my body, I curled up into a ball and looked at the path separated from mine. I found you there in exactly the same condition I am going through. You are looking confusedly at your body while it left you there mercilessly. I can see you look at me with awe in your eyes, and then you close them. I see you turn pale and go numb. With misty eyes I take my last breath and close my eyes.

Thank You all for reading. This is what i have been feeling these days. Somebody wnats to know it. Now You know...
Copyright 2015 The Eminent MGK; All Rights Reserved.
  • Like 5
The content presented here is for informational or educational purposes only. These are just the authors' personal opinions and knowledge.
Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are based on the authors' lives and experiences and may be changed to protect personal information. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
You are not currently following this author. Be sure to follow to keep up to date with new stories they post.

Recommended Comments

Chapter Comments

bignick

I hope, my friend, that you do understand that heartbreaks are just stones in the path to happiness. You feel pain now because you're alive. That's the human nature. But never lose hope, 'cause even in the cloudest and grayest of days, the sun will shine once more. You're not alone. Keep your jorney and it will lead you to something amazing. My like is for moral support, nothing more.

  • Like 1
Emi GS
On 12/19/2015 05:10 AM, bignick said:

I hope, my friend, that you do understand that heartbreaks are just stones in the path to happiness. You feel pain now because you're alive. That's the human nature. But never lose hope, 'cause even in the cloudest and grayest of days, the sun will shine once more. You're not alone. Keep your jorney and it will lead you to something amazing. My like is for moral support, nothing more.

Thank You My Friend. I just lost my hope sometimes because I felt so alone or betrayed by someone or hated be some. I know I don't have to take them to heart, but what can I say. I am human after all...

 

I'll overcome it any way. That self confidence will make me to survive. Sorry for the late reply though. I just don't wanted to reply with a absent mind...

Emi GS
On 12/19/2015 05:20 AM, Mikiesboy said:

Nick is right.

And I can tell you that you can live through anything, if you choose to. Each day can be a living hell, but you can breath and deal with whatever is thrown at you or whatever obstacle is in your path. But you need to be strong in yourself, believe it. Hang in my friend and you will win the day.

tim

You to have to believe it my friend that I am strong enough. Or otherwise we would not having this conversation. Thank You for that care full words, I appreciate it.

 

Sorry for the late reply, I don't want to reply with absent mind. Thank for everything... :)

Emi GS
On 12/19/2015 01:27 PM, Lisa said:

I hit the 'Like' button, Emi, but it's only because it'll boost your rep.

 

This was a very sad piece you wrote. I am so sorry you feel this way, but as Nick and Tim said, there is always hope. Hope for a better future, hope for love, hope for everything. Don't ever lose hope.

Its ok about the 'Like'. Its not that easy to deal with this all, that why I was sharing with you all. Yeah 'Hope' is there. And I was talking to you people too here, that I am so stronger that I was before. Thank You all for that.

 

Thank You Lisa, thank You for Caring about me... :)

Emi GS
On 01/02/2016 03:53 PM, Roberto Zuniga said:

Hey there!

 

I can totally empathize, I'm happier than I've ever been now, but it took a lot of heartbreak to get here. Pain will subside, believe me. If you ever need a friend to talk, count me in.

 

Roberto

Hey, Thank You Robby. Thank You for the offer and I appreciate it. And don't worry too much. I am a lot better now. But whenever I feel low I'll just try to write something. And its one of them... :)

 

Thank You again...

 

~Emi...

Ashi

Sometimes people's path converges, but a lot of time it's divergence. It happens... but I guess when you care about someone that much..., and there isn't a proper closure, it's hard, isn't it? I feel for you, man. I know how it feels like when it's zombie inside, too. My ex was like that. He gave me so much happiness then suddenly... WHY!!!
Then you just have to accept you can't change people. They'll just be the way they are, because they are not us, or a function of us. It's like living with a cat.... Good luck trying to change the nature of a cat. You love because you want to love... and you expect very little back. Otherwise, it'll just be a bucket of disappointments.
You have us, by the way. You're not alone. Those of us who replied to this heartwrenchingly difficult to read story is because we truly feel for you, man. Honestly, you sound like a nice young man.
Do you remember my Winter Barren? The passage about the breath of Southern breeze.... LOL When someone was breathing down the back of your neck, the little hair on the back of your neck would tinkle. Kind of sensual. I don't know..., reading part of this story reminds me of that. I think I am rambling.

  • Like 1
Emi GS
On 02/19/2016 06:43 PM, Ashi said:

Sometimes people's path converges, but a lot of time it's divergence. It happens... but I guess when you care about someone that much..., and there isn't a proper closure, it's hard, isn't it? I feel for you, man. I know how it feels like when it's zombie inside, too. My ex was like that. He gave me so much happiness then suddenly... WHY!!!

Then you just have to accept you can't change people. They'll just be the way they are, because they are not us, or a function of us. It's like living with a cat.... Good luck trying to change the nature of a cat. You love because you want to love... and you expect very little back. Otherwise, it'll just be a bucket of disappointments.

You have us, by the way. You're not alone. Those of us who replied to this heartwrenchingly difficult to read story is because we truly feel for you, man. Honestly, you sound like a nice young man.

Do you remember my Winter Barren? The passage about the breath of Southern breeze.... LOL When someone was breathing down the back of your neck, the little hair on the back of your neck would tinkle. Kind of sensual. I don't know..., reading part of this story reminds me of that. I think I am rambling.

Thanks for the great review Ashi. I know we cannot change people who won't listen and thinks about themselves only. What's a bad luck is, I happen to met with them in my life.

 

And I know that I can talk to you people and GA is like another family for me. I really appreciate you guys, and your efforts to read what I had written and write a review for me. Thank You all for that.

 

~Emi.

View Guidelines

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Newsletter

    Sign Up and get an occasional Newsletter.  Fill out your profile with favorite genres and say yes to genre news to get the monthly update for your favorite genres.

    Sign Up
×
×
  • Create New...