Short Stories - 4. My Journey's End

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living, dead, space aliens, goats, or others are purely coincidental. There may be sexual content so if this, in any form, offends you, please cease reading. Also, if you are not of legal age to read this, please don't.

Copyright © 2008 by hh5

My Journey’s End

By HH5

Gosh, I said to myself and then I started to cry about a fond memory from long ago. It was tearfully; full of regret. But I pray and I prayed till I passed out into a deep sleep full of sorrow. My heart was missing my one and only lover.

It was late Saturday afternoon; I was driving on the Brooklyn Expressway to Staten Island on my way to a party that I promised to attend. It was only a couple of weeks ago that Willa and Steve became a couple. But I knew Willa was madly in love with Steve. I was thinking who would pass up seeing this couple together, madly in love. My answered was, only a GAY idiot like me, but I knew I was very good with my word; my sincere promised to attend the party. Gosh, I hope Willa and Steve likes this bottle of Organic Wine from Napa Valley because it’s not like I bought it from a liquor store but from the owner himself. But I was pretty sure that they will like it; it’s like why let a lonely bottle wine not be enjoyed by two people in Love. Plus it’s from a very good year.

Everyone from the education class was going to be there. Willa told me I was going to meet her daughter and her daughter’s bf but then it hit me again. “But, meeee!!!; a GAY guy that’s going to a couple’s party with no partner.” For a second I felt so embarrassed. I wanted to make a U-Turn on a congested highway to go back home but again I could not go back on, my promised, my very word.

It was a long journey from Yonkers to Staten Island especially with the rain storms but I arrived in good time. I parked the car near the old house and tried to figure out where Willa lives; I pondered if I should ring the top or bottom door bell of the house, but I was saved from trial and error when Brenda greeted me at the front door. Willa greeted me at the top of the stairs and she told me that everyone should be arriving very soon. So I decided to stroll around the living room to soak in the feeling of SOHO in the living room. People started arriving and we all greeted each other for we haven’t seen each other since class ended not so long ago.

Brenda boyfriend Cody arrived and I met him. But gosh I notice that Brenda had made a lucky catch. Everyone was assembled as couples except for me. I felt really down because I was so embarrassed to be out of place in this kind of party.

Willa took pity and notice I was bit withdrawn. She told me that another member of the party is running late to join us. She stared into my soul and I gave Willa my best chin up and she smiled back at me and gave me a warm hug. I sigh and she left me in moment where I stand.

The party was taking shape when he arrived. Willa saw I was captivated by his presence because (oh gosh) he was super cute. His curly black hair just makes me want to run my fingers through it but he was tall. How tall?? He was so tall that the hair on my head just tickles his chin. But the best of all his looks was his smile, the cutest I ever seen from below his eyes and nose. Willa introduced Shawn to everybody and we all greeted him with a resounding of “Welcome”. It was then Willa informed to us “Let’s all get a breath of fresh air and pickup a few things at the local store” We all got into a couple of cars and I was seated with the Shawn next to me. I was very, very, shy so shy I stared out the car window on our way to the store. He was making small talk with me and I was playing hard to get. I did know what to say because I am scared of saying something very wrong or very stupid. I wanted to escape this torching feeling because I was very much still in the closet. My mind had a lot of questions about him like “Is he Gay like me?”, “Will he just hate me for being Gay?”, or “Will he just punch my lights out?”

When we arrived I was the first to exit the car. But me being a gentleman, I held out my hand to help him out of the car. He took my hand and something strange like electricity was coursing between us. It was only for a second but it felt like an eternity. As soon as he got out of the car I was back to being a shy little girl who’s being chased by his knight in shining armor.

He was smitten for me and I was still shy. He kept close to me speaking such wonder and gentle words. He cornered me as if to give me a kiss but he said to me “I take a bullet for you?” and I go “huh?” I was estranged by his statement as I didn’t know what the hell he meant. He told me he was once part of a gang. He was street smart and knew what street respect meant. Willa was nearing the end of this excursion for what a breath of fresh air it was.

We headed back into the cars with me next to my one, my only. He told me he knew all kinds of martial arts and could execute moves to complete a task. He said again to me “I take a bullet for you” and he expand on that message “for I know you are a gentle person who could not defend himself from such a life threatening event” I was in awe when the meaning of what he said click in my head. I was in love like the whole world stop spinning and time stood still for me to see the beauty of my knight in shining armor.

We arrived at Willa house and he got out and took my hard. Sparkles flew again and I was captured in his heart with love. We ate and talked and talked and enjoyed each other’s company. It was like no one else was in the room except us captured in our moments of love. To this day I can’t explain why I didn’t kiss him nor hugged him nor cuddle with him. Of course he didn’t say he was gay. That sucked because I would have loved to sleep with him.

It was very late and I was distracted about getting home but his gazed captured me in his heart and so I decided to stay. All the couples disperse to their love nest of hiding and we were stuck in the kitchen in awe of each other heart.

