Dead Fit - 14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

When I arrived at the gym on Tuesday morning, something in my gut told me I should just turn around and go home. No obvious signs of imminent trouble were present, so of course, like always, I ignored my gut and marched forward.

At ten, I had a training session with Trevor. When he came in, there was something visibly wrong. When I saw him the previous day, he looked physically tired. But today, he looked plain unhealthy.

“I have a confession for you,” Trevor said. Uh oh, conversations that started like this were never good.

“Okay, I’m listening.”

“Yesterday when I came in, I hadn't eaten in two days. I'd been skipping meals in hopes of losing weight.”

“That's not healthy, Trevor.”

“You don't have to tell me. I know. When I left the gym yesterday, I pigged out.”

“What do you mean by, ‘pigged out,’” I asked, not sure if I really wanted to hear his response.

“Well, after I left here, I stopped by McDonald’s and had a Big Mac and fries before I went back to the office. And then on my way home after work, I picked up a pizza and breadsticks from Pizza Hut for me and the lady, but ended up eating most of it in my car before I made it home. I had to stop by Long John Silver’s to get her some fried fish and chicken. I didn’t want her to eat alone, so I helped myself to a few planks of chicken.”

I felt nauseous just listening to him itemize his food fest. I was annoyed with Trevor’s lack of self-discipline and didn’t bother to hide it in the tone of my voice. “What got into you to starve yourself for two days and then go on an eating spree? You probably put on more weight than you lost.”

Trevor looked disappointed with himself. “I didn’t want to feel like a failure. You came up with this great plan and all, but you never even asked if I thought I could do it. I wanted to say something to you, but I guess I didn't want to seem like a whiny bitch. So I kept my mouth shut.”

I had the vague impression that Trevor was blaming me for his binge eating, which only made me more irritated. “Trevor, are you saying that you went along with everything just for me?”

“Well, yea, I guess. I just didn't want to let you down.”

As my luck would have it, Gary happened to walk by and noticed Trevor and me talking. Gary walked right up to Trevor, completely oblivious to the tension in our body language and stuck his hand out.

“Marshall, is this your success story you were telling me about? I'm the manager of the gym,” Gary said, shaking Trevor's hand.

“Now’s not a good time, Gary,” I said.

“Sure it is, Marshall. It's always a good time to congratulate a member who is achieving his goals. We can put his picture and story up to inspire others.”

I prayed Trevor would keep his mouth shut and just go with Gary's delusion. My prayer went unanswered and instead, he chimed in, “Believe me, my story isn't going to inspire anyone. It’ll probably chase away business.”

“What,” Gary asked, turning towards me. “I thought you told me he was doing well?” The accusatory tone of his voice grated on my last nerve.

I shot back, “We’re working through it, Gary. Trevor and I had a little misunderstanding, but not to worry, he’s getting back on track and will reach his goal.”

“Well, if you’re not happy with the progress you’re making with Marshall, we do have other trainers that can work with you, trainers who have much more experience,” Gary offered Trevor. Thanks, Gary. Way to stand by your employee.

Trevor realized he got me in trouble and stammered trying to recover, “Uh, no, no that’s not necessary. Jaysen’s, uh, doing a real fine job with me.”

“Alright, but if you’re not satisfied with your results, just let me know. We want all of our members to be happy with our gym,” Gary said. Then he turned to me, “See me when you’re done with your client.”

Gary walked away and Trevor grimaced. “Sorry,” he said.

“It’s not your fault. Let’s just get started.”

For the rest of our workout, Trevor and I were cautious about what we said to each other. He didn’t want to annoy me further, and I didn’t want to say anything that would lead to another misunderstanding. My behavior was borderline unprofessional, but I didn’t care. Trevor’s lack of self discipline caused all of this. Instead of sticking to a worthwhile plan I put together, he went ahead with his own ideas. Now that I was on Gary’s bad list, I was going to put Trevor on my bad list, too.

By the end of the workout, I didn’t even bother to weigh Trevor. What was the point? He probably gained two or three pounds after yesterday. Seeing the scale go in the wrong direction would only make the situation worse. On his way out the door, Trevor again apologized to me. I assured him everything would be fine. At least I hoped it would be.

I gave myself a few minutes to get in the right frame of mind, losing some of the defensiveness I previously felt, and then dragged myself into Gary’s office. He was on the phone, but motioned me to sit down. He continued to blabber for a full two minutes while I waited patiently for my reaming. I had some doubts that Gary was on the phone with an actual human being. It was probably more like a power play on his part, making me wait for the boss. A subtle reminder that my continued employment was at his discretion.

