Kintsugi of the Soul - 1. When My Faith Went Quiet

When My Faith Went Quiet

By Brandon Haines

There was a time
when my faith wasn’t gone…
just quiet.

A soft ember instead of a flame,
a belief I carried loosely,
never reaching, never clinging-
just assuming You’d always be there.

I wasn’t hurting.

I wasn’t weary.

I was stubborn.

Too sure of myself,
too proud of standing on my own,
too convinced I didn’t need…
to be held.

My hands didn’t let go in despair…
they let go in stubborn independence…
in that stubborn arrogance
that whisper-shouts,
“I’m fine… I can walk on my own,
I don’t need held.”

Like Peter on the water,
I wasn’t sinking from disbelief…
I was sinking from independence,
from trusting my own footing
more than the One who called me.

And You reached me…
before my stubbornness claimed me…
like You reached out for Peter
before the water claimed him.

You didn’t demand surrender.

You didn’t force my knees to bend.

You just kept whispering…
soft, constant, faithful…
until the stubbornness cracked
and the ember in me
remembered how to burn.

And now I know:
even when I loosen my grip
out of stubborn pride,
even when my faith grows passive
from independence,
Your devotion does not.

You hold the thread
until the child who wanted down
finally reaches back
for the Father who never left.

The Prodigal returns…
not because he found his strength,
but because he finally saw
the One who never withdrew His.