Shawn and I became aware that we were conversing; a storm. But everyone all heard Willa capitulating; her love with Steve. Shawn and I looked at each other and giggled very loud. Every one joined in the giggling and Willa scream for everyone to pipe down. Shawn and I silently giggled again and decided to meditate as we were tired as it was very late into the evening. We whispered out conversations until the crack of dawn was upon us.

Reality hit me that it was Sunday and I would have go home to do some work for the office all day; answering all the pages left on the beeper I left behind. I was sad that my wonderful evening has come to an end. But he was also leaving for he has a long journey home back to queens from Staten Island. He asks me for a lift to the bus station and I graciously accepted his company but I made it clear offer that I am driving him home; door to door. It was at least I could do for him for giving me an evening to remember. We talked and talked during the trip. We enjoyed each other company till we arrived at Rockaway Parkway – I was thinking of taking him to breakfast but somehow I didn’t. For some reason I kept driving to his home in queens. I wished him well and he left to enter his home and I left when he was safe inside.

I continue on home and worked all day Sunday then went back to work on Monday and called Willa at lunch. I thanked Willa for the party and ask if she had Shawn’s phone number or if she could contact him for me. She said she couldn’t because he had taken off to escape his hunters. I hung up the phone and finished my shift. I got home and I was in shock. The one love and only love I met was gone forever; I would not be seeing him ever again. My whole world stopped that evening and the only thing I could do for him was to pray to GOD that he protect his soul and keeps him safe. I pray that maybe one day we would meet again but GOD left me with unanswered prayers.

I saw that I had some messages on my answering machine; I listened to them while starting to prepare dinner. Then I heard Willa voice saying “… Shawn is leaving on the Greyhound bus in NYC at midnight …” I dropped everything and ran to my car to head for NYC Bus terminal.

I looked at my watch, its 7:34pm. I drove as quickly as possible on I-87 to Manhattan. I knew there were two terminals; one is near the Washington Bridge and the other is in Mid-Town. I decided to go to the one near Washington Bridge. Dam this traffic was backed up but at my hour of need? I was stuck in traffic and I was still in the Bronx. Its 8:22pm. I saw the nearest exit and of course I am not the only one in NYC looking for that exit to get out of traffic. It took 20 min to get to that exit and another 25 min to get to the other highway that will take me to the Washington Bridge.

Its 9:10pm. Gosh it’s hard to find parking and then I found one like 20min later. It’s risky and I could get towed or get a ticket, but, what the fuck. I ran 6 blocks to the terminal. Gosh is this place big; like I only been here once in my life like back in 6th Grade. I ran to the Greyhound info booth and there was a line. It took another 23 min to get to talk to the guy. I ask when the midnight bus is leaving out of the city. He told me that there were 5 of them leaving for various destinations. I ask if he can write them down for me and he did with gate #s.

I decided to check each one of them and it’s was a killer. They were spread out all over the place. I decided to do them from the closest to the farthest. I was fucking tired and my legs were giving up but my will to find Shawn hadn’t. Gosh I’m out of shape.

So far I’ve checked two of them out. He wasn’t there and that took 23 min. The next two was half way down the terminal and I checked them like 40 min later nothing. I was giving up hope really bad. The last one was at the end down a long corridor. The guy told me that bus doesn’t get very many passengers. I had to check them all out. But I had to rest my legs for 15min. I could only run a slow jog to get there. I got there like 15 min later. I started down the winding corridor. I start to see a tall guy that looked like Shawn. I yelled for him and he got startled and starts to run down the corridor away from me. I yelled again “It’s me! … Remember the Party last Saturday!!??” He stopped. He turned around and he smiled and then we both headed towards each other. It took forever for us to get to each other. But in the last few steps Shawn saw something bad. It was one of his pursers. Shawn pushed me aside and continued running to make karate leap before the guy pull out his gun. I was on the floor looking at this in slow motion. The guy just about got his gun out and Shawn had just hit the guy but the gun went off and fell out of the guy’s hand. The bullet just bounced around and hit me right in the shin. I went down in shrill of a scream. Shawn heard me and but continued to fight the guy. Both were good fighters. Both were getting their licks into each other; every so often.

The bad guy was trying to find his gun during the fight. He let Shawn get a lick in so he can fall near the gun. He got the gun and swept under Shawn’s legs to make him fall back. I was in pain and bleeding. The bad guy pull out the gun and it looked like he was going to shoot my love. But instead he was turning the gun towards me. He was coming closer to use me as his bargaining chip but Shawn notice and was already running towards the bad guy. The bad guy knew Shawn was behind him and ducked and kicked him; making Shawn fall down; between me and the bad guy. The bad guy said to Shawn “I’m shooting your friend and then you’re next”.