While I waited for Gary, I thought about how I got into this situation. As irritated as I was with Trevor, I was keenly aware that I was partly to blame. In my quest to help him get to his goal, I didn’t bother to check in with him to see if my plan was realistic. I was more interested in the end result, not the process to get there. Assuming Gary wasn’t going to fire me, this would be a good learning lesson.

Gary hung up the phone, stared at me for a few moments and then asked, “What’s the story with your client? Yesterday, you told me he was doing well.”

“I thought things were going well, Gary, but I guess I came up with a plan that was a little too ambitious for Trevor.”

For a brief moment, I considered explaining to him the assumption I made, that Trevor was ready to make some big changes to his diet in order to reach his goal. But I knew Gary didn’t care about Trevor as a human being, nor did he care about my “learning moment.” He was just concerned about losing a client, so I kept my analysis to myself and let Gary lecture me.

“You’re a personal trainer and personal trainers are supposed to get results for people. Most of our money comes from personal training and retail sales, not membership dues. If you can’t help people reach their goals, than I can’t keep you in this job.”

It was time for me to fall on my sword and apologize. There was no use talking to Gary anymore. He was the boss, whether or I liked it or not, and it was going to be a losing argument if I tried to stick up for myself. “You’re right, Gary, I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

“It better not.”

Gary dismissed me and I walked back to my desk, ego deflated. His lecture didn’t bother me so much. I was more bummed that I had messed up with Trevor. Now that my initial irritation had subsided, I could think more logically. Helping people reach their fitness goals was my profession and this mistake made me lose a little confidence in my ability.

During the lunch hour, I took a walk to Subway to grab a sandwich. Getting away from the gym for some fresh air helped put me in a better mood. On my way back, my phone vibrated and I hoped it was Brian calling to say hello. I looked at my phone's screen and instead saw the caller was Derek Moore. Not my first preference, but definitely a close second.

“Hi Derek.”

“Hey, Marshall. Can you talk,” Derek asked. His voice sounded serious.

“Yea, I’m just taking a walk during my lunch break. What’s up?”

“How are things going with you and Brian?”

“You called me up just to find out about my love life? I’m flattered,” I said, teasingly. “Things are going awesome. We talk almost every day. When we go out, we have a lot of fun together. He even started introducing me to his friends. Why do you ask?”

There was a pause at the other end of the line and then Derek spoke, “Marshall, I think it's a mistake you're dating a client.”

"Oh, Derek, you're worrying about nothing,” I said. “Brian’s not really my client. I met him when I was filling in for a co-worker who was out of the office. Now that my co-worker is back, Brian's not my client anymore. Things are totally cool.”

“I just think it's a bad idea that your personal and professional lives are mixing. You're new to your job and all and I'd hate to see you lose it should word get out."

"Okay, first off, no one at the gym knows or probably cares that we're dating. Even if it did come out that I was seeing him, I'm interested in Brian enough that if things continue to stay serious between us, and I had to make a decision between my job and him, there’d be no decision to make. I can always find a job at another gym.”

“You really should think about your career. Take it from me. I’ve been in the working world longer than you. It’s hard to find a good job that makes you happy, like the one you have now. Things can get real messy if your boss found out. You're young and will have plenty of other opportunities to date. But who knows if you’ll find another job like this one.”

“Wait a minute, Derek. Let me get this straight. Last week when I told you about Brian, you said you were happy that I was finally dating. Now this week, you're more concerned about my career. I don't get it, does it bother you that I'm in a relationship and you're not?”

“Marshall, it's not like that at all. Stop making this a personal issue. It's about your career.”

There was an underlying message Derek was trying to get across to me, but I was missing it. He had two typical MO’s in getting a message through to me. When he wanted to help me understand something, Derek would tell me a story from his own life that would relate to mine. Or, when I was going down a wrong path, Derek would be very direct in telling me what he thought I should or should not do.

This time, though, he was being coy with his message and I couldn't figure out the point he was trying to make. I asked, “Can you just tell me what's on your mind, because I can't figure out what you’re trying to say?”

"Does Brian have a friend by the name of Todd Evans?”

“Yea, how did you know that?”

“Todd is currently under criminal investigation for investment fraud."

I was completely caught off guard by what Derek said. I didn’t know how to respond, so instinctively, I asked, “What?”

Derek repeated himself, “Todd is currently under criminal investigation for investment fraud. The investigation is undercover right now because we don't have enough evidence to formally charge him. But we're working on it.”

