A Time to Heal - 2. Chapter 2

Chapter TWO

Izahk and I left our muddy shoes on the porch. I tossed his tee shirt and shorts and my sweatsoaked clothes into the washer. He entered the kitchen as I stood facing the counter cutting up vegetables. When I turned, he was wearing a terry wrap that I kept hanging in the bathroom. I said silently to myself, "Oh my, he is a Greek God" "Feel better without all that sweat and dust on you?"

"Yes, sir..much better. I think my shoulders are sunburned"

"Come over here, I'll check". Yes, they were burned. He smelled like fresh soap and shampoo. His curly hair was still glistening from undried water.

"Your hair just springs back into shape after you wash it"

"I have hair like a poodle" We both started laughing.

"OK, Pierre la Pooch..help me cut up these veggies while I get some other things done".

"BowWow". He could make me laugh in a heartbeat. That warm nature and ready-wit was something I loved with Joey. I think I missed that more than anything with him. My house in California was unbearable without it. The old house in Virginia was silent without his laugh, but I could tolerate the silence. I wasnt actually listening to the radio that was set to an Oldies channel. I had my back turned to him when I heard the sound get louder turning to see him in the middle of that big kitchen dancing to James Brown singing, "Shake Yo MoneyMaker". That young man could dance. There he was making all the right moves and exaggerating the moves plus lip-synching to the lyrics. I lost it. I ended up laughing so hard, I had to sit down.

"I had no idea you could dance"

"I love to dance, my granny said I could dance before I could walk". "Wanna put a dollar in my g-string?", he said with that infectious laugh.

"Will a quarter do for now..all I got"

"It will fall out unless you have some tape'.

"Can I charge it until Friday?" He then walked over and sat on my lap.

"The lap dance is free".

I put my arm around his waist feeling the warmth of his muscular body. It felt good,,really good..wonderfully good. It had been a long time since I had held Joey in my arms. I looked up at him to see him smiling. "You are a sneaky poodle" "We better get this meal prepared or we will starve". Then he surprised me by kissing me on the cheek.

"I dont want to be taken to the dog pound"

I was having the time of my life and it scared me silly. part of me wanted it to never end and part of me was trmebling from fear. I had experienced this level of joy with Joey so the sudden loss of him rolled over my life like a military convoy. We talked over the meal sharing things we loved to do in life. I told him of my model portfolio career in California."'After we clean up the supper dishes, I will show you my gallery". As we walked along the long hallway where I displayed some of my favorites, he would comment on the men. We reached my favorite portrait of Joey. Without telling him who it was, he commented, "This man is beautiful. He is very handsome and you can see the love in his eyes". I lost it. I began weeping uncontrollably. "Sir, Please, I am sorry for making you sad".

I sobbed out, "It is Joey". Over supper, I had told him about Joey. I had done well..sort of matter-of-fact since my armor was in place, He was the first person since MaryAnn the counsellor that I had told about Joey. I suppose I trusted him without realizing it. Then my world started crumbling. He looked at me with tears flooding from his eyes saying, "I will leave now, sir. I have hurt you" Then he turned to return to the laundry room where his clothes had dried. I followed him, begging softly.

"Please Izahk. please dont leave. I want you to stay. It wasnt you it was the realization that Joey is truly gone..he wont be back no matter how much I wanted him to come back".

"I understand, sir, I would never hurt you" Somehow, I knew he would never intentionally hurt me. He then stepped to me placing his arms around my neck then resting his head on my shoulder. I held him closely. "I cant be Joey..I can only be Izahk"

"Never be anyone but Izahk, Baby"

It had slipped out without my knowing it. I had called him Baby just as I had called Joey. Then he raised his face to mine and said softly, "Will you kiss me?" I did. I thought to myself, "You can forget that armor being any protection. You just got invaded". I was happy-scared. In one day, my sad world had become happy. I had more reason to live than working on the old place. Then. the fears started rolling over me again. What if he leaves..what if he dies..I cant do this again. He had to go get ready for his work at the flour mill. I didnt want him to leave.but knew he needed to leave. "Would you like for me to come back after I get off from work?"

"Promise me you will"

"I promise"

I sat there after he left thinking, "What happened..your life was okay..you had survived?" I slept like a log.