By the time the bad guy finished his sentence Shawn leaped at him between me and the gun but it went off and I knew Shawn had been shot. But Shawn kept on going. The final act of his leap hit the bad guy square in the throat and thus breaking the guy’s neck. Both went down and I was screamed in horror as both seem to lay dead. Through my panic, I decided to crawl towards Shawn. I started to see blood flow from his body; shining from its reflection in lights away from us. I scream out his name many times; but he never responded to any of my calls. As I got closer to him, my pain got worst; I cried out my concerns for him to not die on me, but he just lay dead before me. When I finally got to Shawn, I rotated his head to look at me and I felt where he had been shot; somewhere in his torso.

Shawn whispered to me “I told you I take a bullet for you” as I cried still looking into his face. I tried to keep him alive by having looking at me, but it was no use … I was starting to pass out and Shawn was too. I scream “I love you” and then I went black.

Sometime later, I woke up at Saint Luke’s Hospital with Willa looking at me all worried to death. I was weak from the loss of blood. I asked her where’s Shawn. She told me that the doctors are operating on him at this very moment but she told me it didn’t look good. I hugged both Willa and Steve crying. Willa broke the hug. She steered into my eyes. I started to look down and she slapped me and growled “Look into my eyes!!” Steve was shocked but figured Willa knew what she was doing. She said “Do you really love him?” I gasped out of my lips “yeaaah with all my heart” Again I was starting to look down and she growled at me again to look at her square in the eye. And I did, she told me to stop crying and be strong for Shawn. She and Steve held my hands and we prayed in a circle for Shawn. After the prayer, I blacked out from all the excitement and the low blood flow I had in me.

About 85 min later, I woke up. Willa and Steve were standing in front of me sort of sad. I cried and started to scream no but then spitted apart from each other and yell surprise. Shawn was in the same room with me. I was shocked to see him alive but again Willa got into my face. She told me Shawn in a bit of a coma from his blood lost. Steve told me that he’s all patched up and more blood was being transferred into Shawn. He said that the doctors was not so sure when he will wake up. But I shudder in fear of losing him.

Willa and Steve said that they had to go and were happy to see that both of us making it thru. We hugged and we prayed again for Shawn. They left and I was looking at Shawn. He looked beautiful sleeping but he was in a coma. I got out of bed and sat next to him holding his hand and kissing his cheeks and speaking to him. I stayed with him by his side all night. Speaking to him telling him how sorry I was for not taking him home with me or kissing him. But I fell asleep on part of the bed still holding his hand.

Suddenly I felt something squeezing my hand. It was Shawn. I saw a tear in his eye dripping down. I screamed for joy and I kept talking to Shawn and he was getting stronger. The nurses came in and look at me strangely and then checked Shawn. She said he’s out of a coma and left the room. I was in tears of joy. Shawn was a sleep. And I fell asleep near him holding his hand.

I had awoken to kisses on my face. It was Shawn giving me a wakeup call. I closed my eyes and our lips met passionately into French kissing storm. We made love that night and fell asleep in each other’s arms.

To this day, 13 years later, after Shawn left me when he was well enough to travel; I only had my memories of our love and my bad dreams that fooled with my mind; playing tricks on me about Shawn.

I should have taken him to breakfast at the dinner but I didn’t

I should have taken him home with me but I didn’t

I should have kissed him during the time we were meditating but I didn’t

But instead I dropped him off. Made sure he was safely inside and I went home and did my Sunday’s weekend work but for what reason. I was powerless to prevent the inevitable.

I come to realized that no matter how much I would have wanted him to stay with me, forever, but I couldn’t.

I should have taken that bullet for him instead of him for me. But still that wouldn’t prevent the inevitable.

He couldn’t stay. His staying would put both of our lives in jeopardy as he was a hunted former gang member. He left me a number that I could call and leave messages. He said he’ll check for them and would somehow contact me when he could.

I called every so often when I was sad or when I was happy because of that day we shared together. I told him how much I missed him and how much I loved him. He sends me post cards from places he’s been hiding and its final words saying “with love” and a bullet symbol following it.

I was losing hope that he would not return to be with me after so long. I called and left a message telling him I was leaving NYC for Florida because there so many sad memories.

Now I am living in Florida. I started unpacking my stuff. I accidently hit the box containing all of Shawn’s post cards onto the floor. I looked at them and notice a couple of them each one of them had more bullet symbols than the other. I picked them up and put them back into the box and figured that it was the number of kisses he sending me.

I check for the mail and found a postcard from Shawn. I started to read it while still standing in the driveway and saw it signed “with love with a No Sign Symbol over a bullet symbol underneath it.

I stared at it then figured it meant No Bullets and then suddenly a voice behind me said “I take a bullet for you” and I dropped the card and my mail and turned around. Before I could focus my eyes on who said that; I received a French kiss … I closed my eyes because the sun had me blinded. I smelled his aroma and we remained in each other’s embraced kiss for an eternity.

We broke the kiss and looked into each other’s soul as our eyes met. He spoke with passionate smile “I’m here for you … forever … all my hunters are no more … and you are at my journeys end”. We embraced again forever in love.