I let his words sink in for a minute. When it still didn’t make sense, I asked, “Okay, I heard you the first time. How did you know Brian and Todd are friends? And what does this have to do with me? I'm dating Brian, not Todd.”

“Look, Marshall, I've already said too much. Not only could I get my badge stripped for telling you about a pending investigation, an undercover investigation, nonetheless, but I could go to jail for interfering in official police business. All I can tell you is Todd…”

I cut Derek off, “I don’t understand why you keep telling me about Todd’s investigation. I don’t care about it. So Brian has a bad apple for a friend. Don't we all?”

“Todd is associated with a lot of people in this community,” Derek explained. “When this case goes public, people who are associated with him are going to have their reputation questioned, too. That includes Brian and you. I don't want your name tarnished just because you hung out with the wrong crowd.”

And that's when I remembered Q's Lounge the night before. I thought I saw Derek at the bar while Brian and I were having drinks with Todd. Now I knew I was right and that it wasn't just my imagination. Derek was probably following Todd as part of his investigation and stumbled on the three of us together.

“Derek, would it help if you met Brian? He’s a good guy. You'll see that he and Todd are just friends, not partners in crime. Maybe you can even ask him questions that’ll help with the investigation on Todd.”

“Absolutely not, Marshall. You have to promise me you won't talk to Brian about this conversation,” Derek said, sternly.

I was furious. Derek dumped all of this information on me and expected me to keep it to myself. “Fine, Derek, if that's the way you want to have it, then let's just pretend that we didn't have this conversation, or that I even told you I was dating Brian. If you're worried about me getting involved in some criminal mess, I promise I won't hang around Todd Evans anymore. But please, throw me a bone, and just let me feel loved for a little while.” A tear involuntarily rolled down my cheek.

Derek sighed, “Alright, Marshall. I didn't tell you this to upset you. But I care about you and I want you to stay away from Todd and Brian. Please, call me if you need anything.”

I made a sound of non-committal agreement and told Derek I would talk to him later. I clicked the red button to end the call. I desperately wanted to seclude myself and mentally process the conversation, but I was afraid if I dwelled on what Derek said, the tears would continue to flow. I pulled my emotions together just enough so I could paste a smile on my face and return to the gym.

All afternoon, my mind wasn't focused on my job. My last client was scheduled for 2:00. When I finished up with her, I didn't have the energy or heart to stay at the gym. I let Gary know that I wasn’t feeling well and needed to leave early.

“Fine, Marshall, but you haven’t been here long enough to get sick leave pay. I’ll have to dock the hours from your check,” Gary said.

On my way out, Ana looked at me and said, “You don’t look well. When Gary told me you were going home sick, I thought you were making up an excuse so you could sneak off with Brian.”

“No, I really don’t feel well. I’m going straight home. See you tomorrow.”

“I hope you feel better, Jaysen,” Ana said as I walked out. I hoped I did, too.

When I got home, I was glad my parents were gone. I didn’t want to have to explain to them why I left work early, looking like hell.

I moped around the house for the rest of the day, turning on the television set to keep me company. I passively watched back-to-back episodes of Little House on the Prairie. In almost every episode I had ever watched, problems in Walnut Grove were resolved through prayer, faith and devotion. I would have been open to trying this secret recipe for success, but I was suspicious that the formula only worked for good church-going heterosexuals.

As I lounged on the sofa, I mulled over the events of the day. I screwed up at work and it really bothered me. It wasn't because making mistakes was out of the ordinary for me. It was because in the two short months working as a personal trainer, I allowed myself to get comfortable with my clients. I desperately wanted Trevor to lose weight in time for his wedding, so that I could claim success with a client. I was more concerned with my career and ended up disregarding him as a human being.

The other troubling event was my five minute telephone conversation with Derek. In my years of knowing Derek, he always looked out for my best interest. Even if I didn't agree with him on an issue, I knew what he said came from his heart.

I completely understood why Derek didn’t want me to be friends with Todd. If Todd really was committing financial crimes, people around him would probably be “guilty by association.” A friendship with him could potentially jeopardize my career, just like Derek said. But what I couldn’t understand was why he thought I needed to stop seeing Brian.

The more I pondered the situation, the more frustrated I felt. I was frustrated with Derek, my closest male friend, for telling me about an investigation that had nothing to do with me. I was frustrated with Todd for dragging Brian and me into his mess. And frustrated with myself for even considering Derek’s warning that I should stay away from Brian. Why did I care what he said?

That's when the tears started rolling down my cheek.